Disclaimer: I really don't want to say this. I'm rebelling. It's stupid.
So there. (walks out then pops back in) And oh yeah I don't own nothing
but the clothes on my back and my Once Upon a Time In Mexico cd.
~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Here's a math question for you. What do you get when you add one very depressed girl in the wrong century and at least five mugs of alcohol?
Answer: Big Trouble
"And then they made me their chief....." I said, pausing to take a big swallow of ale, to the group who surrounded me.
How many drinks does it take to make you blind stinking drunk, do you think?
"Is tha' true?" One whore asked haughtily.
I burped, "Psssssh naw! I got it from Captain Jack Sparrow!"
"Oo's 'ee?" Someone else asked at my side.
"He's dead sexy." I confided as I downed the last gulps in my mug.
It had been hours (how many I'm not sure) since the carriage dropped me here at the Ten Bells. I had ordered the driver not to come back, and had proceeded to get totally buggered as I had predicted while I regaled an ever growing crowd of all the wonders of the twenty first century. Big no- no, right? Well cut me some slack, I was drunk.
"Some rum, some rum! My kingdom for some rum!!" I yelled, waving my glass around. People ducked, the glass almost hitting their heads. Someone took a hold of my wrist. I couldn't really see, everything was going fuzzy around the edges.
"Why don'tya let me pay for this one?" Someone murmured into my ear, taking the mug from my hands.
"Fine by me."
Whoever it was put an arm around my waist, "Pay for the drink and get your filthy paws of my silky drawers!" I crowed and then burst out laughing uproariously, slapping the table. No one else was laughing.
"Jesus!" I shouted, "Haven't any of you seen GREASE?!"
I saw a lot of blank stares.
"That sucks."
Another mug was pressed into my hand. Taking it, I stood, swaying on my feet. "So long suckas! I'm gonna go and see if I can find a Starbucks in this crappy little town! Buh BYE!"
I think I bumped into about a dozen people trying to get to the door and then.....I was out!
"I'll walk ya home." It was the man who paid for my drink.
"It's a damn long walk, bucko," I murmured sluggishly. Was I supposed to feel this wretched? "and I don't think you can time travel."
"Then I'll walk ya to my home." He said running a hand down my arm, to the hand that still held the mug.
"No!" I yelled moving the mug into my other hand, "My beer! Not yours, dungbreath! Now take me to a damn Starbucks!"
"As milady wishes." He said, putting a guiding but possessive arm around my shoulders.
"Yo, my dog," I told him as he walked me down the streets. This felt like a dream. Those dreams where you know trouble is coming your way but you can't stop it from happening, "invading my personal bubble. BUBBLE! Back off."
Than man merely laughed. I felt so strange but I knew that spider crawling feeling running up my spine. My womanly intuition, no matter how smashed, was ringing the alarm bell.
"Ya know what?" I asked him, whoever he was.
"Wha'?"
"Ya give me the Heebie Sheebies. So's I think I'll find the Starbucks by meself....ok, great, call me....."
"But we're here." He said.
"Oh.....ok then."
He guided me down an alley. Now if I wasn't so disgustingly drunk I would have known he was lying, but as it was I was so desperate for a cappicino that I wasn't thinking straight. I wasn't walking that straight either.
I saw another shape in the shadows approach us.
"Well, wha' d'we 'ave 'ere?" I knew that voice.
"A tall cappicino," I said, "oh and heavy on the whipped cream. Ok, thanks....."
"Sweet pretty 'ittle thing, ain't she?" The other man said running a finger down my neck. I slapped his hand away.
"No touchie-touchie! Now get me my damn cofffffeeeeeeeee NOW!"
I heard something being poured into my mug.
"There ya go. Drink up now."
"Bout damn time! I should report on how slow the service is here. NOW REALLY!" I took a large gulp, swallowed. And then another. A strange taste filled up my mouth. I spat it out, "I said a CAPPICINO not an EXPRESSO, you MORONS!!" I sputtered, cursing up a storm, "Screw this, I'm going to McDonalds!" I said turning, stumbling to get out from wherever I was.
"I don't think so, pet. Yer stayin' here with us." Someone pulled me back by my waist.
