Chapter 20: Whipped Cream and Glitterbombs

At some point or another all three of my children had come through Annie Baxter Elementary, and so over the years I'd been able to get my pickup process down to a fine art. I'd park a little distance away, listen keenly for the bell, and then swoop in and grab whichever kid was dispensed in a single smooth motion, often without even slowing down. Other parents might get a brief (and rather insincere) smile or possibly a hasty greeting, but by and large I'd executed the collection with the kind of timing and precision that would make the Navy Seals go green with envy.

My actions had been surprisingly easy to justify to myself, too. While it might have seemed like I was suffering from crippling social anxiety, it was obviously because I was trying to protect my family. If I talked to another parent, I might've let slip what Clint did for a living. If I'd let slip what Clint did for a living, then the entire town would've learned that there was an Avenger living nearby. If the entire town learned that, then my dreams of glorious seclusion would've gone up in smoke. In fact, it was entirely possible my life would've gone up in smoke; after all, the Avengers had no shortage of enemies, including those who'd think nothing of roasting us alive to make a point. In any case, S.H.I.E.L.D. had put a lot of effort into, well, shielding us, and I had to do my part to make sure that the masquerade was maintained. If that meant that my children got less playdates and I was never on the PTA, well… those were just sacrifices that would have to be made.

It was painfully clear, however, that today was not going to be a day for self-justified sacrifices. Vi's impromptu street performance and my speech had briefly catapulted us into the public eye, and we suddenly found ourselves surrounded by a whirlwind of curious parents. Instead of grabbing Nate and hot footing it to the car, I found myself having to chat and make nice with people who I'd only ever seen from a distance while Vi dispensed caricatures at breakneck speed. As I talked, I began to feel...itchy, somehow, exposed beneath the stares of other parents, and found myself shifting nervously from foot to foot as I craned my neck for any sign of Nate's teacher. Just where was she?

Vi looked up briefly from her sketchpad, caught my eye, and touched me on the shoulder with a look of mild concern, "Hey. You okay?"

"Yes!" I said, rather more sharply than I'd intended, "Why're you asking?"

"Because... you kind of look like a bundle of nervous energy, and it'd be a pretty poor encore if you went critical and exploded- here you go, mate!" she handed a piece of paper to yet another parent with a bright smile, and then added quietly, "For a start, I'm pretty sure this dress is dry clean only."

"I'm fine!"

"I've seen suspension cables that were less tense, Laura," she said, "And you're doing that thing with your face."

"'That thing with my face'?"

"Yeah. You know, that strange, worried smile you do which looks like you're apologising to everyone for your own existence?" she said, "Or you're having a stroke. You aren't having a stroke, are you? Can you raise both arms for me?"

"Vi-"I began, and then stopped, "Hold on; are you trying to distract me?"

"Maybe," she smiled winsomely, "Is it working?"
"I...maybe," I took a long, deep breath and exhaled slowly, "I'm being stupid, aren't I?"

"What, for being anxious in a crowd? Not at all," she said, "And it really was brave, standing up in front of all those people and saying what you did. I bet you half the parents out there are saying 'thank goodness someone said something. I mean, I was totally going to...', but in the end it was you who did it. That took guts."

"Thanks, Vi," I said, "And I know I've thanked you for this before, but...thanks, for kicking my 'stupid arse' all the way here."

"It's been my pleasure," she said, with a mocking little bow, "And I mean that; the Clint and Laura Show has been the best entertainment I've had in months. Possibly years."

"Is this more distraction, or are you just trying to-"

"Um...excuse me?" a small voice said. We turned as one to see a diminutive woman with mousy brown hair, standing nearby with an air of nervous uncertainty. Despite the warmth she was quite heavily dressed, cardigan and all, and perched on her nose was a pair of large, round glasses that immediately made me think 'librarian', "Um... Miss Doe, was it?"

"Vi's fine, madam!" Vi said, with a bright smile, "And you are?"

"I'm, um, Patricia. But you can call me Patti, if you like."

"Well, Patti, what can I do for you?"

Patti shrank away slightly, but then seemed to gather herself up a bit, "I, um, saw you were doing drawings, and I was wondering if...um…"

"Sure thing, mate," Vi said, and went rifling through her satchel for a piece of paper, "Just hold still, and-"

"You aren't going to prod me with your pencil, are you? Only, um, that looked painful."

"Not if you're a good girl and stay still," the artist winked, "Anyway, most people pay extra for that kind of treatment!"

Patti's face remained carefully blank, and I heard a faint sigh as Vi got to work.

"So who're you waiting for?" I asked.

"My son, Sam," Patti said, "He's, um, in Miss Willis' class."

"So's Nate," I frowned, "Do you know what's keeping them?"

"Oh, they're going to be out a bit late today. Didn't you get the message?"

"No," I said, and made a mental note to strangle Clint when I got the opportunity, "Why?"

"They're doing this 'Honouring the Avengers' thing, and so reception has a special storytime," she said, "I think it was 'Captain America reads 'Captain America and the Three Bears'. Sam's been looking forward to it all week."

"Well...at least it's not 'Singalong with Stark'," I said, and shuddered, "There are some things children weren't meant to hear."

"Oh, um, that's next!" she said brightly, "I have to ask; are you, um, Lila's mom? Lila Barton? She goes to-"

"Yeah, that's me," I said, a bit cautiously.

"I thought so; she looks so much like you!" she said, "I'm Allegra's mother, by the way."

