Perhaps very soon was a bit of a lie. Aheh.

Mako squeaked when the larger pirates picked him up and flung him out the window. Senza leaned back against the wall and sighed. "…Niko, do you have any ideas?"

"As a matter of fact, I do!" Niko wheeled into the centre of the room, and pulled down a screen. He picked up a white cat, and started to stroke it thoughtfully. "Perhaps we have been going about this the wrong way." The swabbie held his pinkie up to his face. "I have devised a cunning scheme that can not help but succeed! Mwa ha ha haha!"

"That's all well and good, but why are you in a wheelchair? And where'd that screen come from? And where the blazes did you get that cat!"

"Silence! Now listen very, very closely…"

Mr Wilbert took a couple of steps down the road, shivering a little. He had finally finished his day at work, and was looking forward to a calm, relaxing night. Unfortunately, he had agreed, for his boss, to dress up as the 'Ancient Hero' and go to a children's birthday party. Thus, he was leapt upon by an army of savage pirates and beaten to a bloody pulp. "We got him! We got him!"

"No, no we didn't. Link isn't quite as ugly and wrinkly."

Mister Wilbert blinked. "Ugly!"

"Well, that's…wait, here comes Link! Lose the goon!" There was a splash and spluttered screams.

The young hero walked along the darkened street. He sighed and kicked a can out of the way. "…you know, maybe I should go and apologise to Tetra. I've been a bit rough on her, and…"

Then he was set upon by the pirates, slammed hard against the wall until he lost consciousness, and dragged off.

"Miss Tetra, come quickly!" Mako burst into Tetra's room. "Link's been… oh my god! AUGH!" He covered his eyes. "The goggles, they do nothing!"

Tetra looked over from where she was undergoing a mud bath, complete with green facemask and ugly pink curlers. "…Mako, what is it?"

"L-Link's been kidnapped by insane cultists! And they're about to hack his head off!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!" Tetra bolted up.

"L-Link's been kidnapped by insane…" Mako's face was filled with mud.

"I heard you, you idiot. Get out of here so I can get dressed and see what this is all about."

Link opened his eyes. "Nnngh…my head…" Then he screamed. "Oh my god! Everything's gone dark! I've gone blind!" He placed his hands to his head and felt a canvas sack. "…wait, no, I've just had my head covered in a canvas sack. Presumably as a prelude to it being hacked off. Is that correct?"

A strangely familiar voice answered him. "Yes, that's right, Link. We're going to chop your head off, and there's nothing you can do about it! Nothing! MWA HA HA HA HA! Come, furball, let us leave our friend to his fate."

"…you know, I'm sure this is all a misunderstanding. If you let me free, I'll show you mercy!" Link tried to grab his sword. "…where's my sword? Aw, come on, you took my sword!"

"Err…yes. Is that a problem?"

"Look, everyone knows that you're meant to leave the hero with his sword so he can break free and have a climactic fight scene. It's fairly standard, I'm afraid."

"Oh. Well, look, this is my first time on the job. I'll remember for next time, all right?"

"And are you seriously just going to hack my head off? Come on, you should have some sort of diabolic plan or big giant death machine!"

"Well, look, this was all a bit impromptu. We understand that you feel slighted, but rest assured, in our hearts of hearts you are being chopped up in a giant perverted cross between a mincing machine and beamoses."

"…I suppose that makes me feel a bit better."

"Don't worry, it will all be over soon. Okay? Thank you for the advice. Nud…I mean, BORIS! OPEN THE HATCH!"

"Right you are, swabbie!"

"Don't call me swabbie! Call me Mister N! And not that hatch!"

Then there was a new voice, a voice that fell like a gentle waterfall onto Link's willing ears. "Hey! What's going on in here?"

"Look, miss, we're a tad…"

"You put that man down, you horrid, horrid people!" There was a loud crash, and then Link found the hood being torn off and…he was looking up into the eyes of a goddess. She had liquid blue eyes, eyes that made him simply want to melt into them and stay there forever, beautiful blonde hair, and gently tanned skin. "…are you all right?" She asked him, smiling as she put her hammer away.

"I'm much better now." Link said, deciding the best way to put on a show of strength was to snap his bonds. Which he did, after a couple of minutes. Once he had his breath, and his sword, back, he smiled at the newcomer. "I'm Link, Hero of the South Seas and Official Windwaker. What's your name?"

"I'm Rose. Just…Rose." They both leaned forward, so their lips met and they kissed.

Tetra kicked the door down. "All right, you cultists! Get away from my boy…friend." The pirate stared down at the kissing couple, and blinked once or twice. "…L-Link?" She whispered, unwilling to believe her eyes.

Link looked up at her, and glared. "You took your sweet time. If you excuse me, me and my rescuer are going to dinner, Tetra. Don't wait up." They both walked up the stairs and past the stunned Tetra.

"But…but I…I was coming, I just…I mean…FINE! Who need you anyway, Link! I never liked you! NEVER! I HATE YOU!" Tetra turned on her heel and strode down the street, right into a hurrying Alfonz.

"Hey, Tetra, did you see an army of cultists? They kidnapped Link and I was…"

"He's already been rescued." Tetra sniffed, pointing down the street.

Alfonz narrowed his eyes. "Hey, that posterior looks very…wait, ROSE! THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND! HE'S KISSING MY…" The other hero slowly slumped down to the ground. "Ah heh…"

Tetra stopped. "Well. It looks like we're both free tonight, Alfonz. Why don't we…get together and commiserate?" Then she grabbed him by the ear and pulled him off.

Link stared as Tetra pulled off Alfonz. "…she's going with him? Why!"

Rose blinked once or twice when Link grabbed her arm and tugged her, semi-gently, away.

The pirates extricated themselves from the rubble. "Okay, that went poorly." Senza grumped. "At least this time, no one was seriously injured."

Then the roof caved in.