"Previously on the Maito Gai Fanfiction Series..."
Naruto was in the Konoha Convenience Store when he spots something out of the ordinary. Instant Ramen in the Pasta section. He quickly takes the ramen to the casher.
"Excuse me, but do you know that Instant Ramen is not a pasta?"
The casher, Hinata, was surprised. "Oh, I didn't know that. But I can't really do anything about it."
"Yes you can," said Naruto. "After all, Pasta is Italian and Instant Ramen is Japanese"
"Wow, I think I can say that I've learnt something today."
"Good. I got my eye on you," said Naruto, before leaving.
Rock Lee was interviewing the 'public' over the 'Ramen is not a pasta' debate.
"Is ramen a pasta or a noodle?"
Chouji: "Ramen is noodle, of course..."
Ino: "Ramen is Japanese, not Italian."
Naruto: "Ramen is not a pasta. Period!"
The Debate Continues.
A week later, Naruto was in the Pasta section of the Konoha Convenience Store, only to check that the Instant Ramen is back in the Pasta section. Naruto angrily takes the ramen back to Casher Hinata.
"Excuse me, but it's been a week and the Instant Ramen is still in the Pasta section. Why?"
"Well." Hinata looks around and whispers to Naruto. "I can't say much, but there are much bigger fish that you and I..."
"But we're not talking about fish. We're talking about Ramen," said the ignorant Naruto. "If you had listened to me, you would have been a manager."
"I know, but..." Hinata points at the surveillance camera behind Naruto. "They're watching us."
Naruto looks at the surveillance camera. "Instant Ramen is not a Pasta, you bastards!"
The Maito Gai Fanfiction Series
(Episode 02: A Very Maito Gai Christmas Special)
By PikaFlash
Disclaimers: As usual, all characters, scenes, songs, ideas and famous speeches belong to their respective owners.
What Pre-Readers say about this fanfic:
"Am I missing something here?" - Pre-Reader A
"Can you give me the money you owe me for pre-reading this fanfic?" - Pre-Reader B
"What were the lottery numbers again?" - Pre-Reader C
Summary: Hyuuga Inheritance has never been so easy to select a successor. Lee's Alter-Ego shows how simple things can be done, Maito Gai style. And the 'Ramen is not a Pasta' debate continues. Oh, and don't forget that it's also has a Christmas special somewhere in it.
Hyuuga Inheritance 1
Neji and Hinata were in a room where the Hyuuga Inheritance is being read out by Gai, the impartial and neutral 'lawyer'.
"Now, it has already been decided that Hinata will be the head of the clan. However, we have a new issue involving the inheritance of your Grandfather's home. And this is how you two will decide on how to inherit the home."
Gai opens a letter.
"A Yu-Gi-Oh card battle."
Hinata and Neji put on the Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Disks and inserted their cards into the device, starting the duel.
Neji was having a drink of water after a hard day's worth of training when Tenten walked up to Neji.
"Neji, I have something very, very difficult to tell you..."
Neji looked up at Tenten. "What is it, Tenten?"
Tenten whispered into Neji's ear. "The square root of 1 thousand, 2 hundred and eighteen is not a whole number."
Neji nods. "I understand."
Things that the dumbest Ninja shouldn't do. Number 37: Trying to catch a giant weight thrown by your partner
Neji's body was crushed under a very heavy steel ball summoned by Tenten.
Hyuuga Inheritance 2
The 'Lawyer', Gai, looks at the result. It was a draw.
"Since the card battle was a draw, we will use another method of deciding the inheritance," said Gai. He takes out another letter and opens it.
"It will be decided on a Pokémon Battle."
Neji and Hinata were throwing Pokéballs while dodging at the same time. The last person standing would inherit the home.
Gai and Neji walked past the Ramen shop where Lee was telling his recent mission to Tenten.
"I hope I'm not boring you, Tenten," said Lee.
"Actually, you are."
"Whatever, and this one time, I used a pair of nunchakus to beat up..."
'Oh gawd, I got to get out of here...' thought Tenten. She quickly presses a red button under the table.
