Chapter 16: If I Wasn't So Fucked Up, I Think I'd Fuck You All The Time

AN: I struggled with this chapter for a while. Figuring out so many plot points and relationships can be a struggle! But I'm very pleased with how it came out and I hope you will be too. Enjoy!

Title song: Fuck it, I love you by Lana Del Rey

Chanel looked up at Zemo with panic in her eyes, and he simply shrugged, unbothered. She looked at Bucky next. "How did we forget the Dora were coming?! What are we going to do?"

"We'll talk, don't worry," Bucky frowned.

Their attention was drawn back to the Dora when the fighting began. Sam slowly backed away, leaving Lemar and Walker to fend for themselves.

Chanel sighed, watching Walker get his ass handed to him by these fierce, gorgeous warriors should have been a treat. She looked over in Lemar's direction and shook her head; he was out of his league, and Walker was going to get him hurt, or worse.

"Looking strong, John!" Bucky yelled sarcastically as Ayo pinned him to the ground.

"And you have the audacity to tell me I'm antagonizing," Chanel teased.

"Buck—we should do something," Sam chided.

Bucky sighed and pushed himself off of the bar. He grabbed the end of Ayo's spear before she could stab Walker with it. "Ayo, come on, let's talk about this."

Chanel jumped back when Ayo didn't hesitate to attack Bucky with everything she had. Sam wasn't faring any better trying to help Lemar.

Chanel unconsciously walked backward, away from the action, pushing Zemo into a corner.

"I don't need your protection; you're going to get yourself hurt." Zemo tried to push her away from him.

"Shut up; I'm not letting them take you," Chanel snapped over her shoulder.

She turned back around, watching the fight and trying to think of a plan. She couldn't fight them; she had to think of another way out.

Her eyes went wide as she watched Ayo hit Bucky's left shoulder, following some unknown pattern, causing his vibranium arm to fall to the floor.

"Oh, shit," she whispered.

Everyone stopped; the room was utterly silent, except for Ayo cursing Bucky in Wakandan.

The look on Bucky's face made Chanel's heart sink. He obviously hadn't known the arm had a failsafe.

Everyone's attention was drawn to the other side of the room when the front door opened and closed.

"Um, hi everyone." Bruce Banner stood awkwardly in the doorway. "I don't want to interrupt; I'm just here to pick up a package from Sam." He wrung his hands. "Unless this is a bad time—"

Ayo quickly refocused, and everyone looked away from Bruce, leaving him standing there without instruction.

"I'll just wait," Bruce said as he backed up toward the door.

Chanel's throat tightened in fear when Ayo spun on her heel and stalked toward her and Zemo, Ayo's spear pointing at Chanel's chest. "Move."

Bucky quickly reattached his arm and tried to push between Ayo and Chanel.

Chanel grabbed his hand, intertwining her fingers with his and pulling him closer to her before Ayo could attack him again.

Chanel thought quickly, going with the best lie she could think of. "Wait! Please, just listen," Chanel spoke in German and was pleased with the flicker of surprise on Ayo's face. "I know you don't know who I am. I promise I'm on your side, but I need him."

Ayo's eyes flickered between Chanel and Bucky's joined hands, and Zemo pressed against the wall behind them.

"I was very generous with James already. I'm taking him now."

"You don't understand. When he tried to take down the Avengers, he didn't just take your king. He used my father to get into the Joint Task Force building in Berlin. He murdered him, and I need Zemo to take me to the body. Please." Tears streamed down Chanel's face as she begged. "Just give us some more time, and then I promise I will personally deliver him to you. Dead or alive. I don't care."

Sam kicked Walker in the side when he started to speak up. "Don't even think about it, man."

Ayo was stone-faced as she stared at Chanel. She looked over at Bucky warily and then the rest of her army. The women had a silent exchange before Ayo turned back to Chanel.

"We understand your pain. You can have one more day. One. Next time I show up, I will not be as nice." Ayo stamped her spear on the ground twice, and the Dora left.

Chanel let out a relieved sigh and wiped the tears off her face.

Bucky frustratedly ran his hand through his hair; he tried to calm himself, but the words forced their way out. "You should not have done that. Are you kidding me?! You can't lie to the fucking Dora Milaje, Chanel! What were you thinking?!" Bucky yelled.

Chanel recoiled; it wasn't the reaction she was expecting. She hated that she had made him mad. Even more than that, she hated how it made her feel like she was useless and unwanted.

"Well, your plan wasn't exactly working; she wanted nothing to do with you! I mean, what did she even say to you? Huh? I doubt she was inviting you to dinner!"

Bucky took a step back as if she had slapped him. He silently nodded his head and turned away from her, walking back to his room.

"Wait," Chanel sighed. "Bucky, come on." She followed after him, already feeling the guilt twisting her insides.

Why do you always have to take it too far?!

"Hi, Dr. Banner," Chanel addressed Bruce with a nod as she hurried past him.

"Uh, hi," he said with a wave.

Chanel squeezed into Bucky's room just before he shut the door.

"I'm sorry. Are you okay?" She sat on the bed and patted the space next to her.

"No," he sighed, sitting down. "I really wish you hadn't done that."

Trying to fight her defensive nature, Chanel bit her tongue and took a deep breath before responding. "I didn't know what else to do; she would have taken him."