"Allegra?" I frowned, and then snapped my fingers, "Oh right! Yeah, Lila's been talking about her. 'Shares a Blip Class with her sister...Ariadne?"

"Arietta."

"Right, sorry," I said, and gave her a sympathetic smile, "It's hard, right?"

"No kidding," she said, with a smile of her own, "I, um, really liked your speech. Someone needed to say something."

"Did they, now?" Vi said, without looking up from her sketchpad, "How very interesting."

"It's fine," I said quickly, "I'm just glad people seem to be talking again."

"Oh, so am I!" Patti said enthusiastically, "Bob and I are holding a party tomorrow to celebrate the Blip bringing us back together! Did Lila tell you about that? Allegra said she'd invited her."

"She did say something about that…"

"Great! You should definitely come."

"Well, I…" out of the corner of my eye I saw Vi had suddenly started nodding vigorously, "I guess… we...would love that! It's been too long since we've done anything social."

"That's great! Allegra will be really happy to hear that!" Patti beamed, and despite myself I felt a small smile worming its way to the surface, "If you give me your number, I'll text you my address!"

"Oh...right," I pulled out my phone. It looked woefully out of date compared to her shiny, modern cell, but it took her contact details nonetheless.

"There you go! Um, look forward to seeing you tomorrow!" she said, and looked over my shoulder, "Good timing, too; there's Miss Willis!"

"And here's your drawing!" said Vi, and handed it to her, "Hope you like it! With that cardigan and those glasses, you kind of remind me of this 'Mrs Otter' character from this kid's book I had."

"It's...I love it! I know exactly what you mean! Bob's going to be so annoyed he wasn't here today," Patti enthused, "Thank you so much!"

"No worries," Vi said, "And I hope your party goes well tomorrow!"

"You should come as well! It'll be fun!" Patti said, and Vi smiled apologetically.

"This is going to sound like a massive cop out, but I am actually busy tomorrow," she gave me a sidelong glance and lowered her voice, "'Need to make sure that our friends at the Blip Centre are doing what we damn well told them to do."

"Well, that's too bad," Patti looked momentarily disappointed, but perked back up again, "I'll see you tomorrow, okay Laura? Noon!"

She left with a smile and a brief wave. For a moment I hesitated, unsure on whether or not I should return it, but by the time I went to do so she was already a distant figure within the crowd. Feeling a little stupid, I lowered my hand just as Vi closed her satchel with a 'snap' and sighed happily.

"And I am done!" she said happily, "I even managed to finish my whale shark!"

"That's...great?" I replied, "So how'd you do, anyway? Any takers amongst the 'single dad' demographic?"

"None," she sighed dramatically, "I think my engagement ring might've done its job. Or it was because most of 'em were interested in you."

"What? Really?"

"I mean in general, before you get any ideas," she said, with a slight smirk, "Turns out you've built up quite the air of mystery. You're like some kind of legendary schoolgate ninja."

"That's ridiculous."

"Well, half of them think that," she said, "The other half think you're an asocial berk and can't understand how we ended up being mates. I tried telling them you're awesome, but I... might've gotten distracted by the thought of you being a ninja. Look!"

She quickly rifled back through her satchel and handed me a piece of paper. I took it eagerly, curious to see her interpretation of me in something drawn from one of Lila's shows, but instead found a simple sketch of the school gates. There were throngs of parents, and a carefully rendered drawing of the tall clock tower, but...

"Um...where am I, exactly?" I asked, my eagerness turning to puzzlement, "I don't see me."

"Exactly!" she said, and spread her hands apart mysteriously, "Ninja!"

The parents around us turned suddenly as my half-snort, half laugh echoed across the road, and then I handed the piece of paper back to my friend with a grateful smile.

"You're a very strange woman, Vi," I said, "But I'm glad you're here."

"Yeah, well...Missouri's not so bad, I guess," she said, a little awkwardly, "'Good company, at least. Now, let's go find your kid."

After everything that had happened today, collecting my youngest was so simple it almost felt wrong. Miss Willis seemed slightly surprised (and possibly disappointed) that I'd replaced Clint for the school run, but handed Nate off with a quick smile and a comment about how well he'd listened all day. He'd certainly been listening during storytime, as he demonstrated by regaling us with a pretty accurate precis as we headed quickly back to the car.

"-and then, and then, and then!" he said, as I carefully lifted him into his child's seat and tried to remember how it all clipped together, "Captain America helped them clean up the mess and the littlest bear even got to sleep in his shield! Isn't that nice, Mommy?"

"Yeah," Vi muttered, "It almost makes up for that breaking and entering, wanton property damage and aggravated assault."

"You be quiet," I said, and turned back to Nate, "It's very nice, darling! And what did you learn from it?"

"That…" Nate thought about this for a moment, "That porridge is disgusting!"
Vi chuckled, and I gave her a withering look.

"How about...it's important to get along and forgive people for their mistakes?" I ventured, "Cap didn't mean to intrude on those bears. He was just very tired and hungry from getting lost after that mission, and…"

"...he needed the money?" Vi finished, "His estate must be loving it."

"One more word out of you and you're walking home!" I snapped, "If you must know, it was a dare that got out of hand. Rogers had to read whatever Stark wrote, and Stark had to sing whatever song Rogers chose. They made loads of money for poor Wakandan kids!"

"Oh. Well, now I feel a bit bad."

"You should!" I said, and then added to Nate, "Please stop squirming, kiddo. Almost done."

"Well...Stark should've stuck with the story where the bears ate Goldilocks up in two bites," Vi sniffed, "That's my favourite. None of this reconciliation rubbish; they're bears!"

