Chapter 22: 'Patient Zero'

The rest of Friday passed slowly, but pleasantly. After a bit of coaxing, a subdued Lila was eventually drawn out of her room with the promise that yes, Maisie would forgive her, and that maybe some fun family time would get her mind off of her spat with her friend. To that end Coop vanished into the attic and returned absolutely covered in dust, but bearing a triumphant grin and a copy of Monopoly. While it might not have been my first choice for a peaceful family activity, it was apparently the only game we had that hadn't succumbed to damp, rot, or rats during our five year sabbatical. Even the Blip feared The Boot.

We took it out onto the porch, where the gentle warmth of the sun and a light breeze made a tranquil backdrop for all out financial warfare. While Nate played with his blocks in the corner, dice rattled and both money and property changed hands at alarming rates. Although we Bartons played to win, there was strangely none of the squabbling or temper tantrums that'd forced me to hide this game in the attic all those years ago. Nobody dared say it, but it seemed that we all knew that our family needed a quiet afternoon together, untroubled by the outside world, and the opportunity to seek comfort in each other's company.

The day drew on, and as the sun turned red and dipped below the horizon...we were forced to declare a draw. With a sigh, I gave my burgeoning property empire one last, longing look and then tipped everything back in the box where it belonged. I'd been this close! If it hadn't been for that last roll...well, I couldn't afford to dwell on that now. I had a romantic take-out dinner to look forward to, and then maybe we'd see what kind of mischief Clint and I could get up to.

The next day dawned in a far more agreeable fashion than the one before it, and I eventually surfaced to the pleasant smell of crisp, warm sheets and fresh air. I lay there for a while in my warm, happy cocoon, listening to the birdsong while I turned last night over and over in my head. It had definitely lived up to expectations, but after I'd collapsed on my side of the bed there was...nothing. No Blipside mansion, no angels, nothing.

"Damn," I muttered to myself, just as the bathroom door creaked open and Clint emerged, rubbing furiously at his hair with a towel. He stopped and gave me an incredulous stare.

"'Damn'?" he said, "Wow, hon, you sure know how to take the wind out of a guy's sails."

"What? Oh, no," I said, in an unwisely dismissive tone, "I wasn't thinking about...last night."

"Sure, just twist the knife! I'll have you know that an Olympic gymnast would've struggled to-"

"Clint!" I threw a pillow at his face, "I was hoping that I'd have a Blip dream! Y'know, one of those-"

"Visions of the afterlife?"

"You heard about them?"

"There was this programme on the radio at the warehouse, an' Lila said something about it when I asked her what she meant by kickin' Maisie's ass," Clint said, "You don't think there's anything to 'em, do you?"

"Well…" I suddenly felt a little self-conscious, "Vi seemed pretty convinced…"

"I guess that settles it, eh?" he snorted, and I threw another pillow at him.

"You're such a skeptic!"

"You know me, ain't got time for none of that," he shrugged, and then his expression turned serious, "'Sides, it's kinda hard to believe in anything when the only god who turned up to stop Thanos was Thor. I can't follow someone who ain't there when it really counts."

"I guess not…" I said, and sighed, "Mom thought the same thing."

There was an awkward silence while Clint rooted around in a drawer for one of his abominable string vests, and then he shot me an apologetic look.
"Sorry, hon. Kinda killed the mood there, didn't I."

"You're just lucky I'm running out of pillows."

"Okay...what were you hopin' to dream of? Angels? A tropical island of your very own?" he paused, "You did get into heaven, right?"

"Why wouldn't I get into heaven?"

"I dunno," he said, "Maybe they're real picky about who they let in!"

"Well, it sounded like Vi did!" I said, "And if a woman who cooks men in their own juices qualifies for eternal peace, then why not me?"

"Fair point," he conceded, "So did you want to dream of?"

"It's a bit petty, really," I bit my lip, "I was actually hoping that I'd dream of Mom and Dad. I figured that if there was a heaven, they'd have come and found us pretty quickly after we got Snapped, and-"

"-you wanted to see your parents again?"

"Sorta? I wanted to remember seeing Dad, introducing them to the kids...and wrapping my fingers around Mom's spindly bird neck while I squeezed an apology out of her!" I finished spitefully, "I figure I'm owed that much."

"'Pretty sure that'd get you thrown out, y'know. I reckon they've got a behaviour code."

"Well, you'd just better hope they haven't got a dress code," I said, and gave his vest a critical look, "Or you'll be right back down here haunting this farmhouse."

"Fine by me; got any tips?" he grinned playfully, "Figure I may as well learn from the master while I've got the chance!"

This time I did throw the pillow at him, and as I did so my gaze fell on my phone clock, "Ten thirty? Wait, it's ten thirty? You let me sleep that late?"

"You needed it," Clint said, "After yesterday-"

"-forget yesterday! We have to be at Patti's by noon!" I said, and swung my legs out of bed, "Christ! We'd better get breakfast on!"

"I'm pretty sure I heard Coop doin' that," Clint said, "It'll be fine."

"Have you seen his grades for Home Ec? You'd better get down there before he burns down the kitchen buttering the bread!"

Clint grumbled, but I ignored him as I ducked into the bathroom and showered as quickly as I could. Once clean, I threw on a simple summer dress and hurled myself downstairs with my socks in my hands, almost colliding with Coop as I came dashing into the kitchen and made a beeline for the nearest chair.

"Whoa, Mom!" he said, pulling the toast rack out of my way in a shower of crumbs, "Watch it! I almost dropped the toast!"

