I Will Survive
part two in the 'No Songs About Tuna Fish' series
if you liked 'Starry Starry Night' and are reading this expecting more of the same, don't. This is silly crap. In this, Miroku is gay, Kagome and Inu Yasha are resurrected, and characters can go down the well who shouldn't be able to. Just thought I should warn you.
By the way, the title 'No Songs About Tuna Fish' comes from an Arrogant Worms song called 'Sponges.'
It goes, sponges, sponges yeah. Sponges, sponges yeah. Sponges suck, sponges suck. Sponges suck up soap and when you squeeze them out they make bubbles. Bubbles...
Anyway, there's this one bit in it where it goes, there's lots of songs of peace, lots of songs of love, even songs about peaches, and valkyries, no songs about TUNA FISH, TUNA FISH, THEY'RE REAL BIG, SWIM IN OCEANS COME IN CANS LIKE HOCKEY PUCKS, TUNA GOT THEIR NAME 'CUZ THEY DON'T SWIM IN PAIRS. Then there's a quiet bit: Get it? Two-nah. Are there two of those fish? Nah. Tu-na. 'S funny... I like tuna.
Enough explanation.
Disclaimer/warning: I don't own any names or anything. Plus there's shameless Koss-dissing. Because Koss sucks. Buy Sony! Listen to the great Agent Spikyflower and don't make the same mistakes she did.
Miroku leaned against Kagome's old bicycle, sobbing. Even three months later, he still hadn't gotten over the suicides. Her bike was now his to keep, but he was too bust stroking it to ride it.
He desperately missed Inu Yasha, and really needed somebody to talk to.
So he had climbed down the well and went to see the late Kagome's Van Gogh-obsessed neighbors. They offered him few words of support, but loaned him a CD player and burned a CD with multiple inspiring and uplifting songs on it.
Now he sat, sobbing and listening to such gems of wisdom as Teen Angel, which only seemed to exacerbate the problem. He was a weeping, blubbery mess and proud of it.
And Shippo didn't help things by drifting about like a lost puppy (or fox-child, as it was).
Sango had disappeared into the mountains; nobody knew exactly where. All they knew was that she was exterminating demons someplace, as usual.
Myoga had hopped off to find Sesshomaru. Miroku thought that he was a filthy deserter, but respected his loyalty to the family nonetheless. The little flea certainly had dedication.
Late that night, when it seemed that Miroku could cry no more (this happened daily), he pulled himself together and went to ask Kaede what he should do. He was sick of being a quivering blob.
"About what?" She was rather depressed herself. Kagome had been like a grand-daughter to her and she was finding it quite difficult to cope with the loss.
"Kagome and Inu Yasha's deaths. I really liked Kagome and respected (here he was very firm) Inu Yasha. How do I..."
"Cope?" Kaede guessed.
"Repair the damage."
"What do ye mean?"
"I want to bring them back!"
After some discussion it was decided that Inu Yasha would be fairly easy to resurrect; Kagome, not so much. For Inu Yasha all they had to do was bring several fragments of the Shikon Jewel near him. That, or make him really angry, as he was only half-dead. To accomplish this noble goal they could have Sesshomaru desecrate his grave in original and inventive ways. There were rumours that he was a necrophiliac so this wouldn't be terribly hard.
When Shippo heard of this, he was NOT impressed.
"EWWWWW! Incest!"
So, out of respect for Inu Yasha's body, that option was out.
And there were problems with the Shikon Jewel idea, too.
"We buried the Jewel fragments with Kagome's body," Kaede confirmed. "If Inu Yasha had truly wanted it, he would have taken it by now."
An easier, more effective plan had to be devised. They thought for a while, but no flashes of inspiration came. Finally, after a great deal of pondering and several pots of tea, Shippo came up with the answer.
"What if somebody just went up to the grave and said, 'Sesshomaru is Kikyo's new lover'?"
Everybody agreed that it would most definitely work. They drew straws to see who would be the lucky (perhaps) necromancer. There was a bit of controversy, as the first time they drew straws they were all the same length, but that was swiftly resolved.
Miroku got the job. Nobody envied him, or offered to go in his place. Inu Yasha would probably dismember him as his first act upon resurrection.
Night fell. There was absolutely no light, as clouds covered the stars. It seemed the perfect setting for dancing with death.
Miroku waited around for a while, trying to put things off somewhat. He had great fear of what would happen when Inu Yasha arose from the grave. He'd probably be terribly vengeful and have a sudden thirst for Miroku's blood.
Naturally, Miroku procrastinated as much as possible.
Finally he decided that enough was enough. He uncovered Inu Yasha's festering, rotting head and placed a quick kiss on his maggot-ridden lips, then, in disgust, re-covered the grave and strewed a few flowers upon it.
Sango caught him standing there, looking rather guilty and with a maggot still crawling on his lips.
"What in the name of Hell do you think you're doing?" she demanded.
"Umm...I like maggots?" he said, smiling sheepishly and spitting out the maggot in question.
Sure you do, she thought, but decided to leave it. She really didn't want to go there.
A brilliant idea occurred to Miroku. "Sango, do you wish to help me with something?"
"What?" she asked, somewhat startled.
"I have been asked to resurrect Inu Yasha."
"Are you really that powerful?"
"In a manner of speaking. What I need you to do is whisper something."
"An incantation?"
"Of sorts."
He told her, and she agreed that it might work.
"But we shall probably have to wait a while," he said, "for Inu Yasha's wounds and decomposing bits to completely heal. He looks like cheese."