"Like HELL I am!" I roared elbowing. I realized I was outnumbered two to one but I was gonna go down fighting, like G.I. Jane or Buffy I hadn't decided. The two men had me sandwiched between them now. I gave a cry like that of Xena and ran backwards slamming the one behind me into a wall and kneeing the crotch of the one in front of me. I got about maybe seven feet before they tackled me to the ground.
"Let go of me yousonuvabitches!" I screamed.
"When will tha' stuff you gave her kick in?!" One grunted to the other.
"It should 'ave taken affect by now!"
They struggled, forcing me on my back. My hand lashed out, my nails raked across the surface of a shadowed face.
"Fucking BITCH!" Came the yelled response.
My head lashed to the side as I was brutally slapped. But the pain was far way. I felt myself lose feeling. A dream. I was in the dreaming state. I didn't leave my body as the stories tell you you will. I was still in it, trapped in the skin I knew they would rape. I had simply started not to care anymore.
I could feel them working at the laces on my dress. I couldn't move, I was paralyzed. Why couldn't I hear anything but the slow dull thud of my own heart beat? Why did the gaslights blur into a deep brown of someone's eyes? Abberline?
Maybe it was the fact that I was drunk and drugged or that I just wasn't expecting it but one moment they were on top of me.....the next they were flung off and down the alley. Voices echoed in my ears, making it hard to distinguish one from the other, the lights danced, and then I saw the eyes again, but this time they were followed by a face. Abberline.
"Cassandra! Cassandra, I need you to get up!"
"Oh hey there, baby. What's that you say 'up'? I am up, up in Heaven." I told him. I was either dead (and obviously in heaven cause who else would I want up there with me) or this was all a dream and I would wake up soon and wish I were still dreaming.
He chuckled, "No, you're not. You're not dead.....not yet. And I doubt you would get into Heaven with that sharp sailor's tongue of yours."
"This has been such a good dream...." I sighed.
He leaned forward. This is when he kissed me in my dreams. But he didn't kiss me, he just smelled my breath.
"You're drunk....." he stated, "shit....." He muttered, "they gave you Laudanum. "Can you move?" He asked.
"Oh yeah, baby, I've got MOVES you've NEVER seen!" I giggled. If it was Heaven or a dream I was enjoying it.
"I'll take that as a no." He murmured, lifting me in his arms, and I felt some pride in this, knowing I wasn't the lightest thing in the world. I was surprised that he could walk at such a fast pace while carrying me. We broke out of the dark alleyway.
"Godley!" Abberline shouted to a large bulk of a man by a carriage under a street lamp.
"Good god! Wha' 'appened ta her?!"
"The Nickles Gang," Came the explanation by my ear, "Doing what they do best....."
"Fuck....is she....did they?"
"No, I think.....I think I stopped them before they did anything of lasting damage."
"Thank god."
My voice spoke without my knowing, "Abberline?"
"Yes?"
"I know you hate me and I know you don't trust me but I need to tell you this before I wake up.......or die......"
He sighed tiredly, "You're not going to die, you twit. And when you do wake up you have the Devil's Headache."
"Shhhhhh!" I hushed him, "I'm trying to profess my undying love."
"What?!"
"Well, I guess that just about sums it up. Yes, I love you......or at least I think I do.....ya know what they say?!"
"Oh god!" Abberline gasped in horror.
"Boy, it's just the drugs they gave her, pay no mind......"
I started to sing, "All ya need is love, da da da da, all ya need is loooove, da da da da da da, all ya need is LOVE! Loooooooooooovvvvveeee is allllllllllllll yaaaaaaaaaaa neeeeeeeeeeeeeed!"
"God!" Abberline yelped again.
"She's got a nice voice," Godley pointed out, "Yeh've got ta hand her tha."
"Do I?" Abberline hissed.
"Can't we all just love eachother?" I asked no one person.
"No!" Abberline snapped.
"Please no......" Godley echoed Abberline's sentiments.
"Hey," I said turning to Godley as they both helped me into the carriage, "I know you......"
"Sure ya do." He said brightly.
"Sure I do......you're HAGRID the half man, half GIANT. Yo where's Harry and Dumbledore my man?"
"Remember Godley, "Abberline smirked getting in beside me, "it's just the drugs they gave her, pay no mind........"