"Sorry, dear…" I trailed off as I saw the spread laid out before me. Coop had clearly been up for a while making breakfast, and he had really put his back into it. There was buttered toast, bacon, sumptuous sausages, and delicately fluffy scrambled eggs, all sizzling fresh from the pan. A mouthwatering symphony of smells filled the air and I suddenly realised that I wasn't just hungry, I was absolutely starving, "...Coop, what's all this?"

"Oh, nothing," he said, with just a little bit of false modesty, "I just remembered that you always cooked Dad a big breakfast the day after he came home, and after what you did yesterday…"

"Hold on," my eyes narrowed suspiciously, "What did your Dad tell you?"

"Nothing!" he said, "It's all over the Internet!"

"It's what?" I started. If the Internet had found out what happened to those mercs...

"Check it out! One of my friends sent me a link," he sat down and pulled open his phone, and I waited for a heartstopping moment before he handed it over. It was the front page of the Missouri Daily Sun, and with some relief I read the headline:

AREA WOMAN MAKES IMPASSIONED PLEA FOR CALM, UNITY

Immediately below that was a picture, clearly taken by one of the parents, of Vi and myself right after her high-impact embrace. It was a cute shot, made even more so by her radiant smile, but still...

"That photo's been taken out of context!" I objected.

"I'll say, Mom," he said, with a smirk, "It almost looks like she's about to kiss you!"

"That photo's definitely been taken out of context!"

"I wouldn't check the comments, then," he said, slyly, "Most of them think you're a great couple!"

"Of course they do."

"But there's also a video, if you scroll down, and...Mom, you were awesome!"

"Nah...I mean…" I paused, "Vi was awesome, I just-"

"No, Mom," he said firmly, "You were awesome! And I can't believe you called that 'Keame' guy an asshole! You said you'd wash my mouth out with soap if I used that kind of language!"

"I did, didn't I," I grinned sheepishly, "Well, he deserved it."

"I'd like to, um, show this to my Blip Class, if that's okay. I think it'll probably be shown anyway, but...man, you kicked ass!"

"And so you made all this?" I said, looking at the breakfast laid out before me.

"Ye of little faith, eh?" Clint said loudly, from the living room.

"Clearly," I said, "Maybe I should 'kick ass' more often!"

"You going to dig in, then?" Coop said, looking at me expectantly, "Before it gets cold."

"I will!" I said, and picked up my knife and fork, "Oh; you ready to head out?"

"Head out where?" he looked genuinely confused, "Do we have the dentist or something?"

"No! Patti's party, remember?" I looked at him, and it slowly dawned on me that he might not have been present when it'd first been discussed, "The party that Lila's new friend invited us to?"

"Oh...oh right," he said, "Do I have to come? Only I was gonna-"

"Yes, mister, you have to come," I speared a sausage, "The whole family's going."

"Oh, c'mon!" he huffed, "It's just going to be some lame party where you adults sit around and talk about boring stuff, and I'll be expected to look after Lila-"

"They're inviting us to have a celebration about the Blip, Coop!" I said, "You know, that thing that your Dad played a very important part in? Besides, you never know; there might be kids your own age. There might be girls."

"You think I've got a one-track mind just 'cause I'm a teenage boy, right?" he said, "That's sexist!"

"'Never said anything about being a boy, Coop," I said casually, and took an experimental bite of one of the sausages. It was slightly too chewy for my liking, but considering the chef it was an outstanding effort, "I was a teenager once myself, y'know."

"Ew, Mom!"

"It's true!"

"But things are different now! Just because Dad hit you over the head and dragged you back to his cave-"

"Really? How old do you think I am again?" I raised an eyebrow, "Pick your next words carefully, buster."

"I dunno," he said, "Did they even have numbers when you were born?"

"Clint?" I called into the other room, "You'd better buckle up. We've got 'Sassy Coop' joining us for this party!"

"And when're you coming to eat, Dad?" Coop added.

"Just coming!" Clint replied, "It smells great."

"You seen your sister yet, Coop?" I asked, "'Strange that she hasn't already monopolised the TV."

"I'm here," Lila said, as she entered the kitchen. It was obvious she was still feeling down; she walked slowly, almost despondently, and the ever-present spark that so defined 'Lila' had been reduced to a mere glimmer. With a sigh, she sat down on a chair and took a piece of toast.

"Morning, dear," I said, with a bit of false cheer, "How're you feeling? Looking forward to the party? Allegra's going to be there!"

"Maisie didn't text me back," she said sadly, "Do you think she blocked me?"

"Of course not!" I said, "She's just got her tournament today! She'll be focusing on that."

"Um...what did you tell her?" Coop asked.

"That I was sorry, and that I didn't really want the Pink Unicorn back. And that I hope she does really well in the tournament today."

"Sure...but how many times did you tell her that?"

Lila stared hard at her toast and her cheeks reddened ever so slightly, "...a lot."

"A lot? C'mon, you gotta give her some space! Do you just want to piss her off even more?"

"Coop," I gave him a firm look, "Lila, she'll text you back when she can, I'm sure. Still-" I finished my sausage with a quick bite, "-thank you, Coop; that was really nice!"

"You liked it? Really?"

"She thought you were goin' to burn down the kitchen buttering the bread," Clint snickered from the doorway, and Coop gave me a hurt look.

"I'm not completely useless!" he protested.

"I know, I'm sorry!" I said, "Tell you what, I'll pick you up something nice-"

"-really?"

"-the next time I come back from the daily mammoth hunt," I finished acidly, "Anyway, you guys finish up here. I'm just going to grab my phone and Nate and be right down. You ready to go, hon?"

"Sure," said Clint, "But...uh, we've got like an hour before the party starts. Do you really want to leave now?"

"Now? You know how long it takes Nate to eat breakfast, right?" I said, "Just...just be ready, okay?"