"And what are we going to do when she comes back tomorrow and realizes you lied?"

"We'll worry about that when it's time."

Bucky huffed and crossed his arms but didn't say anything in response. They sat silently, listening to Sam kick Walker and Lemar out of the house.

"Your arm—what—we don't have to talk about it—" Chanel hesitantly looked up at him.

"I didn't know they could do that."

"It doesn't mean anything."

Bucky scoffed. "It means that the one group of people in the world that I thought trusted me thought I was a monster, and they still do."

Chanel heard the slight waver in Bucky's voice that he was trying to hide. It melted all of her stubbornness, and quickly, she sat up on her knees so she could look him in the eye.

"That's not true, don't say that." Chanel wiped the tears off of his cheeks, her own heart aching for him. "I could tell when Ayo came the other day—she cares about you. They all do. Why do you think I hinted to her that we were together? She wouldn't have given me the time of day otherwise."

"I fucked up. I shouldn't have broken Zemo out without talking to them first."

"It's okay." She held his head against her chest. "We'll figure it out. Everything will be fine, I swear."

Bucky nodded against her chest, and Chanel hoped she would be able to keep her promise.

How am I going to keep Zemo out of prison and fix things between Bucky and the Wakandans?

There was a knock on the bedroom door before Sam stuck his head in. "Hey, sorry," he awkwardly looked away from them, feeling like he was intruding on something too intimate for him to see, "I need the antidote for Bruce."

Chanel scratched Bucky's scalp once more and kissed his temple before getting up to help Sam.

"I'll be out in a minute," Bucky called over his shoulder as he locked himself in the bathroom.

Sam gave Chanel a pointed look. "I told you."

"Told me what?" Chanel shut the door and went into the living room to grab her backpack.

"That you're in looovvveee," Sam dragged out the last word annoyingly.

"Shut up," Chanel shoved him away.

"Ouch, damn. That's just proving my point."

Chanel ignored Sam, walking past him to where Bruce was sitting on the couch.

"It's nice to finally meet you; I'm Chanel." She outstretched her hand.

"Chanel. Nat's friend?!" Bruce asked with surprise.

Chanel nodded stiffly, "the very one. I've heard a lot about you."

"Same."

They stared at their feet in silence for a moment before Chanel handed him the vials of antidote. "I took this from Nagel's lab, and he said it could take the super-soldier serum out of a person's system within a few days of them injecting it."

Bruce took the vials, turning them over in his hands.

"I thought, if you could make it more effective, it might be helpful with the Flag Smashers," Sam commented as he sat on the other side of Bruce.

Bruce nodded, looking up when Bucky emerged.

"Bruce," he said, outstretching his hand.

"Hey, nice to see you man, you look good."

Bucky nodded and sat next to Chanel, pulling her close to his side.

Sam wiggled his eyebrows at her, and she rolled her eyes but moved away from Bucky's side.

Bucky frowned at her retreat.

What's that about?

"I also took these; hopefully, they'll be helpful." Chanel handed Bruce the notebooks she had stolen from Nagel's office.

He immediately dived into them, making comments that went over Chanel's head.

"Hey, where's Zemo?" She interrupted.

Sam shrugged, "I assume in his room. I doubt he's a fan of Bruce."

Chanel started to get up, but Bucky stopped her. "I'll check on him."

"Oh, okay." Chanel let him go and turned her attention back to Sam and Bruce.

Bucky knocked on Zemo's door. "It's James."

Zemo quickly opened the door, letting him in before shutting it again.

"Yes?"

Bucky walked into the room, appraising everything. The colossal king bed sent a pang of sadness through his heart.

He's utterly alone.

Bucky cleared his throat, watching as Zemo started pacing nervously around the room.

"I just came to check on you; Chanel was concerned."

"Why didn't she come then? Are you keeping her away from me?"

Bucky laughed. "No, I wanted to see if you were okay too. I didn't know Bruce was going to show up."

"I can only be so forgiving. You and Sam were not directly involved in the attack on my home, and I had a hard enough time forgiving the both of you."

Bucky placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping his pacing. "No one is asking you to forgive anyone."

Zemo nodded. He walked over to his large windows and sat in an armchair, motioning for Bucky to sit opposite him.

"What is it?" Bucky asked as he sat down.

"Can you contact the Dora Milaje?"

"I could try; why?"

"You need to make them come back for me. I won't let Chanel get herself hurt trying to protect me from the inevitable."

"Zemo, you know I can't do that."

Zemo furrowed his eyebrows. "Why?"

Bucky rolled his eyes, exasperated, "because it's my fault you escaped, and I don't want you to end up worse off because of me. We'll figure it out."

Zemo sighed, "you're both too stubborn for your own good. We have to do this, now."

"No," Bucky said sternly. "Plus, how do you think that's going to go over with Chanel? She'll never speak to me again."

A knock on the door interrupted them, and Chanel stuck her head in. "Bruce left. Can I come in?"

"Of course, draga."

Chanel eagerly entered, choosing to sit on the arm of Zemo's chair. "Are you okay?"

Zemo nodded. "You shouldn't have done that. You can't stop the inevitable."

"If you didn't want me to like you, then you shouldn't have been so damn charming this whole time. Now you're stuck with me. And Bucky too, apparently."

Sam entered, joining them by the windows. "Everything cool, Zemo?"

