Disclaimers: I don't own anything...not even a Tu-tu! lol
Not to mention, I own less then half this fic. I'm a co-author in a group around 5-7...
AN: This started by a simple "Things the characters would never say" thread on IMDb about 2 years ago. We finally went over-board (ie: downhill) &...er...well anyway, it got moved to a Yahoo!Group where we continued & then started a new file which was called Tu-Tu 2 as a catch-phrase.
It's put together by several friends of mine off IMDb; so, like I said, I didn't write all this myself. I'm one of the IMDb users who chanced upon the thread, LMAO-ed & started posting randomly into the story along with everyone else.
I'm the "Candystar" (aka "Candy") btw...anyway, each individual "IMDb post" by the various authors count as a chapter, ranging in size from a couple words to several paragraphs short story lenths.
Oh & for sensitve readers...this is a crazy )VERY VERY crazy) parody of Harry Potter...all characters are majorly morally out-of-canonly...screwed...for lack of a "cough" better term "cough"
It's well rated & then some so read on at your own risk of brainscars.
Summary: A parody of the HP universe. The fates have turned Hogwarts' destiny over to the power of ballet & the tutu. Should be X-rated but M's all they got!
The Tu-Tu Part 1
Summary: A parody of the HP universe. The fates have turned Hogwarts' destiny over to the power of ballet & the tutu. Should be X-rated but M's all they got!
Year...not to sure but mostly like 6 (with Tu-Tu 2 in year 7 approx.)
NOT part of my main fic...duh!
(1) DANI IMAC
As it so happens (every once in a while) a really good idea came to
me, I was enlightened if you will. I decided to save "As the tutu
turns -a spinoff" after part two was deleted, in case the same thing
happened to the original. It did (damn IMDb!) Anywhoo, here it is,
with the exception of Candystar's posts (e-mail them to me, and I'll
edit the post to include them) again, damn IMDb.
I edited them a bit...and most of the OOC remarks are gone, but I
still have the original with EVERYTHING on it.
(Thanks DANI...OK, I've re-entered al my posts so here's the complete version of Tu-Tu part 1!)
Enjoy!
(2) JUSTADAD
Decided to start this thread in order to make it dialup friendly.
This Thread is best viewed 'flat' or 'inline'
NOTE: This is a PG13 thread...you have been warned.
This is a spin-off of the "Things Hogwarts Teachers and Students are
Thinking" threads.
As our story opens -
We find that Snape is actually part Veela and that he is an
Animagus who changes into a circus poodle complete with tutu (there
is a rumor of a thong but we have never confirmed this). While in
his poodle state he can perform the spinning dance which entrances
Professor McGonagall who has transfigured herself into a dog. They
trot off into the dark forest but are seen by Lupin in his werewolf
form. The next day in class the circus poodle is in a cage in
McGonagall's classroom, she has a 'love bite' on her neck and has no
real idea where it came from (either Snape, Lupin, or ?). Hermione,
Ron, and Harry saw her trot off and Lupin follow her into the dark
forest.
Our story opens the next day in transfiguration class.
you are now all on the same page
Hermione: I wonder if that love bite is Snape or Lupin?
Harry: I wonder if that love bite is Lupin or Sirius?
Neville: I wonder if I should tell Professor McGonagall that she has
dirt on her neck?
(3) DANIIMAC
Dumbledore: Minerva, it has come to my attention that you have in
your office a poodle, in...a...tutu.
McGonagall: well yes headmaster, you see...the other night I had had
a liiiitle too much of Winky's special brew and...
Dumbledore: Minerva, what you do in your own time does not concern
me. I just want to know...
McGonagall: Oh dear
Dumbledore:...DID ANY HARM COME TO THE TU-TU?
McGonagall: (For the love of God) Headmaster!
(4) JUSTADAD:
Dumbledore: Now, don't be upset Minerva, I am only asking for the
sake of Fawkes...he brought home a circus monkey one night and the
poor thing is upset because of the lost tutu.
McGonagall: WIZARDS!...TU-TU's...is THAT all you can think
of?...what about me? what about the possibility that I may be a
werewolf?
Dumbledore: OH, be calm Minerva, even if Lupin nipped you in a
moment of play last night, it was while you were a dog...not a
human...it has no effect other than to let the students know that
you are somewhat less than cautious. I beg of you, please let Snape
out of his cage so that I may have the tutu returned.
McGonagall: Severus, you may come out now, please explain why you
lured me into the moonlight last night while I was practicing being
a dog.
Snape: Minerva, I do not know what you are talking about, I was
simply exercising last night when you put me in this cage. I think
that you should apologize for telling these tales and then inform
the stu...dents...
Snape suddenly stops as Professor McGonagall waves the tutu at him
and says "would you like me to inform the students about the thong
as well?"
(5) CANDYSTAR:
Snape: THAT thong is mine!
McGonagall: oh really?
Harry: well look on the bright side! At least McGonagall gets to see your pompous a-
Snape (as Picard): Mr. Potter?
Harry (as Data): Sir?
Snape: Shut up!
Harry: Yes Sir...
Snape: 7 whole years I've been wanting to say that to him!
(OT: OK that's it! no more star trek for me! yeah like right!lolol)
(6) DOCKINA:
Snape: Potter, you are to tell no one about this incident. Not about
Professor McGonagall, not about the tutu, not about the love bite...
none of it, do you understand me?
Harry: Uhm, Sir?
Snape: What Potter?
Harry (Looking disgusted): If you don't want people to know anything
happened... perhaps you better put some pants or a robe on. Your..
uhm... thong is showing.
