Simon stared at the spot the demon was not two seconds before in shock. That had been terrifying and awful and maybe a little bit cool. He couldn't believe the sweet Clary he'd known for so long did this sort of thing regularly. He wasn't sure if vampires had adrenaline, but there was an intense feeling thrumming through his body. Simon had saved someone's life. Speaking of…

"Alec! What the hell, are you okay?" Simon shouted, glancing over the taller man. He didn't have any obvious wounds, but shadowhunter stuff was tricky business. Alec was staring at him blankly, not saying a word. " Is there some magic word I can say to snap you out of this? Tell me what to do here."

"What did you do?" Alec muttered, and Simon had to strain to hear the words, even with his enhanced senses.

"Oh, thank goodness you can still speak! I wasn't looking forward to having that conversation with everyone," Simon laughed, putting his hand on his chest in relief. "And don't think that you owe me for the save. That's just what friends do for each other."

"What did you do?" Alec repeated, sounding a bit more animated this time.

"Um, huh? Did you know this demon or something? Were you trying to get information from them?" Simon wondered, confused as to why Alec wouldn't be happy that this hunt was over. They couldn't have been friends, because Simon was sure that the demon was about to hurt Alec and that wasn't what friends did. He was pretty sure that rule went for shadowhunters as well.

"You ruined it. Why would you do that?" Alec growled. Different words, so a bit of an improvement, but the anger that was inexplicably aimed toward him wasn't.

"I don't understand," Simon said, stepping back a little when Alec seemed to start trembling with rage. "Okay, maybe we should call Izzy or even Magnus. They'll know what to do." A look of pain flashed across Alec's face at the mention of them and Simon was suddenly terrified.

"You can't."

"Oh no, what happened? Did they get hurt? Is that why you're alone? Where is everyone else? Who should I call?" Simon stammered, rooting around in his pockets for his cell phone. "Should I call Luke? Or- or Maia? Is there a 911 for shadowhunters?"

"I said, you can't!" Alec shouted, swiping at his phone as soon as it was clear of his pocket. Luckily, Simon was able to pull it away before Alec could break it.

"Whoa, what is going on? Are you possessed again or something?" Simon knew that was the worst thing to say when Alec's face crumpled in anguish. That was not a look that Simon was used to seeing on his face. Alec was one of the most stoic people he'd ever met in his life. He was practically wooden until Magnus started chipping away at him and revealing the real boy underneath. Not that he'd ever say anything like that out loud. "I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry."

The apology didn't matter though, because Alec was already turning to walk away. Simon could've sworn he saw the slightest waver as Alec spun around, but he wasn't sure. The thing that worried him the most though was that Alec wasn't picking up any of the weapons off of the ground to take with him. Not even his prized bow and arrows. Clary had told him before how protective he was of them, so there was no way he'd just leave them lying there for anyone to take unless there was something massively wrong.

Simon sprinted forward to cut off Alec's path, while still keeping his distance. Even without weapons, Alec was lethal. And if he really was under the influence of something, he might not realize that Simon wasn't a threat.

"Don't," Alec hissed, pivoting to the side to try to get around him. Simon spread his arms to try to block him, even though he knew he looked like an idiot.

"Will you just talk to me please? I know you don't like me, but you're acting really weird and I can't just leave it alone. It'll drive me crazy and then I'll talk Maia's ear off about it, then she'll get annoyed with me. So could you just do me a favor and tell me what's going on?" Simon babbled, hoping Alec would take pity on him. There was something inside of him telling him that he couldn't leave Alec alone right now. And he didn't think that was an instinct he could afford to ignore.

"I'm fine!" Alec spat.

"Okay, and?" Simon prodded. When he could tell he wasn't getting more, he sighed. "Come on, you have to give me more than that. That's exactly what people say when they aren't fine." Alec cut his eyes away at that and Simon paused. He started thinking back to what had happened so far and none of it was looking good.

"Drop it."

But Simon couldn't, not now. Alec had missed that shot with his arrow badly, and it wasn't like he was shooting at anything long range. That demon had been right in front of him. His weapons were right next to him, but he made no move to pick them up to defend himself. And then the worst fact of all, which he hadn't really registered until now; Alec's eyes had been closed.

"You weren't fighting back."

