Their gaze locked for a longer moment, firmness in her eyes and hurt and disbelief in his. Finally, he turned, grabbing his coat on his way out and slammed the door behind him. The sound echoed through the quietness of the house, and she gave way, sinking down to the step she was standing on and buried her head in her hands. And surprising herself, no tears came. The blonde took a few steps down and joined her on the step, wrapping an arm around her body as Addison leaned against her shoulder, breathing deeply to calm herself down. A part of her still wonder why she had not feel as devastated as that night he hadcaught her with Mark. Silence filled the house, silence with exception of the sound of their breathing. Finally, she spoke.
"Are you ok?" Meredith asked, and without looking up, Addison nodded. She drew in another deep breathe and pulled away, looking into the blonde's eyes. Her lips curled up slowly with a weak smile.
"It's over." she said, almost like a confirmation. And although uncertain, Meredith returned a smile of her own, pulling the woman close for a hug.
"It's over." she whispered into the red hair.
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He felt his breathe going faster, shallower, he felt the hurt this time, the pain, stronger than before. Why? he kept asking himself. What have I done to deserve this?
He slammed the car door shut and ignited the engine, pulling out of the driveway and into the dark streets, not even bothering to take one last look at the house that he built. The house that they built. He thought he had time, he thought he had everything, having Meredith still as a friend even though she made it known to him that she had moved on, and Addison, having the wife of 12 years by his side. What happened tonight was the least expected. Maybe, maybe if Addison had cheated on him with some other random guy, it would be better. It would hurt, nevertheless, but perhaps it wouldn't make him feel the way he's feeling now.
Derek kept his foot on the pedal as his car raced forward, his eyes fixed on the long stretch of empty road. From the passanger seat, his pager beeped, mixing with the sound of the roaring engine. His gaze fickered to it for a moment, but ignored it. He can't deal with his patients now, he can't even divert his emotions to his passion for his work. "No." he shook his head, his voice came out soft at first. "No, no, no... NO!" he shouted, voice ascending with each word. He slammed a fist down on the steering wheel angrily and cursed under his breathe. The wind whipped into his face, blowing the tears that threaten to fall dry, and finally, he turned, pulling over near a lake. He stared up ahead, watching the moonlight dance on the clear water. Oh Addison. he thought. Quiet nights had often cause his mind to wander back to the memory of his wife, even when he was in Seattle, after she cheated. He would think back on the times they had together, the happy times. And those times will then lead back to the memory of the night he walked in on her with Mark Sloan. But that was then. Now, the final memory that struck his mind was the vision of Meredith walking out from the shadows, wrapped around only in sheets.
His lower lips quivered, and he swallowed, pushing back the tears. But it was of no avail, and finally he gave in, his forehead connecting with the top of the steering wheel and he started to cry.
Derek Shepherd is a man, he doesn't cry. Man don't do crying. He didn't cry when he walked in on Mark and Addison, he didn't cry when he had to let go of Meredith. He almost did, but it wasn't like how he was crying today. He definitely didn't cry when Meredith told him that she had moved on. But tonight, it was different. Derek Shepherd don't screw up, Derek Shepherd shouldn't screw up at all. His career has been promising, his brains and his knowledge of brains flew him high up to the list, making him one of the world class surgeons. He makes big money, he's married to a fabulous woman for 12 years, he's happy. He was happy. Back in school he wouldn't allow himself to screw up, but how did he manage to screw up so bad now?
He slammed a fist into the steering wheel again, drawing in a breathe in hope to stop the tears from flowing. But it didn't work. He was pissed. Pissed at the fact that he couldn't stop crying, at the fact that he screwed up worse than he thought he ever would. It shouldn't be his fault. Addison cheated on him--twice. He should be glad that he caught her the second time, that he can cut her away from his life. But he isn't. His pager beeped again. Wiping the tears from his eyes, Derek fumbled around the passanger seat in the dark and pulled out the black device. It was his patient. The results for his MRI are out, and he needs to be there to look through it. He knows that with his work, nothing can wait, everything are a matter of life and death. But right now, he don't want to care.