"And Sam too, I guess," Chanel chuckled. "Isn't this what you wanted? We're all under your thumb."

"Besides, we still have a mission to complete. You can't go back to prison until it's done." Bucky patted Zemo's thigh lightly before standing up.

"Chanel, should we—we were in the middle of something, remember?" Bucky stared at her expectantly.

Chanel prickled under Sam's taunting gaze. "I'm good. I—Zemo and I have to go run an errand."

"Oh, okay, do you want me to come? Where are you going?"

Zemo tried to pretend that he knew what was happening as he followed Chanel from the room.

"No, um, Sam probably needs your help with that thing. And he has to fill you in about Bruce. We won't be long."

She rushed Zemo out of the door, barely taking the time to grab her backpack. Her face was flushed, and she felt like she might be sick.

"Are you going to fill me in?" Zemo walked quickly to keep up with her.

"We're continuing our Walker surveillance."

"Uh-huh, and why are you doing that instead of letting James fuck you silly?"

Chanel walked faster. "Just come on, we're working."

Chanel tracked Walker's location to a shopping mall. They spotted him and Lemar outside of a cafe, sipping coffee.

Chanel regretted bringing Zemo; he was too recognizable, preventing her from getting closer. She spotted a group of young boys and beckoned them over.

"Do you see that man over there," she pointed at Walker, and the boys nodded. "That's Captain America." The boys' faces lit up with excitement. "I need you to do something for me, okay? Take this," she handed one of the boys a small listening device, "and stick it on his back, okay?" The boy nodded excitedly. "Here," she handed them all money and sent them on their way.

Zemo smiled, watching the kids bombard Walker, asking for autographs while they planted the bug. "Cute kids. Do you want any?"

"What?" Chanel handed him an earpiece so they could both listen in on the conversation.

"Kids. Do you want to have some one day?"

"Jesus, probably not."

She answered too quickly; the question caught her off guard. As she thought about it, she could imagine herself with kids; she had wanted that at one point. Her cute house in the suburbs, writing notes to put in their lunchboxes, teaching them how to ride a bike, reading bedtime stories. It wasn't realistic; she was a spy. How could she ever have that kind of life?

Especially with Bucky being a fucking Avenger, how would that wor—

The thought triggered the same fantasies again, but this time with Bucky there. Bucky cutting sandwiches into heart shapes, picking up their son when he fell off his bike, his arm wrapped around her as they read bedtime stories.

"I don't know," she whispered.

She quickly shut the images down, feeling sick again.

"Focus."

Zemo frowned at the distressed look on her face; she looked like she had seen a ghost. "You're acting very weird, draga."

"Shh!"

Zemo finally fell quiet so they could listen to Walker.

"You alright, man?" Lemar asked Walker.

"They weren't even super soldiers. None of them."

"Look, the serum is gone; no more can be made. We gotta take it as a win. Even Bucky got his ass handed to him by the Dora Milaje. You can't beat yourself up over that."

Walker was quiet for a moment, studying Lemar like he was debating something.

"If you could, would you take it? The serum."

"Hells yeah," Lemar said enthusiastically.

"I don't like the vibe of this. Something's not right." Chanel watched nervously. "Stay here; I'm going in."

"Chanel—" Zemo called after her, but she was already gone.

"Hey boys, fancy running into you here." Chanel smiled as she sat in between Lemar and Walker.

"Oh, fantastic. What are you doing here? Are you stalking me?" Walker groaned.

"Do you really still not recognize me from Snapchat?"

Chanel smirked as the realization dawned on Walker's face.

"What are you talking about?" Lemar asked.

"He has his location on. That's how I knew where you were."

"Come on, man," Lemar chided.

A woman approached the table, asking for Walker's signature, distracting him for a moment.

"Has that gotten old yet?" Chanel asked Lemar.

"Oh, for sure. Except when they ask for mine too."

Chanel felt bad for him; he was so cluelessly optimistic. She leaned forward so she could whisper only to him. "I like you, and you seem like you know what you're doing, but you know you're in over your head, right? Don't let him get you killed." She slipped him a card with her phone number on it. "You know something isn't right. Let us help before it's too late."

Lemar didn't respond, but he took the card and put it in his pocket before Walker noticed. Chanel nodded and left the table.

"Come on, let's go before he tries to arrest us again." Chanel grabbed Zemo's arm and led him out of the mall.

"What are you laughing at?" Bucky asked as he looked over Chanel's shoulder.

They were sitting on Zemo's couch, supposed to be watching tv, but Chanel's nose had been buried in her phone the whole time.

"It's just Lemar. Apparently, he's started a private TikTok account, and he's posting videos making fun of Walker. He sent me a few, here look."

Bucky took the phone from her and watched the short video.

"I don't get it."

Chanel rolled her eyes, "never mind." She snatched the phone back as another text from Lemar popped up.

"So, what? You're friends with him now?"

"Kind of, I guess. I like him; he's a decent guy."

Bucky hummed in displeasure.

"And did you say something rude to him about his name?"

Bucky's mouth popped open in surprise. "No," he answered defiantly.

Chanel crossed her arms, pretending to be annoyed. "He told me you made fun of his name."

"I did not—" Bucky rolled his eyes at her scolding glare. "Ok, fine, but, Battlestar—really? What was I supposed to do?"