With a bit of effort, I managed to convince Nate to eat a sausage and some scrambled eggs while Clint washed up and the other two made themselves at least halfway presentable. Once the Barton clan was finally fully assembled and properly attired, we all bundled into the car and set off to the address Patti gave me yesterday. Rather belatedly and with some surprise, I realised that this was the first time the whole family had been in this new car together. Judging by the moist-eyed look in Clint's eyes, I was pretty sure I wasn't the only one. I patted him on the leg, smiled, and then settled in for the journey. As I sat back, though, my foot brushed against something soft in the footwell.

"Hold on. What's this?" I frowned, and as I leaned forward my fingers brushed against a soft leather strap. A golden clasp winked in the shadows, "Wait a second…"

"What?" Clint took his eyes off the road for just a second as I held up the large brown satchel, "What's that?"

"It's Vi's bag. It's got all her art stuff in it!"

"Oh yeah; you said she drew. She any good?"

"Actually, yeah. She's really good," I said, "But I can't believe she left it in the car! She was so protective of it yesterday."

"Maybe she got distracted when I came running out?" Coop said, from the back seat, "It was pretty exciting!"

"Exciting to you, but Friday to her," I pointed out, "Besides, she didn't seem all that distracted…"

"Well, there ain't nothin' we can do about it now," Clint said philosophically, "Looks expensive, though; we'd better hide it in the boot an' let her know we've got it the next time you see her."

"Good thinking," I said, and carefully stowed it back in the footwell.

"When you talk to her…" Coop began tentatively, "...well, you remember that offer of hers?"

"Which offer?"

"The one where she said she'd teach me kung fu?"

"I don't think she knows kung fu, kiddo," I said, "Besides, I don't think that was an offer; it was more of a threat."

"An' I'm right here!" Clint said, in a wounded tone, "You think I don't know kung fu?"

"Do you, Dad?" Coop said dubiously.

"Well...no. But c'mon, I used to spar with Nat all the time!" he said, before adding ruefully, "An' sometimes I almost won."

"What's with the sudden interest, anyway?" I turned to give Coop an appraising look, and he squirmed under my gaze, "Is this about that Maria girl?"
"Um...well…" he blushed, "Not...exactly."

"Oh?" I said, and then the memory of our dinner with Maisie flashed up in my mind, "Oh."

"Oh?" Clint caught my gaze, and I saw realisation dawn on his face as well, "Oooooh."

"Hey!" Coop said irritably, "Look, I was just thinking-"

"I know what you were thinking, mister," I said, "And it's a terrible idea."

"Yeah. She ain't gonna notice you like that, Coop," Clint chimed in.

"Yeah? And what do you guys know about it?" Coop retorted, "You hooked up before the Internet was invented!"

"We had dial-up!" I said, "You know, I used to be able to imitate the sound of the modem connecting almost perfectly."

"It's why I married you, hon," Clint said, with a wink. I winked back.

"Anyway, Coop, this isn't going to work for three reasons. Firstly, anything Vi teaches you would probably be illegal in any competition that isn't a no-holds-barred deathmatch, and there's no way I'm letting you compete in some underground cage fight against..."

"People built like Thor?" Clint suggested.

"Thank you! Secondly...do you really think she'd be impressed by you swooping in and trying to beat her at her own thing? What d'ya think that's going to prove?"

"Um…" Coop trailed off.

"Look, kiddo, when I was growing up there were these boys who tried to impress me by tagging along when I'd...head out. Most of them ran away when I pulled out the bolt cutters. Two cut themselves on broken glass and then ran away. One fell through a weak floor and broke his pelvis."

"I'm guessin' he didn't do a whole lot of runnin' away, eh?" Clint said, with a grin.

"I told him not to stand there," I shrugged, "And another one got arrested by the cops for trespassing. After all that, do you know how many of them I actually went out with?"

"...none?" Coop ventured.

"Good answer. Look, you know what most people, boys and girls, actually like? They like smart, kind, funny, good looking people, sure-"

"Right here, baby!" Clint said, with a grin.

"Bad example," I said tartly, "But what people really like are those who have the confidence to be themselves. Why be someone you're not?"

"You mean 'just be yourself'?" Coop said, "It kinda sounds like you're quoting rom-coms at me."

"It's okay, Coop," Clint said reassuringly, "I can show you some of my moves, if you want!"

"I've seen you dance, Dad. You're like a puppet with its strings cut, having a stroke."

"I wasn't talking about my dance moves! I mean my...other moves."

"You mean like 'I'm Clint Barton; how'd you like to come see my collection of fine string vests?'"

Clint laughed, "Yeah, I do say that a lot…"

"And how many times has it worked?"

"It's…" Clint gave me a sly look, "Well, it's a work in progress."

"Keep it up and it'll be progressing you to the couch," I raised an eyebrow, "In any case, Coop...the third reason is 'no'."

"'No'?" Coop blinked.

"You heard me. Your Dad didn't throw himself through time and space just so that you could be a victim of fratricide. You want to get murdered in your sleep?"

"Seriously?" he looked briefly at Lila. She was staring disconsolately out of the window, apparently oblivious to the discussion taking place under her nose, "That's not a reason!"

"Everyone knows you don't soil your own nest, mister!" I said sharply, "I'm not dealing with some almighty blowup just because you can't keep your hormones in check! End of discussion."

Coop stuttered but I held up a finger to indicate that the conversation really was over. In the wounded silence that followed, I brought up the onboard display and scrolled through the radio stations looking for something interesting, eventually settling once again on St. Louis Public Broardcast Radio.

"Lookin' for more programs on Blip Dreams?" Clint observed, "You know it don't count if you dream about someone else's heaven."

"Those're the rules, are they?"

