A/N : Ok, I know y'all have been dying to have Derek find out but... I've decided to have everyone else know about it first. Yes, I'm evil like that. Thank you for all your reviews, and I hope you'll like this chapter! (A part on AdDek squee.)
Meredith's eyes shifted through the words on the chart, feeling the eyes of the male intern, Alex Karev, on her. She looked up with a frown, glaring at him, but he simply raised an eyebrow, shaking his head and looking back down to the chart.
"What?" she asked. The both of them were stuck doing charts that morning, both seated side by side on the floor in the intern's locker room.
But Alex only laughed, resulting a jab into his ribs from Meredith's elbow. "Hey!" he warned, looking up at her with a glare. But Meredith did not feel intimidated, instead, she pushed on.
"Stop it." she said.
"Stop what?" he asked, almost too innocently.
"Stop giving me those looks, stop smiling to yourself and stop giggling."
"I don't do giggling, men don't giggle. If anyone is to giggle, it's Izzie." he pointed out, scribbling on the chart in his hands then shut it, reaching out for another one.
Meredith shook her head and went on with her charts. "If you're not going to tell me what you want, quit looking at me like that." she said, jotting down notes on the chart and moved on to the next one on the pile in front of the two of them. Alex looked to her one more time and then folded his arms in front of his chest. Meredith sighed, looking up to him, ready to threaten, or warn, but Alex spoke up first.
"Who is this...mysterious person that you've been going out with?" he asked.
"Why do you care?" she shot back. Alex shrugged, unfolding his arms and allowing himself to read the chart in front of him.
"Izzie's been bugging everyone about it and after awhile, she seems to make sense and I got curious." he said, looking up at her for only a brief moment before his eyes returned to the chart. "So who is it?" At that, Meredith shrugged, keeping a cool front.
"Nobody you know."
"Well in that case, I'm just gonna have to fiiigure it out."
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"Stop it." Cristina ordered. Izzie turned to her with a frown.
"Stop what?"
"Stop looking at every male that walk pass you dressed as a hospital staff"
"What?"
"You know what." Cristina said, leaning against the nurses' station as the both of them waited for the assignments to come.
"Don't you want to know too? Have you actually asked her?" Izzie asked, leaning her back against the counter as her eyes started observing guys, wondering which one could be the one that Meredith may date. Probably someone with Derek's hair, or at least look a little like him.
"No." Cristina said bluntly. "I don't want to know, and no, I haven't actually asked her because I don't want to know."
Izzie rolled her eyes at that. "Aren't you suppose to be her best friend or something?" Cristina turned to her with a frowned. "I mean, isn't what best friends suppose to do? Ask each other about their love lives or something like that?"
"I don't do girly best-friends stuff."
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Alex looked up from his chart as the both of them stood by the nurses' station. "Something caught your interest, Grey?" he asked, looking back down from his chart. But Meredith was too engrossed. Not getting a response out from the blonde, Alex looked up again, his gaze shifted to where it had caught Meredith's attention. Then he saw it. The redheaded attending standing by the patient's room, intensely trying to calm the family down to explain the procedure the patient has to go through. At that sight, Alex snorted with a laugh, shaking his head.
"I knew it's gotta be Addison Shepherd." he said, mainly to himself. But Meredith heard it. Actually, it was the word "Addison" that caught her attention. She snapped out of her daydreaming state and jerk her head back to Alex.
"What?" she asked blankly, but that only cause Alex to laugh.
"You so have the hots for her." he pointed out, his eyes still fixed onto the paperwork in front of him. Meredith shook her head, feeling her cheeks glow pink with heat. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh yes you do. You've been dating McHot. No wonder Izzie and George couldn't figure out who it is. They've had their eyes scoutting for males that they think might be dating you." he explained, shaking his head. Meredith only look to him with a glare, speechless. Then Alex turned to her, studying her expression. Meredith ignored him but he went on.
"I saw the way you were looking at her. There's no shame in it Meredith. So you're dating a married attending, big deal. It isn't like you haven't done it before. And you know what's better? The one that you dated before happen to have the same last name as the one you're dating now." he teased. Meredith look up to him and slammed the chart shut, leaning in as her voice dropped into a whisper.