After the third page, his cellphone rang. He fished it out from his pocket and glared at it, the light flickering on and off as the name popped up on the screen. It wasn't Addison. He drew in a deep breathe and answered it.
"Where the hell are you, Derek?" Richard's voice demanded from the other line. "We've paged you three times! You better have a good excuse for not being here by now." he yelled. With the phone still pressed against his ear, Derek let out a breathe.
"I'm leaving Seattle, Richard." he croaked out. Yes, he's leaving Seattle, he's running away again. But he couldn't run to anywhere else, except to go back to New York, get his position back and then continue to bury himself with his work, like he always did.
"This is no time to joke, Derek. We need you at the hospital now." he instructed, but Derek shook his head, to no one in particular.
"I..I can't. I'm sorry." he pleaded, praying that his voice wouldn't give away anything. But Richard had sensed that something was wrong. Knowing Derek for more than 11 years had gained him the ability to tell if something was wrong with just his voice. Knowing that there was no way to have his best neurosurgeon down to the hospital for work, he sighed.
"Meet me in my office, Derek. I'll get someone to cover for you."
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Morning came and Addison Shepherd walked into the hospital. Maybe it was her guilty conscious when she felt weird glances directed towards her. She cleared her throat, ignoring them as she headed straight to the elevator. Meredith and herself have decided to enter the hospital separately, pretending that nothing had happened. Maybe it's because I didn't walk in with Derek today. she told herself.
Reaching the level of her locker room, she was met with the chief of surgery, his arms folded in front of his chest when she looked up as the elevator door slided open. It was like he had been expecting her.
"To my office, now." he demanded. Addison swallowed, but followed obediently. When they entered the office, Richard shut the door behind them and sat down firmly on his chair, and doing what she usually does, Addison sat down opposite him, placing her suitcase neatly down beside the chair and looked up at him. His eyes were firm, disappointment reflecting off from them. And then she understood. Somehow, Richard knew. But before she could say anything, he spoke.
"What the hell were you thinking, Addison?" he asked, his voice hushed as he leaned forward. Things like that didn't need to be heard by passerbys. Addison looked away, unable to answer the question. In any way she were to answer it, it wouldn't be enough for Richard. They were his favourite students, they were the golden couple in his eyes. Even after he knew that Addison had cheated and Derek had an affair with Ellis Grey's daughter, he had still encouraged them to be back together. "Soulmates." That was what he believed they were. But apparently, he was wrong.
When receiving nothing in response, Richard continued. "He took you back, Addie. Even after you slept with his best friend, and you have to hurt him again? How many times, Addison?" he asked.
"I didn't mean to." she said softly.
"But you did." he insisted. "And I want to know why."
Finally, Addison met his gaze, his demanding gaze. She knew he wasn't going to back down until she gives an answer. "It's over. Derek and I, our marriage is over." she started. "He was indifferent, and I tried. He said he was trying, but sometimes, it's not enough."
"Is it for attention this time? It wasn't enough that you had it with his best friend and now you have to do it with his ex-girlfriend?"
"It's over, Richard." she reminded him firmly. "I'm not going to chase him down this time." But before Richard could ask more, the door to his office swung open.
An awkward blonde stood by the doorway as the both of them looked up towards her.
"Uhh.. I'm sorry. I'll come back later." she apologised, sliding back out.
"No, Meredith. Stay." Richard said, but it wasn't a warm invitation. It was an order. Quietly, she slipped in, closing the door behind her.
And she stood there, uncomfortably as her gaze was down on the floor.
"Take a seat." Richard said casually, and obediently, Meredith headed to the couch and settled down on the edge of it. She didn't want to get too comfortable. The situation in his office now is definitely not going to be comfortable. Normally, she would be able to look into the eyes of the Chief of Surgery, but today, it was impossible for her.
Richard's eyes shift steadily to and fro of the two women, folding his arms back in front of his chest. Addison turned to Meredith, their eyes met briefly before the contact broke again.
"Why? How?" he asked again, his gaze still shifting between both women. And then, he sighed. "Tell me everything."