"Those're the rules," he nodded sagely, and then the radio beeped for our attention.

"-dentified as Ms. Laura Barton by local parents," said the newscaster, "Her pleas for unity following the Blip have been echoed by public figures in the face of increasing concerns over tension between the so-called 'Lost' and those who survived the Snap. Dr. Reginald Keame, singled out by Ms. Barton for his controversial remarks, was unavailable for comment."

"They're talking about you, Mom!" said Coop.

"Oh Christ," I groaned, "They reached out to him for comment?"

"He's a jerk and a supremacist," Clint said, "Don't worry about it."

"In other news, Missouri was rocked by an enormous explosion yesterday afternoon. The blast, which destroyed over six hundred acres of forest and damaged several nearby warehouses, was believed to be caused by a de-orbiting Chitauri satellite presumed to be a left-over from the Battle of New York. Professor Wong, of the Institute for Xenomaterials, had this to say:"

There was a brief pause, and then Wong's voice echoed through the car, "It is well known that Chitauri composites possess material properties that well surpass ours, and are almost impossible to detect using current technology. What we believe happened here is that the craft, likely used to provide intelligence during their invasion, survived re-entry but the force of the impact destabilised the power source, which then detonated with a force of approximately twenty tons of TNT."

"Wong?" Clint gave me a look, "Didn't Strange mention a Wong?"

"Yeah, and it's that Wong," I said, "They did say they were going to try to keep everything quiet."

"It sounds like he's been practicing."

"Mmm."

The newscaster returned, "Fears regarding radioactive fallout have been dismissed as 'negligible', but the area is now closed to the public while a full investigation is carried out. Experts have hastened to add that the risk to the public from such an event is extremely low, with no recorded fatalities ever arising from an impact event..."

"Wow! An exploding satellite?" Lila stirred, "That's-"

"Totally a cover-up," Coop snorted, "Right, Dad? Unless you're gonna tell me that Thera and Strange just happened to bring you back home out cold on the same day as there's an enormous explosion next to a bunch of 'warehouses'. What happened, Dad?"

"I ain't sayin' anythin'," Clint said sternly, "You know the rules, Coop."

"Aw, Mom?"

"You know the rules, kiddo," I repeated loyally, and pulled out my phone to see if Maisie had remembered to contact me as the news wittered on in the background. As it turned out she had; in fact, she'd left a fair number of voice messages over the course of last night and this morning. Clearly something had happened, and I felt a thrill of anxiety pass through me as I opened up the oldest one and went from there.

"Hi, Mrs B!" Maisie's voice was breathless, but excited, "Just letting you know I'm home safe. New personal best! Anyway, I've ain't sure what I'm meant to be doin' with these two. I reckon they're waiting for my parents, but they ain't sayin' why! Can you let me know? Thanks!"

"Hi, Mrs B. Haven't heard from you, so just checkin' that you're okay. Little worried about these two an' my parents. Ms. Doe, um, Vi asked me if she could borrow a pencil an' paper. That's okay, right? She ain't gonna trap me in a drawing or somethin', I hope! If you don't hear from me again, then you know what's happened!"

"...hi, Mrs B," Maisie's voice now sounded a little weary, "Y'know, when you asked me to do this I was kinda expecting a bit more back-an-forth, but that's cool. You're probably busy doin' Barton things while I'm...babysittin' a pair of wizards. When you get back from saving the world or whatever it is you're doing right now can you please give me a- oh, hold on, Dad's coming back. Talk soon!"

"Holy shit! Mrs. B...shit! My Dad were not happy to see them. Thera tried to introduce himself, but then Dad started screamin' at them to get off his property and said if they didn't he was gonna get his gun! I didn't even know he had a gun! Weird, right? I guess Vi didn't take too kindly to that 'cause the next thing I know she slammed him against his car! I ain't never seen anyone move that fast! She was speakin' to him real quiet like, too; I weren't close enough to hear anythin' but the word 'sweetie', an' it didn't sound like she wanted to be friends. What've you gotten me into, Mrs B? Please call me back!"

"So...um, not sure if you're even getting these, but my Dad's been as nice as pie for the past half hour. He brought 'em inside, offered them drinks, even the real nice drinks from his cabinet that I'm not meant to know about. They're all bein' polite to each other now, but it...kinda feels like there's an elephant in the room, and I kinda think it's me. I'm thinking it's 'cause I'm leaving you messages. Can't be helped now, I guess, but if that's true I'm kinda wonderin' what they're talkin' about that they don't want you to know? Let me know what you think!"

"Guess what? I got sent upstairs to my room. Not real surprisin', an' I do have to get ready for my tournament tomorrow. Hung around on the stairs for a bit, though, an' I heard my Dad say somethin' like 'You can stop them?' and Vi said 'Sweetie, we don't just stop people, we destroy them.'. She said it in that kinda sing-song voice of hers, but I still got chills all over. Not sure what more help I'm gonna be stuck in my room, but if I hear anything I'll be back...talking to myself, I guess. Later!"

"Yikes! Thera just shouted 'You gave them everything? Goddess, are you insane?'. Heard it through three floors; he must really be mad! Or surprised! Or both! Hope he doesn't turn my Dad into a frog or something. Maybe I should make sure he's okay..."

"Um...Mrs B? I just had a thought; did you ask these two if they could look for Alvin? 'Cause I ain't told anyone else about those calls 'cept you, an' I know my Dad wouldn't go around tellin' anyone about them. If you did, um...thanks, but does that mean that those phone calls Dad's been gettin' an Alvin are related? Still waiting to hear from you. I think I hear Mom comin' home so I'm gonna go say 'hi'."