"If you tell this to anyone, I will kill you." she hissed, slotting the chart into the pile and headed off, leaving Alex there, speechless.
"Oh." he managed, his eyes shifting to where Meredith had went and back to Addison. "She's actually dating her?"
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It was lunch, and for once in a long, long while, Meredith is sitting by the table with her fellow interns. Addison was stuck in a surgery through lunch. What was different is that today, Alex and Izzie weren't with her and George was still on the other table with Callie.
"So it's just us." Meredith licking the yoghurt off the plastic spoon. Cristina looked up to her with a raised eyebrow.
"Alex and Izzie are sexing each other up in one of the closets, Burke's off in surgery and apparently, I think your mysterious date is somewhere busy so yes, it's just us." she explained, poking at her salad as her eyes drift back to the article she was engrossed in. Meredith looked to her with a frown. Feeling the look casted to her, Cristina looked up to her friend.
"What? You want to sex me up?"
"No! Eww! What makes you think I'm dating someone from the hospital?" she asked, delivering another scoop of yoghurt into her mouth. The chocolate pudding on the table was left untouched, waiting for lunch to be over so Meredith can pass it to Addison.
Cristina shut her magazine and crossed her legs under the table, shifting her body to face Meredith. "Ok, we work 80 hours a week, which is four hours less than half of the entire week, which means we basically work 12 hours a day. The rest of the 12 hours we spend are eating, bathing and sleeping, and you're telling me that within the 88 hours of free time you have in a week, you actually have the time to go out and socialise?"
Meredith stared at her, the spoon in her mouth as she thought of something to prove Cristina wrong. But when nothing came up in her mind, she sighed, pulling the spoon out of her mouth.
"Soooo, who is it?" Cristina asked, pushing another mesh of salad mix into her mouth. Meredith shot her a glance, munching on a chip. Cristina stared back, gesturing her hands in the air, clearly expecting just a glance from Meredith. The blonde shifted her chair inwards. "Fine." she said. "When I tell you who it is, you cannot laugh, and you certainly cannot tell anyone else about it." Cristina nodded, waiting as Meredith drew in a deep breathe.
"I'm telling you this because you're my best friend." she said. "Alright, fine. I swear I wouldn't breathe a word about it to anyone." Cristina promised. Meredith took a look around her uncomfortably, then leaned in to Cristina slightly as her voice dropped into a whisper. "I... It's Addison Shepherd." she said, her gaze fixed on Cristina to guage her reaction, almost daring her to laugh. A smile tug at the asian's lips, causing her to receive a smack in her shoulder by the blonde.
"You promised you wouldn't laugh!" Meredith hissed. Cristina bit her lip and drew in a deep breathe.
"Ok, ok." she said, then leaning forward to Meredith. "Seriously, for real?" And from the look on Meredith's face, Cristina's smile faded. She leaned back to the chair and watch as Meredith gave her a helpless shrug.
"Meredith, do you even know what you are doing?" she asked. Meredith turned to her with a puzzled look. "Alright, fine. You're into girls now, it don't matter to me. Ok, as long as you don't hit on me. But, Addison? You are aware that she's Derek's wife, right?"
Meredith sighed, her spoon stirring around the cup of yoghurt. "Yes, I know Cristina. Say it. I have thething for dating married attendings who happen to have the last name as Shepherd." she said flatly.
"Does Derek know about it?" Cristina asked, taking a swig of water from the bottle. Meredith shook her head.
"No. No one else knows about it. Except for you, of course. And Alex."
This time, Cristina straightened her body and leaned in to Meredith. "You told Evil Spawn before you told me?" she demanded.
"Nope. He figured it out."
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"Hey, did you find out anything from Meredith?" Izzie asked, twirling her hair up into a bun as she followed her boyfriend towards the nurses' station to be assigned to after-lunch patients. Alex shook his head. "You wouldn't want to know."
