Cut

by Maxiel Jimenez

I stare at the sliver, half an arrow shaped, object laying on my bed, wishing to be use.

'just one more time, I swear..'I thought to myself, my hands wanting to complete its wish.

my right hand reaches towards it with a burning desire in the tips of my finger.

I stop half way and let my hand drop to my side, mentally kicking myself.

I sigh and pick up my bag, I spare the object one last longing glance. I turn around and walk towards the door.

I put my hand on the doorknob and dont bother to open the door, as the memories of earlier today runs through my head.

I was walking to school just like every other day.

at first I thought it was going to be the same day I alway had, I didnt know what was in store for me.

It all started at lunch time. I was walking down the hall when I saw our new arts teacher, Mr.haruka who started here a few day ago. Hes cool, he lets us call him by his first name, Sora, and hes young, hes only 18, plus, hes hot.

I felt a smile tug my lips.

"hey Sora"

He looked right into my eyes and smiled.

"oh hey Amaya"

My left eye twitched mentally.

Amaya, a name given to me when I was born. My dad loved the japanese culture, so he gave me a japanese name, a name he didnt even know the meaning to.

I do tho, Amaya mean, night rain, cold, dark, and gentle all in one. My mother however wanted me to have an english name, but let him have his way.

We were a happy family until my dad passed away two years ago, then everything changed.

"Amaya? you ok?"

Sora's voice snaped me out of my thoughts.

I put on a fake smile, closing my eyes in the process.

"im fine, sorry was thinking"I let go a fake laugh "well I better get going before I strave to death"

Not waiting for him to saiding anything I spun around and walked away.

Once I regained my sanity, I smacked myself on the forehead

'dumby'

I looked around and quietly walk into an empty classroom.

I close the door, and dug my right hand into my right front pocket. I took out a small blade. I place on top of a desk, and took off my black sweater.

Bruises and cuts surround my arms.

I stare at a large black and blue, a shiver made its way up my spine, as I remember the event of last night.

I shook my head, erasing the picture.

I took the blade in my right hand, and slowly made a thin line on my arm.

I sighed as I watched the crimson treat run down my arm, dripping down onto the floor.

I've started cutting myself for a year on and its addicting. it started a week after my dad died and my mother started abusing me. i dont know why but seeing my own blood relaxs me, so thats how I started cutting myself.

I didnt even hear the door open behind me, as I was about to make another cut.

"Amaya?"said a shocked voice

my heart skiped a beat and I spun around and came face to face with Sora. I felt like crawling under a hole.

The next thing I knew, I put the blade back in my pocket, not caring if it cut my pants, and I grab my sweater and pushed/ran passed him.

I felt fear creep into my heart, and veins.

I couldnt even bring myself to look at anyones face at all.

I had arts next, and i didnt want to go, but I knew I had to.

I took a deep breath and stepd into the classroom nervously. I looked around, Sora wasnt here.

I felt some what relief, and yet scared, that his disappearence was my fault.

I sat down at my sit and took out my sketch book, and started doodling.

I let my eyes glance but he didnt come at all that period, so far I was free...or so I thought.

I was locking my locker, when I felt like someone was watching me.

I noticed the halls were empty. I felt a cool chill run up my back.

I calmed myself down before walking down the halls.

Once I felt an arm grab me, I open my mouth to let out a scream, but a hand was placed over it.

My eyes widen with fear, and I started shaking like mad.

"Amaya calm down, its just me"said a familiar voice

I calm down a bit but still felt fear as the hand on my mouth droped. I turned around and my heart sank.

"Sora..."

"Amaya"said Sora seriously "is there bad going on at home?"

I felt like a lost kid, not knowing what to do.

"n-no"I studdered

"Amaya, dont lie to me, I know what I saw were bruises, and cuts"he said

There was no where to hide, I knew this day would come sooner or later, but still I was hoping it wouldnt.

"I-I...cut myself"I said softly

"I can see that"he half smiled "but what goes on at home?"

I could feel tears fill my eyes, and spill, like night rain, making my name suit me.

"my..my mom beats me"I whisper, and then buried my face in his dark blue shirt.

He pats my back gently.

"shhhh, dont cry it all right, I'll make it all stop"

confused I lift my face, to look up at him, giving him a questioning stare.

"what?...how?"

"Amaya, tonight I want you to pack your stuff, and come to my place, there we will decide where you can go, but until then you can alway stay with me"Sora smiled "we are friends, friends help each other out"

I stayed silent for a few minutes, thinking.

"I..i dont know...'

"its ok, this is all too fast for you, but if you change your mind, here my number and address"Sora gave me a half smile and took out a piece of paper, and a pencil and scribble down his number and address.

After that event at school, I went home and had mother to deal with.

I went to my room and drop my backpack down next to my bed. I drop on to the bed, on my back. I took out the piece of paper and stare hard at it.

'what should I do?' I moan, and put the paper back in my pocket and rolled on my side.

I sigh and got off bed and went downstairs to get a drink.

I was walking into the kitchen when i felt somthing hit my head.

I rub my head and turn around to see my mother.

"mo-mother?"I whimper scared

"dont mother me you piece of shit"she hiccuped.

She grab me by the hair and drag me into the living room, and threw me down on to the floor. She took out her belt, and started whipping me with it, HARD.

I cried out in pain, and whimper. I curl up into a ball and put my arms over my head, crieing, and whimper everything she brought the leather belt down on me.

After like five hits, she bent down and pull my head up by the hair, so we were up to face level.

"it-its yuor fault hes go-gone"Mother hiccuped some more and then slaped me hard in the face with those rough hands, which once use to rub my hair and hold me.

I felt my heart cry out in pain as well.

I closed my eyes and waited until this horrible nightmare was over.

After a couple of hits, my mother left me on the floor with a bust up lip and freash wounds.

I just layed there, not caring, not thinking..until I remembered somthing.

'Im sick of this...I've decided...im leaving tonight..right now' I weakly got up, and limped my way to my room.

I open a big bag, and stuff a bunch of clothe in it, and I took out picture of mother, dad and I smiling and being a happy family, I put it in my back pocket.

Then I remember somthing, I took out the blade from earlier and place it on my bed.

I glance back at the blade, as the memories disappears.

In a way im thankful to it, cause with out it, I would never be doing this.

I alway wanted to be like a director, the person who yells cut whenever an actor messes up.

I always wanted to yell out cut, whenever bad things happen in my life.

I give the blade a half smile. I twist the doorknob and walk out of my room, out this hell hole of a house. Making a new start, and as I walk out of everything i whisper the word i alway wanted to said

"cut.."