"I'm not surprised you'd think that," I rolled my eyes, "But eating him would take ages! Goldilocks was an appetiser; Rogers'd be a three course meal!"

"I was actually thinking he'd make a great dessert," she smiled dreamily, and then caught my expression, "What? I like whipped cream."

"I like whipped cream too!" Nate piped up suddenly, and Vi quickly hid her mouth behind the back of her hand, "I like it on apple pie!"

"Amazing! I like apple pie as well! You've got great taste, kid!" she agreed enthusiastically, and then said slyly, "There's nothing more...American."

"And here I thought you were meant to be getting married!" I said, "For shame, Vi."

"Please, Laura, I'm an artist. My interest in Captain America's finely sculpted, Adonis-like physique is strictly professional," she paused, "Mostly professional. Semi-professional."

"Of course it is," I said, and with a final 'click' I managed to secure Nate's child seat, "Finally! Alright, get in. We're heading back."

I drove us all carefully back to the farmstead while the insipid rhymes of Nate's nursery songs blared from the radio and drilled harshly into my brain. They were bad enough by themselves, but my youngest's best attempts at singing along from the back seat made the whole situation almost intolerable. What he lacked in ability he definitely made up for in enthusiasm and volume, and I could already feel the dark clouds of an oncoming headache gathering at my temples.

"-the wipers on the bus go swish swish swish, swish swish swish!" he screeched happily, "The wipers on the-"

"Nate, please!" I snapped, "That's too loud!"

Vi looked at me, looked at Nate, and then carefully reached out and turned down the volume a bit.

"Sorry, kid," she said, to my son's complaints, "I think your mummy's getting a headache, and she's had a rough day as it is."

"Aww, poor Mommy," Nate crooned, "I'll be quiet, Mom."

"You're a good kid, mate," Vi gave him a thumbs up and turned back around to face me, "That better?"

"Yeah. Thanks," I sighed, "I've been listening to these songs for almost sixteen years. They never get any better."

"I dunno. I thought that bus was really going places," Vi settled back, apparently immune to my sudden glare, "But speaking of whipped cream and the Avengers, I, um, did have a question for you..."

"This had better not be weird," I said, and then sighed, "Who am I kidding? It's you. Of course it's going to be weird."

"Not that weird!" she protested, "I've just gotta know...how did a pancake waitress get together with a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent? It's not like those two groups form a natural Venn diagram."

"What makes you think we got together through work? We could've met at a club, or bar, or-"

"C'mon, Laura," Vi laughed shortly, "Be reasonable."

"Fine, fine," I said, "Okay, so I was the valedictorian at my highschool. Top of the class - and I know you're about to congratulate me for graduating from a petting zoo-"

"I wasn't, but I'm going to remember that. Go on."

"-so I got a scholarship to a university in Pennsylvania to do a degree in Social Work. I wanted to take after Dad, I guess, but as soon as I got away from home and Mom I went completely off the rails. I turned into this inebriated, party-girl mess and...well, I failed out pretty spectacularly."

"I'm sorry," Vi said. It sounded like she meant it, "And for what it's worth, I know exactly what you mean. All that sudden freedom can screw you up big time."

"I couldn't face going home to Mom and admitting that she was right about me being a failure, so I had to get a job. The only one I could find was at this pancake restaurant; minimum wage, nothing fancy, but it paid my way. Wasn't hard, either; all I had to do was pretend to be friendly while I took the orders, and smile when I brought them their pancakes!"

"By smile, you mean doing that thing with your face?"

"Anyway," I ignored that, "There was this other waitress, Liselle. She was this... statuesque, well-endowed, curvy blonde with an amazing smile. I think she was a part-time model, or something, but she was also cheerful, friendly, and seemed to know everything about everyone who came through the door. Compared to her I was this quiet, mousy girl who sat in the corner and read books until the order went up. It was...like a perfect example of why Mom was right about me."

"But you got Employee of the Month," Vi pointed out, "Four times!"

"I'm sure everyone got it eventually," I shrugged. She looked at me steadily, but said nothing, "Anyway, one day this guy came in just at closing time. I was going to tell him that we'd stopped serving, but... he was hot, so I made an exception. I'm only human, right?"

"Sure."

"We chatted for a bit - nothing major, mind you, and then he paid up and went on his way. I didn't think anything of it, but then he started coming in more regularly. Liselle tried everything she could to catch his eye, but he insisted on coming to sit in my area," I smiled, "I felt a little bad, 'cause she was just so nice, but at the same time it felt good to get one over on her."

"And you started talking?"

"Yeah. He started asking about what I was reading, what authors I liked..."

"Classic chat-up line," she smirked, "I've had blokes hit on me by trying to make out they were huge fans of art. Couldn't tell a Clavier from a Roheisan."

"Yeah, but at least you pick up on it."

"You mean you didn't?"

"I thought he was being serious!" I protested, "Mostly because I thought there was no way anyone would be flirting with me. I only realised what was going on when Liselle shouted 'For God's sake, yes! She'll go out with you!' from across the restaurant, and even then I thought they were all just joking around. Best choice I ever made, though; he was funny, kind, attentive, and...he lifted me up. When I was with him, it felt like I was actually worth a damn."

Again, Vi gave me that long, steady look, and this time I could see her jaw working slightly. When she finally talked, she seemed strangely subdued, "So how did you find out he was S.H.I.E.L.D? Did ninjas attack you and he fought them off? Were you kidnapped by one of his enemies? Found a set of fake identities under his bed?"