"Meredith told you something?" Izzie pushed on, her question catching George's attention, who happened to be not far away from them. He gave a peck on Callie's cheek and jogged towards them.
"You found out something from Meredith?" he asked.
"Did Meredith tell you who the mysterious date is?" she asked, falling in pace next to Alex, George joining them on the other side of Alex. "Alright," Alex gave in. "It's Addison Shepherd."
"Dude, c'mon!" George laughed as Izzie rolled her eyes.
"That joke is so overdued, Alex."
Then, as they reached the nurses' station, a loud crack caught their attention. In fact, it caught the attention of everyone that was near. Alex, Izzie and George turned towards the sound, eyeing the fallen phone on the ground as Meredith started walking away, her breathe so loud it was almost audible.
"Something's wrong." Izzie sensed, starting to go after her. "Meredith!"
But Alex placed a hand in front of her, stopping her. As she struggled to get out of the way, he spoke up.
"Wait, watch." he instructed. And true enough, Addison Shepherd appeared around the corner, running after the blonde intern. It took a second more for Izzie and George to realise that Alex was telling the truth.
"Oh my god. It is her."
"Yeap." a new voice stated. They turned to it, finding Cristina standing behind them. "It's her."
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It was once again the scent that caught his attention. The prescence, too. He looked up, frowning to see his wife running in heels, obviously chasing after something. He let his gaze shift to what was in front of Addison and found Meredith, tears streaming down her face as she quickened her pace, her mouth slightly opened as she gasped for air with each step. He placed the signed file into the hands of the fellow attending and started towards the both of them, curious to find out what happened. Did Addison do something? he wondered. But as he approached, his wife held out a hand to him without looking, as though knowing that he would approach.
"Not now, Derek." she said, then quicken her pace towards the intern.
"Meredith!" she called out once again.
Am I really missing something here? he frowned, stopping on the spot as he watch his wife go after his ex-girlfriend.
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Addison was three feet away from the nurses' station, giving her scrub nurse instructions for the pre-op to the upcoming surgery when she heard a loud cracked. She jerked her head curiously to the sound, only to find the phone from Meredith's hand hitting the ground. What the hell is going on? she wondered. Meredith gasped, her breathe quickened as her eyes fixed onto a distance. Then, she started walking away, leaving the phone laying on the floor. Addison turned back to the scrub nurse.
"Push the surgery 2 hours back. Page me when you're ready." she instructed, turning to go after Meredith. She turned the corner, watching as the intern's shoulders heave up and down as she quickened her pace down the hallway.
"Meredith!" she called out, picking up her speeds as fast as she can in the heels she was wearing. The intern shook her head, ignoring her calls. But Addison did not give up, she followed on, calling out for her again. But this time, from the corner of her eye, she saw Derek coming towards them. And as he neared, she held out a hand to stop him.
"Not now, Derek." she said, without even turning to him. Her eyes are fixed on Meredith as she continued away. "Meredith!" she called out again, quickening her pace towards the intern.
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Meredith couldn't even find the words to say as she heard the message announced over the phone. She felt her heart skip a beat, a breathe held in for almost a minute before she let it out again. She could hear her name being called out through the receiver. Slowly, the phone slided off her hand as her arm fell limp to the side. She drew a breathe in, trying to calm herself down. But it failed, turning into a gasp. She gasped again, feeling the breathe taken away from her instead of being brought in. I need to get out of here. she thought, then started to walk away from the crowd, making her way through the hallway. Her mind whirled, but she could hear Izzie's voice from behind, calling her--once. Then, it was the clicking of the heels, the sound that she memorised. And her voice rung through the air. Meredith shook her head. She couldn't deal with anyone right now, not even Addison. But the woman followed on, her heels clicking behind Meredith. And then, it was her voice again, but this time, the message not directed to her, but to Derek Shepherd, instructing him to stay away before she called out to her again.
I can't deal with this. Meredith thought, the tears streaming down her face, the rest that were welled up in her eyes blurred her vision. She blinked, letting them flow. Finally, she saw it. She turned, pushing open the supply closet and slipped into it, pressing her back against the door as she slided down to the floor in darkness.