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After an awkward moment of explaining the whole situation to Richard, who was like a father to both Addison and Derek, they left the office. But there was something else. Richard had understood, he had now accepted the fact that Addison and Derek are no longer together. But deep down inside, he couldn't help but hope that this is only yet another set back in their relationship, that somehow, some day down the road, the both of them are going to get together again.
Addison was still his favourite student, she was still his superstar. But as for Derek, he had to let him go unwillingly. Richard understood the pain of loosing a love one, and with his history with Ellis Grey, he should understand it more than anyone else. And after today, he wondered if he should be glad that Adele is stronger than Addison is, that she held on and she was loyal to him no matter what happens, even when he is indifferent. But then, Adele always had a way to make people listen, make them notice, make them see. Perhaps that's how their marriage is still standing till this day.
"Where is he?" Addison had asked, but Richard shook his head.
"You don't get to know. Not yet." he told her. As much as he wanted the couple to be a couple again, it was now his job to keep them as far apart as possible. Instead of pushing, Addison nodded.
"I understand." she had said. "I'll have his things sent down to your office by tomorrow"
"It'll get back to him." he had promised.
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Derek Shepherd had taken the first flight out of Seattle and back to New York. A phone call to the chief of surgery at the hospital he was working at settles everything for him. When asked about Addison, Derek debated on whether to tell the truth, but covered it up by saying that it was his decision to return, and her decision to stay in Seattle. He got his job back, and from the moment he stepped into the hospital of New York, Derek Shepherd is the Head of Neurosurgery.
His parents doesn't know, her parent's doesn't know either. None of them needs to know, he had decided. It was too painful to talk about.
Derek had returned to the brownstone that he and Addison once lived in. He wanted to get rid of it, build something else of his own, somewhere else, but then decided against it. Although it was painful for him to return to the same house he shared with a wife for 11 years each day, he knew he had to learn to face reality, and that is the only way he was going to move on.
Two days later, boxes arrived at his doorstep. They were his belongings from Seattle, every single one of it. He sighed, looking around the house for a moment before deciding that he should do the same--ship Addison's belongings over to Seattle, return them to her. He laughed at the irony. He was the one who had learnt to love Seattle, a place where he found a new side to himself. And Addison was the city chick, never was the kind to love a place like Seattle. And now, Derek is back in New York, and Addison is staying in Seattle. But he understood her position, for he had been there before. It was Meredith Grey. Somehow, the existance of Meredith Grey in their lives have caused them to fall in love with Seattle, like how they each had fallen for her.
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Alex Karev poked at a french fry and delivered it into his mouth. He looked up to Izzie briefly, then took a swig from his coke.
"I'm going to give you a way out." he said. Isobel Stevens looked up to him with a frown.
"Excuse me?" she asked.
"I'm going to give you a way out. That way you wouldn't need to risk witnessing the sex action between Meredith and Addison Shepherd." he said, chewing on the salad. Raising an eyebrow at Alex, she shook her head and bit on a cracker.
"You know that now the both of them are together, now that the whole hospital knows and that McDreamy is back in New York, we will probably see them together more often in the public, right?" he reminded her. Then a laughter interupted their conversation. Izzie turned to it, greeted by the sight of Meredith and Addison at a table not far away from them, having lunch together.
"Oh, definitely." she laughed.
Then when she turned back to face her boyfriend, she found him staring intensely at her.
"What?" she asked, reaching into the bag for another chip.
"Move in with me." he blurted out, his gaze steady as he searched her eyes. Izzie's jaw dropped open slightly as she stared at him, speechless.
After a few moments, she regain her composure and blinked.
"Ahh.. yes, sure. I mean, of course! Ok!" she said, obviously surprised by the sudden invitation. And Alex smiled, leaning in to give her a peck on her cheek.
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Two days later, the boxes arrived, sitting at the doorstep of Addison Shepherd's house. A brown envelope sat on top of them. She picked it up with a frown, pulling out only to recognise them as the divorce papers she had handed Derek a year ago. As though knowing what it meant, she unlocked the door to her house as she flipped the papers to where the signatures were required. And she saw it. It still surprised her though, at the moment, that she felt a pang of sadness, guilt, perhaps, when she saw his signature scribbled on the line. Then finally, pulling a pen out, she signed her name on the bottom. Addison stared at it for a moment, biting her bottom lip. There's no turning back now, Addie. she told herself.
