OK, last chapter for Tu-Tu Part 1. I'm currently picking through all the old saved posts for Tu-Tu 2, editingfor grammaticalerrors...which were many considering we were LMAO-ing while writing half the time. There was also some back posting done so I'm sorting out the extra posts & putting them in order. But never fear, for those of you who've read this far Tu-Tu 2 will appear some day...

(69) DOCKINA: (OT: Sorry DOCK…but #69 chose you! MWAHAHA…gods we're pervs! LOLOL)

Later that night...

Ron: So Hermione, if we are considering back or front... which do

you prefer?

Hermione (blushing): Well, I would like to try both. Since we have

already done front...

Ron: Sounds good to me. Let's go out to the Shrieking Shack, then.

Harry: Thank goodness they aren't doing it in the common room again!

Poor Dobby got the shock of his life!

(70) JUSTAMOM:

In the Hogwarts kitchen, a group of house elves are gathered around

Dobby.

Floriad: They was doin' whut? Naked? On the floor?

Dobby: On the carpet they was. Dobby thought them was wrestling, but

they was naked, they was.

Floriad: Did they hurts each other?

Dobby: Dobby doesn't thinks they hurt. They no cryin'. They smiling

and kissing and stuff. Uggh!

Floriad: Can you shows us whut?

Dobby: Dobby can. Dobby can do. Get on floor Floriad. On rug.

Floriad: Likes this?

A few hours later, McGonagall strode into the kitchen to inquire

about the delay in having the classrooms ready for classes that day.

McGonagall: Oh, my. This won't do. No, this just won't do. Oh,

Albus!

(71) DANI IMAC:

McGonagall: Albus, this has to stop

Dumbledore: what?

McGonagall: This! It's like a sexual 7/11! emphasizing every word

with her hand "Open all day, literally"

Dumbledore: what happened?

McGonagall: 3 words: house-elf-sex, and let me tell you, it ain't

pretty.

Dumbledore: that's all? That is not so bad...

McGonagall: Pince just told me that the students have been badgering

her all day for the school's copy of the Kamasutra

Dumbledore: why doesn't she give it to them?

McGonagall: Ah, well, ahem, me and Sevie still have a couple of

chapters to go...

(72) JUSTADAD:

NOTICE to all Hogwart's students and teachers, due to a problem in

the kitchen all meals this evening will be carry-out from the 3

Broomsticks, be assured that Professor Dumbledore is on top of the

situation and working to have it resolved by the morning meal.

Signed: Professor McGonagall".

(73) CANDYSTAR:

McGonagall: ok Severus. I've put Ron & Hermione in your detention for being bad examples to the house elves.

Snape: good! They'll learn the hard way.

McGonagall: now...don't we have another chapter of the Kamasutra to read?

Snape: sure thing! Lets get started!

(74) DANI IMAC:

McGonagall: WOW, Severus, that was amazing! Who knew you were so

flexible?

Snape: well, I didn't twirl around in that tu-tu for nothing...

McGonagall: moving on to the next chapter...hey, did you notice who

was the last person with this book?

Snape: no, who is it?

McGonagall: mmhh, G. Weasley, and very feminine writing too...

In another part of the castle

Harry: Ginny! where did you learn those moves?

Ginny: natural talent I guess...but you know what they say

mischievous grin practice makes perfect!

Harry: I feel another training session coming up...

(75) DOCKINA:

Ron: Sorry, Hermione, all the copies are checked out.

Hermione: Well, that's okay. Gin... er... someone copied the first

chapter out of it for me.

Ron: Wooohoo! Let's get going then! Oh... wait, we gotta get out of

the common room. Lets go to the Shrieking Shack again.

Hermione: No, Ron! That place is all dusty!

Ron: I am bringing some clean blankets, plus, you know how to

conjure a bed!

Hermione: Well, okay. Blushing But what if someone comes by and

hears us?

Ron: Well, there used to be screaming and loud noises coming from

there all the time, so people will just think that the hauntings

have started up again.

Hermione: Okay. Ya know, now that you say that, I wonder if all that

screaming and stuff really did come from Lupin or if he brought the

occasional girl in?

Ron: Hermione, if you're going to talk like that, I can't go do this

with you.

Hermione: Sorry sweety, lets go.

(76) DANI IMAC:

Lupin: I wonder if they ever found out that it was me and the

occasional girl the ones making all those noises in the shrieking

shack...what was it that Sirius called it, ahh, yes, the Shrieking

Shag

(77) CANDYSTAR:

"Ron & Hermione are in the shrieking "shag" as Snape is walking by"

Snape: REMUS LUPIN! ARE YOU SHAGGING AGAIN?'!'?'! I swear you act like a teen..."opens door & sees Ron & Hermione"...ager!

"moment of silence as everyone stares at everyone else"

Snape/Hermione/Ron:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Lupin & Tonks are on the top floor & here the screams"

Lupin: what's that?

Tonks: sounds like Severus. Lets get out of here before he catches us too, & just walk back in as if we don't know what's going on!

"they get dressed & apparate to the outside"

(78) JUSTADAD:

Lupin and Tonks walk into the shack (as if nothing happened) to see

Snape sitting in a chair, looking at the floor, and looking

disturbed.