(7) CANDYSTAR:
Snape: oh? Well what are you looking down there for?'! How rude! Anyway Minerva, at least I'm not cheating like you going with Remus!
(8)MISS BELLATRIX:
McGonagall- (Going Red) What? I did no such thing!
Snape- Explain the bite on your neck then!
McGonagall- I...caught it on a tree...
Snape- A tree! Pssh!
McGonagall- At least I'm not having an affair with Sybill Trelawny!
Snape-...Buh!
(9) JUSTADAD:
McGonagall: ...CLASS your attention please, today we will be
learning how to turn field mice into brass horns...
Hermione: I think that I will knit Professor McGonagall a nice hat
to make her feel better...
Ron: I think that I'll have Mum send a nice cake or something to
Professor McGonagall...
Lupin (still in cage): I think I will have Victoria's Secret send
Minerva something...
(10) CANDYSTAR:
so that night...(this looks like something off the Archie comic books pages! lol)
McGonagall (walks into her office & sees a package on her desk & reads note): from your beloved werwolf. opens package oh how sweet! pulls out red satin lingerie slip
later
Lupin: you look beautiful in that Minerva!
McGonagall: oh Remus! You can bite me anytime!
Lupin: but you're human right now...
McGonagall: that's alright! I'll just go a little crazy on full moons!
Lupin: attack Snape together?
McGonagall: done deal!
(11) JUSTADAD:
Snape walking down a Hogwarts' hall: I feel pretty...oh so
pretty...dum de dum de dum...
Ron: Oh no, he must be wearing that damn tutu again…
Harry: We need to get up to the common room, now
Hermione: Why?
Harry: Dumbledore put a hex on it the last time he got it back...it
will fly back to Fawkes any minute now...
Ron: And we should leave?
Harry: Yes, it will also take any other clothes the person is
wearing as well...that's a site I am not prepared to see right now.
The trio runs down the hallway, they are passed by the flying tutu
carrying a Slytherin cloak and some grey underwear...
(12) KATIESUE1506:
Snape to class: As you all know, tonight is to be a full moon, so I
want you all to write a one parchment full essay explaining what
happens on the full moon.
Later that night as Snape is walking back to his Chamber to dance
around in his tu-tu with the thong.
Snape: It's a bit quiet, maybe too quiet.
Snape turns around
Snape: Oh, Hi Professor McGonagall, it a lovely evening tonight,
isn't i-- what's wrong with you?
McGonagall: Why I don't know what you mean Sevvie
Snape: You look have a weird look on your face--wait, why is HE
here?
Lupin enters
Lupin: Oh Hi Severus, McGonagall and I were just on some official
business
McGonagall w/ evil look in her eyes: Yeah, some unfinished business
a struggle breaks out and then...?
(13) CANDYSTAR:
McGonagall: ok that's IT! Both of you need a vacation from this place & each other! Severus here's a plane ticket to Florida! Remus this one's for Hawaii! Now GO!
Snape/Lupin: but what about muggle-
McGonagall: I don't care!
Snape/Lupin: -terrorist attacks?
McGonagall: NOT my problem!
Snape: I'm scared of heights.
McGonagall: then take a cruiser ship!
Lupin: I can't swim.
McGonagall: then stay on the plane!
Snape/Lupin: but-
McGonagall: look I'm not going to argue this further! First you go then you come back & we can start over. leaves but stops in door oh & the tickets are for different planes to different places so you wont fight. You've got a whole country between you. Now just go!
(14) JUSTADAD:
Herbology Class...
Hermione: wow...I sure am glad that Professor McGonagall put her foot
down and had Lupin and Snape go on vacation. Since they came back
it's been real calm around here and nobody's wearing that tutu...
Ron's voice is heard coming across the courtyard: I feel pretty, oh
so pretty...
Hermione: ...Oh no...
(15) MISS BELLATRIX:
Ron- This thing is such a damn good fit! -Twirls in the tu-tu-
Hermione- (Walks out of the Greenhouse) I believe I will be the
first to say...why?
Ron- It's so pretty 'Moine, you should try it! -Hands her one-
Hermione- Oh what could it hurt...
Moments Later...
Gryfindor Common Room...
Harry-Thank God the tutu invasion has left...ahhh no more pink or
ballet dancing for at least two weeks...no more thongs either... -
Sits back in his chair- Hmm...I wonder where 'Moine and Ron are...
-Portrait swings back, Ron and Hermione enter, doing extracts from
Swan Lake around the common room.-
Harry-...Awwh crap...
(16) DANI IMAC:
Fred: why so depressed Harry?
George: feeling left out?
Fred and George: you should try our new invention. It's theeeeeeeeee
thongalicious tu-tu! The second you put it on, you'll dance like
you love the nightlife, like you love to boogie!
Harry: For crying out loud! Not you too!
Fred and George: you should buy it now while it still is a hot-hot-
hot item! Trust us, the ladies love a man in a thong.
Harry: and you would know because...?
Fred: we-ell Minerva seemed to like it...
George:...and Poppy...
Fred:...and Grubbyplank...
George:...and shudders Umbridge.
Harry: whaaaa...?
Fred and George: aww come on Harry, didn't you ever wonder why we
never get kicked out of school?
(17) CANDYSTAR:
Harry: oh for the love of Volde-"Snape & Lupin go a-waltzing passed with McGonagall in her red satin slip"-mort! "runs to the window & screams into the night" DUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMBBLLLEEDOORERRRRRRRRRRRR!