Chapter 18: Time To Escape The Clutches Of A Name: Part 2

A/N: Part 2 is here! This one is all from Bucky's pov and starts after the fight with the Flag Smashers. I had so much fun writing this and may have made myself cry a few times so-good luck! (Side note, validation is my fuel, so please let me know what you think about the story so far!)

Summary: Picking up after Bucky's and Sam's fight with Walker, Bucky is in a panic about Chanel and Zemo's disappearance. Emotions run high and force Bucky and Sam to finally have an honest conversation about the shield and their relationship. Ayo comes to deliver bad news, and Bucky has to leave for Wakanda.

Riga. November 4.

Bucky stormed into Zemo's house, Sam running to keep up.

"Dude, slow down; everything's okay." Sam was panting after chasing Bucky all the way from the warehouse they had left Walker in. He put the shield down on the coffee table and sat on the couch to catch his breath. They were both injured and bleeding but hadn't taken time to deal with it. Bucky ignored it completely, racing back to the house and quickly checking every room before coming back downstairs to yell at Sam.

"Where are they?!" Bucky paced around angrily. "We shouldn't have left them. I told you we shouldn't have left them!"

Sam put his hands up defensively. "You have been bitching about this shield for months, and now all of a sudden, I'm in the wrong for going after it instead of babysitting Zemo?!"

Bucky whipped around, glaring at Sam. "Yeah, all it took was seeing the one thing we have left of Steve covered in blood to get you to give a shit."

"There it is," Sam scoffed. "Let's talk about what this is really about then. Why can't you understand that I did what I thought was best?"

"That shield is the closest thing I have left to a family, and you just gave it away like it was nothing! I had to watch that psychopath murder someone with it!"

Sam rolled his eyes and stood up. "I'm real sick of you saying shit like that when I'm right here. Literally reaching out to you, and you keep pushing me away."

The anger dropped from Bucky's face, replaced with confusion. "What?"

"I can be your family if you'd just let me!" Sam threw his hands up in exasperation and sat back down on the couch.

Bucky was frozen, Sam's words making him feel confused, happy, and then embarrassed. "Sam, I—"

Bucky was cut off by the sound of his cell phone; he pulled it out of his pocket, his heart leaping out of his chest when he saw Chanel's name.

"Where are you?!" Bucky's voice was frantic, and Sam motioned for him to put the phone on speaker.

"We're fine. We got the shield. Now, where are you?"

Bucky sat next to Sam, and they both listened to Chanel's explanation of what happened after they parted ways.

"I don't understand. You're leaving with him now?" Bucky choked out.

"Well, the Dora can't take him. I thought this is what you would want."

Bucky didn't respond; he sat back on the couch with a dazed look on his face. Sam grabbed the phone and left the room.

"Chanel, why do you always do this?"

"Do what?"

"Runaway from your problems! From anything that scares you!"

"I'm not running away from anything! I'm trying to be helpful. After a few days, when the coast is clear, we'll come back. Dick."

"Whatever. Just keep your phone on. And be careful."

"Yeah, yeah, I will. So, you got the shield?"

"Yup, and Bucky's still being a prick about it," Sam sighed in frustration.

"Let me talk to him."

"I don't think—"

"Sam, just give him the phone back."

Sam muted the phone and went back to his seat next to Bucky. He looked up at Sam expectantly.

"She said after a few days, they'll come back."

Bucky looked down at the floor. "Okay," he whispered.

"She wants to talk to you," Sam said as he gave Bucky the phone back.

Bucky snatched it quickly, and Sam left the room.

"Chanel?" Bucky pressed the phone to his ear.

"What is your problem?"

Bucky frowned, not understanding what he possibly could have done in the few minutes she had been on the phone.

"What did I do?"

"You're being a dick to Sam. The shield. Why don't you drop it already?"

Bucky hung his head. "It's—I don't have anything else, okay? I have Steve's notebook, and that's it." Bucky paused to take a shaky breath; he was getting more upset than he had expected. Locking down his emotions for so long had allowed them to fester until they poisoned every fiber of his being. "That shield—that was all I had, and he just gave it away, and now Walker—"

"Bucky, calm down." Chanel waited until his breathing was even again before she continued. "I get it, I really do, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry he left."

Bucky sniffled, trying not to get upset again.