Kakashi was reading the latest issue of his favorite Icha Icha series when he receives the call for help.
Back to Lee and Tenten, Lee was continuing his boring story.
"And just when I was about to finish him off..."
Kakashi was right behind Lee. Lee turns around and looked up at Kakashi.
"Yes?"
"Would you like to see my collection of fishes?"
Kakashi takes out a fish wearing a purple wig. "This is my Yugi-fish. When the time is right, he will cry 'Fish-Oh!' to become Yami-Fish."
Lee was starting to feel awkward with this masked ninja suddenly appearing with a wig-wearing fish, so he decided to take his leave. "Well, it's nice meeting you, Tenten." Lee runs off.
"Thank you, Kakashi-sensei."
Kakashi smiled. "No problem. Want to say hi to my favorite character from 'Fish-oh'?"
Now, Tenten is having the same awkward feeling Lee had before he ran off. "That reminds me, I have something to do..."
Tenten runs off.
An announcement from your friendly neighborhood Konoha Fanfiction Censors
Kakashi was at the podium.
"It has come to my attention that two offensive words have been regularly used in the world of fanfiction. These two words have been causing the world of fanfiction to crumble down in the most horrible way ever known to Anime Characters. As of today, I will reveal the list of respectable replacement words that will replace the offensive words that is known as 'Maito Gai'. And here is the list:"
"Dumb-ass. Jerk-aholic. ShinyShiny Head. NoSense of HairStyle. Fist-for-Brains. Green Day. Bruce. FuzzyEyeBrows the First. Suit of Green. Vegeta the Green. Where's my Forehead Protector? Secondary Character. Enter the Green. Fist of Green. Return of the Green. Game of Green. HitmonGreen. And finally, A Mighty Guy."
One day, young mild mannered martial artist, Rock Lee was finding ways to make his weights heavier through the use of hard work and the power of youth, when lightning struck, causing a major explosion.
BOOM!
From the charred remains, a figure in green appeared.
"Fuzzy Eyebrows...need for hair shine...must wear green..."
A new superhero is what the village of Konoha needs...
GAIMAN!
"The Youth of today will prevail!"
(Special FX: Ting from the teeth and shine from the hair.)
Today's GaiMan Episode: How to get a cat out of a tree
Sakura was under a tree.
"Damn you, Kiba and Akamaru!" Sakura screamed. "Now my cat is stuck up the tree!"
GaiMan happens to be walking along nearby and Sakura sees him.
"GaiMan, I need your help!"
"What is it, Miss?" asked GaiMan.
"A couple of idiots chased my cat up the tree and I want you to bring it down," said Sakura.
GaiMan does his Special FX with the Ting from his teeth and the thumbs up. "No problem!"
GaiMan took out one of the weights on his legs and throws it at the cat.
(Author's Note: Here's where the cat has two Choices.
Choice A: The cat jumps off the tree without a single scratch.
Choice B: The cat dies from getting hit by GaiMan's weights. )
(Sound FX: Splat!)
(Author's Note: Maybe the cat should have chosen Choice A.)
Sakura screamed and GaiMan smiled. "Hope you love Cat for dinner," said GaiMan before giving his trademark (Special FX: Ting!) and thumbs up, followed by a furious Sakura blowing out flames from her mouth. (Special FX: Flames from Sakura's Mouth)
(Author's Note: Ok, we've over exaggerated the furious Sakura part, but what's the fun of not using the Special FX brackets/parenthesis and SFX uses we have specially for this fanfic scene.)
Gai was writing a letter on a scroll to the Fanfiction Author.
"Dear Fanfiction Author,"
"I was recently offended in the use of offensive words like 'Enter the Green', 'Fist of Green', and 'Game of Green'. I did not fight in 13 Shinobi Wars just to have my insides twisted inside out. Some people, like you, have a lack of courtesy for people who have been called 'Suit of Green', 'ShinyShiny Head' and 'Where's my Forehead Protector?' I demand the respect I deserved or I'll never read another fanfiction story ever again!"
"From A Mighty Guy."
"P.S: I really like that fanfic scene about the square root of 1 thousand, 2 hundred and eighteen."