"You listen to too much trash radio."

"Pretty sure that's impossible, but spill it."

"About six months later, Clint sat me down, looked at me solemnly, and said he had something to tell me. I was thinking he was going to tell me he'd cheated on me or that he was moving away, but then he just said he was a S.H.I.E.L.D operative, and that if I was serious about our relationship then I'd need to be vetted."

"And you…?"

"Started laughing," I winced, "Like, actual hysterics. I don't think I've ever seen him look so hurt, either. It's just...it was a bit hard to believe."

"Yeah, I can see why."

"Anyway, I got vetted, approved... then a bit later he popped the question with this-" I waved my left hand, and my engagement ring sparkled in the sun, "-and we moved down here. I'm pretty sure you know the rest."

"Oh, yeah, I read the report," Vi said, "I've got a copy of it back at the Blip Centre."

"Is that the report that makes me out to be an idiot?"

"Only a little!" she said, "Okay, it basically says you need regular watering. I wouldn't be too offended, though; whoever wrote it clearly wanted to protect you."

"Oh yeah? How?"

"A report like that makes people's eyes glaze over. Someone would've noticed if there was a Laura-shaped hole in the documents, but they don't notice boring documents about boring people."

"Then why make out that I'm stupid?"

"Because then people might wonder why the valedictorian S.H.I.E.L.D. intern is camping out in the middle of Sodding Nowhere, Missouri, instead of up-ending the world? Better to have anyone who goes digging believe that they kept you on 'cause you're some dipstick piece on the side instead of Clint's beloved wife. One of those people is worth something. The other? Not so much."

"That's disgusting."

"It worked, didn't it? Kept you and your family safe," she said, matter-of-factly, "It even got the better of Stark, and he was a paranoid billionaire technophile with a bunch of supercomputers at his beck and call..."

Vi fell silent as the farmstead came into view, and I wasn't entirely surprised to feel her suddenly tense up again. It was subtle, more subtle than it had been last time, but no matter how much she tried to control it I could still sense the sudden spike of anxiety. A moment later, though, a small, evil little smile crossed her face, and then she tittered quietly to herself.

"What?" I said, suspiciously, "What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing...nothing…" she said, but then added eagerly, "You know how I was saying someone probably nabbed my house after Thanos dusted us? I just remembered something."

"Which is…?"

"Well, we had the patio renovated a couple of years before the Snap, and...well, I may have slipped the builders a bit of extra cash to hide some pretty realistic party skeletons under the stones. Not even Sparky knows they're there," she laughed nastily, "If someone decides to do some remodelling of their own, they're going to get one hell of a surprise."

"You played a practical joke on someone who you're never going to meet?" I blinked, "That's... dedication."

"Dedication? Nah, it's just good for a laugh."

"But you're never going to see their faces!"

"I don't need to," she said, "It's enough just knowing that they're there, waiting for some poor unsuspecting sod to unearth them…"

"They might not share that view."

"Then they shouldn't have nicked my bloody house!" she retorted, "They're just lucky I didn't have time to rig it to explode, but-hey, is that Clint?"

I looked excitedly towards the house. She was right; a figure stood frantically waving in our direction, but... "No, that's Coop."

"Wow. He really takes after his Dad, doesn't he?" she said, "He, um, looks agitated."

"I wonder what's going on?" I said, and felt a jolt of anxiety deep within, "I hope it's nothing serious."

"What, compared to the rest of our day?" she snorted, "I'm sure it'll be fine. You'll see."

It had to be said that Vi's comment wasn't entirely reassuring, and I felt the anxiety build inside

as I carefully parked the car up near my clearly flustered son. At first glance it didn't seem as bad as I'd thought; he looked excited and confused rather than frightened, but even so I felt a sense of trepidation as he came running across the drive.

"Mom! Mom!" he said, as I wound down the window, "It's Strange!"

"It's strange? What's strange?"

"Nothing, Mom!" he said, "I mean it's Dr. Strange!"

"That never gets old," Vi snickered.

"He's here, Mom! He's here with Dad and that weird- oh, hello ma'am," Coop stopped, apparently spotting Vi for the first time, "Um…"

"No no, do go on. Please!" Vi said, in a tone that was positively dripping with amusement, "I'm all agog."

"Coop," I said, patiently, "Take a deep breath, and tell me what's going on."

"You don't know? I texted you like a bazillion times!"
"I've been driving, kiddo."

"But didn't Dad- oh, never mind!" he said, "Thera and Doctor Strange were waiting on the porch when we got home! They had Dad with them, but...Thera said he's sleeping, or something? I-I left them with Lila and Maisie, and-"

"You left Dr. Strange, the Sorcerer Supreme, in the hands of your little sister?" I sighed, "Well, at least he might stop making surprise visits."

"I didn't know what to do! I…"

"Did you ask them if they wanted anything to drink?"

"Of course, but…-" he waved his hands indistinctly, "Mom, you've gotta come and look. Seriously! It's like the Sorcerer's Apprentice in there!"

With a quick beckoning motion he ran back inside, leaving me to exchange a curious glance with Vi.

"He didn't...seem scared," I said, eventually, "That's good, right?"

"There won't be any trouble," Vi said confidently, "With Sparky and Strange in there, you've probably got the safest house in all Missouri. He mentioned a Maisie, though; I assume she's the one you were telling me about? Gordon Bennett's daughter? Alvin's sister?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," there was a moment while she digested that information, and then, "Well, we'd better see what's going on, eh?"

