Just to let you know, I don't really like McDonalds. Okay, I like their fries. I love fries. Woo hoo! So, be sure that french fries will be a huge factor in this story! Okay, maybe not, but... Anyway, this is the next chapter! And I'm serious when I say that I won't update if YOU don't review! Seriously! Why should I update it if I don't know anyone's reading it! It only takes a minute to update! Great, now I sound like a weird insurance commercial...
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Dr. Pepper, or the Beatles. Including Davey Jones. Or wait, is that the Monkeys? Or Mr. Poe or anything that has to do with this supposed "Lemony Snicket"...
"Hey, guys!" Sora walked around, looking for Rain and Riku. Kairi was driving the gummi ship after taking command because, as she had previously said 'You two can't drive worth nuthin'!'
"And then we can hijack one of those sea-planes, kidnap a family of mimes, and fly to Nebraska, where we..." Rain was pointing to a huge map spread out on the floor.
Riku crossed his arms. "Yeah, but what about the jellybeans? You can't feed a flamingo on pudding alone." He scratched his head. "And there's a gap in our second flight plan. How do we hide out in Egypt without getting stuck in a public bathroom?"
"Well..." Rain started, but was interrupted by Sora.
"What the HECK are you guys DOING?" Sora was staring wide-eyed at the two leaning over the map.
"Oh. Uh, well..." Riku looked around. "What are YOU doing?"
"Hm...It seems the walls have ears." Rain pulled out her red commonplace book and jotted down what looked like 'Demolish the garden gnome.'
"Sora, you lazy bum!" Kairi was yelling from the driver's seat. "We're here!"
Sora ran out, and Rain and Riku continued to discuss their plans.
"Where is 'here'?" Sora asked Kairi. He looked out to see a bank.
"This is the buisness section of the town." Kairi turned the engine off. "And I don't know why we're here, but I'm hungry. So you, you lazy bum, are going to buy me some food, because you and Riku are the cause of all this!"
"Uh, yeah, but...I don't have any money." Sora pulled his pockets inside out.
Riku had returned from his strange plotting session, and was feeling pretty hungry himself. "Great, nobody brought money. Hey, wait, do you have any?" He pointed at Rain.
"Nope. If I had money, I'd be playing a PS2." Rain shrugged. "I'm dirt poor."
"Oh, wait!" Riku snapped his fingers. "Let's go rob that bank!"
Rain clapped her hands together. "That's a GREAT idea!"
"You mean that one? The one that says..." Sora squinted, trying to pronounce the big words. "Uh...Mulctuary...Money Management?"
"Well, duh, that's the only bank, Sora." Riku rolled his eyes. "Anyway, this place is weird. There's frickin' horse-drawn carriages, taxis, and motorcycles all over the place."
Kairi decided to stay on the ship while the three went to rob a bank. Good idea? Yeah!
"Hey, where's the manager of this place? The head banker, or whatever you call him." Riku was talking to a desk receptionist. He had pulled a ski-mask over his head.
"So, where is this guy?" Sora was talking to Rain but facing the wrong direction. He was wearing a sock over his head.
"Uh, Sora? I'm over here. And you probably should have cut out eye-holes." Rain was wearing a paper bag over her head with her name written on the back.
"Why the heck is your name on the back of your disguise?" Riku turned and watched Sora running into things.
"This is my lunch bag." Rain pulled it off. "But it's not a disguise. I know ALL about disguises." She put the bag back on. "But I've always wanted to do this."
Riku turned back to the receptionist. "So, where is he?"
The receptionist had one of those fake pasted-on smiles. "Right this way, children! I'll take you to see the head of Mulctuary Money Management!"
"We're not 'children'!" Rain grabbed Sora and dragged him along behind her. "And why does every letter in your bank's name start with an 'M'?"
The receptionist knocked on a door with a huge 'P' emblazoned on it. "Here it is! Have a nice time, little kids!"
"I said we're not-" Rain was yelling back and shaking her fist, but Riku dragged her and Sora into the office.
They looked at an oversized chair, which was turned with it's back facing them, like in those Italian mobster movies.
"Uh...hello? Mr..." Riku looked around for the guy's name.
Suddenly there was a fit of coughing from the chair. It turned around. A little fat man was coughing his lungs out into a white handkerchief. "Poe, kiddies. Mr. Poe."
"Handkerchiefs are stupid." Rain scratched the bag on her head. "And you look like someone I hate. Have I threatened you before?"
Mr. Poe put a newspaper down on his desk. "I was just reading the Daily Punctilio, children. I'm keeping up on the story of the horrible Baudelaires, causing such trouble, they murdered poor Count Omar, don't you know."
"Uh...right." Sora was again facing the wrong direction. He stepped forward and ran into a filing cabinet. "Ow!"