"But Bucky, this isn't about you. Have you even considered Sam's perspective? His perspective as a Black man in a country that can't even agree that Black lives matter? A country where Black men make up 13% of the population and 40% of the prison population."

"I—" Bucky stuttered.

"No, you haven't. I don't expect you to get it, I mean, the Wakandans don't have a great record with helping their own, and you kinda missed 80 years or so. But Bucky, you met Isiah Bradley too. Sam was scared; the government threw him in prison once, they wouldn't hesitate to do it again. Steve didn't have to deal with people calling him racist slurs on fucking Twitter."

They were both silent for a moment; Bucky could feel his face burning with embarrassment. He didn't know what to say; there was nothing he could say that would fix it.

"I didn't think—I'm so stupid. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me; go talk to Sam."

"Yeah," Bucky ran his hand through his hair, a huff of air leaving his mouth as he stood up from the couch. "Thank you, Chanel, for waking my ass up."

"Anytime, and Bucky?"

"Yeah, doll?"

There was a silent moment of hesitation on the other line, and Bucky licked his lips, a nervous habit.

"I'll be back soon."

"Okay, doll."

Bucky hung up the phone and went upstairs to find Sam. He tentatively entered the bedroom, Sam's suit was laid out on the bed.

"Sam?"

"In here," Sam called from the bathroom.

Bucky leaned against the door frame, watching Sam wince as he tended to his wounds. "You want some help with that?"

Sam laughed, meeting Bucky's eyes in the mirror. "You might want to fix your own face first. Here." Sam slid the first aid kit across the counter, and Bucky entered the bathroom.

He stripped his leather jacket off and rummaged through the first aid kit. He suddenly felt sick; his tongue felt heavy as he searched for the right words.

"I'm sorry, Sam."

Sam glanced in his direction. "For what exactly?"

Bucky turned to meet his eyes, the words tumbling out. "For everything. Especially the shield. There's no way that Steve and I could have known what it would mean for you to take the shield. I'm sorry. Nothing that happened—Walker—none of it was your fault."

Sam smiled and clapped Bucky on the back. "It's all good, brother."

"Sam, seriously, I was selfish and stupid. I know I can't understand completely, but I want to do better."

"Chanel really got to you, didn't she?" Sam chuckled as he put a bandage on his cheek. "Look, I meant what I said; I'm your friend, your family if you want."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that too; I've been such an ass." Bucky looked up when Sam snorted. "I'm serious. I pushed you away because I guess I was worried that you were only being nice to me because you felt obligated to."

"Obligated?"

"Because Steve left, and I had no one."

"You really think I wasn't your friend before Steve left? Man, I was the one that spent two years looking for your ass after Hydra fell. Not Steve, me. And that was after you almost killed me multiple times. I went to prison for you. I've had your back at every turn. Hell, I'll probably end up in prison again for your dumb ass if we don't get Zemo back."

Bucky finally cracked a smile as he reminisced on how crazy his and Sam's friendship had been.

"How have I not realized that you're my best friend this whole time?"

"Probably because you spend too much time brooding. And buying shirts that are too small." Sam pointed to the shirt on the floor that Bucky had just discarded.

"Okay, I get it." Bucky rolled his eyes. "Just give me a hug already."

They both winced as their hug irritated their wounds. Still, the embrace felt natural, and Bucky honestly was flabbergasted that he had pushed Sam away for so long.

"I do have a more serious question, though," Sam said as he carefully pulled a shirt over his head and slid it down his chiseled chest.

Bucky raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"Zemo? Over me?"

"Oh god, don't start."

"Answer the question, man."

"This is more serious to you, right now?"

"Uh yeah." Sam nodded his head emphatically. "I mean, Chanel, I get, but come on, I'm lower on your list than Zemo?"

Bucky looked away, his good mood melting away quickly at the mention of Chanel's name.

"I was just kidding, don't get all broody on me now."

Bucky tried to smile, but it just came across as pained.

Sam sighed, "it's Chanel, isn't it? She's fine."

Bucky looked down at his hands. "Sam, I think I'm in love with her. It hurts when she's not here, and it's driving me crazy not knowing where she is or if she's actually coming back."

"You think? Seriously?"

Bucky looked up at him with confusion in his eyes. His first fear was that Sam would disapprove, that Sam would tell him what he already knew—she would never love him, and she deserved better.