Chanel snickered. "Please, it's not much worse than most other superhero names. I mean, Iron Man? How creative," she laughed sarcastically.

Bucky took the phone out of her hand and placed it on the coffee table before leaning into her space. "You seem to like all of mine," he whispered, teasingly, before nipping at her earlobe.

Since Chanel and Zemo had returned to the house, Bucky had been trying to get her back into the bedroom with him. But she kept rebuffing his advances, coming up with excuse after excuse.

Chanel's eyes fluttered closed when his teeth dragged along her earlobe. "Bucky," she tried not to whimper, but her body betrayed her.

All she wanted to do was drag him to the bedroom and never let him out. But Sam had her feelings confused. She knew it was best to take a break from him, and she needed space, clarity, someone else.

She could feel the smirk on his lips as he kissed her neck, his hand moving tantalizingly slow over her thigh.

Bastard.

"Can you not do that in front of us?" Sam groused as he chunked a pillow at Bucky's head.

Bucky caught it in mid-air, never taking his focus away from Chanel, and threw it back, knocking Sam's bowl of popcorn out of his lap.

"Dude!" Sam yelled and jumped up, spilling the rest of the popcorn all over the floor.

Bucky finally turned to give Sam his attention. "What are you squawking about now?"

Zemo groaned, immediately jumping up to fetch a broom. "Animals," he muttered under his breath.

Chanel rolled her eyes as she laughed at the two bickering superheroes.

It's a wonder they get anything done.

Zemo returned and held the broom out to Sam, who refused to take it.

"He's the one that made the mess!" Sam pointed at Bucky.

Bucky started to argue, but Zemo held his hands up. "You can both clean it then. Here." He shoved the broom into Sam's reluctant hands and handed the dustpan to Bucky.

Bucky sighed dramatically and got off the couch to help Sam clean up the mess.

"See, I told you he follows orders well," Zemo quipped to Sam, who snickered.

Bucky shot them both a deadly glare. "Shut up," he said through clenched teeth.

"Okay, that's it. We are talking about this now. What the fuck did I miss the other day?" Chanel stared at Sam and Bucky, their guilty faces making her more suspicious as they stammered out different explanations.

Zemo resumed his relaxed posture on the couch. "Just tell her, James, I don't understand what the big deal is."

Bucky took a deep breath to keep from snapping Zemo's neck.

"Bucky…?" Chanel was starting to get concerned.

"Fine. Zemo kissed me." Bucky's voice was barely audible as he stared at the ground.

Chanel rolled her eyes. "I'm serious, Buck. What happened?"

"It's true. I saw it—on accident," Sam added in.

Chanel's eyes widened as she looked between Bucky, who looked like a shamed puppy, and Zemo, who looked like the pleased cat who got him in trouble.

"Wha—why—I can't even—"

Bucky quickly moved to sit next to Chanel again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—and I should have told you but—"

Chanel held her hand up as laughter took over her frame. "Bucky, I'm not mad at you," she forced the words out through her laugh. "Is that why y'all have been acting weird?"

Bucky shrugged, embarrassed.

"I thought you guys killed someone or something. My god. You really are all drama queens, you know that?" Chanel wiped the tears from her face and looked over at Zemo. "He's a good kisser, right? I don't blame you; I mean, look at his lips."

"Okay, okay, that's enough," Bucky interjected before Zemo could say anything. "So you don't care?"

"Why would I care, Buck?"

As Chanel got over the initial shock and hilarity of the situation, she realized how serious Bucky was being. The look on his face wasn't because he was ashamed that he kissed Zemo; it was because he had kissed someone that wasn't her.

Her throat went dry, a familiar fear starting to creep back into her veins. "You can do whatever you want. Kiss him as much as you want. I don't care."

The room went silent in response to Chanel's tone shift. She was trying to sound nonchalant but was largely missing the mark.

Her ringtone broke the awkward silence, and Chanel heard Sam sigh with relief.

"Hey, what's up?" Chanel answered the call from Lemar. She heard the men start arguing in whispered tones as she moved upstairs.

"John's acting weird. He keeps talking about the serum."

"Well, he doesn't have any, right?" Chanel kicked her bedroom door closed and laid out on the bed.

"I don't see how he could."

"Mhmm. So…?"

"Is something wrong? You told me to call if—"

"Sorry, it's not you. Thanks for calling; just keep an eye on him and let me know if anything happens, okay?"

"I can do that. But what's going on with you? Can I do something?"

Chanel sighed and rubbed her palms into her eyes.

Why is everybody in the superhero business so goddamn nice?!

"It's complicated." Chanel sighed when she heard Lemar's dejected hum. "But thanks."

"If you want to talk, you know how to reach me."

"Don't you have a super cop to babysit? Go get to work, Battlestar."

"Very funny. I'll keep you updated."

Chanel hung up the phone with a smile on her face. She had to admit that it was refreshing to talk to someone without having an angle on how she was going to manipulate them.

Sam knocked on the door before letting himself in. "Hey, you good?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Chanel snapped.

Sam mouthed a "wow" to himself. "Seems like you're a little upset about Bucky kissing Zemo, is all. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm not upset about anything." Chanel tried to keep her voice neutral, even as anger roiled in her at the thought of the two men together. "And Bucky didn't kiss him; it was the other way around."

"Does that matter?" Sam furrowed his eyebrows. "Regardless, from what I saw, they were both equally involved in that makeout sesh."

