Previously on the Maito Gai Fanfiction Series:
An Important Announcement
Naruto was walking to his usual spot at the ramen shop when he meets up with Gai.
"I have some bad news, Naruto," said Gai. "The world has run out of ramen."
Naruto was shocked. "What! How did that happen?"
"All of the ramen have been eaten to extinction by a pack of Pikachus," Gai explained.
"I knew we should have listened to those Digimons!" cried Naruto, knowing that he will never see another bowl of Ramen again...
Do not suffer the same heartbreak like young Uzumaki Naruto.
Eat Pikachus.
Naruto was on a set. "Hello readers. I'm Uzumaki Naruto. As you saw in the last scene, I played a young ninja who has lost his will to live since the world has ran out of Ramen. But because fans of the Pokémon series are offended, we decide to do the same scene, with Digimons."
An Important Announcement by the Coalition of the Pokémons
Lee was walking to his usual spot at the Curry shop when he meets up with Gai.
"I have some bad news, Lee," said Gai. "The world has run out of curry."
Lee was shocked. "What! How did that happen?"
"All of the curry have been eaten to extinction by an army of Digimons," Gai explained.
"I knew we should have listened to those Pokémons!" cried Lee, knowing that he will never see another bowl of Curry again...
Do not suffer the same heartbreak like young Rock Lee.
Kill Digimons by Invading the Digi-World.
The Maito Gai Fanfiction Series
(Episode 03)
By PikaFlash
Disclaimers: As usual, all characters, scenes, songs, ideas and famous speeches belong to their respective owners.
The Future 6th Hokage's Endorsement for The Maito Gai Fanfiction Series:
Not available due to large load of paperwork, chasing after Sasuke and training.
The Future 6th Hokage (also known as Naruto Uzumaki)
Summary: Sailor Moon is an Alcoholic? Neji and Tenten have their own cooking show? How many more questions does this summary need?
At the Konoha Alcoholics Anonymous in the Konoha Administration building, Tsunade had finished with the first few words that welcomed the alcoholics. "And who would like to start first?" asked Tsunade.
Lee stood up from his chair. "Hello, I'm Rock Lee and I'm an alcoholic."
Tenten enters the room. "Excuse me, but I heard that this is Alcoholics Anonymous."
Tsunade looks at Tenten. "Yes, you're joining us?"
Tenten shakes her head. "No, but if this is supposed to be Alcoholics Anonymous, then why did Lee tell everyone in the room who he is?"
"It was only an introduction," said Lee.
"I know, but what will happen if someone like Sailor Moon has a drinking problem?"
"As if that would happen," mumbled Lee.
"But Lee, what will happen if Sailor Moon is drunk, goes to Alcoholics Anonymous and says, 'Hello, my name is Tsukino Usagi and I'm an alcoholic.' Once you know who she is, when you all get drunk, everyone will eventually know who her real identity is! After that, Sailor Moon can't protect us anymore. For example..." Tenten quickly pretends to be drunk and leans on Lee. "My good friend, Sailor Moon is Tsukino Usagi."
"Well...I'm sure we can keep that in mind with the others who come by," said Tsunade.
"Good, but I'm keeping my eye on you, Rock Lee," said Tenten, before leaving the room.
Things that the dumbest Ninja shouldn't do. Number 51: Never jump off a building angering Tsunade
A crater in the shape of Naruto was found on the ground outside the Hokage's office.
Tenten enters a Ninja Equipment Store, with Naruto as the shop keeper.
"I'm here to collect 50 kunais, 100 shurikens, 10 kusarigamas, 1 samurai sword, 3 bo staffs, a pair of tonfas, some nanchakus and a Ninja Turtle toy.
"Give me a few minutes to look for the stuff." Naruto walks to the back room to search for the items. Three minutes later, Naruto returns with a bowl of Instant Ramen. "This is what you're asking for, right?"
The Chuunins and Jounins were doing office work when Gai was about to leave the office.
"I'm going out to get a drink," said Gai. "Anyone wants coffee or tea?"
"Tea, please!"
"Tea!"
"Coffee!"
"Tea!"
"Coffee!"
"Tea!"
"Coffee!"
"No!"