"And," I added, "don't worry darling, women will line up around the block for you even though you are kinda pudgy.....so hun, you don't have to lose any weight!"
Presently I fell asleep.
~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Here's a math question for you. What do you get when you add one very depressed girl in the wrong century and at least five mugs of alcohol?
Answer: Big Trouble
"And then they made me their chief....." I said, pausing to take a big swallow of ale, to the group who surrounded me.
How many drinks does it take to make you blind stinking drunk, do you think?
"Is tha' true?" One whore asked haughtily.
I burped, "Psssssh naw! I got it from Captain Jack Sparrow!"
"Oo's 'ee?" Someone else asked at my side.
"He's dead sexy." I confided as I downed the last gulps in my mug.
It had been hours (how many I'm not sure) since the carriage dropped me here at the Ten Bells. I had ordered the driver not to come back, and had proceeded to get totally buggered as I had predicted while I regaled an ever growing crowd of all the wonders of the twenty first century. Big no- no, right? Well cut me some slack, I was drunk.
"Some rum, some rum! My kingdom for some rum!!" I yelled, waving my glass around. People ducked, the glass almost hitting their heads. Someone took a hold of my wrist. I couldn't really see, everything was going fuzzy around the edges.
"Why don'tya let me pay for this one?" Someone murmured into my ear, taking the mug from my hands.
"Fine by me."
Whoever it was put an arm around my waist, "Pay for the drink and get your filthy paws of my silky drawers!" I crowed and then burst out laughing uproariously, slapping the table. No one else was laughing.
"Jesus!" I shouted, "Haven't any of you seen GREASE?!"
I saw a lot of blank stares.
"That sucks."
Another mug was pressed into my hand. Taking it, I stood, swaying on my feet. "So long suckas! I'm gonna go and see if I can find a Starbucks in this crappy little town! Buh BYE!"
I think I bumped into about a dozen people trying to get to the door and then.....I was out!
"I'll walk ya home." It was the man who paid for my drink.
"It's a damn long walk, bucko," I murmured sluggishly. Was I supposed to feel this wretched? "and I don't think you can time travel."
"Then I'll walk ya to my home." He said running a hand down my arm, to the hand that still held the mug.
"No!" I yelled moving the mug into my other hand, "My beer! Not yours, dungbreath! Now take me to a damn Starbucks!"
"As milady wishes." He said, putting a guiding but possessive arm around my shoulders.
"Yo, my dog," I told him as he walked me down the streets. This felt like a dream. Those dreams where you know trouble is coming your way but you can't stop it from happening, "invading my personal bubble. BUBBLE! Back off."
Than man merely laughed. I felt so strange but I knew that spider crawling feeling running up my spine. My womanly intuition, no matter how smashed, was ringing the alarm bell.
"Ya know what?" I asked him, whoever he was.
"Wha'?"
"Ya give me the Heebie Sheebies. So's I think I'll find the Starbucks by meself....ok, great, call me....."
"But we're here." He said.
"Oh.....ok then."
He guided me down an alley. Now if I wasn't so disgustingly drunk I would have known he was lying, but as it was I was so desperate for a cappicino that I wasn't thinking straight. I wasn't walking that straight either.
I saw another shape in the shadows approach us.
"Well, wha' d'we 'ave 'ere?" I knew that voice.
"A tall cappicino," I said, "oh and heavy on the whipped cream. Ok, thanks....."
"Sweet pretty 'ittle thing, ain't she?" The other man said running a finger down my neck. I slapped his hand away.
"No touchie-touchie! Now get me my damn cofffffeeeeeeeee NOW!"
I heard something being poured into my mug.
"There ya go. Drink up now."
"Bout damn time! I should report on how slow the service is here. NOW REALLY!" I took a large gulp, swallowed. And then another. A strange taste filled up my mouth. I spat it out, "I said a CAPPICINO not an EXPRESSO, you MORONS!!" I sputtered, cursing up a storm, "Screw this, I'm going to McDonalds!" I said turning, stumbling to get out from wherever I was.
"I don't think so, pet. Yer stayin' here with us." Someone pulled me back by my waist.
"Like HELL I am!" I roared elbowing. I realized I was outnumbered two to one but I was gonna go down fighting, like G.I. Jane or Buffy I hadn't decided. The two men had me sandwiched between them now. I gave a cry like that of Xena and ran backwards slamming the one behind me into a wall and kneeing the crotch of the one in front of me. I got about maybe seven feet before they tackled me to the ground.