It took me a moment to remember how to unbuckle Nate's new car seat, and then I followed Vi inside, cautiously alert for anything untoward. I didn't need to look very hard; as soon as I opened the front door I saw a bright, golden light spilling from the kitchen, and then a moment later Thera's voice came ringing down the hallway.

"Blinky!" he was saying, in a firm, authoritative tone that made me immediately think 'parent', "You come down from there right now! No! You bring the sugar back!"

"Oh, right," Vi said, with a small smile, "I get what's going on."

"What's going on?" I asked, as I quickly pulled off my boots and knelt to help Nate with his. He was staring his mouth slightly open, and then looked at me and pointed mutely towards the glow.

"You'll see."

"I'm going to count to three!" Thera said, "One, two- oh, come on!"

I had to admit that I'd seen a lot of weird things today, but even so, nothing quite prepared me for the shock of rounding the corner and finding my kitchen in a literal whirlwind of activity. Coop was right; it was like something out of an early Disney movie. Three shining lights were busying themselves over by the cooker, where my pots of coffee, tea, and hot chocolate hovered lazily in midair over a row of precisely arranged mugs. The largest, a bright, actinic blue sun, was hovering attentively over the kettle, while two smaller golden motes were zipping between the pots and the mugs, dispensing coffee, hot chocolate, and milk in a blinding blur. A fourth light, meanwhile-

"Blinky!"

-was sitting in the top corner, where it appeared to be jealously guarding a ten pound bag of sugar. Thera was standing immediately below it, his hands outstretched expectantly and his lips pressed firmly together in a sign of irritation.

"Oh dear," said Vi, "'Thought so."

"Thera!" I said sharply, "What in the world is going on here? What are you doing to my poor kitchen?"

"Hi, Laura," Thera gave me a stressed smile, "This...um, hmm. Okay, Coop generously offered us drinks, so I thought I'd be helpful-" he glared at the light apparently known as 'Blinky', "-and make them for him. Apparently, I had other ideas."

"It's really cool, Mom!" Lila said breathlessly, "These glitterbombs were making all the drinks at once and then when I asked if I could have some sugar in my hot chocolate, Blinky grabbed the bag and ran away!"

"Yeah, he loves sugar; no idea why. It's not like you can taste it, mate!" Thera directed the last comment towards the little light. As if in response, Blinky zipped across the ceiling to the other corner, dragging the bag of sugar in his wake. Thera groaned in despair and gently brought his forehead to rest on the wall, "Sodding hell…"

"Let me try," Vi and stepped carefully into the kitchen, moving slowly as if to avoid disturbing 'Blinky', "Can you bring me the sugar please, Blinky? I know you've been cooped up for a while, but that doesn't mean you can steal other people's stuff. We need to be considerate guests, don't we?"

Blinky froze for a moment, as if considering this argument, and then dropped the sugar into Vi's waiting arms before racing off to hide behind the big blue glitterbomb over the kettle, safely out of Thera's scything gaze.

"Oh, sure," he said irritably, "You'll listen to Vi, but not to me?"

"Maybe if you were kinder to yourself, you wouldn't end up in these kinds of jams," Vi said, "...and it probably doesn't hurt that I've got you wrapped 'round my little finger, too."

"Hey! That's, um…" Thera looked down bashfully, "...not true."

"C'mon, love, if you were wrapped any tighter my pinky'd have gangrene," she smiled archly at him, "Not that I hear you complaining."

"Not out loud, at least," he retorted, "So...how'd it go?"

"What can I say? You were right; we did hit the motherlode."

"Oh?" Thera perked up, "It went well?"
"It went better than 'well'! You should've seen her! She had that entire crowd eating out of the palm of her hand in two seconds flat!" Vi said enthusiastically, "Why? Who can say! Perhaps it was her air of danger, her radiant beauty, her confident tone of voice, or even her deftness with a pencil-"

"Seriously?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, and Laura helped. Y'know, a little," she said, and then held up her hands as my gaze became downright withering, "Okay, okay! Kids, your Mom was awesome! She's a credit to her species-"

Everyone jumped as the kettle's whistle split the air. The large blue light snatched it instantly from the cooker and there was a hiss of steam as it quickly filled all the cups with boiling water. The other motes stood by, and as soon as each mug was filled it was delivered to its intended recipient in a flash. There was a moment of silence as my kids stared at their drinks in wonder, and then Maisie slowly raised hers to her lips and took an experimental sip.

"It's good!" she declared, "Thank you, sir! I ain't never had, um…what do you call these things again?"

"Wisps," said Thera.

"I ain't never had Wisp-made hot chocolate before! Try it, Lil!"

"Huh!" Lila pouted and folded her arms, "I don't want it now."

"Still mad at me, huh?" Maisie said wryly, "It's not the Wisp's fault, y'know, and it ain't like you're gonna be able to have magic hot chocolate every day. Give it a try!"

"I...fine!" my daughter took a small drink and then put it back down, hard, "But I still prefer 'glitterbomb'."

"Ain't you gonna thank it?"

"What are you, my aunt?" Lila snapped, but turned to the Wisp regardless, "Thank you, glitterbomb."

The little mote bobbed once, apparently satisfied, before barrelling off in the direction of the living room, another cup in tow. Maisie watched it go.

"So where's the glitter, Lil?"

"Well, they look like they should have glitter…"

"They're very eager to please, aren't they?" I said to Thera, allowing the kids' discussion to fade out in the background, "Almost like little puppies."

