Thanks all who reviewed. I am lazy.

Disclaimer- Yeah sure I don't own Naruto. Masashi Kishimoto is my god.

Um…I also want to apologize now for any material in this story you may find offensive. Everything is meant to be funny, and nothing is said in a serious way.

The Scroll

Chapter 7: Arachnophobia

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So Konohagakure was rebuilt instantly because this wouldn't be any fun with a Konoha to destroy with rivers and shy girls on destructive sprees.

Our heroes blinked in unison as the village was just suddenly there in front of their eyes. This was stupid. This whole mission was a complete waste of time. This whole mission was taking away the last of their remaining sanity.

Sanity?

I don't think that exists anymore.

"Y'know… Haku should have been a woman. I mean, it's SEXIST. There was like…no good females in that saga." Kankurou mused.

"What are you talking about?" Temari snapped.

"Oh. Yeah. I'm not supposed to know about that."

"You need a counselor." Temari hissed at her fourteen-year-old brother.

"…" There was a long silence between the older sister and the younger brother until…

"Y'know WHAT Temari? I'm going to TRANSFORM!" And so he did so, complete with shoujo bubbles, sparkles, and dramatic music that could be mistaken for elevator music.

And so, Kankurou was before them in a Winnie the Pooh costume. Kankurou did a Koyuki face AS IF YOU ACTUALLY KNOW WHO KOYUKI IS. But to put it simply, it's like a cat mouth. And then he made a 'rewr' noise.

Temari stared at Kankurou, slapped him over the side of the head and turned away. That just made Kankurou go all angst and flop over on his side like lil Kururu because he just got DENIED.

That's when he realized something. This Winnie the Pooh costume didn't have a zipper on it. So he was like 'WTF' at it, and tugged cutely on the neck area of his costume—well, it would have been cute if it was ANYONE OTHER THAN KANKUROU.

That's when Kankurou decided that he was going to be scared of spiders. Mmm, arachnophobia.

So that's when God (not Masashi Kishimoto) decides that tarantulas are actually native to Konoha! Oh no, Kankurou dear, run!

So Kankurou was suddenly attacked by an angry mob of tarantulas that crawled all over him (A/N::trauma switch: ) which caused Kankurou to go into involuntary spasms, and then eventually

K.O!

Which gave him swirly eyes and made him drool all over the ground which was covered in the bloody masses that was the angry mob of tarantulas.

"…damn, that's about time…" Gaara mumbled under his breath, "Hey." He went chibi and tugged on Temari's skirt, which actually gave him a good pantyshot, but Gaara isn't incestual. Incestual is better than incestuous.

-Break-

Dictionary: "You're all DUMB. Incest means 'sex between siblings'. Not LOVE between siblings. Do it right."

-End of Break-

So anyway before we got into the incestual, incestuous…thing, Gaara pulled on Temari's skirt and looked up at her, "Can we leave him…please?"

Shikamaru stared at Temari because there was a mention of 'incest' behind the scenes. And we all know Shikamaru LOVES Temari.

"No."

"I didn't ask."

"Still, no."

"…" And so Shikamaru went all emo and jumped off a cliff only to be reincarnated for the second time and placed back in his spot.

And through this whole time, Hinata was foaming rabidly at the mouth.

Kankurou was suddenly awake because his SSSGDSS (Super Special Super Gorgeous Dolphin Sensing Senses) were tingling! Oh no!

Iruka was back. Alive, again. A god complex, I tell you. But this time he was PISSED.

More pissed than ever. Even when Konohamaru misbehaves.

No. This time, he was PISSED.

And Kankurou giggles at the use of the word 'pissed' because that's also a word for 'going tinkle', to put it simply. But Kankurou is just that immature and just stupid enough to poke the pissed dolphin.

And Iruka explodes in a flash of a thousand colors and curses Kankurou in every known language on the planet including Latin and the language of the Mermaids.

As it turns out, Tenten got bit by a mermaid while swimming an ocean once.

Bitch.

Serves her right for swimming in an ocean.

Dumbass.

Kankurou stared up at the flashing sky of multi-colors and languages, and blinked. Twice. "Y'know what I've always wanted to do…?"

"No, I don't." Temari sighed, as she waited for Kankurou's explanation.

"I've ALWAYS wanted to stuff kittens in a bag, tie it and throw it in a rushing river. Y'know, like they do in movies and cartoons. But people find that OFFENSIVE! How is that OFFENSIVE? Nee-chan, I don't get it. ;-;." Kankurou whined.

Temari slapped her brother up side the head, "You idiot. That's animal abuse. And don't whine to me."

"But…but…you're nee-chan." Kankurou whined.

Temari growled, and grabbed everyone by the sleeve and dragged them to the Ninja Academy. She threw them all through the doors, and strode into the classroom. Iruka pointed at her dramatically and prepared to run towards her in an all-out drama scene.

But no.

Y'know what Temari did?

She slapped him in the face and took the scroll out of his hands.

And walked away.

As she left, Iruka crackled evilly. Oh no, Temari didn't have the real scroll. What she had was his shopping list.

"…eggs, milk, ramen, toast…?"

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A/N: Aaaah! Here we go.

References:

Koyuki – From Keroro Gunsou, do not own.

Lil Kururu/Kururu – From Keroro Gunsou, still don't own.
Winnie the Pooh - …If I owned this, I'd be filthy rich. I don't think there's a person in America who hasn't heard of it.