Yugioh
DUEL – a RENT parody
Disclaimer: Although I wish I owned the cast of Yugioh, sadly I do not. I've often asked myself, "If not the whole cast, then at least Malik. Yum." But alas. I also cannot be credited for RENT. Jonathan Larson (February 4, 1960 – January 25, 1996) created the plot, the characters, and the music. His sudden, unexpected death on the day before his dream came true is the stuff of tragedy.
Rating: R for language and adult content
Genre: Angst/Romance/Humor
Pairings: The pairings for this parody are as follow: Malik/Marik, Bakura/Ryou, Seto/Yami, and Anzu/Pegasus (whom you never see).
Summary: Anzu is Jou and Malik's former roommate. With the help of her wealthy brother-in-law, Anzu has bought the building in which Jou and Malik live, and the lot next door that is inhabited by a group of homeless people. Anzu wants to build a high-tech, cyber-dueling arena on the property. Toward this end, she plans to clear the homeless from the lot and evict all the tenants from the building, including Jou and Malik. Jou's former lover, Seto, schedules a duel protest of Anzu's scheme for midnight on Christmas Eve. Anzu offers a deal to Jou and Malik: if they can convince Seto to stop his duel, they can stay in the building rent-free.
The Cast and NotesRoger Davis ... Malik Ishtar
Mark Cohen ... Katsuya Jounichi (Jou)
Tom Collins ... Yami Bakura
Benjamin Coffin III ... Anzu Mazaki
Joanne Jefferson ... Yami
Angel Schunard ... Ryou Bakura
Mimi Marquez ... Yami Marik
Maureen Johnson ... Seto Kaiba
Allison Grey-Coffin ... Pegasus (never seen)
Mark's mom ... Grandpa Mutou
Mr. Jefferson ... Shadi
Mrs. Jefferson ... Mana
Gordon ... Yugi Mutou
Steve ... Mokuba Kaiba
Paul ... Katsuya Shizuka
Alexi Darling ... Mai Kujaku
Roger's mom ... Isis Ishtar
Mr. Grey ... Hiroto Honda
Note: Un-named characters (such as cops and carolers) will be named only if they mention their own name in dialogue, but they are not listed above.
Also note: The gender of characters does not change because of their role (although Ryou is a drag queen...). The cast listed above is mostly for my benefit.
Also, also note: There is one character death in this play, but it was not my intention. So, please, no flames. Thank you.
ACT I
YOU OKAY HONEY?
(The street in front of the pay phone – a HOMELESS MAN appears above on the right. Across the stage, RYOU BAKURA is seated on the Christmas tree sculpture, with a plastic pickle tub balanced like a drum between his knees.)
A HOMELESS MAN
Christmas bells are ringing.
Christmas bells are ringing.
Christmas bells are ringing.
Somewhere else!
Not here.
(The HOMELESS MAN exits. RYOU gets a good beat going on the tub, but is interrupted by a moan. He starts to drum again and sees BAKURA limp to downstage-left proscenium.)
RYOU
You okay honey?
BAKURA
I'm afraid so.
RYOU
They get any money?
BAKURA
No.
Had none to get.
But they purloined my coat.
Well you missed a sleeve! Thanks.
RYOU
Hell, it's Christmas Eve.
I'm Ryou.
BAKURA
Ryou? Indeed.
An angel of the first degree.
Friends call me Bakura – Yami Bakura.
Nice tree…
RYOU
Let's get a band-aid for your knee.
I'll change, there's a "Life Support"
Meeting at nine-thirty.
Yes – this body provides a comfortable home
For the Acquired Immune Deficiency
Syndrome.
BAKURA
As does mine.
RYOU
We'll get along fine.
Get you a coat, have a bite,
Make a night – I'm flush.
BAKURA
My friends are waiting-
RYOU
You're cute when you blush.
The more the merry – ho, ho, ho!
And I do not take no.
(RYOU and BAKURA walk off stage right.)