Hello again, y'all. This is only the beginning of the challenge my muse of humor (Felix himself, which is why this story is about him) issued – write at least a thousand words a week. So, to celebrate the first week's worth of words, I give you The Sixty Second Conspiracy. It's kinda pointless and short, but nonetheless it's over a thousand words. Hahaha.
Word count: 1389 last I checked.
Disclaimer: I do not own Golden Sun. However, my birthday is coming up…
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"FELIX!"
The yell alone was enough to make Isaac cringe in fear. I could see the relief written all over his face as he suddenly realized that the yell wasn't directed at him. And then a great look of sympathy as he realized who it was directed at.
Jenna stormed into the room – had she been in one of the comic books we used to read back in Vale, she would have had steam coming out of her ears. I could have sworn I saw a faint puff of smoke, but decided it was in my better interests not to mention it.
You see, my beloved, kind, caring kid sister was giving me the death glare usually reserved only for people like Kraden.
Why she was glaring at me, I had no idea. I hadn't been reading through the notebook she had marked TOP SECRET lately (or at least not in a way she'd be able to tell I had.) I hadn't borrowed anything from her, hadn't dented her sword…
She yanked my book from me, and as I tried to take it back she threatened to turn it to a crisp. I t was a well-written bit of fiction about a swordsman, an angel, and an half-elf – of course I didn't want it burned to ash! Especially since I had just gotten to the good part.
"What on Weyard did I do to you to make you so mad at me, Jen?" I had to ask, because I couldn't think of anything else that I might have done that would have annoyed her.
"Felix, I give you exactly sixty seconds to find a hiding place before I come after you. When I come after you, there will be no mercy. So get running," she suggested lightly.
She was dead serious.
I took off, hearing her begin counting as I fled from room to room looking for a niche that would hide me long enough for her anger to die down. Mia's room was the first door on the right; I banged on it and begged for sanctuary as Jenna counted seven. The Water Adept merely looked at me as if I were crazy, then smiled and shook her head.
Gah.
Next was Garet's room, on the left. Then, after being turned down, Sheba's room – then Ivan , in the kitchen making dumplings. He wouldn't even consent to letting me hide in the cupboard.
Which left only one person. At least, it left one if I didn't count Kraden, but then again, nobody counted him because he couldn't fight. If I wanted to put Jenna to sleep, I could hide in his room, but there was always the chance that she would ignore him completely.
So…as Jenna counted fifty, I knocked on Piers' door.
"Come in." the Lemurian answered, and I opened the door and slammed it shut behind myself, content merely to lean on it and gasp for air.
"What's the matter, Fe?" he asked from his uncomfortable-looking position, hanging upside-down from his bed. "Jenna giving you a run for your money?"
"Yeah…yelling at me…not sure why…thanks…" I sounded silly to myself, but it was nice to be able to just breathe.
"SIXTY!" Jenna yelled, and I could hear her running up the stairs.
"For Tiamat's sake, Piers – hide me!" I squeaked, diving under his bed and realizing there was a board there to keep people from doing just that. Belatedly, I remembered him referring to it as a "captain's bed", which was built more as a box than as an actual bed. He tended to prefer the hammock, so I had forgotten about his real bed until my head discovered the barrier on its own.
I could hear Piers grinning as he cast Ply on my head, making the splitting headache I had discovered halfway under the bed go away. "Sorry about that, Fe, there's not much room to hide there. Here, duck into the closet and I'll see what I can do."
He pushed me into the closet and shut the door, then walked outside to face the wrath of Jenna.
"Where's Felix? His sixty seconds are up and I'm going to barbeque him." Jenna said.
"I don't know where he could be. I haven't seen him for a while, Jenna, and you know how seriously we Lemurians take time." Piers replied calmly.
After a moment of silence , Jenna's shout - and Piers' yell of surprise – rang out as she cast something that sounded like Dragon Fume on him.
Piers tore into the room, banging the door behind him and dashing into the closet. "Iris – Fe, why didn't you warn me that Jenna was trying to kill you?"
"I did try." I said, noting the singed edges of his shirt and trying not to grin. "D'you think we should hide out here for a little while? She might be just a little angry."
"YES." Piers said emphatically. "And you say you lived with her for almost fifteen years before you got taken away by the Proxians? How did you retain your sanity?"
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Several hours later, we deemed it quiet enough to sneak out.
It wasn't. Jenna was standing at the door to Piers' room, with her glare of utmost evil and doom still on her face. "Felix…" she began, and brandished the Tisiphone Edge.
That was our cue to run like heck.
"What did I ever do to you?" I yelled over my shoulder as she cast Searing Beam. Piers slammed his foot into the back of my head, knocking me over just as the hyper-charged fire beam shot over us.
"You ate the muffins I made for breakfast tomorrow!" she yelled back.
Ah. That might have been it.
She began to charge up for something that would no doubt cause a great deal of bodily harm; I did what I thought was in my best interests.
To give up and beg for whatever was left of my pitiful life.
"Jenna – sweet, merciful, wonderful sister - PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"
"Oh, that was well done, Felix. Very manly of you." Piers said under his breath. I elbowed him.
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And so it was that I ended up wearing Jenna's bright red apron, making another batch of muffins that was to grace the table in place of her batch. "How in the name of Dullahan did you manage to eat that many muffins, Fe?" asked Piers, rummaging in the cupboard for the sugar.
"Hey, they were good." I said, shrugging. "And she didn't make that many, either, and I was reading a good book and got the munchies."
"Nevertheless, I have to help you – wearing Mia's kitchen-wear, of all things," he grumbled, indicating the cerulean-blue apron tied around his waist.
Jenna, seated comfortably in an armchair with her feet propped up on the coffee table, reading my book, merely grinned and took notes. She had threatened to blackmail me with them, so Piers and I had been very careful about what we said.
"Hey, at least we're still alive, right?" I asked, and Piers laughed and threw flour in my hair while stealing a finger's worth of the muffin batter.
I repaid him by smacking him with a wooden spoon; he dumped the entire ten-pound bag of pastry flour on my head and cast Douse, laughing so hard he could barely control the flow of water.
"Hey, you're not supposed to be having fun in there!" Jenna called. I knew from the tone of her voice that she was just kidding, but as the flour-and-water paste began to solidify I had a spur-of-the-moment thought and chased Piers around the house yelling about being a muffin monster.
Finally, Mia had had enough of a nineteen-year-old and a who-knows-how-old tearing around the place screaming and yelling. When she told us to get out, we got out and headed for the backyard to wash up.
We returned inside, stuck the muffins in the oven, and began our normal lives again. I was no longer the muffin monster, and Piers was once again a sensible, solemn Lemurian with only a slight bit of a grin to show that we'd ever even been insane.
"Thanks, Jenna," I said, ruffling her hair and taking my book back. "Life wouldn't be any fun without you threatening to cremate me once every week."
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Like I said. Pointless, but fun to write, as well as a distraction from the "Homework of Impending Doom." I'm aiming for about a thousand words a week, and it's not that hard, but for those of you who don't know me yet I am incredibly lazy.
Any FelixXPiers stuff that you fans might have picked up is purely your imagination. They're just having fun, so leave them alone Constructive criticism is appreciated; please correct grammar/spelling errors that you come across. Flames will be put to use by burning my advanced algebra book.
Oh, yes, and there's really no mention of a conspiracy here. There was originally, but I changed part of the story and still liked the title. And I guess that the other characters' not letting Felix hide near them was kind of a conspiracy…ah well.