Chanel took a shaky breath. "Sam, drop it."

"Why can't you just admit that you're jealous? Admit that you have feelings for him!"

"I do not!" Chanel threw her phone at Sam's head.

Sam barely dodged it and looked at her incredulously. "Not cool, Chanel."

"Oh, you're using your superhero voice on me now?" Chanel rolled her eyes.

"There's nothing to be scared of. I'm 90% sure Bucky feels the same way."

Chanel's heart stopped; that was worse, so much worse.

"That is not helpful!"

Sam sighed, accepting defeat for the moment. "Fine, be alone for the rest of your life."

Chanel kicked him away from the bed. "I'm sleeping alone tonight; go find somewhere else to lay."

"Seriously?!"

"Seriously! Go. I need to be alone."

Sam grumbled under his breath the whole time he gathered his things from around the room.

"Goodnight," Chanel called as he left.

"Goodnight, pain in my ass!"

Chanel settled into the bed, spreading out as much as she could.

See, this is why being alone isn't all that bad. You get the bed all to yourself.

She tried to relax and just go to sleep, but her body was once again betraying her. The need she had been trying to ignore since she and Bucky had been interrupted earlier in the day was scorching across her skin. Her brain not letting her forget the blissed-out look on Bucky's face, the delicious pain when he pulled her hair, and those beautiful sounds he made. She wanted to go to him more than anything.

No! You don't need him.

She sighed happily when her finger danced over her clit, but the pleasure was short-lived. Her fingers weren't enough. With a frustrated groan, she got out of bed and emptied her suitcase until she found her vibrator.

She settled back onto the pillows and let her mind wander, trying to find a memory that would get her there.

NOT, Bucky.

She forced herself to push those memories aside. She landed on Stephan next.

Okay, that's working. Fuck.

She thought about when Stephan had taken her right in the warehouse they had been working in.

The other gang members just on the other side of the door. Her dress pushed up over her hips, her lace panties in her mouth.

She groaned as her orgasm quickly approached.

Stephan's breath on her neck as he whispered praises, the desperate pace of his thrusts, the blood—

Wait, why was there blood on my face? What happened?

Her hand slowed down as she rewound the memory. Her stomach dropped as she remembered what had gotten Stephan so worked up in the first place. She had just killed a snitch. She had taunted him, straddling his lap before she slit his throat. And Stephan had immediately dragged her into the next room to fuck her brains out.

The memory switched back to Stephan railing into her, he flipped her around, and it wasn't Stephan anymore. It was Bucky, looking disgusted with her.

God fucking dammit.

What is wrong with you, Chanel?

A deep shame settled over her. As hot tears started to run down her cheeks, she threw the vibrator at the wall, smashing it to pieces.

How could Sam think Bucky has feelings for me?! I'm a fucking monster.

She laid and wallowed in her sorrow and shame for what felt like hours. Sleep was obviously inevitable.

She went downstairs, expecting to find Sam on the couch, but the room was empty. She peeked into Bucky's room and found them passed out together, Sam's head resting on Bucky's shoulder.

Chanel rolled her eyes and quietly shut the door before going to the kitchen to pour herself a drink. She didn't bother leaving the bar. She downed one drink after the other until she felt like she was thinking clearly.

This is stupid. I can't change what I did.

I don't need him making me feel like shit about who I am.

She downed another drink, somehow finding a way to make her shame Bucky's fault.

No, I need someone like Stephan, someone who appreciates me and doesn't want me to change.

For a second, she thought about calling Stephan, but she wasn't that far gone.

She tapped her fingers on the bar top. A container full of Turkish delight caught her attention. She slowly ate one as she mulled over what she was about to do.

Zemo.

He's perfect. He already knows the worst thing I ever did.

He doesn't give a shit.

I can't hurt him...not like I would hurt Bucky.

She swallowed the rest of her drink for courage and went to Zemo's door. Her fist was raised to knock, but she paused.

Why am I... what am I feeling? Nervous?

Her stomach was twisting, but not in the pleasant way she had imagined it would. She paced in front of the door, trying to convince herself to just go in.

It's not like he'd reject me. No, that's not it.

She paused and looked down at her body; even in sweats and a baggy t-shirt, she knew she was hot shit.

Yeah, self-confidence isn't the problem.

Maybe, I'm worried he won't be as good.

That never stopped me before.

Get it together. He's hot as fuck; just go get laid.

She started to knock again, but her hand fell back to her side.

Fuck!

It's Bucky.

Stupid, perfect, Bucky.

I can't do this to him. Why can't I do this to him?!

The memories called to mind as she pondered the question were no longer about the amazing sex. She was picturing the way Bucky's nose scrunched up when he laughed, the grumpy look on his face in the mornings that made her giggle, how crazy he made her when he constantly stole all the blankets, even though he never seemed to actually get cold. The image she had conjured up of her and Bucky reading a story to their children reappeared; all stress lines removed from their faces, Bucky's hand rubbing her shoulders as they read just one more story to their sleepy-eyed children.

Well shit.

Chanel took a small step away from Zemo's door as the realization sunk in. Her world was spinning off its axis, and she thought she might actually be sick.

I really am in love.

Goddammit! I hate when Sam is right.

How did this happen?!

