Gonzo's Solution

The pirates' room was empty, except for Gonzo. He sat in quiet thought in the corner for a few minutes. Then he stood up and got two pieces of paper and a pencil.

Tetra walked into her bedroom and collapsed down on the bed. Then she buried her face in the pillow and started to cry. It wasn't supposed to be this way! She screamed inside, her body shaking violently. And now I've lost him and I don't know what to do... Nothing I try makes it better. And every time I talk to him I just make things worse because I can't help myself! She took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this is how it's supposed to be. Maybe we weren't meant to be together.

She looked up at the knock on her door and rubbed her eyes clean. Tetra walked over and opened it. No one was there, though an envelope had been stuck to the wall opposite. With a confused expression, she snatched it up and ripped it open.

Link sighed as he waited against the bridge, looking down at the letter in his hands. He had dressed up as nicely as he could, and was in a nice white tunic. He turned the piece of paper over and over in his hands. Occasionally a tear trickled down his face, though he effected not to notice.

"Hey." Tetra walked next to him and rested against the rail too. She was in a beautiful pink dress and had done her hair nicely. "…you got a letter too?" She asked him, gently.

Link turned to look at her, and nodded a little. His eyes caught a tear trickling down her face, and he reached up without thinking to brush it away. Tetra didn't push him away, instead pressing slightly against his hand and making a soft cooing sound. "I've been an idiot, Tetra." He whispered to her, turning her to completely face him.

"We both have been." Tetra murmured, looking into his eyes. "…you hurt me, Link."

"You hurt me, too." Link kept looking down.

Tetra looked down for a moment, and then looked to the side. "…but maybe if we're both sorry, it could work out." She touched his face. "Link, I can't change who I am." She whispered. "But I never wanted to upset you."

"…I can't change who I am either, Tetra." Link responded, taking both of her hands and smiling a little weakly. "But I swear on my sword that I never wanted to hurt you." The young man leaned forward and rested his head on hers. "Can you ever take me back?"

She pulled her hands back for a moment, and placed them together. "You know you have a place on my ship whenever you want it." Tetra took a deep breath. "But I think we should take things a little slowly. See if it's going to work out."

Link nodded. "You're right, Tetra. No sense in rushing anything." They both stood there for a minute or two. Link spoke first. "Enough of that." Then he grabbed her and kissed her tightly. "I love you, Tetra."

She laughed and twisted away. "You have no patience, Link! None whatsoever!" Tetra prodded her finger into his stomach. "You're impetuous, and reckless, and impatient and…" She fell back against him and rested her head on his chest. "And that's what I love about you." Then she looked back up at him and whispered quietly, "…Link, I've missed being with you. Why don't we go find a place to…get reacquainted?"

Link flushed slightly. "I don't have patience?" He laughed.

Tetra leaned up and kissed him again. "And you're a prude. That's a good combination you've got there, dear." She pulled him up and tugged him on. "Come on, we'll go get dinner together, at least."

Gonzo poked his head out of a nearby rain barrel. "Excellent…" Then he grabbed at one of the letters and looked at it.

Dear Miss Tetra,

I know you and Link have been very upset with each other lately. But I also know that the two of you really love each other. It's not fair to either of you for something like this to get in the way of your relationship.

It's also not fair to the rest of us. You know, in a way, our crew is like a family. And when two family members are fighting, it hurts everyone else. I'm not sure if you know this or not, but the reason the rest of the pirates are in hospital is because they were trying to get the two of you back together. We all want what's best for the two of you, Miss Tetra. I just think the best way for this to be resolved is if the two of you were given a chance just to talk, after you've calmed down from the initial fight.

I've given another letter to Link. I'd really appreciate it if the two of you would meet each other on the bridge by the windmill, without fighting, just to talk. We all would. Thank you, Miss Tetra.

Gonzo

The pirate smiled a little and folded the letter up, then placed it in his pocket. Gonzo nodded. "I knew it would work." Of course, he had had a back-up plan, just in case. He glanced around once or twice, to make sure no one else was watching. Then he picked up a large metal box and pressed down on a red button. And kept pressing it. The pirate frowned and tapped the barrel. Just as well it worked, the back-up plan appears to be a bust. Unless this is the wrong barrel… But that wasn't possible. Where could the barrel have gone?

Mister Wilbert ran screaming out of his cellar. "It's alive! It's alive! NOOOOOO!"

His sister looked up. "What's alive, Oscar?" She asked, curiously.

Mister Wilbert shook his head. "Nothing, Gertrude." He took off screaming again.

Then a giant whirring barrel, with lots of sharp knives spinning from the sides, burst out of the cellar and gave chase.

Nudge took a contented breath of sea-air. He could hear Senza working in the kitchen, Zuko mumbling in the crow's nest, and Mako eating a loaf of bread. "Everything's back to normal…" He said, happily. Then he looked over to Gonzo. "Hey, Gonzo! Catch!" Niko went flying through the air, to be caught in Gonzo's hand.

"…yes, everything's back to normal. Cursed, cursed normalcy." Niko muttered under his breath. "I'll get you! I'll get you all! You fools will regret the day you messed with Niko!"

"Hey. What did we tell you, Niko?"

"The football does not get to talk…" Niko sighed and went quiet.

In the main bedroom, Tetra and Link sat cuddled up together in front of the large map. "Where to next, Captain?" Link asked, resting his head on her shoulder.

"Oh, wherever the wind will take us." Tetra mumbled, her eyes half-closed.

Link stared blankly into space. "Yes. Where to next, Captain?"

Tetra yawned and slid down to rest against his chest. "I think the wind should be taking us to the south-east, Link. Don't you? The beaches, the swimming…" She waited a moment for him to say 'the bikini girls'. And kept waiting. "…Link, are you okay?" She looked up and started.

A carrier pigeon had crashed into her boyfriend's head.

The End?

That's the finale of Pirate's Problem, ladies and gentlemen. I'd like to thank all the readers who stuck with me and refrained from severe injury. Over the next few weeks I'll be putting up a couple of what I like to call 'DVD Extras'. These extras include the coveted 'Tingle's Solution' chapter.

Furthermore, if you'll turn to Disc 2, a preview of the sequel to Pirate's Problem, which has the working title of "Desperado's Dilemma" will be available just above the floating key. If you select the left moblin while the right moblin is dancing the Macarena. Remember to feed your author with reviews! Remember, we here at Slywolf Productions are hard at work bringing you the best in entertainment, quality, and…

Bzzt 401 Error...

"Yeah, that can stop now." Link said, stabbing his sword through the projector and then proceeding to turn the highly expensive piece of equipment into several cubes of metal.