"Okay, so...I'm kinda goin' on the theory that your phone's been stolen by a raccoon or somethin' somehow, but I'm gonna keep going 'cause this'll be a record for later. Turns out that weren't Mom; it was this older blonde woman, an' I'm tellin' you she looked real stressed. Strange thing, though, when she saw Thera she suddenly burst into tears and hugged him! Like, properly hugged him! Kept thankin' him over and over for savin' 'Pete'. Not sure who 'Pete' is, but I'm thinkin' Vi might have a possessive streak. If looks could kill...well, maybe her's can! You got any info on that?"

"C'mon, Mrs. B, you gotta throw me a bone here! I'm back in my room...again, an' they're all downstairs in my Dad's office. Not sure what they're talkin' about but I reckon we'll hear about it soon enough, like that enormous explosion on the news. Is it me, or does that an' that big sky flower last week kinda look like Thera's Wisps? The colour, I mean."

"Well, look, I'm goin' to bed so hopefully I'll hear from you tomorrow, but I'm just lettin' you know that Thera and Vi went off with that woman. Don't know where they went an' you can bet my Dad'll tell me not to mention this to anyone, so I ain't gonna ask. Talk tomorrow?"

"Well, it's tomorrow and I ain't heard nothin' from you. Off to my tournament! Wish me luck!"

The phone fell silent, and with a slight twinge of guilt I quickly tapped out an apology to Maisie and thanked her for all her hard work. Still, it raised a couple more questions, like...just who was Vi talking to yesterday? I'd thought it was Maisie's Dad, but if it had been then why did they need to introduce themselves? Vi'd known who she was talking to, and she hadn't made any attempt to disguise her voice, either. No; as much as I'd thought it fitted at the time, some parts of it didn't quite add up.

The suddenly-appearing woman, though? She had potential. If nothing else, Vi's response was interesting. I was pretty sure Maisie had it wrong, though; from what I'd seen, Vi didn't really seem to have a possessive streak. Insecure? Maybe a bit, but not possessive. It seemed more likely that she just didn't like her. There was also the matter of 'Pete'; there was only one 'Pete' that I knew Thera knew, and that would mean-

Oh. Oh.

"What's the matter, hon?" Clint said quietly, so as not to rouse the kids' attention, "You look like you just realised somethin'."

"Bulgakov," I breathed, "They met Bulgakov."

"You mean Thera and Vi, right? And...you think they went to see him at the hospital?"

"No, not Peter Bulgakov; his wife! Sophia! Strange told us that he was flying her in to reunite her with her husband, remember? I think I must've told Vi at some point and she got her number off Caleb's phone...and that's who she was calling!"

"-you gave her Caleb's phone? Why'd you do that?"

"She needed the...images," I said, and gave him a significant look, "Something about Thera's collapse. It didn't occur to me that she might've wanted it for anything else."
"Well, can't do nothin' about that now," he shrugged, "But…okay, we know that Peter Bulgakov was the IT Manager for Helix International-"

"-and Maisie's Dad was the one who developed their security systems, which means-"

"-they've gotta be hitting Helix International!" Clint said, "They're going after #273, aren't they."

"Yeah," I said, "Vi was pretty clear that she wasn't about to let anyone else get to it first."

"Did she say what it was?"

"Only that it'd be bad if Keame got his hands on it. Said I would've 'wished I'd stayed Snapped'."

"They're a bio company, right?" said Clint, "And Keame is a Blip Supremacist. What if...it's a bioweapon? Like, a bioweapon that only targets people who weren't Snapped?"

"Bit far-fetched, don't you think?"

"You were resurrected by a magic glove, hon."

"Yeah, but only last month!" I said, "That seems like a very short turnaround time for a bioweapon!"

"Well-"

"And even if you were right, somehow, the scientists making it would be people who weren't Snapped. It'd be suicide!"

"Oh yeah, good point." he winced, "An' I don't reckon Stark would've been willing to fund a company that made bioweapons anyway. Would've kinda flown in the face of that whole 'playboy philanthropist' thing he had goin' on."

"Why does it have to be a weapon, though? What if it really is a treatment?" I mused, "You know, one so amazing that it'd give Keame loads of good publicity and let him further his Blip Supremacist agenda."

"Then why is Potts lookin' to sell it? You don't sell companies that're on the verge of major breakthroughs unless you really have to, and Stark Industries actually did pretty well out of the Blip."

"Oh yeah?"

"When half the world gets disintegrated, who's gonna run the show?" he said, "Stark's automation tech saved a ton of lives by stoppin' infrastructure from just collapsin' on the spot. Power plants, factories, hospitals..."

"Hmm. I think we're missing something," I said, "In fact, I know we're missing something, but at the same time I think we...aren't."

"What d'ya mean?"

"Okay; think of it like this. We both agree that Thera and Vi have been playing with us, right? Messing us around? Drip-feeding us information?"

"Sure."

"Well, what if it's more than that? What if they've been giving us little pieces of the puzzle all along?" I said, "Vi keeps telling me that she's not allowed to tell me, but they might've found a loophole. What if they're trying to show us in different ways? Warn us, even."

"Warn us? About what?" Clint's eyebrows knitted, "And why?"

"I don't know," I admitted, "And that...kinda worries me."

Patti's house was almost exactly what I'd expected, which was to say it was a generic suburban house hidden amongst other, largely identical suburban houses on a large, tree-lined avenue. As we slowly drove down the street, I was struck by just how...carefully managed it all felt. All the lawns were carefully mown, the hedges even and perfectly square, and there was not a leaf out of place on the branches overhead. In some ways it was pleasant, if a little drab, but from another perspective it felt intensely creepy. I couldn't quite put my finger on why, though…

"Welcome to suburbia," Clint said, with an unusually sardonic edge, "Why live in the real world when you can live in a grown up doll's house?"