Chanel stood frozen in front of Zemo's door, her mind racing as panic filled her veins. Zemo's door suddenly flew open, catching Chanel off guard. "Holy shit!" Chanel's heart was hammering in her chest as she took in the woman in a slinky dress in Zemo's doorway.

"So sorry—I didn't know there would be someone standing here…." The woman's accented tongue further confused Chanel.

Who is this woman?

Zemo appeared in the doorway behind the woman, wearing only a pair of low-slung sweats, his perfect hair askew. "Draga, is everything okay?"

Chanel finally snapped out of it and moved out of the way so the woman could leave. Relief swept through her, and she couldn't stop herself from laughing.

That was almost a huge fucking mistake.

Zemo locked the front door after the woman left and joined Chanel on the couch. "What's so funny?"

"Just me. I don't know what's wrong with me lately."

Zemo gave her a confused look. "Did you need something? Why were you at my door?"

Chanel looked over at him. He pushed his hair back into place; his cheeks were still slightly flushed, his lips swollen. He really was beautiful, and she was beating herself up for not fucking him when she had the chance. Before...Bucky.

That lucky bitch.

"I don't remember. The woman kind of threw me off."

Chanel grabbed the container of Turkish delight and sat back down next to Zemo.

"Jealous again?"

"A little. But not so much of her," Chanel grumbled as she stuffed pieces of candy in her mouth.

"Of who then?" Zemo grabbed a handful of candy.

Chanel glared at him. "You already know. Don't make me say it."

Zemo smirked. "I didn't think you cared that much."

"I don't," Chanel said stubbornly.

"My apologies, draga. I won't touch him again, okay? He's all yours."

Chanel tried to ignore the way her heart constricted at the thought of Bucky being hers. All hers.

"Shut up, Zemo. Who was that woman?"

Zemo shrugged, "I met her in town tonight."

"You left?!"

"It is my house; I can come and go as I please."

"You're actively trying to go back to prison," Chanel accused.

"Why do you care so much? It's been a given this whole time that this is how my story ends."

Chanel turned to him angrily. "Because, you ass, I like you—you're my friend! And I don't have very many of those. How am I going to be friends with you if you're in a Wakandan prison?!"

Zemo frowned at the genuine distress Chanel clearly felt over their eventual separation. He pulled her into his chest. "I'm sorry. I'm honored to be your friend, and you know I don't have many either. If I could stay with you, I would. But there's no way around this, Chanel."

Chanel pulled back and stood up. "We'll see about that when the time comes. Goodnight, whore."

Chanel giggled at Zemo's confused face. "What? You did just have a one-night stand, did you not?"

Zemo threw a piece of Turkish delight at her with a smile. "I suppose you're right."

Chanel popped the candy in her mouth as she walked away. "I'm happy for you; she looked super slutty too."

"Go to bed…." Zemo struggled to come up with a friendly jab to call her… "irritant."

Chanel guffawed, "okay, tomorrow we're working on your nicknames. Irritant." She fell into a fit of laughter again and ran up the stairs as Zemo chunked more candy in her direction.

Zemo sat back on the couch, a smile on his lips. He had a guess as to why Chanel had been at his door, and he was glad she had changed her mind. Their time had passed, and in Zemo's opinion, even a blind man could see that Chanel and Bucky were in love. They were either too stupid or too scared to admit it, but Zemo was done being caught in the middle. He was still in awe that Chanel had even become his friend. It had been such a long time since he made a genuine friend. And now he was beginning to think that Sam and Bucky were his friends too. Why else would he feel the need to turn down a woman who kept throwing herself at him? Had she knocked on his door, he would have turned her down again.

He couldn't—wouldn't do that to Bucky.

The next day Chanel continued to avoid Bucky as much as possible. Her feelings were too real and too strong, and she needed to get rid of them. Part of her wanted to feel them, to just let it happen. But her past was nagging at her, reminding her that even if Bucky felt the same way, he wouldn't when he really knew her. How could he? She wouldn't take the risk. He deserved so much better than her.

On top of her anxiety over Bucky, she was nervously waiting for the Dora to show up looking for Zemo. Every noise made her jump, and it was pissing her off that no one else seemed as concerned.

Bucky's patience with Chanel dancing around him quickly wore thin. They were all sitting in the living room, and she was as far away from him as possible. He knew she could feel him staring at her, but she refused to look up. When she got up to go refill her drink, he cornered her in the kitchen.

Chanel stiffened when she felt Bucky's presence behind her.

Be cool. Just get your drink and leave.

She turned around, keeping her head down to avoid his eyes, and tried to slip past him. He was too big; there was nowhere to go, not when he extended his arm and gently pushed her back into the counter.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not," Chanel answered too quickly.

Bucky sighed, caging her in more with his body. "Is it Zemo?"

Chanel scoffed, "It's not anything, now move."

"No, not until you tell me what's going on. You can't go from being all over me to barely looking at me for no reason."

Chanel finally dared to meet his eyes; he looked so concerned, she could see a sliver of fear, and her heart melted.

Maybe, I should just tell him?

Don't be stupid.

Chanel swallowed hard, trying to come up with something to say. Her ringtone cut through the heavy silence, and she sighed with relief.

"Don't—" Bucky started.

"It's Lemar," she said as she answered the phone.

She ducked under Bucky's arm and went to join Zemo and Sam in the living room, Bucky close on her heels.

