Chapter 4 - Its Only the Beginning
Unfortunately, Eddy had forgotten that school started the next day. His plan to sleep off his problems was ruined when his alarm woke him up at 6:30 the next morning. It took all his energy to make himself get out of bed and into the shower. The day didn't get much better as it progressed either.
For the most part Eddy felt alone and invisible. He was around Ed and Edd all day, but neither of them spoke to him. Considering what a people person Eddy had always been, this treatment was especially hard on him. The only thing worse than being flat out ignored was when had run into Edd in the hallway, coming face to face with him. The way Edd looked at him so coldly was just unnatural. Eddy had spent the rest of the day staring at the ground. He felt he'd lose it if he had to make eye contact with either of his two friends again that day.
When the school day was at last over, Eddy hurried back to his home and anxiously waited for Dea to get back from her school. He really wanted someone to talk to after being ignored all day. So later that night, the two of them sat together on Eddy's bed, leaning back against the headboard comfortably. Dea asked him how his day went and he told her it sucked. He told her how he got in a fight with Edd the previous night and now neither Edd nor Ed were speaking to him.
"Marty told me you guys were fighting," Dea admitted, "I guess Double-D called her last night."
"Really? What did he say about me?"
"I don't know. Marty told me you guys were fighting and he said you were being a jerk. She didn't tell me anything else."
"I really screwed up this time," Eddy said softly.
"I'm sure he'll forgive you, Eddy. It'll be fine."
"I don't know. It's different this time. I mean, I don't know. I just...I feel like crap."
Dea hugged him comfortingly and asked, "What were you fighting over that got him so mad, anyway?"
"That's just it! I don't even know! I think it was just that I got sick of him prying into my business and criticizing me over every little thing I do. He doesn't understand."
"Doesn't understand what?"
Eddy was silent for a moment. He didn't want her to know his biggest secret yet. He had to be careful how he phrased things.
"My life and everything about me," he answered at last, "He's such a good little...angel. Angels don't understand crap like this. He should just stay out of things he knows nothing about."
Dea really didn't know what Eddy was talking about. She didn't ask him anymore questions though. She just hugged him tighter and wished she knew how to help.
"Thanks for coming over," Eddy said after a while. He held her almost possessivly as he spoke.
"No problem. If you hadn't called me, I would have called you anyway."
There was silence again. Then Eddy leaned down and kissed her. Again and again and again. And Dea kept kissing him back, moaning ever so slightly when he started to french kiss her. At last Eddy pulled away from her and opened his eyes again.
"You should probably go home," he said, "It's getting late."
Dea sat up and looked at him. He looked sad and regretful again, almost like he might cry. She caressed his face gently with her hand.
"Eddy, will you be alright?"
"Of course. I'm fine." Eddy did his best to put on a convincing smile.
Dea stared at him comtemplatingly. She leaned forward and kissed him again.
"I love you," she said when she sat back again.
Eddy stopped breathing for a few seconds. He studied her face, looking almost more pained than before. He wanted to believe her, but he couldn't take the pain of her words being a lie. He looked into her dark brown eyes, searching for any hint of deception.
Dea stared back at him. She had never been one for keeping eye contact with people, but something about Eddy made her more bold and self-confident than she had been before. Eddy could have searched her eyes all night, but all he would find sparkling in them was love, desire, and truth. Eddy finally started breathing again and smiled, genuinely smiled.
"I think I love you too."
"You think?"
Eddy blushed, looking a bit like a deer caught in the headlights of a truck, and Dea laughed at his embarrassed, nervous state.
"It's ok. You haven't known me for that long," she said.
She started to get up off the bed, but Eddy grabbed her wrists and pulled her back down.
"NO. That's not what I meant, Dea. I love you. I really do."
Eddy looked into her eyes desperatly, silently pleading her to believe him. Dea smiled at him warmly.
"I know you do," she said.
Eddy pulled her into another possessive embrace. When he released her, they kissed eachother goodbye, for real this time, and parted ways for the night.
The next week didn't improve much. The Eds were still avoiding each other. They couldn't go on like that for much longer though, the tension was becoming too much for all of them. A confrontation had to take place soon. It was Eddy who decided to take the lead and confront Edd. It was something he wasn't particularly looking forward to, but he missed his friends and this problem clearly wasn't going to fix itself. Eddy had never been good at apologies, and so he decided to go home after school and chill out for a few minutes before he went to face his biggest fear-rejection.