"This is my best friend we're talking about here. You gotta do better than 'I think.' Do you actually love her, or is she just the first person who's shown you the kind of intimacy you haven't had in 90 plus years?"

Bucky thought about it; he hadn't considered that. "Fuck, I don't know. Does it matter?"

"How well do you actually know her, Buck? She's a very private person."

Bucky only nodded in response.

"But she knows everything about you, right?"

Bucky knew what Sam was insinuating—he had fallen in love with the idea of someone, anyone, knowing him and accepting him, flaws and all. He loved the attention, the validation; he loved not being alone anymore. He could admit to himself that was part of it, but he also loved how Chanel challenged him on his bullshit, how she made the dark clouds that surrounded him dissipate with a single smile; he loved her, her flaws and all.

"I love her, Sam. I can't breathe when she's not here. I think about her all the time. I don't know what I'm going to do if we end this mission, and she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore."

"Okay, okay. Calm down, I believe you. Look, she's fine; she's doing this because she thinks it's helpful. Once she thinks it's safe, she'll come back. But, when she does, you have to tell her how you feel. And what you overheard. I don't know how much longer I can pretend I don't know."

Bucky took a deep breath and calmed his nerves. "Okay, you're right. It's going to be fine. I'll tell her everything as soon as she gets back."

Sam nodded and led the way back downstairs.

"Sam?"

"Yeah, Buck?"

"You don't disapprove? You don't think I'm bad for her?" Bucky's brow was furrowed, a clear worry line between his eyes.

Sam sat back down on the couch, a slight frown on his face. "Of course I approve, Bucky. Not that you need my approval. I'll say this, I haven't seen her like this in a long time. And you—anything that makes you smile as much as you have this past month I'm in support of."

"I just want to be everything she deserves and more."

"All you can be is you, and that's more than enough."

There was a loud knock on the door, and Bucky and Sam looked at each other warily before slowly inching toward the door together.

"Shit," Bucky whispered when he saw Ayo through the peephole.

Sam opened the door, and Ayo barged in; she was alone.

"Ayo, I'm sorry, I don't know where he is." Bucky followed her into the living room.

"I know, James." Ayo's voice was tight and distant. "I've come for you. The king is dead."

"What?" Bucky thought surely he must have misheard her.

Ayo held her chin high, trying to keep a hold of her emotions. "T'Challa. There was nothing to be done. Shuri requested that I bring you to her."

Bucky felt like he might sink to his knees.

How could this have happened? T'Challa was one of the strongest people I knew. Bucky felt Sam's arm slide around him just as he started to fall.

"Buck? Buck, it's okay."

Bucky shook his head, Sam's voice pulling him back to the present.

Oh god, Shuri.

"Shuri? Is she okay?"

Ayo's face tightened as she shook her head. "We need to go now."

Bucky looked at Sam, the panic on his face causing Sam to push him towards his room.

"Go, man. I'll be fine here, and I'll keep you updated."

Bucky nodded and gave Sam a short hug before grabbing his things and leaving.

Wakanda. November 5.

Bucky and Ayo flew to Wakanda in silence. As soon as they landed, she guided him through the palace en route to Shuri. She surprised them when she came barreling down the hallway and slammed into Bucky. Her thin arms wrapped around him tightly, her tears already staining his shirt.

Ayo silently left them alone, retreating to finally get a break from suppressing her own emotions.

Bucky hugged Shuri close to his chest. He didn't need to say anything, not yet. All she needed was his presence. He could feel her pain with every shaky breath she took. She had already lost her father and now her brother. She was too young to experience this type of pain.

As her tears slowed, Bucky tried to soothe her, telling her everything was going to be okay. "I'm so sorry, Shuri. I'm here; I'm so sorry."

Shuri finally pulled back to take Bucky in. She had barely even looked at him before she had jumped in his arms. He looked different than the last time they had been together. He was bigger than he had been last time, and she imagined him spending his sleepless nights at the gym. He looked healthier, his face wasn't as hollow, but the dark bags under his eyes persisted. And courtesy of Walker and the Flag Smashers, his face was beaten and bruised.

"You look like shit, brother."

Bucky couldn't help but smile; Shuri was never one to hide what she was really thinking.

"But, I'm glad to see you're growing your hair out again. I almost paid you a visit when I saw you had cut it."

