Disclaimer: Don't own Eva, sorry to disappoint you.
(-)(-)(-)
Walking down the street, a figure clad in white made more than a few heads turn in her direction. An aura of purity glowed around her pale skin, making her outshine the rest of the pedestrians.
As she graciously glided around a corner, she moved her head in the opposite direction, so that when she turned it back, her short hair danced with the wind while her face gave a small smirk of self-satisfaction.
It was with these actions that the girl with blue hair and a unique color of eyes made sure anyone watching would think of nothing but the words drop dead gorgeous.
As the T.V. screen showed her walk away, words appeared at the bottom of the screen while a silky, feminine voice read them.
'Blue. Eau de toilette'
"I wonder who'd wanna buy toilet water" Misato said after chugging a beer, right before adding "Wasn't Rei lovely in that commercial? I can't believe it! She's gonna be a star!"
"What? Rei? That was a top model called Rinako Asuhara, you drunk hag!" came Asuka's annoyed reply.
"Really? Figures. I knew Rei didn't have purple eyes, her's are brown!" said Misato with a giggle.
"Red!" shouted Shinji from outside the apartment.
"That's what I said"
"Jesus, Misato! Do you really have such a short memory span?" You know Shinji didn't say it, PenPen can't talk human, and Misato wouldn't talk to herself…yet. Maybe the next 3 beers.
"Oh will you calm down? You need to loosen up!"
"Loosen up? Loosen up!" started Asuka.
"Can I come in now?" Shinji asked, before Asuka could unleash her flaming vengeance.
"Not until you've thought about what you did. I'm very disappointed in you, Shinji" answered Misato with a frown that Shinji didn't see. A door, a wall, and a couch got in the way.
"Sorry"
"Yeah? Well, sorry doesn't changed the fact that you raped your poor sister"
"Misato, for the last time, I didn't rape her! And I didn't even know she was my sister!"
"IS, Shinji. She IS your sister, and you're never gonna have her again, because it's SICK. It's GOD DAMN SICK! I can't believe I raised such a SICK, SICK child! Besides, you even deny what you did! If you can't take responsibility of your own actions, then I can't let you into my house! If you need me, I'll be in my room" and with that, Misato got up and left, but not before spitting a "…you SICK BASTARD!"
After watching the small exchange, Asuka sighed and walked to her room.
After changing her clothes for no apparent reason, Asuka went into the kitchen and grabbed a couple of beers. Over the years, Misato had taught her kids the art of drinking beer. It consisted in, basically, opening the tab and drinking from it.
She opens the door to have Shinji, who had been resting against it, fall on her feet.
"Ouch"
"Here" was all she said as she gave him one of the cans and sat against a wall across from him.
"You know, you shouldn't be drinking. Your stomach might still be a bit upset" advised Shinji.
You know what's coming. All I'm saying is that it's in the Section 2 Agent Number 1492's POV.
(FLASHBACK! IN SECTION 2 AGENT NUMBER 1492'S POV! gasp)
Man, it suck's being called Section 2 Agent Number 1492. Can you believe the insults the kid's at school threw at me? It wasn't so bad. Then they started throwing rocks. It was bad.
Anyways, the chick that screams a lot screamed something like 'ahh, ahh, Gendo's genes in me' and ran to the bathroom to throw up.
(END FLASHBACK)
Asuka shivered at the memory, before explaining "Believe me, I need it"
"Yeah, me too…"
They sat there silently, for a few minutes, taking sips at their drinks, until Asuka put her beer down and started crawling towards Shinji. She closed in on his seated form, trapped him under her legs, and was about to press her lips against his, until a hand between them stopped her approach.
"Asuka, we can't" was Shinji's explanation.
"Shinji, I don't care if you're my brother" Asuka said, before sighing tiredly "I wouldn't care if you were my twin who's been dating my best friend who's actually been cheating on you with my son who was secretly my lover"
"Umm…what? You've been watching too many soap operas, Asuka…"
"Look, Queen said it best. Don't play hard to get. Play the game. All you have to do is fall in love" As she said this, she grabbed his hands and pushed him farther against the wall with her body, both hands at either side of him, trapped by her own. His struggles to free himself failed.
"I don't think Queen meant that for brothers" He said, as he intercepted Asuka's lips, which were headed towards his, with his cheek. "And why'd you bring that song up, anyways?"
"Beats me"
"Huh?"
"I love you Shinji. Don't you love me as well?" she said, as she put on a mask of vulnerability and fear.
"I love you too, Asuka. You know that" was Shinji's reply, as he stopped trying to free himself from her grip. "But we can't do this. At least not before we spend some time to think of this, we can't just ignore it"
"You know, the stooge could be wrong. It wouldn't be the first time…" she said while moving her lips closer to Shinji's.
"True, but we can't be sure of that" said Shinji, as he moved his head to the side, taking Jesus's advice and giving his brother, or in this case sister, the other cheek. "So until proven wrong, we'll have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Why'd you ask him, anyways? Couldn't you have asked doctor Akagi to do it?"