"Be nice, Clint," I chided him, "Although you're right. These houses look like they fell right out of the fifties."

He grinned in response, and pulled the car up on the side of the street with a bright, "We're here!"

Lila looked up at the house with dull disinterest.

"Great," she said, in the same muted tones as she'd had at breakfast.

"Looks amazing," Coop added blandly, "I can't wait."

I exchanged a look with my husband and sighed.

"Okay…" I said, and pointed at Lila, "You; stop moping, and you-" my finger shifted to Coop, "-stop sulking! Patti threw this party to celebrate the fact that we're all alive again and back together as a family, so can you at least pretend you're happy about that?"

"But Maisie-" Lila began.

"-is doing her own thing, Lila! Allegra invited you to this party 'cause she wants to be your friend, but she's not going to want to have to listen to you complaining about a girl who you mistreated-" Lila winced, "-so stop thinking about her and go and have some fun! It's not like we go to many things together as a family, and if you two can't buck up and start behaving then heaven help me, I'll-"

"Okay! Okay! You've made your point!" Coop gave me a huge, obviously fake smile, "Is this any better?"

I gave him a cool, appraising look, "Lose the eye twitch. You look like a serial killer."

"Maybe that's the look I'm going for!"

"Well, don't come crying to me when you can't get a date," I retorted, and unbuckled my seat, "Big smiles, kiddos! Let's go and introduce ourselves."

The strange, creepy feeling overhanging the neighbourhood dissipated just a bit as we got out of the car, thanks in no small part to the sounds of children shrieking and screaming in joy from the garden at the back of Patti's house. Lila perked up at the noise, and I thought that I saw a bit of her usual irrepressible energy return as a faint smile touched her lips. With a smile of my own, I ruffled her hair and took Nate out of Coop's hands, and then we walked as one up to Patti's door. It swung open at our approach, revealing Patti and an absolute mountain of a man with a receding hairline, a toothy smile, and a bristling moustache.

"Wow," Clint muttered, "I'm gonna say 'ex high-school footballer who still longs for the glory days'. Wanna bet?"

"No bet," I muttered back.

"Laura! You came!" Patti exclaimed, "And, um, you brought your family!"

"Yeah," I said, and indicated the rest of Team Barton in turn, "This is my husband, Clint, and Coop, and Lila-"

"Lila!" Patti said, "Allegra'll be so happy you're here! She's, um, been talking about you non-stop all week!"

Lila smiled shyly, but said nothing.

"And...this is Nate," I finished, a little lamely, "But...well, you knew that."

"Well, I'm Patti," she said, "And this is my husband, Bill-"

"Nice to meet y'all!" Bill boomed, and I found myself leaning almost reflexively away from the oncoming moustache, "'Course I know who you are, ma'am! Patti here was gushin' about what you said at school yesterday! It's all over the Internet, too!"

"I, um..." I paused, playing for time while my tinnitus subsided, "Yeah."

"You know, we were gonna have stickers so that people knew who Blipped and who hadn't, but the first thing my little lady here did when she came home was throw 'em all in the bin! Said it didn't matter who was what, we all have to live together!"

Patti blushed, "I-"

"Clint!" Bill rumbled on, as unstoppable as an avalanche, "You look like a man who's got a strong throwin' arm on you! You any good?"

"Well…" Clint gave me an amused 'I told you so' look, "I haven't played in ages, but..."

"How's about y'all come on through, anyway!" Bill said, and threw a companionable arm across Clint's shoulders, "We've got a bouncy castle for the little 'uns and there's drinks an' food for everyone! Maybe later we'll get the ol' pigskin out and toss it around a bit, eh?"

"You go have fun, dear!" Patti said cheerfully, and Clint was suddenly, and inexorably marched into the house by the enormous man, "C'mon, Laura; there's some, um, people who I'm sure'd love to meet you!"

We followed Clint and Bill through the dark, cool house, and emerged through a balloon archway onto an immaculately kept lawn. It had the same carefully controlled, almost artificial feel about it as the street, which stood in strange contrast to the riot of party paraphernalia covering almost every square inch of the garden. The aforementioned bouncy castle was far larger than I'd expected, to the point I was amazed that they'd actually managed to get it to fit. Kids were swarming all over it, shrieking and screaming as they bumped, bundled, and bashed their way through an inflatable obstacle course and down a slide. The smaller children played together in a sandpit nearby, while the adults talked and laughed amongst themselves on the patio. A large pair of tables positively heaved with full spread of finger food, and even though I was still full from Coop's surprisingly delicious breakfast my stomach gave an appreciative rumble as I stared.

"Mom! Mom! Look! It's Allegra!" Lila pointed excitedly at the bouncy castle, having apparently forgotten all about her Maisie-related woes, "Can I go?"

"Sure thing, dear," I said, and as she hared off I called after her, "Remember to take your shoes off!"

Several parents turned at the sound of my voice, and there was a noticeable dip in the hubbub as I fried self-consciously in their collective gazes. After a moment, though, they obviously decided that I wasn't going to do anything worthy of their attention and returned to their conversations.

"Wow, Mom," said Coop, "You're Internet Famous!"

"And don't I wish I wasn't," I muttered, as I put my struggling youngest down on the floor. He looked quickly at me, awaiting approval, and when I nodded and shooed him away he raced off in the direction of the sandpit.

"Ah, it'll blow over," he said confidently, "'Soon as someone posts a video of a cat doing something stupid, you'll be yesterday's news."

"Thank you for putting it like that, dear."