"Yeah, well, it helps keep me incognito. You don't have to deal with nonsense like paparazzi or strangers asking you to take a picture with your hand wrapped around their throat."

"That really happened?" Shuri covered her mouth to stifle her laugh.

"Once, and that was the day I decided to chop the hair off. Come on, let's go talk."

She nodded and led him into her lab, the only place she felt in control.

Bucky sat across from her, waiting on her to speak first. She didn't. She tinkered around the lab until Bucky let out a long sigh.

"Shuri, do you want to talk about it? What happened?"

"He was on a mission. It went bad. I couldn't save him."

"Hey, hey, don't talk like that. I'm sure you did everything possible, which is more than the average person could have done."

Bucky wrapped his arm around her as she started crying again.

"When did this happen?"

"A few days ago. I wanted you to be here for the funeral. And because I needed you."

"Of course, I'm here. Tell me what I can do."

Shuri was quiet for a moment. She looked up at the man who had become a second brother to her and just wanted to feel happy again. "Do you want to go visit the goats?"

Bucky smiled. "Of course I do."

Wakanda was just as beautiful as Bucky remembered. He admired every inch of it as he walked with Shuri. The people, however, were giving him strange looks.

It must be because of Zemo, shit.

Shuri noticed Bucky growing uncomfortable. "They're wary of you. You pulled some stupid shit with Zemo, you know that?"

"I'm sorry, Shuri; I know I shouldn't have done it. I didn't mean it to be disrespectful to you or anyone else."

"You'll fix it, I'm sure. I'm not concerned with it right now. Come on, I see the goats!" Shuri took off toward the lake where the goats were herded.

Bucky cherished moments like this, when she was just a child, not a genius or a princess—now queen, just a child. She reminded him of his own sisters who teased him mercilessly but loved him hard. He would have done anything for them. He remembered staying stubbornly planted at one game at the fair, annoying his friends, because he had promised his sister, Rebecca, a stuffed rabbit. He felt a pang of sadness as he remembered his youngest sister, Betty, clinging to his leg the morning he had left the house for the last time. He had yelled at her for wrinkling his uniform; he hadn't truly been upset with her—he had been a nervous wreck. He didn't sign up for war; he was drafted—forced. The sad reality that every decision in his life from that point on was forced on him was not lost on Bucky. After fixing his uniform and drinking a swig of whiskey to calm his nerves, he had apologized and promised to bring Betty back something pretty. She made him pinky swear. It was the only pinky swear he had ever broken.

Bucky shook the sad memories off and followed behind Shuri, happy memories of his time in Wakanda filling his mind as he took in the familiar surroundings. His one moment of peace, and he had fucked it up in his craze to stop the spread of the super-soldier serum. Sam had been right; he had lost his mind. And now he'd fucked up Zemo's life and Chanel's in the process.

Focus. This isn't about you. It's about Shuri.

"He remembers you!" Shuri giggled as a gray and white goat approached Bucky.

"Hey, Stevie, I remember you too." Bucky squatted down and petted the little goat.

Once they sensed Bucky's presence, all of the goats gravitated toward him.

"Hi, Sammy," Bucky laughed when a black and white goat nudged his knee, impatient for attention.

"Here comes, Becca," Shuri pointed to a brown one patiently waiting on the other side of Bucky.

Bucky turned to pet her and then focused his attention on a light brown and white goat. "Who is this one?"

"She's new; you have to name her."

Bucky sat back in the grass next to Shuri, contemplating a new name.

"Maybe you can name her after your new girlfriend."

Bucky whipped his head in Shuri's direction. "I don't—"

"Oh please, you're just as bad as T'Challa. Ayo told me. Though, she sounds like trouble."

Bucky laid back with a smile on his lips. "She is."

"Ooohh, look at that blush," Shuri teased.

"Shush," Bucky nudged her side. "I have—had three other sisters besides Becca, you know? So it's only fair that the second oldest is next. Her name was Mary."

"Mary it is.

Bucky and Shuri laid in the grass and talked and laughed until dark. They caught up and remembered their favorite moments with their lost brother. Eventually, Shuri fell asleep, and Bucky carried her back to the palace and to her room.

Ayo was waiting for him when he got inside. "There is a guest room down the hall."

"Ayo, can we talk, please?"