Naruto enters the Konoha Convenience Store Pasta section and carried the entire stock of Instant Ramen to the Noodle Section.
Meanwhile, Kiba and Shino were watching Naruto on the surveillance camera.
"He's taking the Instant Ramen to the Noodle section," said Shino.
Kiba takes a closer look at the screen. "Are those stickers?"
Shino watched Naruto. Then he said, "We'd better get rid of him before he ruins everything, Get 'the' Guy."
In the Noodle section, Naruto stuck stickers on the Instant Ramen containers, reading, 'Instant Ramen is a Noodle, not a Pasta.' Kiba and Gai walked to Naruto and picked Naruto up to throw him out of the store.
"Alright, time to go," said Kiba.
"But you can't take me away! You can't silence me from telling the world that Instant Ramen is not a Pasta!"
As Naruto was being led out, he gave his final words to Hinata. "Hinata! Defend what I have been trying to do!
You must tell the world that Instant Ramen is not a Pasta!"
Hinata was in tears. "But I do not know your name," said Hinata.
"Uzumaki Naruto!" Naruto answered back.
"I love you, Naruto-kun!"
A message from the 'Ramen is not a Pasta' Department of the Hokage's office.
"Ramen is not a pasta. It belongs to the Noodle section of your local supermarket."
Spoken by Uzumaki Naruto
The Maito Gai Christmas Show!
(A/N: Hey, it wouldn't be Christmas Themed if we didn't have something to do with Christmas.)
Gai was sitting on a chair holding a book.
"Good evening, people watching me! I am Maito Gai, greatest teacher and Jounin. I am going to be your Santa Claus for the evening because Christmas is around the corner and I'd better get started for my paycheck!"
"And I'd be stupid to believe that flying mammals would fly over people's houses just to drop presents off, let alone having something that I do not trust or not seen before on this side of the world by flying from the other side."
"And if some damn fat guy in a red suit enters my house, I will make him run around 500 laps like dog until he slims down!" Gai looks around. "Sorry," he apologized. "But anyway, if you people keep on feeding him cookies and milk, it's no wonder the guy stays fat! I'd bet he'd be sick of eating the same thing over and over in other people's houses. Not that I'd be sick of anything that has good taste. And I like to keep my firm shape."
Hinata and Tenten were lying down in a flower field. "Hinata, I got something very, very difficult to tell you."
Hinata looks at Tenten. "What is it?"
"I think your cousin, Neji, is HOT!"
Hinata gave a strange looks at Tenten, before slowly walking away.
At the usual training spot where Team Gai would train, Gai presents his students their presents.
(A/N: Yeah, I found that confusing too.)
"My students, to celebrate this holiday season and the New Year, you will receive gifts from yours truly!"
'I hope that it's something better than last year's lame present,' thought Neji.
'I hope it's what I really asked for instead of what sensei thinks I want,' thought Tenten.
'I hope Gai-Sensei would give me something better than last year's great present,' thought Lee.
Tenten and Neji opened theirs to get the standard Maito Gai outfit, while Lee got himself a box full of Instant Ramen.
"Gai-Sensei! What a wonderful present!" yelled a delighted Lee, although, Neji and Tenten were not as delighted.
Things that the dumbest Ninja shouldn't do. Number 26: Eating a Surfboard
Gai was sitting in front of a TV set with a half-eaten surfboard. He could barely swallow the bites he took from the surfboard.
"That's the last time that I bet with Kakashi over who's going to eat a surfboard."
Final Scene
Naruto was leading a protest rally outside the Konoha Convenience store with Hinata, Neji, Tenten, Lee, Gai, Sakura, Kiba, Chouji, Ino, Shikamaru, Asuma, Kurenai, Shino and Kakashi.
"What do we want!"
"To tell the world that 'Instant Ramen is not a Pasta!'" chanted the protesters.
Gai was being interviewed. "It's time that we, the little people, must not be trampled by the big companies!"
"I agree," said Kakashi. "Instant Ramen must be placed in the Noodle section, not the Pasta section. Just put the ramen back to where they belong."
(The series continues in 2006. See you next year!)