"Yeah, but the author wanted to include the possibility of Kensuke being wrong so you could go beserk and beat him up" deadpanned Asuka.
"Oh…"
"Shinji, please," Asuka pleaded with watery eyes, going back to vulnerable mode "don't push me away…don't leave me…alone…"
"Asuka, don't cry…" Shinji watched as Asuka closed her eyes and lowered her head, and saw a single tear slide down her cheek. He moved a hand, that had been freed when Asuka supposedly broke down, and wiped the tear from her cheek. "I'll never leave you alone, no matter what"
Asuka grabbed his hand with her's, and pressed it against her cheek, relaxing in his touch. As she opened her puffy eyes and moved her lips, again, towards his, he didn't stop her, but embraced her. She had gotten their father's manipulative genes.
(-)(-)(-)
BRRRINNG
BRRRINNG
click
"Yes?"
"Umm, hello. Is this Ayanami?"
"Yes"
"Well, I'm in a bit of…trouble. I need some help"
"Who do you need taken care of?"
"How'd you know? Well, her name is…-" static "-and I need it done for tomorrow night"
"It will be done. May I inquire why would you need this done at such short notice?"
"Yes"
"…"
"…"
"Why do you need this done at such short notice?"
"Well, I have a…date…with Touji…and we didn't think of who was going to take care of his sister"
"Very well. You will have your date, Miss Horaki, and rest assured. Little Miss Sushuhara will no longer be a bother for you two"
click
(-)(-)(-)
The following morning…
The author didn't know what to write, so he decided to go play warcraft.
36 hours later…
Kaji was walking towards the elevators in Misato's apartment complex. For some reason, nobody else besides the artificial family lived there.
While he was on the elevator, he thought of a way to make people conscious of his name being Ryoji. Realizing that there was no way that could be done, he sighed, and stepped out of the elevator when it stopped at Misato's floor.
He walked towards her apartment door, stopping when he found two eva pilots outside the apartment, lying on the floor, holding each other.
"Asuka? Rei? What are you doing outside of the apartment, lying on the floor, holding each other?"
Wait, that's not right.
"AAAAH! WONDERGIRL, WHAT THE FUCK!" Asuka (obviously, I might add) screamed, as she pushed Rei away.
They both stood up and the three of them looked at each other, expecting someone to say something.
A few seconds of silence passed by…
…
…seconds that became minutes…
"I am leaving now" announced Rei, before doing just that. The other two simply stood there, looking at the elevator Rei had just gotten into.
"…well, personally, I had my money on Shinji" said Kaji with a small laugh.
"Ever tell anyone about this, and I'll make sure you don't have a father's day" warned Asuka before going into the apartment.
Kaji gulped and followed her inside.
(-)(-)(-)
"'Cause now you're a man,
A man, man, man…
You know that you're a man
A man, man man…'"
"Shinji, shut up"
"Don't talk to my boyfriend like that!" said Asuka angrily.
"More like brother…" muttered Kaji.
"Oh shut up! You're just missing all the attention you got from me!" retorted Asuka.
"Hey! This is between you and me, leave Kaji outta this!" fired Misato.
"What! This doesn't even involve you, and you're already deciding who has a say in it!" bombed Asuka.
"Now, now, Asuka. Misato IS your guardian, so I think-" was Kaji's failed counter-attack.
"Shinji's already eighteen, and in a few months, so will I!" was Asuka's following attack, almost conquering the eastern side of the enemy continent.
"Well, until then, this relationship will not be tolerated!" Misato countered, sending troops to battle, and salvaging the few cities that haven't been taken over, while pushing Asuka's forces back.
"Asuka" intervened Kaji, sending some forces across the northern West. "We're only doing this for your own good. I mean, I'm sure you two can find someone else, and-"
"I don't need someone else! I want Shinji!" Asuka made an attempt to salvage what was left of her lost territory.
"Listen to me, Asuka. If this goes on, things will get deeper. Eventually, you'll want to marry. Let's say you manage to do it, hiding the fact that you are brothers. After a while, you'll want children, and you know that kids from close relatives are usually born with dissabilities." Kaji's attack was relentless, pushing Asuka back to the southern Western corner of the continent.
"We could still adopt!" Asuka managed to organize what little troops she had left, and sent them to battle.
"What are you gonna tell the adoption agency?" Misato crushed them mercilessly "'We want a child but we can't have one on our own because we're brothers?"
"Well…maybe…you could-"
"Asuka, I am not going to help you with this! As much as I love you, this is not right!" Misato pushed the remaining forces of Asuka into a single city, and quickly besieged the lonely stand. "And if you attempt anything, we will make sure you're sent to the farthest branch of NERV apart from Japan's!" Misato continued relentlessly, being a hairline away from victory.
"Enough! This relationship does NOT involve you, Misato, it does not involve NERV, the U.N., or ANYONE ELSE!" Shinji's booming voice was 'the bomb that fell on Hiroshima', except this time it destroyed the soul-eating capitalists of Misatoshire. Long live the Union!
