Author's Note:
Check out the website I created for this story - it is ongoing, but it helps imagine the world of the novel. If there are any requests, let me know. I cannot post a link, so please use this:
So it goes: dear sir pride and prejudice fanfiction site - all in one
then dot, after that write 'webnode' with another dot, then write 'co' with yet another dot and 'uk'
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Elizabeth decides to share the content of her letter from Darcy with Jane while still in London.
Jane, after her reflections during the winter months, does not want Darcy to suffer unnecessarily.
In a spur of the moment, she decides to write him a letter
to tell him that he was not wrong in his estimation of her feelings toward his friend.
The letter changes everything…
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Chapter 1
A Letter Written
Sunday, 19th April, 1812
…
Dear Sir,
I am sincerely sorry for any disappointment this letter may bring to you. You may wonder why you are receiving a letter from me. My sister shared the events between you and shared the contents of your letter. Do not be alarmed. She needed to confide in someone she trusted. I promise you that nothing of it will be shared by me. I wanted to say some things on the matter that concerned me. It is my hope that you will feel absolved from any part of the matter.
I am deeply sorry for what your feelings must be after Hunsford. Although I tried to persuade my sister that you admired her, she had the impression that you were only looking at her to find fault. I am not sure if you know where her animosity toward you originated. If you knew, you might be able to understand her better. The first time we all met, you did not want to dance with her when your friend suggested her as a partner. You made some derogatory remark about her being only 'tolerable.' She heard you. What you cannot be aware of is that she grew up listening to our mother's derision. She was told that she was 'nothing' to my beauty and that she could not attract a worthy gentleman. Therefore, it was a blow to her when you did not think she was good enough to dance with you. I am afraid you were not at your best at that assembly. I tried to tell her that she should not put weight on your comment as you were almost a stranger to us. The initial impression stuck. Then, you misunderstood her. She was not flirting with you at any point, but she was trying to put you in your place. The story of your former friend gave fuel to her indignation towards you. I was sure you must have had your reasons.
She told me about your interference with your friend. I want you to know that you were actually correct in your estimation of my feelings about him. My sister had been under the impression that he and I were deeply attached. We were not. I never said I was in love with him. I think it was the case of wishful thinking on her part, my mother's, and a good part of the town. The only thing I ever said about him was that he was just as a gentleman should be. My mother quickly heard wedding bells after your friend asked me to dance twice at the assembly. I should have said no to the second dance, but he made his offer in front of my mother… I had nothing against your friend then (I do now), and I am sure I would have been a good wife to him. After all his attention, I resigned myself that I would say yes if he offered. You know the situation of my family, but on second thought maybe not. Our estate is entailed upon our cousin whom you also met at the ball. I would have been his choice of wife if not for my mother insisting that I was practically engaged. I am grateful for that piece of deliverance.
Sadly, I grew up with my mother lamenting that after our father's death, we would end up with nothing. There are not many opportunities for us to find a husband. So, yes, I would have married your friend if he had asked. I could have learnt to love him eventually; I am quite an easy person. My heart though, at the time, was indeed not touched. Although your friend is a kind and … energetic person, I prefer a man who knows what he wants, one who deliberates things rather than acts on impulses. I want a man of reason, of knowledge – your friend does not read. I want a man who knows his duty. Your friend allowed himself to be persuaded and left me behind without a second thought.
You and my sister are vastly different in nature, I believe. She is a social person, and she learnt to be an independent spirit. After you wounded her pride and made a poor first impression, she was blinded to your good qualities. I just want you to know that although my sister did not realize your worth, other people recognize your good qualities. There are many things to admire about you although you do not show yourself to the world. I hope you forgive me for this small confession. That was the first thing that struck me about you. I recognized your mask as I wear one as well. People look at me and admire me only for my looks. They think I am good because I look the part. Few make the effort to actually know me. I suspect your situation is similar to mine. I understand that you have to protect yourself: as soon as you stepped into the assembly, people whispered about your wealth.
I wonder what you think, where you escape mentally in these situations. I dream of getting away from here, if not by marrying then by starting a business somewhere, someday. I have some money saved and invested with my uncle. Also, I have a good head for numbers and I can bake, I know a lot about herbs and medicinal plants. Perhaps I can make a start in a few years.