"Well, at least you got Internet Famous for doing something awesome," he said, "Most people end up going viral walking into doors or falling off things, so-"

"Is that you, Coop?" a young woman's voice rang out, and then a pretty blonde girl with youthful freckles came jogging across the grass. She was wearing glasses and a dress that would probably be considered 'racy' by suburban Missouri standards, but seemed to be blissfully unaware of the disapproving stares coming from the more prim and proper partygoers.

"See? Told you there'd be girls," I nudged him conspiratorially, "Quick! Get that serial killer smile back on!"

"Mom!" he hissed, "Don't cramp my style!"

"Hey Coop!" the girl said, coming to a halt in front of us, "Hello, ma'am!"

"Hi, Maria," Coop said, a little nervously, "How're you doing?"

"I'm great, thanks!" she said, "What d'ya think of this party? I gotta say, it's pretty-"

"-lame-"

"-cool, don't you think?"

"Yeah! It's awesome!" Coop agreed enthusiastically, changing gears with barely a clash, "You come with your family?"

"Oh yeah. They're here somewhere," Maria said, and waved her hand around indistinctly, "Anyway, c'mon! Mitch and Casey're here as well! Stop skulking around with the parents and come have fun!"

Without waiting for a reply, she headed off to a secluded spot around the side of the bouncy castle away from prying eyes. I stared warily after her, and then realised that Coop was staring at me, clearly itching to be given permission to go off after her.

"So that's Maria, is it?" I raised an eyebrow, "Well, you can't say I didn't deliver!"

"You just got lucky," he sniffed, "But can I-"

"Sure, kiddo; go have fun," I said, "But...just be careful around her, yeah? There's something-"

"Mooom! I'll be fine!" he said, but smiled nonetheless, "You're gonna be okay, right? I can't remember the last time I saw you at a party."

"I'll be fine! Now scat!"

Now that I was by myself, I had to admit that Coop probably did have a point. I'd built up a dislike of large gatherings following my spectacular college flameout, and on the odd occasion I had attended something with Clint I'd always been the awkward one at the side, never quite sure how to mingle or make small talk...

"Yeah, but you also weren't sure how to work spy equipment, survive a knife-fight or make friends with a possibly-slightly-insane magical commando, and you did all those things with flying colours!" my inner voice paused, "I mean, you're still alive, aren't you?"

"I suppose…"

"So keep it up! You can start with that uncomfortable-looking woman standing at the fringe of that group over there. She looks like she could do with some company."

"Fine, fine!" I said, "But first, I'm going to stock up on some punch. Nothing like a bit of Dutch courage, eh?"

In the end, I had to concede that it wasn't so bad. The woman, Annie as it turned out, was more than happy to talk to someone who was 'Internet Famous', which in turn led to our inclusion in the wider group, which in turn led to a...nice half hour of meaningless but entertaining chatter. Sure, breaking into the 'in crowd' wasn't exactly my greatest accomplishment, but I still took some satisfaction in the fact that I was Joining In rather than being relegated to the kitchen of society.

My social debut, however, came to a crashing end through a gentle tap on my shoulder, which turned out to be Patti. Her expression was pleasant enough, but I could feel a strangely tense air about her, as if she was gearing herself up to ask me a particularly difficult question.

"Um, Laura?" she said, quietly, "Could I get your help in the, um, kitchen for just a second? I've got some more sandwiches to bring out."

I looked over at the buffet table, which was positively groaning under the weight of her banquet, and gave her a reassuring smile.

"Sure, Patti," I said gently, "I'll come give you a hand."

With a look of intense relief she led me away from my new social circle, across the garden, and through a French door into a large, well-appointed kitchen. I had to admit, I was impressed; everything was very modern, all eggshell white and with rounded corners, and the surfaces gleamed and glistened as if they'd been polished to within an inch of their lives. A large, glass-fronted fridge held yet more food in carefully arranged trays, as well as a selection of cakes and treats that I'd assumed were being kept safe from the ravening hordes of children screaming around outside.

"Wow," I remarked, as Patti slid the door shut behind me, "Looking at this makes me feel a bit silly for having everything put back exactly how it was. I bet it practically runs itself!"

She smiled tightly, and now that we were alone I could see the tension etched clearly across her face. With a sigh, she turned and leaned hard against the kitchen side, as if wondering what to say next.

"Sorry," she said, "I'm, um, I'm not good with parties."

"Join the club," I said, casting around for something to say, "So...was this Bill's idea or something?"

"Yes," she said, and then seemed to catch herself, "I mean...no! Um, maybe sort of. It's…complicated."

I frowned, "What's complicated, Patti?"

"Everything," in that moment there was just a hint of gritted teeth, but then it vanished back beneath that veneer of suburbanite repression, "I'm sorry, Laura. I didn't, um, mean to drag you in here to complain."

"Of course you did," I said, with a slight smile, "But it's okay, Patti. Seriously."

"It's not. You should be out there having fun, not in here listening to me whine," she said, with a slight wobble in her voice, "But…"

"But?"

"Well...you remember that first school day after the Blip?"

"You mean the one where-?"

"Yeah. That one," she said, "I actually saw you before everything happened. I'd guessed you'd Blipped 'cause you were driving a brand new car and I'd, um, never seen you before, so I thought 'hey Patti, maybe she needs a friend'. But then I realised how angry you were; you were raggedy, stressed...and you made me think, um, of a kettle about to boil over. Then when Liv came over-"

"I know what happened next," I grimaced, "I spent the rest of the evening with an ice pack on my head."

"It was pretty shocking. I remember thinking that I'd had a lucky escape," she said, and then caught herself, "Um, sorry."

"You probably did have a lucky escape," I said, "And I'm sorry you had to see that.."