"Sure, when they focus," he said, and sat down with a sigh, "Sorry, Laura; this didn't quite go to plan. I figured they'd be a bit a distraction for your children and give me some space while I finished up with Clint, but then Blinky stole the sugar and-"

"It's okay. No harm done," I said, "I was just a bit...surprised. We spent all this time sneaking around, and I come home to find you making magical drinks for my kids? Why bother with the preamble?"

"Well, after everything that's happened today there doesn't seem to be much point in hiding anymore; at least not from you guys," he smiled wanly, "Goddess, what a bloody disaster."

"Hey, we're all still alive, and this doesn't seem so bad."

"No, it doesn't," he said, and looked at the Wisps hovering curiously, even protectively over my brood, "Most kids only encounter them when they need them; you know, emergencies. Getting hot chocolate is much better than being cut out of a burning car."

"Sure," honestly, I wasn't sure what to say to that, "So, um, how's Clint?"

"Oh, he's fine. We laid him out on the sofa, and I was just about to wake him up when Blinky did his thing. I'm happy to say he's in excellent health; a little bit of wear on the joints, but nothing major. Kind of surprising, really."

"The Avengers had next-generation healthcare," I pointed out, "They even replaced his skin once."

"I noticed; felt like an energy blast to the side. Really should've put him down for good."

"He's a tough cookie," I said, with a bit of pride.

"Mmm, I'll grant you that," Thera said, "Amazing shot, too."

"Better than me?" Vi asked. Her tone was lighthearted, but there was a dangerous glimmer in her eyes, "Before you answer, sweetie, remember who keeps you warm at night."

"Which is precisely why I'm not answering that," he said, "In any case, I think we should go wake him up before these kids get bored. I'd say Laura's earned some quality time with her husband, wouldn't you say?"

"Yeah, you're probably right. I'll stay here and make sure they behave. The Wisps, I mean. Don't want them to do what they did to my art studio."

"Hah, no," he said, "Shall we, Laura?"

With one final check to make sure Nate was being included by the older kids, I followed Thera out of the kitchen and across the hall to the living room.

"Hey, do you know what's going on with Lila and Maisie?" I asked quickly, "It looked like Lila's upset about something."

"I didn't ask, I'm afraid," Thera shrugged, "I learned a long time ago to stay well away from teenage spats."

"They'll be fine, I'm sure. Not the first time it's happened," I said, and then added suspiciously, "So what did those 'Wisps' do to Vi's art studio?"

"Oh, we were putting up some shelving when Pinky wandered off and managed to bypass the lock. 'Found her reorganising the paints by...metal content, I think it was," he shuddered, "Vi was loudly and inventively unappreciative of her efforts. Shelves fell down too."

"So, what you're saying is that they get involved where they aren't wanted and don't know when to stop helping?" I said, "Who does that remind me of?"

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," he said blandly, and pushed open the living room door, "Hi, Strange; how're we doing?"

Compared to the kitchen, the living room was a quiet, sun-dappled oasis of calm. As promised, my husband was laid out on the far sofa, eyes closed, and breathing long, slow, calm breaths. As I crossed the carpet to his side, I felt my breath catch in my throat and the world around me seemed almost to fade into irrelevance. He may have been covered in dust, but even with that silly haircut and those blasted tattoos, he was still that same, handsome guy for whom I'd begged the boss to keep the griddles warm for just another fifteen minutes...

"Hi, hon," I said, and gently tousled his hair. He had a calm, almost serene smile on his face, and I wondered what he was dreaming about.

"Hey, um, Laura?" Thera's voice seemed very far away, but a moment later someone tapped me gently on the shoulder, "You present?"

"I…" I shook my head, and the world returned with a rush of sound and colour, "Yeah, I'm here."

"Great," he raised his voice, "Inky? Can you get in here, please?"

"I assume you've sorted your runaway drone problem, then?" Strange observed. He was sitting on a nearby stool, presumably for observation, and was holding a steaming cup of Wisp-delivered coffee, "I'll admit, this isn't bad at all for instant. My compliments to the, um, drones."

"You're backsliding, Strange. Like I told you, they're independent subconscious projections," Thera said irritably, "Call Inky a 'drone' and she'll probably zap you."

"My apologies," Strange said, "They're certainly a fascinating concept, though I do wonder if such a high level of autonomy is a bit of a two-edged sword."

"Well, your brain might be able to handle being in five places at once, but I think mine would melt. The autonomy is kind of necessary," Thera replied. The large, blue Wisp came racing in and took up a position just over his left shoulder, "Ah, there you are!"

"So, are we waking up my husband?" I said, acidly, "Or are you two planning to just stand here and hurl compliments at each other?"

"Uh, yeah. We should do that," Thera said, "You may want to stand back though. People have a tendency to...flail when I bring 'em round."

"Oh, right," I said, and took one long step back. A moment later, Strange joined me.

"Okay. Inky? Prepare to release on three," Thera took a deep breath, "One, two, three-"

Inky flared, and then there was a sudden yelp as my husband jerked awake and almost flung himself off the sofa.

"-on a second!" Clint said, and then a look of confusion crossed his face, "Wait. What's going on? Where's the Chitauri gun?"

"All done!" Thera said brightly, "Congratulations; you're clean."

"But how- when-"

"It's okay, hon," I said soothingly. As our gazes met his confusion melted away, revealing an adorable smile, "Everything's okay."

"But what's Strange doing here-"

"It's okay," I said again, and turned back to Thera and the good doctor, "Can you guys give us a minute?"

