Strange Man Located. Spectators Baffled.
By Eva Sprague
It has been noted by several travelers that a man who goes by the name of Liir Gale was caught running continuous laps nonstop around just outside Lon Lon Ranch. Having a desire to see if the rumors were true, The Hylian Times sent out one of its best interviewers, Joshua Nor, to see if such a man existed. Embarking a quest to find the man and only bringing along a steno pad and pen, Nor managed to find a bizarre-looking man running along the path outside Lon Lon Ranch.
Nor returned the next day, his steno pad filled with notes. What the interview contained, however, shocked many members of our writing staff.
After comparing the interview to an encyclopedia, it seems that Mr. Liir Gale suffers from a disease known as psychopathia, a disease which causes its victim to have long bursts of energy and an obsession with a species of rodents called "rabbits". Common sense shows that having this much stress on the body is not good at all.
Though Gale never directly said to us that he suffered from psychopathia, several scientists agree that from what he said in his interview, his attitudes fit the disease perfectly.
"Psychopathia is a disease that allows one to do things an ordinary human being could never do," said the scientist who diagnosed the man. "In Mr. Gale's case, running for a very long amount of time for days on end. We are uncertain as to where the obsession with rabbits comes from."
Nor's interview showed just how obsessed Liir Gale was with rabbits. According to the man himself, rabbits are just about the greatest thing in existence. He claims that the best thing that could ever happen to him would be to turn into a rabbit. If he became a rabbit, he could run a lot faster. Gale even has taken the time to collect rabbit-esque hats.
While scientists are completely clueless about the situation, they hope that someday they will be able to cure psychopathia.
"We are making newer and newer discoveries everyday," explained the scientist. "Hopefully we will be able to cure Mr. Gale, put his body to rest, and get these ridiculous rabbit ideas out of his head."
Copyright April Hylian Times