Yugioh

DUEL – a RENT parody

Disclaimer: Although I wish I owned the cast of Yugioh, sadly I do not. I've often asked myself, "If not the whole cast, then at least Malik. Yum." But alas. I also cannot be credited for RENT. Jonathan Larson (February 4, 1960 – January 25, 1996) created the plot, the characters, and the music. His sudden, unexpected death on the day before his dream came true is the stuff of tragedy.

Rating: R for language and adult content

Genre: Angst/Romance/Humor/Parody

Pairings: The pairings for this parody are as follow: Malik/Marik, Bakura/Ryou, Seto/Yami, and Anzu/Pegasus (whom you never see).

Summary: Anzu is Jou and Malik's former roommate. With the help of her wealthy brother-in-law, Anzu has bought the building in which Jou and Malik live, and the lot next door that is inhabited by a group of homeless people. Anzu wants to build a high-tech, cyber-dueling arena on the property. Toward this end, she plans to clear the homeless from the lot and evict all the tenants from the building, including Jou and Malik. Jou's former lover, Seto, schedules a duel protest of Anzu's scheme for midnight on Christmas Eve. Anzu offers a deal to Jou and Malik: if they can convince Seto to stop his duel, they can stay in the building rent-free.

The Cast and Notes

Roger Davis ... Malik Ishtar

Mark Cohen ... Katsuya Jounichi (Jou)

Tom Collins ... Yami Bakura

Benjamin Coffin III ... Anzu Mazaki

Joanne Jefferson ... Yami

Angel Schunard ... Ryou Bakura

Mimi Marquez ... Yami Marik

Maureen Johnson ... Seto Kaiba

Allison Grey-Coffin ... Pegasus (never seen)

Mark's mom ... Grandpa Mutou

Mr. Jefferson ... Shadi

Mrs. Jefferson ... Mana

Gordon ... Yugi Mutou

Steve ... Mokuba Kaiba

Paul ... Katsuya Shizuka

Alexi Darling ... Mai Kujaku

Roger's mom ... Ishizu Ishtar

Mr. Grey ... Hiroto Honda

Note: Un-named characters (such as cops and carolers) will be named only if they mention their own name in dialogue, but they are not listed above.

Also note: The gender of characters does not change because of their role (although Ryou is a drag queen...). The cast listed above is mostly for my benefit.

Also, also note: There is one character death in this play, but it was not my intention. So, please, no flames. Thank you.

ACT I

LIFE SUPPORT

(RYOU and BAKURA attend an AIDS Life Support group. SHIZUKA, the support leader, sits on the downstage railing above. YUGI, one of the members of the group, is standing downstage left, facing the audience. As the members enter, they introduce themselves and form a semicircle. Note: The names of the support group members should change every night and should honor actual friends of the company who have died of AIDS.)

MOKUBA

Mokuba.

YUGI

Yugi.

UTSUGI

Utsugi.

HIKARU

Hikaru.

MINA

Mina.

RYOU

Hi, I'm Ryou.

BAKURA

Yami. Bakura.

SHIZUKA

I'm Shizuka. Let's begin.

ALL

There's only us.

There's only this.

(JOU blusters in noisily.)

JOU

Sorry… excuse me… oops!

SHIZUKA

And you are?

JOU

Oh. I'm not…

I'm just here to…

I don't have…

I'm here with…

Um… Jounichi.

Jounichi. I'm Jou.

Well, this is quite an operation.

SHIZUKA

Sit down, Jou.

We'll continue the affirmation.

ALL

Forget regret or life is yours to miss.

YUGI

Excuse me Shizuka. I'm having a problem

With this…

This credo-

My health points are low.

I regret that news, okay?

SHIZUKA

Alright.

But Yugi, how do you feel today?

YUGI

What do you mean?

SHIZUKA

How do you feel today?

YUGI

Okay.

SHIZUKA

Is that all?

YUGI

Best I've felt all year.

SHIZUKA

The why choose fear?

YUGI

I'm a duelist.

Fear's my life!

Look, I find some of what you teach

Suspect

Because I'm used to relying on intellect,

But I try to open up to what I don't know.

YUGI AND MALIK (who sings from his loft)

Because reason says I should have died

Three years ago.

ALL

No other road.

No other way.

No day but today.