The greatest enemy of time is erosion. Memories erode away, like the grains of sand that slip through your fingers, until you lose your own self. It was a fact that Zhongli was familiar with. He had seen his friends and foes alike fall from grace and power, with many going insane and forcing him to put them down.
'It is a kinder fate than letting them destroy everything around them', Zhongli had told himself the first time he did it.
'It is to fulfil the contract between me and Liyue', Zhongli had told himself the subsequent times he had to do it.
Gods were not immune to the effects of erosion, not even the Geo Archon himself was immune to it. So then, if the Geo Archon is the one who would end those who fell to erosion, who then would stop a Geo Archon should he fall to erosion?
The first memory Zhongli had, after he discarded his Archon name, was one where he watched as the people cried at the death of their beloved Archon. The first memory Rex Lapis had, when he sat upon the throne of the Geo Archon, was to stare at the last god he had slew, the very same one who killed Guizhong, and wondered if the title of 'Geo Archon' was worth her death. However, the first memory of Morax, when he transcended into godhood, was long lost to the ravages of time. How long then before Morax, Rex Lapis, and Zhongli become no more?
"There is a belief that a person dies two deaths. The first is when the person's life ends, the second is when their name is uttered for the last time."
"And what about you, Aether? Do you believe it?"
"I think it makes sense, but would the same apply if you can't die a physical death?"
There were many, both mortal and immortal, Zhongli had seen fall to erosion. He remembered most of them but there were some he had forgotten, and it was those he had forgotten that he regretted.
He remembered a human, a girl who became one of the first to question the actions of the Geo Archon. She had been born a few years after the Archon War and her arguments had drawn his interests to her. He never appeared in front of her (the Rite of Descension notwithstanding) but he listened to her words, sometimes using her suggestions to better himself for the people of Liyue. He remembered watching her grow, becoming a fine woman, living a married life and having three children. The next thing he knew, he was watching her, aged and barely able to get out of bed. He remembered how she was unable to remember where she was or who she was. She could not remember her family, her husband, and the life she had led before her death. After she passed on, the people remembered her as a kind and gentle grandmother with a fiery passion but Zhongli never forgot how she fell to erosion.
"Memories are so easily lost to the ravages of time, even the mediums used to store the history are also affected by erosion," Zhongli said as he stared at the worn tombstone of an adepti. The name on the stone had eroded away ages ago, leaving behind an indecipherable word.
Zhongli also remembered an illuminated immortal, a warrior who fights with grace rather than brute force, prior to the Archon War. The warrior, though mastered the art of the flying blade, despised all violence. He remembered how the warrior fell in love with another illuminated immortal, a maiden whose dance could entrance both god and men alike. He remembered how the two fell in love, the two never apart from each other, only for the warrior to slowly lose his mind from the effects of erosion a century later. The maiden left the warrior, no longer able to stand the stranger who had taken the form of her love. The warrior left to wander the plains of Liyue until his mind eventually broke one day and he attacked a human village. Zhongli remembered as he watched the ichor bleed out of the warrior's body, the warrior thanked him before taking his last breath.
"It's not about the history or the memory is it? It's about losing your sense of self," Aether said as they stood in front of where Azhdaha lay sealed beneath the land.
Even if one were to forget though, the other might still remember. However, could it still be said that the other's memory of the person and the person being remembered are one and the same? Who is to say the memory of the person was altered through time, history changed as time erodes all. Would it still be considered a memory of that person, distorted or not?
After the fallout with the Traveller over his contract with the Tsaritsa, Zhongli had been avoiding the Traveller. Although he knew that their second meeting was inevitable, he still tried to delay it as long as he could.
Their second meeting took place on a ship, a complete coincidence with neither party expecting to see each other. The Pearl Gallery, a ship known to only open her doors to the wealthy and the exclusive. To even board the ship, you had to be invited by one of the VIP members. Suffice to say, despite being a god who has lived several millennia, he had been surprised when the Traveller walked up the boardwalk from the ferry and onto the Pearl Gallery.
"Oh, it's you," the Traveller said once he caught sight of Zhongli.
"Traveller, it's been awhile," Zhongli greeted in return.
They sat together at a private table and for several minutes in silence, neither knowing how to start the conversation. Until finally, Zhongli spoke first, breaking the silence and knowing that as long as there was some animosity between the two of them, neither side could move on. After all, it had been his decision to mislead everyone, even if it had been part of the contract.
"I apologise for my actions that had endangered you. Even if the contract had been written in stone, you were not part of that contract."
"I'm not upset about Osial or Childe, or the fact that I almost died. I already somewhat guessed that you were the Geo Archon when we met so I wasn't upset when you lied about what you were. I was upset because…" the Traveller trailed off before he sighed, unwilling to continue.
Zhongli did not push the Traveller into talking further, instead opting to take a long sip of his tea before changing the topic.
They chatted over inconsequential random things. Aether told Zhongli of his travels between Mondstadt and Liyue, Paimon tacking on exaggerations at times. Zhongli would regale him with old tales and myths of Liyue, the country full of rich history waiting to be heard. They exchanged stories, some spoken with a despondent tone, some barely able to make out over uncontrollable laughter.
It was after Zhongli finished telling Aether and Paimon a funny story between him and Venti, Zhongli pausing to take a sip to soothe his vocals, that Aether spoke up.
"It's dumb," Aether said as his fingers tapped agitatedly against the surface of the table. Taking it as her cue, Paimon floated over to Aether, pushing against him to sit on his lap and taking his hands to wrap around her. Aether hugged his companion before he continued, "About earlier, I wasn't upset about what happened to me or the contract you had agreed to. I was upset because it felt like all my actions amounted to nothing.