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Addison followed, stopping in front of the closet before Meredith shut it. She raised her hand, about to push open the door. No. she hesistated. She drew in a deep breathe, wondering if she should leave the intern alone for some space or she should barge in to check if she was alright. Then, the sobbings came, silent at first, then it was almost audible from the other side of the door. Addison leaned forward to the door, giving a light knock.
"Meredith." she called out from outside. "I'm coming in."
She pushed open the door, finding Meredith now curled up against the rack, her chest heaved up and down as she gasped for air through her tears. Addison shut the door, putting them into darkness again.
"Meredith." she whispered, lowering herself down beside the intern. She didn't know if it was a good idea to even touch her to comfort her. The blonde intern sobbed, her lips moved, taking in gasps of breathe.
"Shhh..." Addison instructed. "Breathe." she soothed her. Meredith shook her head, trying to form words from her mouth.
"I... She... I can't..." she managed, but dissolve into sobs again. Addison reached out, pulling out a paper bag to hand it to the intern. She shook her head again.
"She... My mother..." she said, drawing in another huge gasp. "She's dead." she blurted out, her shoulders hunched as she put her head down to her knees. "She's dead, Addison." Meredith cried. "I... I didn't even get to say goodbye." she choked out.
Addison sat beside her, her jaw fell open at the news. Ellis Grey was once her mentor, a great surgeon who performed any miracle surgeries, invented tons of those that had never been done before, but was succeeded under her knife. Swallowing, Addison reached out gently to brush the blonde hair back, hoping the action would soothe the girl. How is Richard going to handle this? she thought.
Meredith lifted her head, her shoulders shook as she sob. Addison handed the bag to her as she took it, trembling. Meredith licked her lips, trying to quieten her sobs as she placed the bag over her nose and mouth, breathing into it.
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(Addison's POV)
From that moment on, I knew. I could no longer do it with Derek. I could no longer read his thoughts like I could before, we can no longer have silent conversations, have mindless arguments, we can't even flirt. Sometimes I wonder why I put up with his attitude, his indecision between me and Meredith. I've tolerated it before, and I'm still tolerating it now. Or at least, I thought I have. In reality, I have fallen in love with Meredith that I started not to care about the inattention Derek has been giving me. And today, I knew.
I had chased Meredith down the hallway when I saw the phone slip out of her hands, I ignored the looks given to us as we pass them, and I even stopped Derek from going after her because I know I should be there for her. I felt my heart tug at the death of Meredith's mother, not because I was close to Ellis, but because I was close to Meredith. It was what I should have felt if the same thing had happened to Derek. Now I know how Derek must have felt when he was placed with the choice of choosing between Meredith and I, because tonight, in just a few hours time, I'm just going to do the same.
I got home early tonight, the postponed surgery went well. I should be there for Meredith but tonight, there was something I had to do. Derek was going to come home in three hours time. In the bathroom, I filled the tub with hot water to get ready for a bubble bath. It took an hour for me to finish, then I slipped into a bath robe, placing aromic candles around the room, each in a small bowl of water, lighting them up when it was just half an hour before Derek's car would pull into the driveway. I turned off the lights to our bedroom, smiling at the glowing effect the flames created. The scent from the candles circulate the room. Rose. I thought of using lavendar, but decided against it. Lavendar is the smell of Meredith's hair conditioner, and tonight, I don't want him to be thinking of Meredith when he was doing it with me. Tonight, I don't want me to be thinking of Meredith at all. Satisfied, I changed into a thin piece of night gown. Red, like the color of my hair.
True enough, the engine that roared as the vehicle pulled into the drive way died down at the exact time I expect Derek to be home. There was the jingle of the keys before they get slotted into the lock. I could remember the sound of it. It was the same one, even back in New York. I placed a CD into the hi-five set and pressed play, just as the front door closed. The slow ballad poured into the room, I smile. Tonight will be the night. In my mind, I picture him hanging his coat on the hanger, heading first to the kitchen only to find a note on the counter. A note that I left him.