While he was in his room, Dea was outside walking down the side walk, on her way to who-knows-where. It didn't really matter where she was originally going, because she would never get there. Edd and Ed were also out walking and upon noticing her, stopped her to talk.
"Good evening, Miss Dea. How are you?" Edd said casually.
"Fine. How are you?"
Dea looked at him suspiciously. She wondered what Eddy would think if he saw them talking.
"I'm a bit concerned, actually," Edd responded, "this may sound odd to you, but has Eddy been acting strange around you?"
"What do you mean?" Dea asked, still suspicious.
"I assume you know about our, er, current situation?"
Dea nodded.
"Well, has he ever behaved that way around you? Has he ever displayed any large scale mood swings, any unpredicted, random outbursts of anger?"
"No."
"Oh. I see," Edd sighed.
"Why do you want to know? You sound like a cop or something."
"I'm concerned about him. He's been lashing out at me quite a bit lately and I don't understand why. Whenever I try to solicit an answer from him, of what I've done to upset him, he never provides one. He just seems so different...I wish I knew what was going on..."
"Come to think of it," Dea said, "he did exhibit some kind of strange behavior around me last week."
Edd stared at her and she continued.
"We were talking about our families, you know, stuff like that. He told me about his brother. He said you were the only other person who knew. He seemed really upset, which is normal, but what I found strange was how desperate he was that no one else find out the truth. He begged me not to tell anyone."
"The truth?" big Ed asked. He looked at Edd curiously. "Isn't Eddy's brother in Hollywood making movies, Double-D?"
"Yes, Ed. He is. Why don't you go get those cooking supplies together and I'll show you how to make that pot pie when I'm done talking to Dea."
"Yum! Pie!"
Ed ran off to acquire the needed cooking supplies and left Dea and Edd alone.
"Eddy's been guarding that secret for years," Edd said, "he has his image to protect, or so he says. What's odd is that he'd tell you when he's only known you for a few weeks. No offense, but seriously, not even Ed knows the truth and they've known each other for years."
"Why did he tell you?" Dea questioned.
"He didn't. I was there when it happened. We were in 4th grade at the time. I had just gone to sleep when the ambulance and police showed up. The flashing lights woke me up. I looked out the window and when I saw the commotion was all at Eddy's house, I ran right over.
"They already had Nick in the ambulance when I got there. Everyone was standing outside their homes, watching. Some police officers were talking to Eddy's parents, who seemed more ashamed than concerned, and more police were searching his house for something. I was so young then I didn't understand what was happening, I was just worried about finding Eddy. He wasn't at his house.
"I snuck away from the crowd and found him hiding in the junk yard. It was my understanding that he had witnessed the police break down the door to Nick's room and watched them try to resuscitate his brother to no avail. When the ambulance had gone, he apparently snuck away from his home.
"Needless to say, he was really distressed, if not heart broken. His brother was his idol. I think Eddy understood about the drugs, and that if his brother lived, he still wouldn't be seeing him for a very long time. I think he felt very betrayed. That night was the first and last time I ever saw Eddy cry. He was an emotional wreck. I think he cried for two hours straight that night. Possibly longer, but I was only with him for two hours. I took him home and then returned to my own home. I'm surprised my parents didn't have a fit because I was out so late."
"Oh, how horrible," Dea said softly.
"He made me swear never to tell anyone what really happened that night. He's got everyone convinced that his brother's in Hollywood and that it was really his sick grandma that left in that ambulance. I don't know why he's so afraid of people knowing the truth. Maybe he's trying to protect his brother's reputation. Nick was really popular with everyone in the neighborhood..."
It was silent for a bit after that. Each of the teens were lost in their own thoughts. Slowly, something else occured to Dea.
"I asked him about his parents too," she said, "he got sort of defensive and asked that we not talk about it anymore."
"His parents. Interesting. His dad did lose his job about two months ago. Maybe Eddy's having some problems at home. That would make sense, but why does he always take his anger out on me? I feel like he despises me anymore."
"He doesn't despise you. He's probably jealous."
"Jealous? Of me? What do I have to be jealous of?"
"He said something about you not being able to understand his life because you're such a good little angel or something like that."
"That doesn't make any sense!"
