Chapter 9-Overwhelming confusion
Disclaimer: I don't own LOST
A/N: Alrighty then. I have sort of gotten over my Jate anguish I was having when I wrote the last chapter. I am back to my Jate loving self. I really need a new episode…Also, who is gonna buy the LOST soundtrack when it comes out next week? I can't wait! Lol! Well anyways, here is the next chapter.
Sawyer and Ana hadn't seen Kate smile.
Ana had caught Sawyer. She had turned the tables on him and he hadn't expected it. She liked that feeling.
He didn't know why he had put her feet on his lap. Last time he had seen Kate; they hadn't exactly parted on good terms. Now he was just assuming everything was ok. What if it wasn't? Now all he wanted to do was to get up and hope Kate would never find out about it. But since when did he care so much about what Kate thought?
"jus' thought she might need the cushion." Sawyer came back, with a grin.
"Mhmm.." Ana smiled.
"Well what was up with the little fight you had going there sweetheart?" Sawyer asked
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." Ana said.
He grinned at her knowingly then they sat in silence for a few minutes.
"Hey. Do you want to go on a walk?" Ana asked.
Sawyer grinned at her. "I'd love to but you know ol' Jack will have my hair when he finds out I even left my bunk. "
"Since when do you care about what Jack thinks?" Ana asked, more as a statement then a question.
That stung. Ana was right. He didn't need to take orders from the doc.
"Alright then. What are we waiting for?" Sawyer asked. He got up and carefully put Kate's feet down on the couch. He felt like it was a sign for him that he was moving on, whether Kate liked it or not.
"nothing." Ana said. They walked out together and took it slow, for Sawyer reminded Ana that he had just been through hell and was just now coming back. Of course he added that it was Ana's fault, which Ana strongly disagreed to and they managed to have a lovely time flirti- I mean arguing in the jungle.
After Sawyer and Ana left, Kate decided she would try to sleep again. She knew that Sawyer was flirting with Ana, and for some reason, it didn't bother her like she thought it would. She slowly fell asleep until, the button went off. She groaned. She wondered how long she had been asleep. Not long she guessed. She still felt exhausted. She slowly got up. She groaned again. She was hurt badly but she tried to ignore it. She knew what that would lead to. Jack. The man she was trying to avoid. Speaking of Jack, was he still in the other room? The button beeping louder disturbed her thoughts and she quickly walked into the other room and pushed in the numbers.
After she finished, she collapsed in the chair. She was so tired. She felt her eyelids drooping. But suddenly, the thought occurred to her to go and sleep in the bunk where she might actually get good sleep. She decided to walk around the hatch first to see if she was alone or not. She realized she was. So she walked into the room where Sawyer had been before he had woken up. Her breath got caught in her throat. Sleeping in the chair, was Jack.
She just stood there gazing at him. She felt her chest tighten with emotion. He looked peaceful. A look she rarely saw from him. She missed him. She missed his caring eyes, she missed how he always seemed to know how to make her feel better. She missed his laugh. She missed him. She missed him.
She shook her head. No. No she was not going to let herself do this. He hurt her. He wouldn't let her talk to him. Then again, she hadn't ever exactly given him a chance. 8 months. Has it really been that long? They hadn't really spoken in 8 months. Sure there were the talks within the groups of keeping each other safe and talking about whatever topic had happened. But they hadn't really talked. Soon after they had kissed, they sort of made up. She came to him and said sorry for it. She would never forget the sad look in his eyes. He had just gotten up and walked away. Later that night he had come up to her and wanted to talk. But she wouldn't let him. He told her that they should just act like it hadn't happened. They should move on. But they both couldn't do that. They couldn't pretend it hadn't happened.
Kate stood there battling with herself. Her mind went back. Back to after the kiss, back to after they tried to make up.
"Kate." Jack said. He walked into the hatch and into the room where Kate was sitting with Sawyer. When she sat with Sawyer she felt like she was paying back for not being there for her mom. She knew it was a weak payback, but it made her feel better.
Jack moved a chair closer to hers.
"Can we talk?" Jack said, "I mean really talk. Not just talk, but really."
Kate rolled her eyes. It had been 3 months since they had kissed. They had tried several times to move on, but it hadn't ever worked. They couldn't pretend nothing was there.
"look Jack, I've told you several times. It's not there. We can't. We shouldn't" Kate was starting to tear up and she didn't want Jack to see her cry.
"Why not? Claire and Charlie have moved on from his episodes. They have gotten close. Why cant' we be allowed to be together?" Jack said. Kate could sense the hurt in his voice. The longing in his voice.
"WE can't. OK JACK WE CANT!" She screamed at him. She didn't want him to see her cry and she knew if she yelled he would leave. He did.
She started sobbing. She looked at Sawyer. He looked peaceful.
She wanted that peace. Before she knew it, she kissed his forehead.
Jack walked in and saw this. When Kate had yelled at him he had gotten up and gone to the computer room to think. And cry. He didn't mean to. But it just happened. He loved her so much and he knew they both had the same feelings but she wouldn't let him in. It hurt him.
Now in front of him Kate was kissing Sawyer. She heard him in the around and she turned around. "Jack." She said. She knew it was now definitely over. He left, again.
And that was when it ended. They were just on business terms from then on.
Kate snapped out of it. Here in front of her, was Jack. The man she loved. She admitted it. Yes. She loved him. No matter how much hurt he had caused her. She loved him. Would he accept her again? She sighed heavily. She went over to the bunk and grabbed a blanket from the top bunk. She draped it over Jack. She sat down in Sawyer's old bunk. She stared at Jack for a long time, thinking. She knew she had caused him a lot of pain. Sometimes, there were hints here and there that he still cared. In fact, she knew he still cared. But it would take a lot before they could get back to good terms. Exhausted from all of the events of the day she lay down and put the covers over her.
What was that scent? It was Sawyer. She smelled the scent from the blankets. She felt longing. She wondered what Ana and Sawyer were doing. She smiled. Ana and Sawyer was a good match. But she had just spent 8 months tending over Sawyer and now look how he was repaying her? It made her mad. Not mad at Sawyer, but mad at herself for not being the person Sawyer wanted. Wait, why was she thinking this, just a moment ago she was thinking about how she loved Jack. Oh she was so confused! She gave one last long look at Jack before slipping into a sleep that had been needed but never taken for a long time.
A/N: So not a lot of Jate exactly.. more like Jate angst… well more like Kate angst…Sorry I thought it was good to show what exactly had happened to make Jack and Kate so wary of each other.
Coming up next: Jack wakes up from a bad dream- about Kate. What is it? And is this dream exactly what Jack needs to push him back to Kate?