He'd been so close. Alec could practically taste the coming release. Everything had made complete sense in that one moment and it was so freeing. All of his worries were gone. He wasn't responsible for anyone or anything. Alec was finally getting what he needed.

But then there was nothing. And not the kind of nothing he was expecting. Nothing had changed. He was still broken and useless and hurting, but only now he had an audience for it. Simon freaking Lewis was standing in front of him, after having taken Alec's last hope away. Of all the people to show up and ruin things, it had to be the pesky little daylighter.

At first Alec had been too shocked to react. He'd been so sure that his life was over that he didn't have his brittle defenses up. And he was definitely too exhausted to deal with this without completely breaking apart. He couldn't do that, because it would ruin everything he had planned. If they found out how shattered he was, they'd know he did this on purpose. Then the Lightwood name wouldn't be restored and he would've wasted his death, just like his life. The only choice he had now was to keep on living for a bit longer, but nothing had ever sounded so difficult.

But of course Simon couldn't leave it alone. Why was anyone bothering him now, when it was already too late? Why couldn't they have stepped in before he torpedoed his whole life? Before the tightrope of life he walked on his entire existence turned into something with the durability of dental floss? Even if he didn't fall off, it was only a matter of time before it snapped underneath him.

Hearing Simon say Izzy and Magnus' name sent a pang in his heart, and being reminded of his possession flat out hurt. Pain was supposed to be over for him, but the world had a way of being cruel. Somehow, Alec couldn't even die right.

He turned around, needing to get to somewhere private. His runes weren't doing anything for him anymore and Alec could tell he was on the verge of collapse. All of his energy was going toward putting on a show for Simon, but he was going to run out. And he wasn't even doing a good job, since Simon wasn't leaving.

Why was Simon pretending to care about him? They'd barely spent any time together and they weren't what anyone would consider friends. You could probably say that Simon should hate him, after everything he'd done. But here he was, needling him.

"Drop it," Alec ground out, trying to sound as threatening as possible. Simon didn't need to know that he didn't even feel strong enough to fight a child, much less a vampire. Not a very impressive vampire, but still one all the same.

"You weren't fighting back," Simon said, as if it were some big revelation. Alec wanted to scream that he didn't know what he was talking about, but he couldn't muster up the effort. Simon was right and had found him out and now what was he going to do? If Simon told people about this, which he surely would, would there be any point in arguing? Would anyone believe him?

"You're wrong," Alec whispered, a last ditch attempt to preserve whatever he had left.

"Your eyes were closed. You weren't even trying to get out of the way of that demon's attack," Simon accused, shock and clarity warring for dominance in his eyes. Alec could say that it was a ruse to get the demon close enough to kill, but that excuse sounded thin, even to him. He hadn't thought to come up with a good story beforehand because he hadn't expected to get caught. They weren't supposed to find him standing here, only his body. Not a failure, but a martyr.

"Go home, Simon," Alec sighed, turning again in an attempt to walk away. If he did it enough times, Simon would eventually have to give up. He'd come to realize that Alec wasn't worth the effort. Everyone would.

Lack of self preservation and impulse control were a dangerous combination to have. It was kind of surprising that it took him eighteen years to find himself in these insane situations, if he really took the time to think about it. Running headfirst into danger and letting his mouth run without a filter in front of homicidal maniacs was par for the course for him. So that was going to be Simon's excuse for the next move he pulled.

Alec was turning and walking away, which he couldn't let happen. Talking wasn't going well either, so desperate times called for desperate measures. Simon leapt forward, wrapping Alec up in a bear hug from behind. It was kind of awkward, since Alec was a broad shouldered giant, but Simon didn't let that stop him.

"What are you doing? Get off of me!" Alec demanded, struggling weakly in his hold.

"Make me," Simon challenged.

"What?"

"See, if you were okay, you'd be able to push me off with no problem. So do it."

"Don't touch me."

"Alec-"

"Please, don't touch me." Simon could feel those tremors he'd known he saw earlier, but he'd been wrong about what they meant. They weren't from anger, they were from agony. Simon had held his mother during some of her lowest moments and it felt so similar to this.

"Let me help you. I can help you."

"You can't," Alec gasped, choking out a pained breath. "No one can."