She slot the papers back into the envelope, reminding herself mentally to send it back the first thing tomorrow. From that moment on, she's no longer Addison Shepherd, but Addison Montgomery. Addison Montgomery. she read the name in her mind with a laugh. It's been more than a decade since she had called herself that, or since anyone had called her that. She looked through the opened front door to the stack of boxes with a smile. Yes, a smile. And leaving her bags and coat on the couch, the now Addison Montgomery made her way out and shifted the boxes into the house. Tomorrow, she will start unpacking them.
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It was morning, and as usual, she needed to walk Doc. The bed felt unusually empty without her husband's body on it. Each morning she woke up, Addison was hit by the reality that Derek is no longer with her, that they are no longer married. And now, she's living in an enormous house alone--with a dog that once belonged to Meredith. She sighed, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes then took a glance to the clock on the bedside table. Stiffening a yawn, she threw the covers off her body and begin her daily routine, starting by walking the excited bundle of fur that was yelping by the bed.
She returned to the house a little after 7 in the morning, dropping the keys by the kitchen counter and for the first time, letting the dog in to run wild in the house after the walk. She took a glance at the empty coffee pot with a sigh. You should be used to it by now. she told herself. It was the fifth day she had spent without Derek in the house, without anyone in the house. No smell of breakfast food in the house when she return from morning walks, no coffee made in the pot. Suddenly, she wondered how Derek is doing. Even though she was no longer his wife, the care and concern she had given him had not fade away. Addison wasn't so sure if it was going to fade away at all.
It's time. she told herself, the voice in her head almost cheerful that it scared her, as she eyed the unpack boxes sitting in the house. With a sigh, she sat down by the couch with a penknife and started unpacking.
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The alarm clock shrieked through the apartment, shocking Derek out of his sleep as he sat up straight on the bed, his eyes shifting in the dimmed room. It was five in the morning, and just as he was about to slap the alarm shut and go back to sleep, the surroundings of his room reminded him that he was back in New York. It was his first day back at work, and he needed to get there early to catch up on the possible changes that has been made within the year that he had left.
Slowly, the reality start to come back to him. The large bed he sat on felt empty without the warmth of her body, without the prescence of her body. He wonder if he was ever going to get used to waking up to an empty bed. When he was in Seattle, he was running away from his problems, and was in fact, glad to find himself on an empty bed each time he woke up alone in a trailer. But now, the past memories was staring straight at him, and the only way to let go and move on is to accept that things had came to an end.
He stood up groggily, running a hand through his hair as he headed straight to his wardrobe. It was still in the place where he left it, and to his surprise, he could still remember the position of things in his house with his eyes close. The only difference now is that half the house seems empty without Addison's things. The large shoerack now looks pathetic with his small collection of shoes, the wardrobe beside him was now empty after he had packed her clothes and shipped it off to Seattle. He could still remember the day he had went through her stuff, how he held the clothes to him as a memory, how he took in the whiff of her scent on each piece of clothing before he folded it and place it into the box, how he tried not to wet her items with the tears rolling down his cheek. But it was over, and he has to admit it. And on the day, for awhile, he debated on whether to keep something of her to himself, as a memory. Would it hurt too much? He had wondered. But in the end, he did. So now in the empty wardrobe next to his, there sat a white sundress that he loved her in it, the red nightgown that she wore that always turned him on, the deep purple silk gown that she loved wearing to events, even a set of her casual clothings--a pair of faded jeans and a green, off-shoulder blouse. All of those, with a couple of photographs, were locked away in the wardrobe that once belonged to Addison. It hurt him to look at them now, but he know that one day, he would like to have a chance to take them out, look at them and smile at the memories.
He pulled out a blue, long-sleeve shirt and black pants, the type of clothes that he almost never wore while in Seattle, and headed to the bathroom. It was his first day of work back in New York.