Rain had stood there scratching her head. Suddenly she pulled the bag off. "YOU," she said, "YOU...are Mr. Poe. That UGLY, STUPID, COUGHING banker!" She reached into her pocket. "I HATE YOU. You are the BIGGEST IDIOT ALIVE!"
"Woah, we just want the money!" Riku tried to calm Rain down.
"THIS GUY IS THE BIGGEST IDIOT ALIVE. AND HE'S GOING TO PAY FOR WASTING SO MUCH OF MY TIME!" Rain lunged at Mr. Poe, who started coughing in surprise. She grabbed him by the collar and started shaking him back and forth. "YOU'RE AN IDIOT! DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING? DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THAT-"
But Rain didn't get to finish her sentence because Mr. Poe coughed so hard, that his face turned blue.
"Uh...is he breathing?" Riku poked Mr. Poe.
"Who cares? Let's grab the money and go." Rain dropped Mr. Poe on the floor.
But before Riku had grabbed the money, someone came crashing through the window. "Stop! In the name of noble people!"
"Who the heck are you?" Sora asked, still facing the wrong direction.
"I'm...wait, why is he talking to that chair?" The boy turned and tapped Sora on the shoulder. "Uh, hey? I'm...over here..."
"Fine, fine, we won't rob this idiot. It's taking too long anyway, and there's no money in here." Rain stopped. "Wait...Riku? Why are we in a room with no money?"
"Someone already robbed the bank." The kid shook his head. "That's part of the reason you can't steal this money. But the other reason is that if you did, you'd be doing something villainous." He tapped Mr. Poe. "Is he even breathing?"
Rain shrugged. "We don't know. And we don't care. He's an idiot."
"Well, I don't care. He causes way too much trouble, and he's just a plain waste of time." The boy pulled some soggy mittens out of his pocket. "Man, a week and these STILL haven't dried off. And let me tell you, eagles are NOT fun to come across in a-" He stopped. "Er, are you who I think you are?"
Rain paused. Then she answered, "I don't know. Are YOU who I think you are?"
"Who do you think I am?" The kid asked.
"Who do YOU think I am?" Rain replied.
"Well, who do you-"
"What the heck are you guys doing?" Riku snapped. "This guy could wake up any second, if he's not dead." He pulled the sock off of Sora's head. "You! We're OVER HERE! Why didn't you cut eye-holes in this thing?"
Sora picked up a newspaper on the desk and started beating Riku with it. "Great! Now you just gave me away!" He turned over the paper. "Hey, what is this? It says...BAUDELAIRES MURDER COUNT OMAR. Who's Count Omar? That's a dumb name." He read the caption under it. "Veronica, Klyde, and Susie Baudelaire murdered Count Omar-"
The boy grabbed it away. "Don't read that, it's junk written by a babbling idiot."
Meanwhile, Kairi was sitting on a bench outside the gummi ship. An ugly man with shiny eyes ran past, chasing three kids.
"What's taking them so long? I'm starving." Suddenly, she remembered Riku's stash of cheese danishes. "I'll steal some of his danishes!"
Kairi ran into the ship. She quickly located the box that held the prized danishes. But just as she reached in...
An alarm went off. "RIKU, ALERT! RIKU, ALERT! RIKU-"
"Oh man!"
Riku was standing with is arms crossed when he heard an alarm go off. "No! My danishes!" He grabbed Rain and Sora, who were taking turns arm-wrestling the kid.
"Man, I was almost winning!" Sora whined, as he was dragged out of the bank.
Riku burst into the ship.
Kairi hid a crowbar behind her back. "Oh, I...er, I'm glad you guys are back!"
"Oh, thank GOD!" Riku ran to his box of danishes. "My PRECIOUS..."
"Uh, yeah...I'm driving." Sora jumped at the controls, and before anyone to argue, they were gone.
Meanwhile, back at Albonso's Pizza, Captain Evil, Sindey, and Joe Mopper walked inside to get something to eat.
"Can you give me an extra side of darkness?' Captain Evil was asking, just as he spied Popular Girl lying on the ground. "Hey! You! Do you side with darkness?"
Popular girl sat up. "That depends. Is it popular?"
"Uh...yes?" Captain Evil saluted. "I'm a supervillai-I mean, superhero! Join the side of darkness, and I'll buy you all the pink nailpolish and all the cell phone rhinestones you want! Plus, I'll get you clothes from Molister and Flabicrombi and Mitch!"
"Ooh!" Popular Girl sat up. "Okay! I like that store! They have tight, revealing clothes!"
Boy, these chapters are longer than I realized! Hey, review, people! Or I won't update! And if you want to submit ideas, feel free! My creative meter's bound to run out sometime. Uh...so, that's it 'till next time!