"How do you know that?"
"Er, speculation."
"Sure."
Meanwhile, the CD player was blasting Suspicious Minds. Sango thought that it was appropriate, but Miroku quickly reached over and changed it to the next track.
"First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
Then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
I learned how to get along..."
It was during this brief interlude that Sango whispered the magic words-
"Sesshomaru is Kikyo's new lover."
As anybody who has heard I Will Survive before will know, there isn't really an interlude there. However, Miroku and Sango were dancing around so much that they jogged the CD player and made it skip. It was Koss, so really it was to be expected.
It finally got back on track, so they sang along.
"And so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave the key
If I'd known for just one second you'd be back to bother me
Go on now, go!
Walk out the door!
Just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore..."
They didn't notice that Inu Yasha had climbed out of the grave; they were too busy dancing.
They did notice, however, when he screamed, "SESSHOMARU! You bastard!"
Miroku jumped, and Sango fainted. Neither had actually thought that he would come back to life. They had hoped, but hope is rarely enough to revive a corpse.
"Good morning," Miroku stared cheerfully. Inu Yasha just stared at him as a spectator might a circus freak.
"Do you know where Sesshomaru is?"
"Why?"
"So I can kill him," he said rather matter-of-factly.
"Oh, that," he smiled. "You needn't worry about Sesshomaru. That was just a trick we'd thought up to make you angry enough to want to live."
"Ah. And whose idea was it?"
"Shippo's, actually."
"Damn fox-child."
Inu Yasha suddenly noticed the absence of something very important.
"Where's Kagome?"
"In the ground, beside where you were buried."
"Don't tell me..."
"Yes," Miroku said gently. "She slit her wrists at about the same time that you plunged the Tetsusaiga into your chest."
"NOOOOO!"
Inu Yasha was absolutely inconsolable. Any time someone tried to offer words of encouragement or support, he just listlessly waved the Tetsusaiga (still covered in his blood) at them. Even so, they took shifts watching him. Nobody wanted Inu Yasha to commit suicide again, not after all their hard work.
Miroku finally yelled (from a safe distance, of course), "WE WERE GOING TO BRING KAGOME BACK TOO, YOU KNOW!"
"wouldn't work," grumbled Inu Yasha.
"Why not?"
"she's mortal. Or was, anyway."
"So? You told me that the old witch-thing brought back Kikyo."
"that was completely different."
But the image persisted in his mind. If Kagome's wounds could be healed, then there was the possibility of life after death for her. Now he had a reason to live.
So, in general celebration, Miroku borrowed a Don McLean CD from the Van Gogh-obsessed Canadians. Kagome had always liked Don McLean, especially American Pie. Nobody could figure out what it meant, but she liked it all the same.
Miroku enlisted the aid of Kaede, and as they used various ointments and performed healing rites, Sango, Shippo and Inu Yasha watched. If Kagome did indeed return to life, as they hoped, it would be a spectacle that nobody wanted to miss. They waited, breath held in apprehension.
Kaede and Miroku finally announced that they were finished.
"We've done all we can. It will be up to her and her will to live now."
They sat and waited for an hour or so.
Nothing happened.
Shippo started to nod off, and Sango left to take care of "a slight demon problem."
Only Kaede, Miroku and Inu Yasha were left.
Finally Kaede got up to make some tea and Miroku to pray for Kagome's soul. Inu Yasha stayed, staring at Kagome's corpse intently.
Days passed. Inu Yasha neither ate nor slept, even when Kaede offered him a quilt and some tea.
"no thanks," he murmured, so she left with her tea.
Even when Sesshomaru ran by, being chased by Sango and Kilala, Inu Yasha barely stirred.
"He seems to be in some sort of trance," Miroku observed.
Shippo nodded. "Being dead tends to do that to you."
Kagome's eyelids finally fluttered open one night when the scent of rain was heavy in the air and everyone but Inu Yasha was fast asleep.
He almost couldn't believe it until she whispered, "Inu...Yasha?"
Jumping up, he screamed a great cry of joy.
"KAGOME! You're alive! It worked!"
"I was dead?"
"YES! BUT NOW YOU'RE ALIVE! AND EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL AND HAPPY AND PERFECT!"
"Right, 'cause I slit my wrists, and then..."
She didn't get a chance to finish. Inu Yasha had jumped on top of her and was smothering her with kisses.
At that instant, the clouds broke and there was a torrential downpour. Soaked, Kagome's blouse was rendered transparent, but she didn't really mind. After all, Inu Yasha had already seen her in the nude several times anyway so this was very minor.
He'd never kissed her like this before, though.
Inu Yasha finally came up for air. He panted for a while.
"Whoa..." Kagome breathed.
"I love you," the half-demon murmured, looking deeply into her eyes.
"Likewise," she said.
They were happily cuddling when a small glob of vomit landed not two feet from them. Looking up, Kagome saw that Shippo was the culprit. He had been sitting up in a tree the whole time and they hadn't noticed.
"EWWWWW!" he squealed.
"Yes, we really don't need to see that," Sango chimed in, stepping out of the shadows.
Miroku simply grinned and was a little jealous.
Of Kagome.
Smiling sheepishly, the lovers left for the privacy of a small fisherman's hut.
yeah, at that last bit, I REALLY needed someone to throw up/puke/vomit/upchuck/talk into the great white telephone. Felt like it myself, to be completely honest. It was just too damn lovey-dovey.
Stay tuned for part three, in which I screw things up even more! Yay!