My Favorite GF
Final Fantasy VIII fic by Elise

Total crackfic, and not terribly intelligent on my part. Humor/parody, so obviously I'm not serious here.

Rinoa fills a void in conversation by asking the Orphanage Gang what their favorite Guardian Force is.

FF8 originally copyright Squareetc. This is a not-for-profit fiction.

Rinoa kicked her feet idly. She wanted to move closer to Squall, but doubted the quiet SeeD would appreciate it. Even if he was her Knight, he was still opposed to public displays. The conversation around them lulled.

"Hey," she said suddenly into the silence. "Do any of you guys have a favorite GF?"

"Huh?" Zell asked blankly as he turned.

"A favorite GF?" Selphie pounced on the topic. "That's easy! Bahamut!"

"Why?"

"Because he blows stuff up!" She bounced and did her little hoppy dance. Irvine smiled at her, and Rinoa couldn't help but be a teeny bit jealous. She wished Squall would smile more.

"I'm not as down with the GF thing as you Balamb Garden kids," Irvine started, ignoring some hard looks and rolling of the eyes, "but I'm rather fond of Cerberus. A cowboy needs a good dog, and a good girl." He slung an arm around Selphie's shoulder. She elbowed him, but her face was pink.

"What about a horse?" Zell asked him. "Don't cowboys have horses?"

"I figure the Ragnarok will do for that," Irvine said, grinning.

"Hey, I normally drive the Ragnarok!"

"Okay then, you'll do for a horse." Zell bristled, but couldn't stay mad at Irvine's good-natured jibe.

Rinoa was happy to see Zell calming down. The old Zell would have been up in arms.

Quistis seemed to agree from her expression, and Rinoa turned to her next.

"Cerberus is a good GF, with lots of abilities," she said, thinking out loud. "And Alexander attacks and has a good array of support. So I guess it's a toss-up between those two."

"I like Alexander," Rinoa said, kicking her feet again. "But Eden's my favorite. It's abilities are great, and it feels powerful when you summon it. A good kind of power." She could see some of the others grinning, so she knew they understood.

"Power's cool. That's why I like Ifrit!" Zell threw in. He started shadow-boxing, like he always did when he was excited. "He's tough and fire's cool. Real good in battle."

"Ifrit's a good one for blowing things up, too. Boom!" Selphie added, throwing her hands out. She liked explosions a little too much, sometimes.

There was only one other person in the room who hadn't answered by now. Everyone zeroed in on Squall.

He leaned back a little as he tried to avoid answered, but Rinoa pressed him. "Squall, you need to open up more. It's a harmeless question, so please. Tell us."

"Tonberry."

"What!" Zell hopped back, and Selphie and Rinoa both leaned forward. Quistis covered her mouth and delicately held back a giggle.

"Tonberry is my favorite," Squall repeated.

"I bet he likes the Haggling Tonberry can pull off!" Selphie gestured widely, nearly knocking off Irvine's hat.

"Or the effects it can do to enemies' strength. He's always making them tougher," Zell added.

"Only to get the good stuff they have."

"That's not it," Squall interrupted them. "I wouldn't mess with a little guy like that. Think for a second, and tell me: How would you like Tonberry's knife in your gut? Or elsewhere?"

Quistis didn't bother to hold back her laugh, and Rinoa could practically see the wheels turning in Zell and Irvine's heads.

"That is a pretty convenient height to be at," Rinoa mused. "No matter what we fight, it hits a major target."

"Eyes, knees, groin, throat," Selphie said, nodding and quoting a self-defense mantra she'd heard Rinoa mutter a few times when she was nervous before a battle.

The boys didn't get past the third word. They groaned. Squall nodded once.

"It's important to target weak areas," he told them, sounding suspiciously like Quistis in Instructor mode.

"Yeah, but the mental image hurts, man." Zell shuddered violently. "I don't want that big knife anywhere near my major targets."

"Exactly, Zell," Squall said. "Exactly."

"Eyes, knees, groin, throat" is a real women's self-defense thingy. I have a tape Amanda made for me with it on it, and it's a damn catchy song. Don't remember what it's really called, but I could sing it for you.