"Let go of me yousonuvabitches!" I screamed.
"When will tha' stuff you gave her kick in?!" One grunted to the other.
"It should 'ave taken affect by now!"
They struggled, forcing me on my back. My hand lashed out, my nails raked across the surface of a shadowed face.
"Fucking BITCH!" Came the yelled response.
My head lashed to the side as I was brutally slapped. But the pain was far way. I felt myself lose feeling. A dream. I was in the dreaming state. I didn't leave my body as the stories tell you you will. I was still in it, trapped in the skin I knew they would rape. I had simply started not to care anymore.
I could feel them working at the laces on my dress. I couldn't move, I was paralyzed. Why couldn't I hear anything but the slow dull thud of my own heart beat? Why did the gaslights blur into a deep brown of someone's eyes? Abberline?
Maybe it was the fact that I was drunk and drugged or that I just wasn't expecting it but one moment they were on top of me.....the next they were flung off and down the alley. Voices echoed in my ears, making it hard to distinguish one from the other, the lights danced, and then I saw the eyes again, but this time they were followed by a face. Abberline.
"Cassandra! Cassandra, I need you to get up!"
"Oh hey there, baby. What's that you say 'up'? I am up, up in Heaven." I told him. I was either dead (and obviously in heaven cause who else would I want up there with me) or this was all a dream and I would wake up soon and wish I were still dreaming.
He chuckled, "No, you're not. You're not dead.....not yet. And I doubt you would get into Heaven with that sharp sailor's tongue of yours."
"This has been such a good dream...." I sighed.
He leaned forward. This is when he kissed me in my dreams. But he didn't kiss me, he just smelled my breath.
"You're drunk....." he stated, "shit....." He muttered, "they gave you Laudanum. "Can you move?" He asked.
"Oh yeah, baby, I've got MOVES you've NEVER seen!" I giggled. If it was Heaven or a dream I was enjoying it.
"I'll take that as a no." He murmured, lifting me in his arms, and I felt some pride in this, knowing I wasn't the lightest thing in the world. I was surprised that he could walk at such a fast pace while carrying me. We broke out of the dark alleyway.
"Godley!" Abberline shouted to a large bulk of a man by a carriage under a street lamp.
"Good god! Wha' 'appened ta her?!"
"The Nickles Gang," Came the explanation by my ear, "Doing what they do best....."
"Fuck....is she....did they?"
"No, I think.....I think I stopped them before they did anything of lasting damage."
"Thank god."
My voice spoke without my knowing, "Abberline?"
"Yes?"
"I know you hate me and I know you don't trust me but I need to tell you this before I wake up.......or die......"
He sighed tiredly, "You're not going to die, you twit. And when you do wake up you have the Devil's Headache."
"Shhhhhh!" I hushed him, "I'm trying to profess my undying love."
"What?!"
"Well, I guess that just about sums it up. Yes, I love you......or at least I think I do.....ya know what they say?!"
"Oh god!" Abberline gasped in horror.
"Boy, it's just the drugs they gave her, pay no mind......"
I started to sing, "All ya need is love, da da da da, all ya need is loooove, da da da da da da, all ya need is LOVE! Loooooooooooovvvvveeee is allllllllllllll yaaaaaaaaaaa neeeeeeeeeeeeeed!"
"God!" Abberline yelped again.
"She's got a nice voice," Godley pointed out, "Yeh've got ta hand her tha."
"Do I?" Abberline hissed.
"Can't we all just love eachother?" I asked no one person.
"No!" Abberline snapped.
"Please no......" Godley echoed Abberline's sentiments.
"Hey," I said turning to Godley as they both helped me into the carriage, "I know you......"
"Sure ya do." He said brightly.
"Sure I do......you're HAGRID the half man, half GIANT. Yo where's Harry and Dumbledore my man?"
"Remember Godley, "Abberline smirked getting in beside me, "it's just the drugs they gave her, pay no mind........"
"And," I added, "don't worry darling, women will line up around the block for you even though you are kinda pudgy.....so hun, you don't have to lose any weight!"
Presently I fell asleep.