Chapter 5 - Confessions
Dea went to her home and returned a few minutes later with her cosmetics, pajamas, and a spare change of clothes. The couple fixed macaroni and cheese for dinner and sat on the floor in Eddy's room eating and talking. Dea had changed into her pajamas and made herself comfortable for a long discussion.
"So, we had a deal, Eddy. Tell me what's going on."
Eddy had been procrastinating thus far. He hoped she had forgotten all about it. Oh well. He was getting so tired of trying to hide everything that he almost didn't care anymore. Maybe if they knew they'd leave him alone.
"Alright."
He took a moment to try to compose himself. He wasn't really sure what to say. How did one put into words the magnitude of the damage that was being done to him?
"It's my dad..."
Eddy's heart was pounding now. He wasn't sure why. Perhaps it was all the pent up rage and fear towards his father. It was the resentment of the emotional and physical pain he was put through. And maybe a little bit of it was that he was exposing his innermost emotions and secrets to another human.
"...he...ever since he lost his job..."
Eddy found it hard to continue, or to get started for that matter. There was just no easy way to explain it. He sighed heavily.
"Let me start at the beginning..."
Dea remained silent and attentive. Eddy set his empty plate aside and made himself as comfortable as possible to explain his long story.
"...I've never been good enough for him. All I heard growing up was, 'why can't you be more like your brother? You're such a failure. You should be more like Nick. You'll never amount to anything...'"
"That's stupid," Dea cut in, "Why would they want two people exactly alike? If they can't love you for who you are, then it's their loss. They're not worth your time."
Dea hadn't meant to interrupt, but people who treated their kids like that filled her with a terrible rage. Eddy was the coolest person she knew and anyone who said otherwise was full of crap.
"Sorry," she said, "People like that really make me mad."
"It's alright," Eddy smiled slightly, "anyway, I tried to be more like Nick. He was my idol for a good part of my life. I guess because he payed attention to me when no one else would. He was my best friend - I learned everything I know from him...
"Over the years I became more self-confident again. Most people would say I was a jerk, arrogant, full of it, you know. Part of that was for real, part of it was fake. I had met Ed and Double-D by then. I was supposed to be the strong one, the leader, the coolest. I always knew what to do, I came up with all the scams, and showing emotion was just something I didn't do.
"Living that way was fine for awhile. It was what was expected of me. It got a lot harder in Jr. High though. That was right after the whole drug thing with my brother. After he lost that scholarship he wasn't the same. He was angry and stayed in his room all the time. He didn't want anything to do with me anymore. Dad was always yapping at him like it was his fault he blew the scholarship. Eventually he turned to drugs, and you know the rest.
"I just became really angry after that. And violent. Just ask Ed or Double-D how violent I've become with them. I'm not even sure why. I guess because I couldn't belive Nick would do anything like that. He almost died. And Double-D kept wanting to talk about it. I didn't want to talk, I just wanted to forget. And even after that, my dad still didn't think I'd ever be as good as Nick. I got used to it though. It wasn't so bad, until he got fired from work a few months ago...
"...he gets mad about every little thing I do. He yells at me all the time and...and he's abusive...especially when he's drunk..."
Eddy was looking at the floor now, ashamed. Dea looked at him sympathetically. She couldn't belive what she was hearing.
"He's been abusing you?" she asked softly.
Eddy nodded.
"Like hitting you and stuff?"
Eddy nodded again. "See for yourself."
He turned his back to her and pulled up his shirt to reveal many dark bruises and a few cuts and scratches.
"Oh my god," was all Dea could say.
Eddy turned back to her and pushed his sleeve up to reveal a dark bruise and a fairly deep cut around his upper arm.
"That's from last week," he said, "If he doesn't believe you're telling the truth about something he grabs you and yells at you. When he gets sick of that, he beats you."
"I'm so sorry. Why don't you tell the police?"
"What if he doesn't get arrested? It will just get worse. And when he gets out of jail...he'll just come after me then...it's pointless."
Eddy was silent a moment. He picked at the threads in his carpet absent mindedly.
"I didn't want anyone to know," he continued, "I wanted to pretend everything was ok. You know, so my life could go on like it always had. But Double-D kept asking questions. He's always been that way. He wouldn't just let me pretend it wasn't real. And you were right earlier- I am jealous of him."
Dea hugged him and Eddy returned the gesture. They sat that way for a while in silence. Neither could believe the incident with the razor had happened earlier. It seemed eons ago, and so surreal. But the proof was there. The blood stained carpet and the gashes on Eddy's wrist were a testament to that.
"Ok, Dea," Eddy let her go, "I told you what happened to me. It's your turn. Why were you so angry?"
"Can I try to give a condensed version?"
"Whatever."
"Alright. I've always been a bit on the sadistic side, but that never really showed much until High School. People were always accusing me of being 'shy' back in the day, but really I just saw most of humanity as not being worth my time. Any of my friends would tell you I'm a nut case who won't shut-up.
"Which brings me to my first point. I've been a loner most of my life. I only had one grade school friend that I was still close to in high school, but she turned out to be a real back-stabber. You see this scar right here?"
Dea pointed to a scar under her left eye and Eddy leaned in to get a closer look.
"Yeah, I see it now," he answered, "I never noticed before."
"She did that. She hit me with a friggin' baseball bat when we were kids. I was so young and naive at the time, not only did I forgive her, but I never retaliated. One of the last things I said to her was she'd better be damn glad that happened then and not now, because now I'd take the bat and hit her back twice as hard as she hit me."