"Sure," Thera said, and turned to Strange, "C'mon, mate; wasn't Lila trying to decide where the Sorting Hat would put you?"

"Slytherin, wasn't it?" Strange said, with a wry grin, "It's the goatee, I think."

"It does make you look a little evil," Thera said, "But it sounded better than Huffleclaw, or whatever it was I got ditched with…"

"You could always be the Pink Unicorn instead-"
"-I am not being the Pink Unicorn again…and we told you it was a Chitauri weapon, didn't we..."

Thera and Strange left, gently closing the door behind them. Inky hovered in midair for a moment, apparently unsure what to do, but then zipped out of an open window and vanished around the side of the house.

"So how long was I- whoa!" Clint's question died on his lips as I flung my arms around him and all but tackled him to the sofa. Somewhere inside it felt as if a dam had suddenly burst, and all my pent-up anxiety, anger, and fear came flooding out as uncontrollable wracking sobs. Dimly, I was aware of Clint's gentle embrace and murmured sweet nothings as I soaked his jerkin and buried my head against his neck, and slowly I felt the emotional tidal wave begin to ebb and fade.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, when I was able to speak again, "It's been...such a day, and I just couldn't hold it in any longer."

"It's okay, babe. It's okay."

"No, it's not!" I said tearfully, "It was horrible! All of it! All those dead people, that explosion - and then seeing you..." I sat up and looked away, "...is that what it's been like for you? Every time? That's awful!"

"Um…" Clint sat up as well and put his arm across my shoulders, "What exactly did you think I did, hon?"

"I don't know! I think I was deliberately not thinking about it. All those stories you told, and then…" I paused, "What I saw today was brutal. There's no other word for it. Vi was brutal. She roasted a warehouse full of mercs and executed the survivors one by one."

"I ain't Vi."

"No, but can you tell me that shooting someone with a bow and arrow is any nicer?" I said, and then felt his fingers tighten ever so slightly, "I'm sorry; that's not fair. I'm...it's just that I don't want you to have to go through anything like that to put food on our table. I don't want you in danger, Clint!"

"C'mon, hon, I've been in danger since before I met you," he said, with a slight smile, "I'm good at being in danger, and if I was meant to die don't you think I would've died by now?"

"I was alive until I was dead!" I said, maybe more sharply than I intended, "Nat died just last month! You aren't immortal, Clint! I...I think I thought we were, but we aren't. None of us!"

"So what do you want us to do?"

"I...I don't know," I admitted, "I want to say that you can't go on any more missions and that you should be a stay-at-home dad. You haven't had a chance to be a dad for the last five years, so…"

"That's true," he said contemplatively, "That would be nice…"

"...and maybe I can get a job packing groceries or something? We'd have to tighten our belts, sure, but I think we'd get by - and you'd be safe...but..."

"But what?"

"But it's not fair, is it?" I said, "You're right; I knew who you were and what you did when I married you. If I stopped you from being, well, 'Hawkeye', then I'd be taking away so much of what makes you you. You need that thrill; you always have, and...that's not something we can give you here on the farmstead, no matter how many times you and Lila go 'hunting' each other."

"You kinda sound like you're talking in circles, hon."

"I'm thinking out loud!" I said, and slapped him lightly on the arm, "I really was thinking about asking you to retire, but now I'm hearing myself speak I'm just thinking how stupid it sounds! I'm scared, Clint, and...I hate that I was so eager to get you paid work that I didn't stop to think about what could've happened to you!"

"I took the job, didn't I?" he said firmly, "And you ain't responsible for what those mercs did."

"But-"

"No buts," he said, "It's not your fault."

"But it will be in the future!" I pressed, "Keame went after Vi and Thera because they were rocking the boat. What will he do if he finds out I'm getting involved? I could end up bringing those mercs down on our house! Our kids!"

"I hate to break it to you, babe, but that's exactly what people like him want you to think," Clint said, "If people like us get paralysed by fear he can do whatever the hell he wants, 'cause there ain't nobody to stop him."

"You mean 'all that is necessary for evil to triumph is for the good guys to do nothing', right?" I sighed, "I don't know, Clint. It's…"

"Laura," he said, quite seriously, "When you were talkin' about this before, you were so pumped up and there was this...fire in your eyes that I ain't seen in years. Nat always used to say that you'd soar when you found your callin', and you know what? I reckon this is it. Don't let Keame and his thugs take it away from you. Please."

"Do you…" I hesitated, "Do you really think I can make a difference?"
"'Course I do!" he said, "I've always thought that, and I ain't the only one! Right now in the kitchen, we've got Dr. Strange and the only two people in Missouri who Dr. Strange is scared of! They ain't here because of me, hon. They're here 'cause of you; they chose you."

"And what if they're wrong?"

"You can't think like that," he said, "Remember when I said you gotta know why you're doing this? It's 'cause if you don't have somethin' to hold onto then it suddenly becomes real easy to talk yourself into backing down," he leaned in, "So let's hear it; what's your 'why'?"

"I…" I gave him an embarrassed smile, "It's stupid, really."

"No it ain't," he said, but then his gaze turned suspicious, "You do have one, right?"

"Of course I do!"

"Good, 'cause if you're doing this because you don't want me to feel guilty about the Blip Centres, then-"

"I'm not!" I said, and felt my temper start to rise, "I'm not doing this for you!"

"No? How about the kids?"

"No! Not them either! I…"

"You sure about that?"