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The first thing on Addison's mind when she walked into the hospital was to look for Meredith Grey. And thankfully, either the resident had assigned, or the intern had volunteered, Meredith Grey was to assist her today. Either way, it was going to be convenient for Addison to speak to Meredith.
She pulled on the labcoat, sighing at the sight of Derek's empty locker beside her. He's gone now. Let him go. she told herself. She had started to let him go ever since the relationship between Meredith and herself grew, but decades of relationship was not easy to forget. She smiled through the pained memory of what she had shared with Derek, brushing her fingers longingly at the side of his locker. It's time to start over, Addison.
From the corner, the blonde intern walked briskly towards the attending, both turning to each other with a smile. The day went on like usual, and surprisingly, the both felt as ease. No need to sneak around, no need to have secret meeting places, definitely no need to come up with excuses to meet each other for right now, the entire hospital knows. Addison Shepherd, now Addison Montgomery, had cheated on her husband once again, and is now having a relationship with the intern who once dated a married attending, Meredith Grey. As much as it was weird to accept the fact that both women that fell for the same guy had fallen for each other, there was no hostility towards their relationship.
And then in the middle of their morning rounds, Addison blurted out the question, catching Meredith by surprise.
"What?" she said. "I mean, I'm honoured, but..why?" Addison raised an eyebrow at her.
"Why? Well you're the other owner of Doc, and I figured we could walk them together everyday and there's no need for travelling. Plus, the house is too big for one person to live in." she explained.
Meredith blinked, still surprised by the invitation. "But... but what do I do with my house?" she asked. And at that, Addison looked up to her with a smile.
"You consider that." she said, then left Meredith in the middle of the hallway with her mouth gaping.
By lunch, Meredith had already made up her mind. It was only how she needed to say it. She settled her tray down at the lunch table with her fellow interns, taking a brief glance to Izzie. The taller blonde smiled, the twinkle in her eyes told her that something was going on. Something good, for Izzie at least.
"Meredith, there's something I need to tell you." she said cheerfully, her brown eyes shifting to Alex.
"Oh, really? There's something I need to tell you too." Meredith countered. The glance to Alex had definitely meant something, and Meredith was betting that whatever Izzie is going to tell her, is going to cause some problem for her. As though catching the same reaction from Meredith, Izzie wasted no time to blurt out the news.
"I'm moving in with Alex"
"I'm moving in with Addison." the both announce in unison, then stared at each other only to realise what the other party had said.
Cristina and George stared at the both of them in surprised, anticipating something as the two blondes looked to each other wordlessly.
"What's going to happen to the house?" Cristina asked, biting into the sandwich in her hands.
"Crap." Meredith said. Then, George looked up with a shrug.
"I could buy it." he offered. "I mean, if you don't mind."
Meredith turned to him in surprise.
"Really? I mean, you would do that?" she asked, diving the spoon into the yoghurt.
"Yea, Callie and I need a place to live in. A proper place to live in." he explained with a laugh.
And without consideration, Meredith nodded. "Alright. Yea, sure." she said, turning to Izzie who gave a happy shrug as she leaned towards Alex with a kiss.
"But none of you is to tell her." George instructed, his gaze falling onto each of them as he said that. "I want to give her a surprise."
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Derek briefed his staff of Neurology for the morning and handed the chart in his hands to a waiting nurse. Things in New York remained the same, with the addition of a few people. And like Addison, when asked about issues regarding the marriage, he had said "It's a long story.", and always managed a smile at the end of the sentence.
He turned away from his staff, pinning the pen to the labcoat that he had worn for years and headed towards the next patient's room when he heard a voice from behind.
"Dr. Shepherd?" Derek stopped, waiting for the person to catch up with him. "Are you available? I need a consult." he sighed, taking a breathe in preparation as he turned around to face the person.
Looking up at the face, Derek smiled, but only professionally. "Yes, I am, Dr. Sloan."
It was a new beginning for everyone.
A/N : Ok, so there will be a sequel. But I'm just wondering what you guys would prefer to read. Would you prefer I include bits of how Derek is dealing with his life in New York (with Mark) or leave that out? I may be bringing Derek back towards the end of the sequel... Hmm. Well, tell me what you guys think!