I have told my sister that you were correct about your friend. She has accepted after some time that I know my mind better than she knows it. The sad fact is that nobody forced your friend to stay in London; he should have known his own mind. You are not responsible for his caprice.
I will try to knock on your door and deliver this letter before we leave for home. Remember us only in a way that gives you pleasure.
God bless,
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Thank you for Circa1910 for her stylistic corrections.
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I realise the letter might be a shock to most readers. However, if you can allow that maybe there was more to Jane than the reader of PP could see of her in the original, and if you allow that although she welcomed a possible suitor in Bingley, she was not in love with him, then this story may offer a possible entertaining alternative route. Look at the beginning of the story from the lenses of this premise, that Jane did not love Bingley - you will see that all instances with Jane can be interpreted from this point of view as well.
This story is a Jane/Darcy story.
I hope you will enjoy this story.
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For those that struggle with this premise, here is an extract from Chapter 15 - I hope it helps
'Jane,' Elizabeth reached for her sister, 'why did you never tell me?' Jane looked down in her lap. 'You have always liked him, have you not?' Jane looked away. 'It is all right, Jane. I know. I figured it out. How could I not? I felt like an intruder when I saw you and him in the hall today. It took me a long time, but I understand now: you admire him. I still cannot believe that you wrote to him.'
'I cannot believe it sometimes. But I did.' She buried her face in her knees.
'It looks like your daring act of writing to him and what he saw of you that day made him look at things differently.' Elizabeth gazed at her sister expectantly.
'This is all so strange. Yes, I have always liked him. He is a man whom I can admire. As I observed him, and as I learnt about him, I became aware of his many qualities. They almost shouted at me in contrast to Mr. Bingley… How ironic that he did not pay any attention to me. The one man I actually found interesting, and he did not even look my way twice. It was very disconcerting. I did tell myself that it must have been because his friend already monopolized me. Then I saw him pay attention to you. He thought it was subtle, but not to me. I did try to tell you.' She put her head on her knees. 'You all were in love with the idea of Mr. Bingley for me. What would have been the point in talking about that?' She smoothed the bedspread with her hand. 'I am not in love with him, Lizzy, how could I be? Yet, I am very attracted to him, I admit.' She looked at her sister, 'Why are you not upset?'
'Upset? Why would I be, Jane? I do not love him. Not long ago, I hated him. If you want him though, I promise to be nice to him,' she grinned. 'He needs a good woman, and you are that. Now that I think of it, you have much in common. I did not see his good qualities when you did. He is all yours. I give you permission to love him.'
Characters
Fitzwilliam Darcy – 27
Jane Bennet – 21
Elizabeth – 20, Mary – 18, Catherine (Kitty) – 17, Lydia – 15
Mr. Bennet – 52 and Mrs. Bennet – 39
Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner with Sarah – 7 and John – 5,
their children
Viscount (Arthur) – 33 and Richard (Colonel Fitzwilliam) – 30, Darcy's Matlock cousins
Lord – 56 and Lady Matlock – 53, the Fitzwilliams,
Darcy's Uncle and Aunt
Lady Catherine de Bourgh – 52 and her daughter Lady Anne – 25
Charles Bingley – 25 and Caroline Bingley – 26, I made Charles older to be a plausible friend to Darcy with Cambridge background; they had to be able to meet at university (3 years)
Anthony Palmer – 28 and Pamela Palmer – 21, his wife. Cambridge connection, Darcy went to their wedding, good, supporting friends
Frederick Walton – 27, Cambridge connection, Darcy won his horse from him, lives in Lincolnshire, and has a sister,
Esther Walton – 20
John Gilbert – 26, Cambridge connection from Wales
Lord Gillingham (Martin) – 27, from Cornwall, Cambridge connection with sister Lady Gabrielle
Lord Kenneth Owen Morgan, Baron Morgan – 29 and his sister, Lady Suzanne – 22. Lord Morgan is a business partner to Darcy through the Matlocks; Darcy looks up to him and wants to be friends with him
Edmund Hill, Earl of Hillsborough, Marquess of Downshire – 45, friend of Matlocks, member of House of Lords, acquaintance of Darcy