"Yes! It's not about you, and it's not about the kids! It's about me! I'm being selfish!" I shouted, "Are you happy now?"

"Nah," he said, "'Cause you ain't got a selfish bone in your body, hon."

"Well, it's true! You remember how Strange was talking about all those other timelines? The other Lauras?"

"You mean like 'Avenger Laura'?"

"Yeah. That got me thinking about what those odds of his actually meant. You had a one-in-fourteen million chance of beating Thanos, right?"

"Right."

"Well, think about that for a second; if our fates were basically decided on a coin flip, that means that seven million other Lauras died for good in the Snap! That's a whole lotta Lauras, and we all died right after saying 'Soup's on!'! I mean, what kind of last words are those? They're pathetic!"

"Okay, but-"

"I'm not done! Maisie was right; those ones were the lucky ones, because there were another seven million Lauras who got to live out the rest of their shitty lives with whatever fragments of our family survived, until they either died grieving or got blasted into oblivion by Locum Thanos! I'm not just talking about 'Avenger Laura', either; how about the Lauras who crawled into a bottle and never came out? Or the ones who just went mad? I'm probably the luckiest Laura in the entire multiverse, and if I back down now I'm spitting on the chance that all those other Lauras never got to have!"

"And there's the fire!" Clint said admiringly, "But that ain't... really 'selfish', y'know."

"Well, there's a bit more," I said, more quietly, "I don't think I've ever told you this, but I've always been a bit jealous of you. When you tell the kids those stories about your feats of bravery and derring do they look at you in...in awe, like you're the greatest hero who ever lived. They've never looked at me like that...and I want them to. Just the once."

"Aw, c'mon, hon," he said, "You know that they think you're a hero."

"Sure; if they need a lift somewhere or help with a school project! I just...today, Vi told me to go home and wait for her to tell me she'd saved your lives, but I couldn't. I know I should've, but I couldn't," I sat back and sighed, "I think part of me had this crazy thought that I'd somehow swoop in and save the day, and then we'd all go home and I could tell the kids all about how I kicked ass, and…"

"You put yourself in danger for that?" he said, a little incredulously, "I thought you were meant to be the level-headed one!"

"I put myself in danger because you were in danger! And no! I wasn't thinking! For once, I didn't want to be the 'level-headed one'! I said, "But what I learned is that I'm never going to be the woman who 'swoops', and that...stings a little, I guess."

"So what you're tellin' me," Clint said finally, "Is that you followed Vi into a warehouse full of mercs without any hesitation-"

"-maybe a bit of hesitation-"

"-'cause I was in danger? 'Cause that sounds pretty damn heroic to me."

"But I didn't do anything!" I protested, "Vi went on a rampage, and I...complained about it, mostly. At best I was bait."

"She used you as bait?" Clint's eyes narrowed, "I wonder how she'd feel if I used Thera in the same way?"

"Knowing Vi? She'd probably think it was hilarious. But still, she was the one who actually...y'know..."

"-killed people?" Clint said, "Killin' people ain't heroic, hon, and it ain't glamorous. It might be somethin' that you do while you're bein' heroic, but that's it. Take Banner, for instance; he didn't fight in the Battle of Earth 'cause he'd just lost his arm bringin' all of you back to life! Did he kill anyone? No! Is he a goddamn hero? You bet! He probably knew the risks of usin' that gauntlet better than anyone, but he was prepared to make that sacrifice for the good of everyone else!"

"Like Stark," I said, "And...Nat."

"Yeah," he nodded, "The point is it ain't about 'swoopin'' in or kickin' ass, hon. That don't make you a hero, and neither do fancy tech, super serums, or anything else you can drag out of your toy chest. Bein' a hero is about havin' the right stuff, recognising what's important, and not backin' down just 'cause the goin' gets tough."

"Well, when you put it like that…"

"So do you wanna back down?"

"I...no, I don't. At least, I don't think so."

"C'mon, hon, you can do better than that."

"Okay!" I tried again, "No; I don't want to back down!"

"You reckon you're up to this?"

"Yes!"

"You reckon you've got what it takes to take on someone like Keame?" he leaned in, his expression intent, "You reckon you're going to be able to knock some sense into this stupid world?"

"Yes!"

There was just the briefest pause, and then Clint suddenly lunged forward and caught me in an intense, passionate kiss. My blood sang in my ears, and I felt his hands running through my hair even as time seemed to slow to a crawl. He was right; I could do this, and there was no way I was backing down. Not for Keame, not for anybody. I hadn't been given a second chance at life just so that I could prove my Mom right again, and I certainly wasn't about to give her the satisfaction, either.

Clint broke off for a moment and whispered breathlessly, "Have I ever told you how hot you are when you get fired up?"

I laughed, "I guess I'll have to be fired up more often, then!"

"And...you know they're probably wondering why we haven't come out yet, right?"

"Well-" I paused for a moment to think about this.

"Commando leathers, check!" my inner voice said, "No freezing lake, check! Kids being watched...check! Stop thinking and get on with it!"

"-let 'em wonder!" I flung my hands around the back of his neck and pulled him in even tighter. They could all just damn well wait; I gave every other moment to my family, and after everything we'd been through today we deserved the chance to just be Laura and Clint, just like when we'd first gotten together. It felt just as perfect now as it did then, and in my giddy euphoria I felt like there was nothing, absolutely nothing that could ruin this-

"Ew! Gross!" Lila's voice rang out across the room, "Mom! Dad! And your tongues- ew ew ew!"

-moment.