"I have nothing to say to you, James." Ayo turned on her heel and left Bucky in the hall.

Guilt and shame washed over him with every step she took. He wanted to go back to the hut he had lived in near the goats but decided to stick around in case Shuri needed him. Once inside the guest bedroom, he pulled his cell phone out of his bag, hopeful for an update from Sam or a message from Chanel.

His heart sank with disappointment when only Sam's name was on his screen, his message asking if Bucky was okay. Bucky gave him a call and filled him in on what had occurred.

"No news here, Buck. I'll let you know the second I hear from her."

"Thanks, Sam. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Take your time."

"Hey, did I ever tell you that I named one of my goats after you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, when I first started working with them, I gave them all names. There's this really needy one; I named him Sammy."

"Wow, Buck. That was almost sweet."

Wakanda. November 7.

A few days passed, and slowly, life in Wakanda began to settle into a new normal. Bucky tried to be present, in the moment, but his mind was far away. He had received one text from Chanel, expressing her condolences for his loss. She was keeping her distance, even virtually, to keep Zemo safe. He couldn't blame her; he was just anxious to see her again.

"Oh my god, why don't you just call her already?"

Bucky snapped out of his daydream and refocused on Shuri. They were sitting in her lab; she had been showing him her latest projects. Bucky hadn't meant to zone out, but she was talking way over his head.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm paying attention."

"Liar." Shuri frowned; Bucky wore a permanent sadness on his face that she hated. "I have something for you."

Bucky curiously followed her across the lab to the computers. He was expecting some sort of new high-tech weapon, but Shuri handed him a file folder.

"What's this?"

"Family. If you want it."

"What are you talking about, Shuri?"

"I'm nosy okay? And I hate seeing you walk around looking so sad all of the time. I thought, surely you must have some extended family. I mean, 4 sisters? There had to be some nieces and nephews out there for you somewhere."

Shuri paused as Bucky sat down; he still hadn't opened the envelope.

"You don't have to look if you don't want to; I know it's a lot. But I did find some of them, and they are looking forward to meeting you if that's what you want."

"Shuri—I—I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. Everyone needs family, even scary ex-assassins. You deserve this."

Bucky smiled and wrapped Shuri in a hug. "You are my family too. Thank you."

"Of course, brother. Now. I have to switch into queen mode." Shuri took a dramatic pause to sit up straight and make her face serious. "How are you going to fix your Zemo issue? He cannot be allowed to walk around freely."

Bucky sighed and bowed his head. "I know I don't deserve to ask, but this is more my fault than his; he has genuinely been helpful."

"What is your point, James?"

"I don't want to see him locked away here, worse off than he was before I messed up."

"You like him, don't you?"

Bucky looked up at her, unable to answer.

"Tell me why."

"What?"

"If you, after all he put you through, have come to like him this much, tell me why."

Bucky hesitated, but he could see that Shuri wasn't angry; she was curious. "I did hate him. Of course I did. But, I—I understand him now. What he did was wrong, but—he has nothing, no one. It was all ripped away, and I know what that feels like."

Shuri was quiet for a moment before she spoke again. "The Raft. We'll send him there. He can't be trusted in a regular prison, but the Americans will offer him much nicer accommodations than he would receive here."

Bucky nodded, finally feeling some sense of relief. "Thank you, Shuri. I owe you."

"All you need to do is bring him to us."

Bucky nodded, jumping up as if he was going to go fetch Zemo that very moment.

"And Brother—" Shuri grabbed Bucky's arm before he could leave. "Don't let your girlfriend get in the way this time."

"I won't let you down, Shuri. Can I get a hug before I leave? Or are you still in queen mode?"

Shuri rolled her eyes. "I'm technically always in queen mode, but come here."

"I'm sorry I can't stay longer." Bucky held her tightly.

"I know, you have superhero duties to get back to. I'm fine."

"Call me any time, and I'm here. Okay?"

Shuri nodded.

"I do have one more tiny favor to ask."

Shuri rolled her eyes. "I'm listening."

Before Bucky boarded the plane to return to Sam in Riga, his phone buzzed with a text from Chanel. She had done his work for him; Zemo would be ready to surrender when he returned to Riga the next day.

Bucky sighed with relief; a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

"Ayo, change of plans. Zemo will be waiting for you when we land."

Ayo gave a hint of a smile before she left to gather the other Dora.