I OWN NOTHING!!!

Link: Multiple exclamation marks. The sure sign of a diseased mind.

Piss off, you Robin Hood wannabe.

Link: Temper, temper. I'm just here to see what type of person has joined the fraternity of Zelda writers.

Shoo. I have a story to write. We can talk later.

Link: Fine. I have work to do anyway. What with being the star and all.

Sadly, Link, you're no more than a side role in this. The main characters are the pirates.

Link: 0_o But… I'm always the star! I'm Link!

Nonetheless.

Link: I'll sic my lawyers on you!

Link all of a sudden changed his mind, and gave Slywolf a chocolate.

Link: Have a chocolate, my best friend…. Damn you! I hate control freaks!

Link felt a sudden urge to jump out a window.

Link: Augh!

Now that he's gone, I can get started on the next chapter.

Mako's solution

Mako stood on a roof. It was all proceeding to plan. The badger would attack Tetra. Link would save Tetra, and they would be back together. He signaled to Niko. Niko nodded, and began undoing the cage that held the attack badger. Gonzo was leading Tetra to the proper place. "Senza, Zuko, when I give the signal, you are to run to Link and tell him that an attack badger is annoying Tetra."

"Right. Let's hope that Nudge has everything in position in case it goes wrong."

Meanwhile, down below, Gonzo was, as I said, leading Tetra to her designated place. Though, she didn't know it at the time. "Miss, I think you should see this. It's really important."

"Yes, yes. In my own time." She returned to the cutlass she had been examining. "How much do you think it is?"

Gonzo looked at the cutlass. "No more than a few hundred rupees. Very low quality."

She dropped it back into the pile. "I wonder what Link is doing right now. He's probably got himself another girl."

"Oh, surely not, Miss. But we really should hurry to see this." He dragged Tetra along until they reached the Swordsman booth. Link and Alfonz were arguing with a customer. When he saw Link, Gonzo tried to drag Tetra away, but she ran over to the booth.

"Look, sir. It's quite simple. You challenged us. You lost. You have to give us money. That's how it works." Link spotted Tetra and turned away. Alfonz, meanwhile, knocked the man out and hookshoted his purse up. "That settles that."

Tetra walked up. "Hello Link. How much money is on offer if I can beat you?"

Link blinked. "Um… 800 rupees, Tetra." Tetra shook her head and said,

"That's what I hate about you, Link. You have no appreciation for your own value."

Link blinked, surprised. "You mean I'm worth more than 800 rupees?" Hope was visibly rising in his face. Gonzo looked pleased. Maybe this nonsense will be over soon.

"Actually, I meant you were worth around 50 rupees." Link's face soured, and his hand went to his sword. It would have been the end of Tetra right there if Alfonz hadn't grabbed his sword away. Gonzo choked. What did I do to deserve this? I'm just a pirate! I'm not a bad man! Still, if Link is polite, the situation might be salvaged.

Link had gotten some sense of decency back. "So, you're saying I'm still worth more than you?" Gonzo almost started to cry.

Meanwhile, Niko was having a bit of difficulty. The badger had escaped, and was now dragging him through town. He finally managed to stop it when he spotted Tetra. He leaned over and whispered into its ear, "That's her. Go! Bite her!" The badger paused as if considering it. Then it turned around and latched its jaws on Niko's ear. "Augh! Her! Not me! Her! Ouchies!" Gonzo, Tetra and Link looked up to see Niko running towards them, badger waving around behind him.

"Tetra, I think you might want to save your swabbie from being eaten." Link said, smirking.

"Gonzo, deal with it." Tetra's eyes never left Link's.

"Yes, miss." He walked to Niko. "What did you do?" Behind him a loud argument broke out. Gonzo sighed and ripped the badger off. He put it down and kicked it in the rear. "Go! Shoo!" The badger bit his… bottom and latched on. Gonzo shrieked.

Zuko ran up to Link, who was telling Tetra in no uncertain terms exactly how he felt about her. He was about to interfere when Alfonz pulled him aside, saying "No, just watch. Popcorn?" He offered the bag to Zuko. Zuko thought for a few seconds, and then sat down beside him. Tetra interrupted Link with a solid slap and stormed off. Link glared after her and walked in the opposite direction.

"A little help here?" Senza had arrived and was trying to aid Gonzo and Niko, but with little success. Zuko and Alfonz ran over.

* * *

"Oh, great plan, Mako. We sure got them back together, didn't we? Now they both want to kill each other. And, we still don't know when Niko will be out of the hospice." Nudge held Mako up by his collar and idly threw him into a wall. "Now, who has a different plan?"

Gonzo raised his hand. Nudge ignored him. "Anyone? Anyone at all?" Gonzo jumped up and down, waving his hand around excitedly. "Fine. Gonzo," Gonzo stood to attention, "write this down."

"It's not fair, I'm the superior officer, I want to try my plan." Gonzo muttered.

"Gonzo, we'll save your plan for when a certain pink farmyard animal that goes 'oink' flies. Now, here's mine. Gonzo, please write down this list of components. We need a set of tools, 50 planks of wood, a waiter, and a good cook."

They just never learn, do they? Almost pitiable. Link, are you okay?

Link: Um, I think I'm alright. I just need a bandaid! Do you have one?

That's nice.

Link: I also think my leg is broken. I'll try to stand up. Ow! Yes, my leg is broken, but I think it'll be okay with a bandage!

Keep up the good work.

Link: Hello? I am in extraordinary pain!

I just realized I became an author to torture characters.

Link: What do you mean? And where did this badger come from? Ow! Bad doggy!

Ah-choo! Oh, I think I'm coming down with a cold. I better go and get some chicken soup.

Link: Ouch! Slywof, help!