"Come to the bedroom. We need to talk."
It had said. Of course, we wouldn't be doing any talking.
And true enough, I hear the faint footsteps on the stairs that lead straight up to our bedroom. I hop into bed, laying horizontally across, waiting for the door to open. I smiled, propping my head up with my hand as my elbows dug into the mattress as the wooden door creek open. But he just stood there, shocked, surprised, and possibly, confused.
"Hi." I purred, a finger drawing circles to the sheets in front of me, making sure that he saw it. And he did, his blue eyes drifted down to my hand, then travelled up to my shoulders, and all the way down to my toes, visibly checking me out. I smiled, patting the space in front of me to beckon him over. He swallowed, stepping away from the door and closing it behind him.
"Addie," he started. I slided out of bed elegantly, making my way seductively towards him. He swallowed again, his eyes glued onto me as his tongue flickered out to dry his lips. "I...I thought you--"
"Shh..." I said, placing a finger gently to his lips. I lay a hand on his chest and leaned into his ear, my breathe tickling down his neck. I could feel his heart beat increase under my palms, his chest rose up and down. "Tonight," I whispered. "I'm yours."
I feel him take in a deep breathe to compose himself as I pulled back, my green eyes locking into his blue ones. I smiled, and for a moment, I thought he did too. He leaned in, lips parting slightly as his eyes slowly drift close. I took the cue and did the same, tasting the familiar as our lips met. Soft, at first, then they parted again, pressing against each other harder this time. I feel his hands on my neck, the warmth spread through my body. My hand reached up, cupping at his chin as I pushed him against the door, another hand sliding under his shirt, pulling it upwards to tug it off. We stopped, hands around the hems of his shirt as we pull it over his head together. He grinned, his blue eyes dancing with desire as he looked into mine. I rested my hands onto his shoulders, allowing them to slide down to his arms that he had around my waist.
"God, you're beautiful." he said. I wishedhe had saidit more often. He leaned forward, dipping me backwards as his lips touched mine. Our bodies moved, and soon, I feel my back leaning against the smooth sheets of our bed. His body hovered above mine, his hand reached out to brush strands of my red hair away as the rest pooled under my head. I reached up, my fingers tracing his collar bone. He leaned foward to kiss again, his hands grabbing my shoulders as we flipped over on the bed, our positions switched. My hair fall down like a curtain around our faces, inches apart as I made my way down, kissing him softly on the lips, the way that would make him beg for more.
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Finally, it was over. Our bodies tangled together under the sheets, the way it always had been back in New York, before Mark, before everything fell apart. I smiled at the memory, biting at my lower lip to prevent myself from crying out. Now I know how much it hurts to choose between two that you love, but my marriage is far beyond repair. We stopped communicating years ago and things will never be the same again. I'm tired of fighting for us, I'm tired of being the only one trying so hard, and as much as I hate to, I'm ending this. I wish things would be different, that there will be many more nights like this with my husband. I feel a trickle of tear roll down my cheek as I smiled again, painfully, at the memory of tonight. I reached out, running my fingers through his hair. In his sleep, he smiled. Oh god, he look so peaceful, so much like the man I married 12 years ago. But the man have changed, and he will never be back. Tonight is the night things will end. His arm was drapped around my waist loosely. I pulled my body closer, burying my head into his chest, feeling the familiar warmth from his body as I traced my fingers around his muscles. Tonight, I stay awake, remembering the feel of his skin on mine, remembering the feel of his lips when they touch mine, remembering his features exactly the place it was, remembering how he held me in his arms, how he look into my eyes with the intensity of desire and tell me that I'm beautiful. Remembering how it was like years ago, when we were in love, when things were going on well. I would smile at the memories, I will not cry because it's the end, I would smile because it's a new beginning. And I stay awake tonight to watch him sleep, because I know, there will no longer be nights like tonight, ever again.
A/N : Hate me, people. I'm sad now. I just broke my favourite couple up. But hey, if this fic is going to be Addie/Mere slash, it's going to stay Addie/Mere slash. Still, I'm sad.