"Hold on, slow down," Chanel frowned as she put the phone on speaker for the others to hear.

"I think John has the serum," Lemar sounded out of breath.

"Calm down. Where are you?" Sam had quickly shifted into hero mode.

"I'm walking to Zemo's place now."

"No, we'll meet you at your place. If Walker has the serum, we need to get it before he can inject it." Chanel spoke with her eyes locked on Zemo's, and their stomachs sank in unison.

My vial. He took my vial.

Fuck.

"Okay, that makes sense."

"Stay where you are and text me the address. We'll be there soon."

Chanel hung up the phone. "We have to hurry before Walker does something stupid and Lemar gets hurt."

Lemar's and John's shared apartment was eerily dark and quiet.

"John?" Lemar called into the darkness.

There was no reply.

Lemar flicked the kitchen light on, and Chanel flinched back when she caught sight of Walker pacing back and forth in the living room.

"What the hell?" Bucky whispered. "Why is he in the dark?"

"Nope. No. I don't like this." Sam was shaking his head, backing away from Walker.

"John? Are you okay?" Lemar approached him, and the rest of the group followed, though several steps behind.

Walker finally turned in their direction. His eyes filled with rage as soon as he saw the unwelcome guests.

"What are they doing here?" He asked Lemar.

"I asked them to come."

Walker didn't let Lemar finish speaking. He stalked toward him, getting in his face. "Why?" He growled.

"Something's wrong with you man, I just wanted to help." Lemar stepped back until he ran into the wall.

"So you're on their side now? I should have known; all of you people like to stick together."

"Oh hell no," Chanel and Sam said in unison.

"What? Are you going to stab me again?" Walker taunted Chanel. "Go on, try it."

"Look, man, we know you have the serum. Just give it to us before things get weirder okay?" Sam stepped forward, trying to sound calm.

"No," Walker said as he crossed his arms, and he looked directly at Chanel. "Come take it."

"Chanel, don't engage him," Sam warned.

Walker raised a challenging eyebrow at her, and Chanel couldn't ignore it. Everything about him made her skin crawl. She cracked her neck before stepping forward toward him.

"I don't want to hurt you. Just give us the serum, and we'll leave."

"I said, no, bitch."

Despite her best efforts, Chanel couldn't swallow her anger. She was vaguely aware of Bucky and Sam telling her to stop as she haphazardly launched into attack mode. Walker laughed as he blocked her punches, toying with her. When she aimed a kick toward his jaw, he caught her ankle and threw her across the room.

Her head smashed into the brick, and her vision went blurry. She could feel blood trickling down her skull, and she was only vaguely aware of the men fighting in front of her. She tried to look up when she heard her name but could barely see due to the black spots swarming her vision.

The next thing she knew, she was being carried into another room, the crashing of bodies being thrown around still making her head pound.

"You're okay. This might hurt though, I'm sorry." Lemar applied a towel firmly to the back of her head.

Chanel winced and tried to move away from him, throwing a punch that caught his jaw.

"Damn. Hold her down; I have to stop the bleeding."

Chanel felt another pair of hands lift her, and she sighed with relief when her face snuggled into the familiar fur.

"Shh, it's okay, draga. We're just cleaning up your wound." Zemo petted her hair the same way she had done to him earlier in the day.

She winced when Lemar applied the pressure again, but this time she stayed put.

"Here, hold this; I have to go try and calm him down; I can't leave them out there alone." Zemo took over for Lemar.

"Wait," Chanel grabbed at Lemar's sleeve. "I have something—take it."

Her speech was barely coherent, and Lemar looked to Zemo for clarification. Zemo noticed Chanel trying to take something off of her belt, and he pulled it off for her and handed it to Lemar.

"It looks like some kind of tranquilizer dart," Zemo said with a shrug.

"Nonlethal?"

"No idea."

Lemar sighed and took off to help Sam and Bucky.

Chanel opened her eyes, blinking rapidly at the bright light blinding her.

"Shit, turn the light off," Bucky whispered.

"Thank you," Chanel groaned when the room went dark. "Where are we? What happened? Are you okay? Where is everyone?"

"Shh, calm down. Everything is fine." Bucky squeezed her hand. "We're at Zemo's. We had to take you to the hospital last night, but you're okay. Your head will probably hurt for a few days."

"Last night? Wait, where's Zemo? Did they take him?!" Chanel tried to sit up in a panic, and her vision went white.

"Hey, hey, lay down. Zemo's here. I don't know why, but the Dora never showed up."

Chanel finally opened her eyes fully and focused on Bucky's face. He looked horrible. Cuts and bruises in various stages of healing littered his face, and his eyes were bloodshot; he hadn't slept all night.

"Buck—"

Bucky saw her eyes widen in terror. "I'm fine. I swear." He gently laid down next to her, holding her close to his side. "Walker clearly had already taken the serum before we showed up. But everyone else is fine too. Sam and Lemar are asleep. And Zemo's right here." Bucky pointed across the room, and Chanel realized she was in Zemo's bed. He was sitting by the windows looking like he felt as bad as Bucky looked.

"Zemo?" Chanel tried to sit up as she called to him.

"Don't sit up, draga." Zemo moved to her quickly.

"I'm glad you're all okay. Where's Walker?"

Bucky sighed frustratedly, "we don't know. He took off. Lemar tried to calm him down, but he was off the rails."