"You were the talk of the school for weeks!" she said excitedly, "And when you turned up yesterday, I could hear people saying things like 'she's come back to finish the job!' but you know what? I knew you hadn't."

"Oh yeah? How?"

"I'm...not sure," she admitted, "But something'd changed about you. Something big. You looked nervous, sure, but determined, and you weren't angry anymore. Heck, you even smiled!"

"When Vi was tormenting Paul?" I grinned, "Yeah. She really victimised him, didn't she."

"She played the crowd like a fiddle. But...so did you," she said, "How'd you do it?"

"I...hmm," I had to admit, I'd never thought of it like that, "I don't know. I guess I spoke from the heart and-"

"No," she shook her head, "I mean how, in a couple of weeks, have you gone from a rage-filled mess to the woman who did something like that? Have you seen the responses to the videos online? Besides the, um, 'trolls', I mean."

"Nope," I shook my head, "But...really? C'mon."

"It only takes a snowflake to start an avalanche, Laura," she said sincerely, "But what happened? I just can't work it out."

"I didn't do it by myself, if that's what you're asking. I had help. A lot of help."

"Really? Where from?" she said, almost eagerly, "I've tried to find someone, but everyone's booked solid!"

"I'm not surprised. But...we didn't find them," I said, "They found us."

"Really? Um, do you think they'd talk to me?"

"Well...it turns out they weren't actually therapists, Patti," I said gently. It was pretty obvious now what she was hoping for, and I didn't really want to let her down, "And I think when all this is over I'm probably going to need therapy for their 'therapy', but-"

"Oh, gosh darn it!" she suddenly burst into tears, "I was really hoping...why won't anyone…"

Her words dissolved into harsh, wracking sobs and I froze in my tracks, unsure of what to do or say. Eventually, I settled for patting her gently, if a bit awkwardly, on the shoulder.

"It's okay, Patti," I said soothingly, "It's okay."

"Not, it's not!" she sobbed, "It wasn't meant to be this hard!"

"What wasn't meant to be this hard?"

"Everything! It's all going wrong and...I'm…I'm…"

"It's going to be fine," I continued, in the same, soft tones, "It will."

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of the living room through a half-open door. It looked empty from here; quiet, too…

"I know what you're thinking," said the little voice, "Are you sure about this? She isn't Lila or Maisie; you don't know the first thing about her!"

"I'm s-sorry, Laura," Patti said, and straightened, "Really. I invited you 'cause I wanted you to have fun, and, um, because Allegra seemed to be hitting it off with Lila…"

"When I said to try something new, this wasn't what I had in mind! You know this isn't ethical, right? You don't have the training or the skills!"

"...and it's fine. You should go outside and find your husband before Bill flattens him…"

"What if you just make things worse?"

"It's such a nice day, and I'd hate for you to miss out because of me…"

For just a moment, the universe almost seemed to hold its breath while I waged an internal battle. She was right; it was a lovely day outside and they'd clearly gone all out on the party, and it seemed wrong that I'd be stuck in the kitchen again just as I was starting to come out of my shell. I also really didn't have the skills; while I might've been able to wing it with Lila and Maisie I could only guess what Patti was going through. What if I said or did something that only made it worse? That was a hell of a responsibility to dump on my shoulders! How was that even fair?

"It's not! You need to turn around, walk out that door, and find someone who's properly trained to deal with this! Hell, even go find Thera if you must-"

Hmm. Thera was a possibility; he was anxious, irritable, and sharp-tongued, but he'd stayed with a suicidal woman for hours, treated a brutally tortured man with the tenderness of a mother hen, and cared deeply for the children at the Blip Centre. There was a big heart buried somewhere beneath that chilly exterior, and if I appealed to that then maybe he would...? No. I couldn't do that to him, and I couldn't do that to Vi. She'd suffered enough through watching everyone, myself included, take advantage of Thera's need to help people. It would be beyond cruel to dump another person on them. So-

"So leave, then. It's not your problem! Do you really want to end up a burned out wreck like him?"

But if it wasn't my problem, then whose was it? Clint had been right when he'd said they'd chosen me, or rather 'selected' me. I still wasn't quite sure why I'd been singled out, but they clearly believed I could make a difference even when I hadn't believed it myself. If I walked out on Patti, I'd be letting them down-

"Why do you care about letting them down? They've lied and manipulated you at every turn!"

-but more to the point, I'd be letting myself down. What would be the point of being the Luckiest Laura in the Multiverse if I ran away now? I'd just be proving Mom right; once a failure, always a failure.

"Hanging out with your family at a party doesn't sound like failure!" the little voice sounded more insistent now, even desperate,"It doesn't matter if they selected you. I'm sure there's plenty of zeroes on any street corn-!"

"No!" I said sharply, and Patti recoiled in shock, "Um...sorry, Patti. I…"

I took a deep breath and, for what felt like the first time in forever, forcibly silenced my doubts. Even if my Mom was right and I was just a Zero, at least I was a Zero with a damn purpose. I knew what I had to do.

"Patti, look. This is a lovely party," I said sincerely, "It really is, and I'm really glad you invited me and my family. I'm sure they'll have loads of fun."

"But-"

"But I can't turn around and go back out there when its hostess is standing here crying in the kitchen. I just can't," I said, and nodded towards the calm, quiet sitting room, "I'm not a therapist, and I'm not going to be able to fix anything, but…you need someone to talk to, and I'm happy to listen. As a friend."

"Really?" she said, and I saw a fresh wave of tears welling up in her eyes, "You're serious?"

"'As a heart attack," I said, and threw a companionable arm across her shoulders, "How about we get some coffee on, get comfortable, and then you tell me about what's going wrong, okay? I've never had a problem that didn't seem a whole lot smaller after a nice cup of coffee…"