It had been four weeks and she still hadn't woken up. Luke refused to leave Lorelai's side except when he went to the bathroom.
Rory had tried to get him to go back to the apartment even if it was just for the night so he could sleep but he wouldn't budge. Then Lane tried in her own timid with a streak of steel Korean way but Luke had just ignored her. Finally Jess tried and he had about as much luck as the two women that were currently taking up most of his time.
The thing that finally got Luke out of the hospital room was the night nurse that took care of Lorelai. Where the other three had merely cajoled and tried to make him see reason, she threatened him with a security guard that made Hagrid from the Harry Potter movies look like Tiny Tim. She said that if he didn't go home and get some serious rest, she was going to lock them up in a room and the guard was going to go medieval on his ass.
So now Luke sat on the couch in Lorelai's living room. The remodeled firehouse had an interesting feel to it. There was a big window at one end that looked out on the street and in front of it was a hammock.
He'd missed it when they'd hung that, and missed the discovery that it would be helpful. So many irreplaceable moments were gone, through no intentional choice of his own.
In the moments when his worry dissipated for a few moments the anger came to the surface. He went between praying that she'd wake up and wanting to kill her for leaving him the way she did.
Luke sighed and put his head in his hands.
"Lorelai hides a bottle of scotch in the coffee table," Jess' voice said a few moments later. "Lane told me. She, Rory, and Paris had to replace it one weekend."
"That sounds like her. Not so much like Rory, but it sounds like her." He couldn't say Lorelai's name when he was in this mood. He said her name for prayers, for I love you's and Please wake ups. Not for mundane purposes like this.
Jess walked over into the kitchen area and grabbed a glass before he walked back to Luke. He put the glass on the end table and then opened up the coffee table. He found the bottle and then closed the lid before he poured a glass. "Shall I drink this or are you going to?"
"I don't understand why she did this to me. She's always been dramatic. Hell, she's been out of touch with reality since I met her. I knew that. But was blowing up at her really justification for her to sell her business and her home, skip town and have twins alone in the middle of nowhere? Do you know how much she had to hate me to do this alone, again? But she gave them my name. I don't understand."
Jess sighed and sat down in the recliner. "Are you listening to yourself? Forget that. Rory and I were talking the other day when I was driving her back to school. We talked about why Lorelai split like she did. Rory said that Lorelai didn't want to force your hand."
"So she never let me make a choice." Luke snarled. "Makes perfect sense. You just have to be a Gilmore to get it."
"She didn't marry Christopher, Luke."
"Yeah, and she couldn't be disappointed again."
"She said no to him. Didn't want him with her if he didn't want to be there. You--she knows you, Luke. She knows that you took in your sister's teenager because he was family. She knows you found an extra large casket to bury Uncle Louie's stuff with him, because he was family. She knew you'd marry her, if she was in the family way, but she didn't want you on those terms. She wanted you to do some big, romantic gesture like hire bloodhounds to follow her scent from Stars Hollow to here. She wanted the movie moment, where the hero sees the girl after twenty years, and they recognize each other immediately." Jess paused. "Or, she might've just panicked."
"You're real comforting. You know that?" Luke asked sarcastically.
"For what it's worth, I'm going with my first guess. Lorelai didn't marry Rory's father even though it probably would've been the right thing to do. Rory said she heard her dad ask Lorelai to marry him again when Rory was sixteen. She still said no."
"Because Christopher is an unreliable idiot," Luke said.
"That's right. She never truly relied on him. You were the one she always went to whenever she really needed anything."
"Shut up, Jess."
"No." Jess sighed. "Okay, Rory told me something and made me promise only to tell you if it was truly necessary."
"What?"
"Okay, first off, Lorelai was going to tell you."
"Excuse me?"
"She was on her way to the diner, charging full steam across the square. Then she heard you tell Taylor that your lack of a relationship with each other was no one's business and to knock it off with the ribbons. It stopped her cold. If Jackson hadn't been there, Lorelai probably would've passed out in the middle of town. Imagine finding out you're gonna be a father that way," Jess said.
"Better than finding out from a total stranger that I already was a father and just didn't know it."
"Luke, you know what I'm saying here, right?"
"Kind of," Luke muttered. "What's the other thing?"
"Oh right. In Lorelai's room under her pillow is a kind of journal. Rory said that after they left Stars Hollow there were times when Lorelai wanted to talk to you and she knew that that was out of the question so one time when she was at Yale visiting Rory she bought a notebook and started to write little notes to you."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Rory didn't think they were anything profound, but since they are addressed to you, she thought you might like to read them."
"Under her pillow?"
"Yeah. If you hear the kids, don't get up. I've got it covered."
"Thanks," Luke said as he went into Lorelai's room. He flipped on the nightstand lamp and reached under the pillow until he found a notebook. He pulled it out and smiled at the word 'Yale' that was imprinted on the cover before opening to the first page.
Dear Luke,
So, go figure. The last time I kept a diary I was sixteen and pregnant and living at home and Emily and Richard and Straub and Francine wanted me to marry Christopher. But most of all, the last time I kept a diary I was scared and miserable and that's the way I feel now.
I bought this today after I pulled my cellphone out in the middle of the store to call and tell you I going to eat something that you probably wouldn't think was healthy. It was the seventh time in two days I'd picked up a phone with the intention of calling you. Rory says I should just get it over with because eventually I will call you and tell you and you'll be mad anyway and I should tell you sooner rather than later because that will limit the fallout somewhat. I love my daughter but I think her belief is just the start of why kids used to call her 'Mary' back at Chilton.