"Tea!"
"Coffee"
"Tea!"
"No!"
"Ok, milk?" asked Gai.
"Yes!"
"No!"
"No!"
"No!"
"Yes, please!"
"No!"
"Yep!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Yep!"
"Ok, sugar?" asked Gai.
"No!"
"Two!"
"One!"
"No!"
"One and a half!"
"Two!"
"Yes!"
"Half!"
"No!"
"Two!"
"One and a half!"
"One!"
"Alrighty then," said Gai, leaving the office. Half a minute later, Gai reenters the office while drinking a cup of coffee. Everyone looks at Gai, wondering why he didn't bring them their drinks.
"Sorry, I forgot."
Neji and Tenten's Cooking Show
Neji and Tenten were in a kitchen in front of a studio audience.
"Welcome to Neji and Tenten's cooking show," said Tenten. "Tonight, we will show you why cutting vegetables affect emotions."
"That is correct." Neji takes out an onion. "Now, as you know, cutting onions will make people cry. However, cutting green capsicums will make people stare into thin air and remember things. For example..."
Neji begins cutting up the green capsicum, only to stop and reminisce about his past.
Tenten taps on Neji's shoulder. "Neji?"
Neji snaps back into reality. "Now, to get some stuff from the drawer."
Neji and Tenten began searching the kitchen drawer. Tenten takes out a pair of scissors and Neji takes out a rock.
Neji smiled. "I win."
"Damn."
Neji takes up a cup of Sake hidden behind a cutout of a cup of tea, while Tenten takes out a bottle of Sake, hidden behind a cutout of a bottle of Sake. "Not very original in hiding our drinks," said Neji. "But then again, is it even real sake?"
"Should we call Lee?" asked Tenten.
Neji disagrees. "I got an even better idea. Hey Stagehand! Get Hinata."
The stagehand leaves the studio.
"What happens if what Hinata drinks is not sake but poison?" asked Tenten.
Neji looked at Tenten. "Now that you mention it...I haven't really thought of that."
Things that the dumbest Ninja shouldn't do. Number 92: Trying to practice Taijutsu in a swarm of Destruction Bugs
Lee was trying to practice Taijutsu while Shino attacks Lee with his bugs. No amount of Taijutsu would save Lee from having the swarm covering our unfortunate green hero.
Konoha Alcoholics Anonymous
"Ok, and who's next?" asked Tsunade.
Sailor Moon stood up in her Sailor Senshi uniform. "Hello, my name is Tsukino Usagi and I'm an alcoholic."
Then, Tenten removes her blonde wig and tiara.
"There, I told you that it could happen," said Tenten, before walking away.
(Narrator: The village of Konoha has discovered the best detection methods of the PokéRus Disease...)
Tsunade was pacing around in front of Naruto, Neji, Tenten and Lee.
"Pika..." started Tsunade.
" Chu!" finished Naruto, only for Tsunade to pull Naruto away by the ear.
Chouji walked into an office and Tenten greets him.
"Ah, you must be the Fat-O-Gram," said Tenten.
Chouji shakes his head. "No, I'm the PR relations consultant."
Tenten realized her mistake. "Oh. Give me a minute."
An embarrassed Tenten walked out of the office, down a flight of stairs into a store room, and decides to hide out inside there.
Gai and Kakashi were hiding behind some bushes.
"Now, all we need is for someone to go first to check out for any traps," said Kakashi. Kakashi looks at Gai.
"We play for it?" asked Gai.
Kakashi nods.
"Ok...on the count of three..."
Kakashi and Gai put their hands into their weapon pouches.
"Three!"
Gai takes out two kunais while Kakashi takes out a small rock.
"Rock beats two Kunais. I win."
Gameshow Segment
Gai was at the Gameshow Segment stand. "Welcome back to 'Non Sequitur Family Feud', where the Hyuuga Family is at 90 points."
The Hyuuga family consists of the Husband (Neji), Wife (Tenten), Cousin (Hinata) and Lee (fairly obvious).
"For Round 2, what are the ten most infrequent quotes you would hear in a Naruto Episode?"
The Hyuuga family were discussing what the answers are.
"Neji?"