Lupin: "Severus, what is wrong?"

Snapes: "I have a problem with ethics. I have ...been made aware of

an infraction by two young Gryfindors for which I am clearly within

my rights to reduce their house of all it's points and expel them

both...but; I cannot bring myself to do it."

Lupin: "what's wrong...getting a conscious?"

Snape: "oh no, I just realized that if I bring them to Minerva on

these charges that I will never be able to see Minerva again...and

I know that somehow, someway, this is POTTER'S FAULT"

(79) CANDYSTAR:

"Lupin/Tonks look at each other"

Lupin: uh...it wasn't Harry's fault, it was ours. We were upstairs. You don't need to take off all 300 house points!

Snape (getting irate): YOU?'!'?'! Well since you were in Gryfindor too I'll take 50 points from you, Hermione, Harry & Ron...EACH!

Lupin: hey no fair! that's 200 points in all!

Snape; you don't have to tell me that! I'm not the one who almost failed math!

Lupin; not my fault I got stuck baying at the moon each month instead of studying! hey I caught up finally didn't I?

Snape: yeah two years behind everyone else including me!

"Snape & Lupin continue arguing as Tonks rolls her eyes"

(80) DOCKINA:

Tonks leaves and Lupin and Snape don't even notice, but continue

fighting

Lupin: At least I was good enough for Dumbledore to choose me as

Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher! You've been trying for how

long now Sevie?

Snape: Why you...! How dare you! I have always been better than you

in that subject!

Lupin: So how come Dumbledore hasn't chosen you huh?

Snape (calming down somewhat): I don't know. Maybe because I am

sleeping with his dream girl huh?

Lupin: He wants Minerva?

Snape: You'd be surprised what Dumbledore wants.

(81) JUSTADAD:

Dumbledore: Exactly

All turn to see him enter the room followed by Tonks...

Dumbledore: You know Severus, this may come as a shock to you by the

way, but there are those among us who are ...enlightened... in the

ways of the world, who you are sleeping with is none of our concern.

Your absolute tunnel vision when it comes to Gryfindor, Potter, and

his friends, are what keeps you teaching potions.

Dumbledore: Now, I was asked to step in by Tonks to keep you two from

hurting each other, I have also had the unfortunate duty of calming

down two young students who were quite upset when they were

interrupted and are in a state of embarrassment. I have told them

there would be not be a punishment and have already put the points

back on the Gryfindor hourglass, so let's everyone go back to the

castle and forget the whole thing."

Walking back through the tunnel Lupin whispers to Tonks What's going

on? Why is he in such an understanding mood?

Tonks smiles and whispers back (being careful that Snape doesn't

hear): When Ron and Hermione woke him up they saw McGonagall leaving

his bedroom by a back stair...it seems that we were not the only

ones interrupted by Snape tonight. By the way...do you have a

requirement for which we could find a room?

(82) CANDYSTAR:

Lupin: yeah we could use the DA room as a wedding suite...DID I JUST SAY WEDDING?'!'?'!

Tonks: oh yes Remus! I do...will! Whatever...

Lupin: you want to marry me? Ok but let me get a ring first & propose properly. Now we can use the DA room any day but Thursday because that's when Harry needs it for those classes.

so on Wednesday night...

"Lupin & Tonks are in bed at the DA but the door opens as Harry & the ENTIRE DA entire"

(LONG moment of silence as everyone stares then...)

Harry/the DA class/Lupin & Tonks:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Lupin: Harry! This is Wednesday not Thursday!

"Tonks shrieks again & hides under the covers"

Harry: not this week! Its double potions tomorrow! Lets all get out of here before Snape hears us & comes running!

"turns to run but..."

Harry: oh hi professor Snape. Snape? SNAPE! AHHHHH!

(83) DANI IMAC:

Snape: I've had enough with this running into each other, it's orgy

time

OT: (I can hear AAAAALL of you going WTF?'!) Just kidding!

The real stuff:

Snape: Lupin, Tonks, I want to see you in my office. The rest of you

may go

They all walk out except Neville whose entranced by Tonks

Hermione: oh come on Neville!

Neville: na-ked...she is naked...she IS naked...OH MY GOD I SAW A

NAKED GIRL! WOOHOOOOOOOO!

Hermione: sigh

Harry: and if you keep it up, it will take another 15 years to see

the next...

Snape: Enough with this running into each other. We have to make

schedules

Lupin: what?

Snape: it's the only way. So, I have sex every day that ends with

an "y" you get the others

Lupin: ha ha, very funny. I've got another idea. I'll give you this

muggle thingy that they use for protecting themselves, and whenever

you feel it hot, it means Tonks and I are, you know, in the "boom

boom" room. And vice versa when you are with Minerva

Snape: fine

A couple of days later...

Snape: what is this? AHHH, MY CONDOM IS ON FIRE!

Everybody else: oh that is just gross! Like we wanted to know that!

Feel free to keep that to yourself.

McGonagall: Sevie dear, there are other ways to let me know when you

want to get it on, you know!

(84) CANDYSTAR:

(OT: AAAAAHHHHH! I'll never be able to look at Snape in the right way again!)

(85) JUSTADAD:

OT: Thank you Dani for saving tutu 1. It was a good thread and now we

don't have to worry.

Justadad