"Yes it does," Dea argued, "I get that way when I'm upset about how things are going sometimes. I see some one who looks like they have it all, no problems, their happy- and I get jealous. Why should they get all these wonderful things when I don't get jack. It makes me angry and I hate them for no reason. I think Eddy's the same way. He thinks your life, your parents, your emotions even, are innocent, care free, pain free - somthing like that. He probably wants to experiecne that himself, but can't, which frustrates him, so he gets mad at you whenever you try to criticize him. Or maybe when you try to comfort him even, because he feels you don't really understand him because your life is perfect."
"Wow. Dea, you should consider a career in psychology."
"I only know because I've experienced it myself."
"But honestly, I don't have a perfect life. My parents are never home. I don't even remember what they look like half the time. We communicate through sticky notes for heaven's sake! I mean, I love my parents, but I'd appreciate it if they were around more and-"
Edd stopped mid-sentence, a horrifed look crossing his face. Dea's stomache dropped out. She had a feeling she already knew what Edd was staring at. Slowly, she turned around to confirm what she feared.
Eddy had been standing behind them, for how long neither knew, listening to their conversation. He stared at them now, looking crushed, as if someone had just ripped his heart right out and thrown it on the ground. No one moved and no one spoke. It was the most uncomfortable 10 seconds any of them had ever experienced.
"You're talking about me behind my back?"
Eddy's voice was weak and his words pained. His eyes glistened with newly forming tears. He looked and spoke only to Dea.
"You said you loved me."
The first of a river of tears fell. Eddy stared at her a second longer before he turned the other direction and broke out into a run. Dea couldn't seem to make her mouth work. Her brain was frozen, along with the rest of her. Something in her snapped when she saw Eddy running away, however. Determined not to lose him, she took off running after him as fast as she could.
Eddy ran straight to his room and locked all the doors behind him. It would have been wiser for him to go to the junkyard, where it would be harder to find him, but it was too late now. He was trapped. He could hear Dea pounding on his door, begging him to let her in.
"Go away! Leave me alone!" he shouted.
He looked around his room wildly. He didn't even know what he was looking for. All he knew was that he was crying and shaking almost uncontrollably now and he felt like dying. He didn't know what his solution was until he had already started...
Eddy looked at the blood running down his arm. Had he really just done that to himself - Five horrible red gashes across his wrist? He watched the blood, fascinated, and still clutched the razor in one hand. Outside the house, the pounding had stopped.
"It's no use," Dea told Edd, "All the doors are locked. I'm afraid he's going to do something drastic."
"Wait right here. I'll get help."
Edd ran off and returned a few seconds later with big Ed. Edd told Ed that Eddy was in trouble and Ed wasted no time in breaking down the door.
Eddy snapped out of his trance, shocked at the intrusion. His intruders all froze in place, horrified at the sight before them. Eddy stared at them, equally horrified, with tears still running down his face and blood dripping onto the floor. Dea was the first to make a move.
"Eddy, don't do this. Put the razor down."
"No! Stay back!"
"Eddy, please. We love you. I love you!"
"Then why were you talking about me behind my back?"
He held the razor closer to him and took a few steps back, as Dea had been slowly creeping forward.
"We weren't trying to be mean. Edd was concerned about you and so was I. We were trying to figure out what was wrong so we could help you."
"So that gives you the right to assume things about me? You just make up some shit that sounds logical to you and spread it around?"
"No. I was saying that's how I would react and maybe you'd react in a similar way. I was just making a guess, Eddy. I didn't mean to make is sound like a rumor. And I didn't tell anyone anything. I wouldn't tell anyone anything."
Eddy stood there shaking and looking at Dea desperatly. It appeared she was winning him over, but part of him was still fighting her. Edd was still standing exactly where he was when he came in, shocked beyond words, and Ed was silent and still too. He sensed this was important and watched in captivation. Dea was only a couple feet away from Eddy now.
"I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't have been talking about you for any reason. Look, I would never hurt you on purpose, not in a million years. I love you, Eddy."
Eddy took half a step toward her, then hesitated.
"Eddy, come on. Come here. It's alright."
Eddy finally gave in. He dropped the razor and took the few steps needed to make it safely into Dea's arms. He was shaking horribly and his legs gave out. So Dea sat on the floor, holding him, while the sobbing started up all over again. She held him like she'd never let him go and was crying herself now too. She just kept whispering, "I love you, I love you..."