"I'd frickin' kill her," Eddy said.
"Yeah, I got my revenge in more subtle ways though. She was always trying to compete with me over everything...so I'd crush her like a bug in every area of life. We were in all the same classes, but I'd get better grades, and did I mention she's a year older than me? We were both in band and I'd get 2nd chair while she got 7th. I got my own cell phone, checking account, and car, so she had to try to get her parents to get her those things too. Plus, I'm prettier and better dressed, but that's her personal choice. She could put on make up and do her hair if she wanted too."
"You're pretty smart, aren't you?"
"I guess. I used to be in all honors classes until this year. I just didn't care enough to keep my grades up anymore. So anyway, that girl pisses me off. She ditches all of her "friends" like she ditched me, but I think I got the worst of it. I'd known her for 13 years and she just started being a bitch to me for no reason. Just because I'm betterthan herat everything.
"But anyway, I'm just rambling now. I'm not sure what happened after that. I had some aquaintances at school, but none of them were really friends. I was ok with it for a while, but after a couple years it really started to bug me. I mean, anytime we had to pick partners for a class I was always left out. And everyone was always talking about what they did with their friends on the weekend. I sat by myself in my room all weekend. Every weekend. For almost three years. It taught me to be independent, but some friends sure would have been nice."
"You've got me now," Eddy offered.
"I know," Dea smiled, "and I've never been happier. That wasn't the only issue though. My lack of friends and trust in humanity as a whole made me cold and bitter. I hated everything and everyone and probably scared some people off in the process. My anger was then escalated by my dad...
"I never got along with him that well, but then I found out he was having an affair with the Yeti and that really pissed me off."
"The Yeti?"
"This broad had a lot of hair and looked like a big foot- a yeti."
"Oh."
"So I was really angry at the both of them. Then when I told my mom she didn't believe me at first. Like why the hell would I lie about something like that? So they finally divorced and then she wanted me to see a shrink. This was before I started cutting, but I did start that year. I had all this built up hate and I chose to take it out on my peers first. Mouthing off and pushing people into lockers and stuff.
"And my mom's always preaching at me about church and stuff. Which I despise. I'm not sure where it came from. I just started hating church and anything to do with it. Especially those girls in Sunday School. They always had prayer requests, and their biggest issue was they might not have someone to sit with at lunch. Big f-ing deal. I've been alone for years and I'm still alive. Slightly insane, but still alive. My mom still makes me go sometimes, and I make sure everyone there knows how much I hate it. They think I'm a Satanist. I'm not, but I've considered it. My mom always thought my paranormal studies were "of the devil" anyway."
"Para-what?"
"Paranormal. Like ghosts, aliens, unexplained phenomena. I'm straying from my point though. In the past two summers I've had 4 nervous break downs. I feel like my life is falling apart and I'm going insane. I'm not a real part of society...sometimes I wonder if you'd have asked me out if you knew who I was before...or who I am through the eyes of my peers..."
"...don't say that, Dea. Apparently your peers don't know shit about you. They don't know their asses from a hole in the ground."
Dea laughed sadly, "I guess the condesned version would have been parents, church, lack of friends, and psychotic episodes."
The two were silent again. Eddy felt sorry for her, really. The whole time she had been venting to him, she had been becoming more and more upset. It was clear she was still struggling with the same issues. As warped as it sounded, Eddy was glad that it was Dea who was becoming upset for a change. It gave him a chance to comfort her and appear like he was as strong as he wished he still was. Eddy held his arms out to Dea.
"C'mere," he said.
Dea crawled into his arms and he held her close. It wasn't long before a knocking outside the door disturbed them. Eddy got up and answered the door, looking peeved.
He was a bit surprised to open the door and come face to face with Edd. The two of them just stared at each other before Eddy finally asked him,
"What?"
"Um, yes. Hi, Eddy...Hello, Dea..."
Edd looked around Eddy at Dea, who was still sitting on the floor in her pajamas. His face showed curiosity and a little bit of disapproval.
"So what do you want?" Eddy asked, his eyes never leaving his hat-wearing friend.
"Oh," Edd's eyes fell to the ground and he wrung his fingers nervously.
"I...came to apologize," Edd said.
His eyes met Eddy's again. That cold stare sure made him nervous, but it seemed to have softened a little.
"I'm sorry for what I said to you earlier," Edd continued, "that comment about needing to see a psychologist was really incensitive of me. Perhaps I've changed for the worse too. Will you forgive me?"
Eddy was a little bit baffled, if not some what humbled by the apology. He blinked at Edd blankly before he came to his senses.
"Yeah...Of course. Don't worry 'bout it."
"Oh, thank-you, Eddy!"
Edd hugged him and Eddy just let him. He felt a bit weird. He'd sure been getting hugged a lot lately.
"Well," Edd released him, "I'll leave the two of you to your...whatever. Good night."
"Good night!" Dea called out.
Eddy closed the door behind him and turned back to Dea.
"That was nice of him," Dea said.
"Yeah, that's just the type of person he is. Always doing the right thing."
"I've got respect for people like that. I couldn't make myself live up to those standards."
"Me neither," Eddy agreed.
After that, the couple played a few card games and watched a movie. Dea noticed that Eddy seemed to be really tired, so she finally suggested that they go to bed. Eddy stripped down to his boxers and a tank top and climbed into bed. Dea climbed in after him. He kissed her and they curled up in each other's arms, then drifted off to sleep.
A/N: Well, now we know why Eddy's been acting strange. Dea has some issues too. Like I said, the action will pick up again next chapter.