"Now Shinji, we're just trying to-"
"I don't wanna hear it, Misato. This is for Asuka and I to figure out. Breakfast's done, you can serve yourself, right?" Shinji didn't wait for an answer. "Asuka and I are going for a walk" said Shinji, while motioning Asuka to follow him. "We'll be back in an hour or two" And with that, they were gone.
"Oh great. This just makes things worse…" said Misato, adding a frustrated sigh while she threw her head back and put her hands in her forehead.
"How so?" asked Kaji, who had been filed in by Misato shortly after arriving.
"Now they feel the whole world is against them, and all they have is each other" explained Misato. "They probably feel this is a Romeo and Juliet situation…damn teenagers and their fantasies…"
"Actually, I'd say it's more of a 'what would happen with Luke and Leia if Han Solo hadn't existed' kind of situation" said Kaji, wearing a lopsided grin.
(-)(-)(-)
After giving Section 2 the slip, Shinji and Asuka walked into a small café in the far side of the city.
After ordering a black coffee for each and something to eat, Shinji broke the silence.
"What are we going to do?"
"I don't know, Shinji" replied Asuka. "I know I love you, but I'm starting to think that might not be enough…" she added, wearing a sad smile.
Shinji grabbed her hands in his, smiling reassuringly. "I wan't you to know that, no matter what happens, no matter what we decide, or what might get in the way, I will always be there for you and will never leave you alone"
Asuka smiled, this time earnestly, and stood up, never loosing his grip on her hand. "I'm not that hungry, how about we go somewhere else?" she asked, rhetorically.
Shinji stood up and wrapped an arm around her, protectively.
They left the café this way, not hearing, purposely or otherwise, the complaints of the waitress, who was shouting behind them:
"Hey! You haven't paid yet!"
(-)(-)(-)
A/N: After the long wait, I come back. I hope it hasn't lost any of the 'unrelated gibberish' style portrayed in the last chapter. I know it probably has, and all I have to say is sorry. Sorry. Anyways, I hope it's still funny.
The name Rinako Asuhara was taken from PuddleOfLCL's fic, 'Guest Performance'. Go read it, it's really good.
In other news, the Grammar Nazi couldn't pre-read this because he was busy. Everyone who wants him to come back, send a review saying "Grammar Nazi, come back to us!". Yes…send those reviews…
Speaking of reviews, I'll take some time answering each one here.
Rahel: I'm very flattered that I actually made someone's favorites, and yes, if Rei has a shot at hot sibling sex, why shouldn't Asuka?
Sun S. Li: Thanks for the rating, I'll try to keep it up to your expectations. Probably failed that in this one, but there's always a chance for a comeback!
Katyn1: Thanks for the review. wink
Kuroi-Yasha: Thanks a lot, I had that idea for an omake long ago, and wanted to use it. It was actually one of the reasons why I wrote this fic, heh.
Blackman: Don't worry, Rei will have her shot with Shinji, I'll make sure of that.
Shinji Ikari01: Heh, I'm sure you're hating me now. If I were you, I would've expected a better, more interesting way of them taking the news. Well, hope you enjoyed it.
Anyways, OMAKE TIME!
Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I shall be your host for this edition of the omake.
This time, we shall see a little joke about the way things work between Shinji and Asuka…with a twist…
The scene is simple. Shinji and Touji are outside Misato's apartment. Shinji is carrying a grocery bag, while Touji has his hands in his pockets. They are both taken aback when Asuka pops outta the door and starts ranting…
Asuka: "Ranting at the top of my lungs about something degradating you were supposed to do; and/or insinuation of you being my slave; all the while refering to you as 'Baka Shinji' or 'Third Child'."
Shinji: "Stammered apologize that strenghtens the point that I'm spineless."
Asuka: "Threats that involve excruciating physical pain unless my desires are met."
Shinji: "Yelp and stammered confirmation that your desires will be met; all along speaking with a squeaky voice"
Toji: "What the fuck is wrong with all eva pilots! I'm getting out of here..."
Meanwhile, somewhere on a remote tropical island that somehow managed to not get swallowed by the seas after Second Impact…
Asuka: "I can't believe putting dummies of ourselves to replace us actually fooled the idiots. I just hope there aren't any angel attacks while we're taking some time off."
Gasp Whatatwist!
Shinji: "Don't worry, the next angel won't attack until you ask me to kiss you and cover it up by saying it was because you were bored. You know, that scene is kinda tricky, 'cause most people see it as comic relief, but it's actually the point in the story where you start hating me because I didn't hold you while we kissed."
Asuka: "Really? How'd you know?"
Shinji: "It's in the director's cut edition of the series in the mind-rape episode."
Asuka: "Haven't seen that one. Anyways, shut up and keep doing that. Moan That feels sooo gooood."
Shinji: "I still can't see how rubbing the stain on your bikini bottom makes you feel good."
Asuka: "You're so naive..."
Fin.
Call me lazy for using the same joke twice. See if I care.
Thank you for your attention.