Do you know that the Fatui hurt Venti when they stole his Gnosis? Do you know that they did it in front of me? Do you know how I felt when I heard him cry out in pain? When you gave your Gnosis away, it almost made me regret saving Liyue Harbour. I regretted saving a country because if I hadn't, then in a way, I would have protected you.
It's dumb. You're one of the strongest Archons in the whole world, one of the strongest gods even. You didn't need me to protect you, you were even willing to give up your Gnosis. You wanted to give away your Gnosis!"
Zhongli put the tea down, pushing it aside. There would be time to savour the drink later, not when there were pressing matters to handle that required all of his focus.
"Traveller, I need to understand. Tell me what happened from the beginning."
Aether told Zhongli about the day he woke up on Teyvat, lost and blind. He told him how he spent days alone and almost starving to death until he met Paimon. He told him how he obtained Elemental Sight and a world of colour greeted him. He told him how he and Paimon met Venti and eventually, the people of Mondstadt.
He told him how they met Venti again and how they were dragged into one of his schemes. He told him how he did not mind and enjoyed the short time they spent committing a crime in Mondstadt for the greater good. He told him how they tried to save Venti's friend, only for the friend to turn on them. He told him how they followed Venti to where his friend was, to fight him and to save him from himself. He told him how he almost died at the end, falling into the void until Venti's friend saved him.
He told him how they returned to Mondstadt as heroes, even when he did not feel like one. He told him how he chased after Venti when he heard the latter cry in pain at having his Gnosis ripped out of him. He told him how he was easily subdued by the Fatui Harbinger, unable to do anything but scream as he became plagued by illusions of his own making. He told him how Venti never blamed him but that never stopped him from blaming himself. Aether told Zhongli everything and the man listened without interruption. Even when Aether ran out of words to say, Zhongli did not speak. It was only when Aether tilted his head down, his fringe blocking off his unseen eyes, that Zhongli decided to speak.
"It was not your fault. And had I known what the Fatui Harbinger had done to you and Venti, I would have stopped you from meeting her. I should have stopped her faster when she tried to approach you."
"But you would have signed the contract regardless of what she had done, right?" Aether asked, raising his head to look at Zhongli with his unseeing eyes.
"I-" Zhongli tried to explain but Aether raised his hand to stop him.
"No, I understand. I don't like it but I understand. You've been waiting a long time to step down right?"
"My duty as Rex Lapis had been completed a long time ago. This…had been long overdue. However, as long as my contract with Liyue existed, I had to remain as Rex Lapis. The only way I could leave and become 'Zhongli' was if my contract with Liyue was completed. I could only leave if the people of Liyue proved that they no longer needed my guidance or protection. I had faith in the people…but I did not have faith in myself as Rex Lapis. A small part of me still believes it's too soon, but the people have proven themselves, so I will say no more on this."
"Or maybe…you don't want to let go of 'Rex Lapis' yet."
Zhongli chuckled at Aether's comment, his voice amused as he replied, "Hmm, perhaps. Eventually, one day, the people would forget about 'Rex Lapis' so perhaps I am not so ready to relinquish that part of me."
"There is a belief that a person dies two deaths. The first is when the person's life ends, the second is when their name is uttered for the last time."
"And what about you, Aether? Do you believe it?"
"I think it makes sense, but would the same apply if you can't die a physical death?"
"I think that if a name is uttered for the last time, even if the person still walks among the living, they cease to exist in the mind of the people. In a way, they are forgotten even if they still live. In such cases, would you still consider that person to be alive if they choose to discard everything about them?"
"If the person chooses to throw away everything that makes them themselves then whoever they used to be is gone even if the person is alive. If no one remembers them, then they would just stop existing."
"Well, Paimon doesn't understand anything both of you said," Paimon interrupted out of nowhere, leaving Aether to blink in surprise and Zhongli to chuckle at the expression. "But Paimon thinks that if you forget then you just need someone to remember for you!"
There was a pause before Aether burst out laughing. His laughter continued until he could finally reign it in to speak. As he wiped the tears away, he said, "You know what? Paimon's right. If you forget then you just need someone to remind you."
Zhongli left with Aether and Paimon, separating from the two of them once they reached Liyue Harbour. Before the two left, to go on whatever quest they had to go, Aether left Zhongli with a few final words.
"I'm still slightly upset over what you did but I forgive you."
As Zhongli walked down the path out of Liyue Harbour, he felt his spirits lifted, a smile coming unbidden to his face as he walked. Aether had been right, he had been afraid to let go of his memory of 'Rex Lapis'. He did not need it anymore, he had chosen to walk his new path as 'Zhongli'. And if one day he forgets about 'Zhongli', he would have people he held close to remind him of who he is.
AN:
Bonus scene:
"Oh Zhongli! What are you doing near the borders of Liyue?"
"I heard from a certain someone that a bard had his Gnosis ripped out of him instead of the lie he told where he handed the Gnosis peacefully."
"Hehe...can I get a one minute headstart in running?"
"You have five seconds."
My original intention was to include the first part of Zhongli's character quest but I wanted Zhongli to apologise first for risking the Traveller's life. The next intention was to do the second part of Zhongli's character quest and move the first part to after but I wanted to keep the original timeline for that. So I decided to go for a heart to heart talk instead.
Also I just realised it's been a year since I first published Blind Traveller and almost a year (at the time of writing) that this fic had been first published! A whole year! I want to say, thank you all for sticking around with me and I hope that you look forward to the chapters to come! I hope you enjoyed reading the chapter!