"Wait, didn't I give him the tranquilizer?"

"He was worried it was lethal; he didn't want to risk it."

Chanel rolled her eyes. "So, what's the plan now?"

Bucky looked down at Chanel, and his heart seized; it had taken everything in him not to kill Walker last night. "Right now, I'm hoping I find Walker before Sam does. I'll tear him to pieces."

"Stop trying to turn me on; my head hurts."

Zemo snickered at her joke, making Chanel smile.

"See, I told you she'd be back to her usual self in no time." Zemo kissed her hand before heading toward the bedroom door.

"Where are you going?" Chanel asked.

"To the couch. I couldn't sleep until I knew you were okay, but I'm quite tired."

"Don't be silly; this is your bed."

"It's yours for now. I've slept on a couch before."

Chanel rolled her eyes, scooting closer to Bucky and leaving room on the other side of the bed. "Just come lay down; we won't bite."

Zemo looked at Bucky, expecting him to tell Chanel to let it go.

Bucky simply rolled onto his side, burying his face in Chanel's neck. "Either lay down or leave, but I'm going to sleep."

Zemo swallowed thickly as he shut the bedroom door once again. He tried not to be so awkward as he climbed into bed. It was his bed, after all, he shouldn't feel like a stranger.

Bucky fell asleep immediately, and Chanel rested her head on his soft hair. He was so goddamn comforting she wanted to cry. She didn't have the willpower to ask him to leave, to continue trying to keep her distance. She thought it might physically pain her if he were to leave her side.

She felt the bid dip slightly as Zemo crawled in, and she reached her free hand out to him.

"Come closer, don't be shy."

Zemo refused to move.

"Zemo, I comforted you when that bastard hurt you. Now it's my turn. Come on," she pouted.

Zemo sighed but moved closer to her until his chin rested on her shoulder.

"See, that wasn't so painful, was it?"

"Brat," he whispered, making her giggle.

"Better than irritant."

When she was asleep, Zemo quietly made his way to the couch. It would take time for him to get used to Chanel's touchy-feely version of friendship.

"Bucky! Buck!" Sam whispered as he shook Bucky's shoulder.

He was trying not to wake up Chanel, but Bucky was sleeping like a rock.

"Sam, what is it?" Chanel groaned as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up, but something happened."

Chanel sat up when she heard the panic in Sam's voice. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to ignore the swirling in her head and the shooting pain.

"What's going on? Is it Walker?"

"No, worse." Sam shook Bucky's shoulder again.

"Don't do that," Chanel swatted Sam's hand off Bucky's shoulder, "he's a heavy sleeper. Let me try."

Chanel leaned over and whispered in Bucky's ear while she gently stroked his hair.

He groggily opened his eyes. "Hey doll, are you okay?"

"I'm fine; Sam says something has happened."

Bucky sat up, at full attention.

"It's my sister."

"Sarah? What's wrong?" Chanel got out of bed, already on edge.

"Karli called her. She threatened AJ and Cass."

"What?!"

"She wants to meet. She told me to come alone."

"Of course, you're not going alone," Bucky interjected. He was already putting his shoes on.

"I think we need full gear for this one, Buck. I'm tired of getting our asses kicked. We need to end this now."

Bucky nodded and went to his room to get changed.

"Did you already tell the others? What's the plan?" Chanel winced and grabbed her head as her vision blurred again.

"Hey, hey, calm down. I told them. But you can't come."

"Sam—don't. I'm fine. And this is AJ and Cass we're talking about. I'm not staying here. I'll take some medicine and suck it up."

Chanel left the room before Sam could argue with her. She entered Bucky's room to get her backpack and started gearing up.

"Don't even start," she told Bucky.

He put his hands up in defeat. "Just promise me you'll be careful."

Chanel nodded, and Bucky grabbed her arm to make her look at him.

"I'm being serious. I—when I didn't know if you were going to be okay or not—I've never felt pain like that before."

Chanel opened her mouth several times before words came out. "I promise, Buck. I have to do this."

"I know," Bucky whispered and kissed her forehead. "I have to tell you something."

"Now?"

"Well, I've needed to for a while, and now is as good a time as any."

Chanel waited for him to spit out whatever he was trying to say, hoping to god it wasn't what she thought it was. He looked nervous, and everything in her was screaming to run.

Bucky felt like he might throw up; his palms were sweating. "Look, I—hmm, I used to be good at this."

"Just spit it out already," Chanel huffed.

"Okay. Okay. I think—no, not think. I know, in fact, I've known for a while now—"

Sam threw the door open. "Things just got worse. Sharon called."

"Sharon? Why?" Chanel turned and followed Sam out of the door.

"I asked her to try and find Walker for me."

Chanel scoffed.

"Hush, you were passed out; I had to turn to the next best spy I know."

Chanel shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever, what did she say?"

"She found Walker, and it looks like he's still nearby. He's probably going to try and go after Karli on his own. We can't let him get to her first."

"Let's go then. We're ready. Right, Buck?"

Bucky nodded; clearly, he had been wrong to think now was an appropriate time to profess his love.

Stupid. What were you thinking?

Trying to get your heartbroken right before an important mission?

Smart, Barnes.

Bucky swallowed his feelings and put on a familiar mask, the serious soldier. He could wallow in his feelings after Sam's family was safe.