A/N: Just a note, this article ain't too humorous. Try to enjoy it anyway.

Continuous Rain Strikes Fear In Hearts.
By Jeremy Cochran

Today in Kakariko Village, citizens of the small town began to panic. Many men were asked to stop their work and go home. Women began to gather food and nonperishable items, while children wondered what was going on.

There was a fear, and that fear was flooding.

Ever since the graveyard in Kakariko Village had been built, people have noticed that there has been a continuous rainfall towards the back of the cemetery. Just today, people began to wonder about the possibilities of a future storm.

Math experts agree that if it has been raining an inch of rain an hour ever since the beginning of the graveyard (an estimated 30 years), there would have been approximately 10,957 inches of rainfall in Kakariko Village.

This baffled many scientists. If there had been that much rainwater, why did Kakariko Village records show no histories of floods? In any other place, three weeks of continuous rain alone would be enough to flood a village.

Though this may be the case, scientists have also noted that every other state in the kingdom of Hyrule has an average of zero inches of rainfall a year. Kakariko Village, on the other hand, has an average of 365 inches of rainfall a year, 366 on leap years.

Let's compare these two sums.

Kakariko Village: 365 or 366 inches of rain a year.
The rest of Hyrule: 0.

365, 0. 365, 0.

It is evidence like this that led one of Hyrule's top scientists, Dr. Giovanni Longenhans, to develop the Theory of Divine Protection.

"The theory is very simple," stated the doctor. "It states that the three goddesses allow rainfall only in Kakariko Village, but use their magick to keep the area from flooding. In this sense, with no rainfall everywhere else, the goddesses provide water to the world's inhabitants through magickal means."

The doctor also states it is possible that the rainwater in Kakariko may be transferred back to the heavens as soon as it hits the ground.

Either way, Kakarikan villagers are advised not to panic about future floods, for evidence shows none are going to happen.

Copyright April Hylian Times