Edd and Ed watched this scene for a while. Edd was still mortified. He waited for Eddy's sobbing to subside a little before approaching the couple. Edd knelt beside them and placed a hand on Eddy's shoulder. The shortest of the Eds looked up at him, expression unreadable through the tears. Edd wasn't really sure what to say for once in his life.
"I'm not mad at you anymore, Eddy," was what came out.
Eddy released his desperate embrace on Dea for a minute to hug Edd. There were so many things he wanted to say to his hat-wearing friend. He wanted to apologize, but couldn't seem to find his voice. It didn't matter, Edd had forgiven him without him even having to ask, just as usual.
Eddy looked over at Ed now. The big lug was still standing by the door. He was staring at Eddy's blood-stained floor. Edd followed Eddy's gaze.
"Ed, come here," Edd said.
Ed wandered over, concern written on his face.
"Is Eddy OK?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine, Ed," Eddy managed at last.
Ed gave him a huge hug and things seemed to calm down a bit after that. There was a long silence. Eddy sat staring at the ground. He was humiliated by what had just taken place, but there was nothing he could do about it. He moved closer to Dea, who had her arm around him.
She had hit the nail right on the head earlier. He was having problems at home, he was jealous of Edd, he did hate him sometimes for being perfect. Dea really did understand him.
"Eddy," it was Edd who broke the silence. He was looking at the slash marks on his friend's arm. "You should get help. This isn't healthy."
Both Eddy and Dea stared at Edd incredulously.
"Double-D, shut up!" Dea said angrily.
"I don't need to see no freakin' shrink!" Eddy yelled at him.
"But-"
"Shut up," Dea said again, "he had a weak moment and cut himself one time. That doesn't mean shit. I used to cut all the time. I never got professional help. I never even talked to anyone and I'm fine. So you should shut the hell up about things you know nothing about."
Edd was shocked by her reaction. He knew it was a losing battle, but he tried one more time.
"Well, I read in a book once that-"
"Let me tell you something about your books," Eddy said, "they don't know crap about real life."
Edd was quiet then. He looked a little offended, a little miffed. He stood up and dusted himself off.
"Come on, Ed. Let's go."
Ed rose and followed Edd out the broken door. Eddy sighed and shook his head after they left.
"I don't get it," he said, "I don't get why he's that way."
"Me neither, but Marty does the same thing anymore. Thinks she has all the answers because she reads books. She just comes off as a snooty bitch."
They sat together in silence yet again, convincing themselves this was all real and not just a nightmare. Dea hugged Eddy again and kissed him.
"Promise me you'll never do that again," she said.
"I promise, and...I'm sorry. I should have talked to you..."
"It's ok, just don't ever scare me like that again."
Dea released her embrace on him and looked at the dried blood on his arm.
"You should get that cleaned up. I'll help you."
She grabbed his uncut wrist and dragged him off to the bathroom. Eddy watched her bandage up his arm. His eyes moved up her wrists and on the left one he could now see scars he never noticed before.
"Dea, why did you used to cut all the time?"
"Lots of reasons. I had a lot of anger. I still do, but I don't cut anymore."
"Oh. Why were you so angry? What happened?"
Dea put away the first aid kit and closed the drawer. Having finished her work, she leaned against the counter and looked square at Eddy.
"I'll tell you why I was so angry if you'll tell me what's making you so upset and stressed out now."
Eddy seemed to consider this. There wasn't much use in trying to hide it anymore. After that display in his room, everyone knew there was something seriously wrong. They'd just keep prying until they found out one way or the other.
"Ok," he sighed, "let's talk."
Dea looked at her watch. "It's getting late. Look, its Friday, so how about I stay the night here, if you don't mind."
Eddy hesitated a moment. She wanted to stay the night at his house. He wanted to be with her, but what did it mean when your girlfriend was asking to spend the night? Maybe it didn't mean anything, maybe she just wanted more time to talk to him. But what if it did mean something? Was he really ready for something more? Despite his nervousness, Eddy decided he was ready to go to the next stage, if Dea was.
"Yeah, sure. Sounds great," he answered.
A/N: Poor Edd. He keeps making Eddy mad at him. Next time Eddy's other 'secret' will be revealed and maybe he can finally get on good terms with Edd again.