"Kids still do that," Luke asked out loud before he went back to reading.
Anyway, I thought maybe instead of calling you I could write to you because while it's not the same as hearing your voice it is better than giving in to an impulse that will just end badly.
So for now, I write...
Love,
Lorelai.
Luke flipped ahead in the book until he found another entry.
Dear Luke,
Okay, so I might be psychic. I am not kidding. I don't know if you remember the time I slept at your apartment right after the Independence Inn burned down and I told you about that dream I had. Well, I think it might have been a premonition because in that dream I was pregnant with twins and today the doctor told me that I am pregnant with (dramatic pause) twins!
Rory's reaction to my dream was to say "You are going to be so fat." Nice daughter, huh? Anyway when I told her she was getting both a little brother and a little sister, she was so excited.
I decided on a boy's name a long time ago. Your son's name is William Richard. And this afternoon with Rory, Lane, and Paris I decided on a girl's name. We're calling her Satchelle Paige. I wonder what your reaction to that would be. Your daughter named for a baseball player and your mom all in one breath.
I'm going to tell my parents tonight. Actually I'm just telling my dad and I'm letting him tell my mom. Some how I think it'll be easier and better if the news that her newest grandchild is being fathered by someone other than Christopher will be easier to take if it comes from my father.
I wonder what your parents would've thought about getting two grandchildren for the price of one. And as I write this, a small voice inside my head reminds me that I wonder what your reaction would be too. I think you'd love getting a son. I can just see you in matching caps and flannel shirts as my father desperately tries to get you both into three-piece suits. And I can imagine your panic as Satchelle grows up and starts to date and you meeting her 'Dean'. Hopefully you'll still be strong enough to put the kid into a headlock.
Just kidding.
Love,
Lorelai
Luke shook his head and closed the book. He'd read the rest of them later. He sat up and looked around the room. The bookcase was full of books with titles like The Idiot's Guide to Auto Repair.
"She wanted to make sure she knew things that you'd be able to teach Will," Rory's voice came from the door.
"Rory, what are you doing here?"
"Sookie showed up and kicked me out. She said I needed sleep. Jackson and the boys are here. He said he'd open tomorrow so we could rest."
"Does he know how?"
Rory nodded, "Yeah. He and Sookie helped out when Mom was in her last few months of pregnancy and for two months after she had the kids. They were in Stars Hollow half the week and here the other half."
"How did I not notice?"
Rory sat down next to Luke. "Maybe because you were too busy trying to ignore all mentions or persons that reminded you of Mom."
Luke looked at her thoughtfully, "How'd you get so smart?"
"It's all the coffee."
"Right," Luke nodded. "So, how are you doing?"
"Okay for the most part. I've been keeping busy with the paper. Paris and Doyle keep giving me stupid little stories to keep my mind busy."
"And Logan?"
"Does not know what the words 'go away' mean," Rory said.
"How about restraining order? Is he familiar with those?"
"I don't know. I'm thinking I might have better luck with the words, 'Leave me alone or I'll sic Paris on you'," Rory said. "I'm gonna head to bed. Jess is in my room, Jackson and the kids are in the guest room and you're in here, so I'm gonna take the hammock."
"Rory, I'll take the couch and you can stay in here," Luke told her.
"It's okay. I like the hammock."
"You sure?"
"Uh-huh," Rory smiled getting up. "See you in the morning."
"Night."
Rory shut the door behind her and Luke lay on his back in Lorelai's bed. He looked at her nightstand and saw the frame that held a picture of her and him, Jess and Rory, and Satch and Will. Next to it was a small album. He picked it up and then leaned back against the pillows as he opened it.
The first one was of Lorelai and Rory in front of Angels on either side of a 'For Sale' sign with a 'Sold' sticker across it. They were both grinning so widely that Luke had to smile too. He went through the rest of the pictures until he got to the last two which were one of Lorelai, Rory, Will and Satchelle in front of Angels' front window, Lorelai and Will on one side, Rory and Satch on the other, and a big stained glass angel holding a coffee cup in the middle of them. Luke couldn't help but smile as he noticed that the stained glass angel had blue eyes and dark curly hair that seemed to be blowing all around her face. Then he squinted and realized that she wore a blue crystal charm around her neck and in her hand was a coffee cup. The next picture was of Lorelai and Will sitting in front of the window on the right side of the front door to Angels where there was another stained glass angel, only this one was a male angel. He had blue eyes and a five o'clock shadow with lighter brown hair.
She came up to the counter with a hopeful smile. He tried to ignore her and turned away with the coffee pot but that hadn't deterred her. It never did.
"Please, Luke. Please, please, please."
"How many cups have you had this morning?
She hesitated a little, "None."
He prodded, "Plus..."
"Five, but yours is better."
He pushed the cup she was holding to the counter and frowned at her, "You have a problem."
She nodded her head, "Yes, I do."
He shook his head as he poured her the coffee, "Junkie."
She smiled brilliantly at him, "Angel. You've got wings, baby."
Luke closed the book and laid it aside with a shaky sigh. She hadn't forgotten him. She'd put him somewhere she could see him every day.
He wondered if he'd ever get the chance to tell her he hadn't forgotten her either.