Neji gives his answers. "Fallopian tubes, sewing machine, Lewis Caroll, Street Directories, Law, I like Digimon, Atlantis, Inuyasha, 1845, PokéBalls!"
Gai listen to the answers. "Hmmm, I'm not sure about that. Excuse me." Gai walks to a phone and makes a call. "Yes, I would like to book for a hair cut..."
At Dr. Neji's clinic...
"Bring him in."
Rock Lee enters Dr. Neji's office.
"Lee...Rock Lee...I'm afraid that I have some bad news," said Neji. "Your test results have returned and I'm afraid that you have Rock Lee's Disease."
An awkward silence. Then Lee asked, "And how exactly did I get it?"
"Well, you must have caught it off someone," said Neji.
"Who?"
Neji was having trouble figuring out an answer for the question. "Give me a minute."
Neji walks out of the clinic, down a flight of stairs into a store room, where Tenten was also hiding out of embarrassment.
Final Scene
At Ichiraku's Ramen shop, Neji, Tenten, Naruto and Hinata were drinking water, sake and having Ramen when Kiba and Shino walked to the group.
"Mind if we join in?" asked Kiba.
"Sure," said Hinata.
Kiba and Shino took their seats while the four took a sip from their sake bottles.
"So, do you want some ramen, Shino?" asked Naruto.
"Actually, I'm vegan," answered Shino.
Everyone spat out their sake onto Shino and Kiba.
"So, what was your last mission?" asked Neji as he and the others took a sip of water.
"Well, we had to search for a stolen treasure map. But for us to do that, we had to disguise ourselves as girls." Kiba was suddenly interrupted by everyone spitting out water from their mouths in shock over what the two had to do.
"So, Naruto, what was your last mission?" asked Shino as Kiba and the others began to dig in to their Ramen.
"Well, I had to go catch an A-Rank Criminal who eats babies."
Everyone spat out various liquids from their mouths on Naruto.
Hinata looked at the table. "You know what we all need now? More ramen." At that instant, more bowls of Ramen was brought to the table.
"So, Shino, what is your next mission?" asked Hinata
"Well..." Neji quickly interrupts Shino.
"Wait." Everyone but Shino drank the soup, preparing for the next thing that will cause them to spit out the soup.
"My next mission is to be a parking inspector in the Capital," answered Shino, anticipating the spray. The others did not spit out their soup, so, Shino continued, "A female parking inspector."
Right at that moment, everyone sprayed out their soup on Shino.
"Everyone, I got something very important to tell all of you," said Tenten. "I'm pregnant."
"Wow! Who's the father?" asked Hinata as she takes a sip of Sake...
"Me," answered Neji.
At that moment, everyone sprayed out a mixture of water, Sake and ramen soup at Neji.
"And Lee's going to be the Godfather." Now it's Tenten's turn to be showered by the mixture of liquids, finishing off with Neji spitting out his sake on Tenten.
End of Episode 3
If you have any questions or complaints, go to www.maito-gai.konoha/themaitogaiseries squiggly thingy.
In a computer room, Gai was pacing around as Lee, Neji and Tenten were reading the questions and complaints.
"Gai-Sensei, a message from psychotic ninja. He wants to know how you want to die. So I sent him your home address," said Lee.
"Thanks, Lee."
Tenten sees a question for Gai. "Gai-sensei, a question from anonymous authoress. 'How big is your...'"
"4 cm."
"Engorged?"
"4 cm."
"Gai-sensei, we've got a complaint about the Fat-O-Gram sketch," said Neji. "It says that there was a 'subliminal message' that angers all ninjas around the world."
"Tsk. It's like they want to be offended," said Tenten.
"Hang on," said Gai. "This is one of our loyal readers who has a complaint. Let's see the sketch again."
Fat-O-Gram Sketch
Chouji walked into an office and Tenten greets him.
"Ah, you must be the Fat-O-Gram," said Tenten.
Suddenly, Gai appeared dressed as a Pikachu and started to sing the Pokémon Theme song.
"I want to be, the very best, like no one ever was…"
The group watched the sketch. "I see," said Gai. "Well, here's my reply to Mr. Orochimaru. 'Dear Mr. Orochimaru…'"