Narrator: "Previously, on the Maito Gai Fanfiction Series, Naruto was found to have been doing inappropriate things. So, we are giving him one last chance. He has ten seconds not to make any mischief. But there is a catch..."
Naruto was waiting in the kitchen when Choji appeared and opened the fridge door and looks inside. Tenten walks into the kitchen and gives Naruto a towel.
Narrator: "The catch is that Naruto must not towel whip Choji in the butt."
Tenten looks at her watch. "Naruto Uzumaki, your time starts now."
10, 9, 8...
Naruto was trying his best to resist the urge to whip Choji.
7, 6, 5...
But the temptation was far too strong for Naruto to resist.
4, 3, 2...
Naruto towel whips Choji in the butt with 2 seconds remaining and Tenten walked to Naruto.
Narrator: "Damn...he was so close."
"Nice try, wise guy." Tenten pulls Naruto out of the kitchen.
The Maito Gai Fanfiction Series (MGFFS)
Episode 07
By PikaFlash
Disclaimers: As usual, all characters, scenes, songs, ideas and famous speeches belong to their respective owners.
MGFFS Episode 1 Summary: In this fanfic, Neji has a dream. By the end of the fanfic, Neji has not move an inch. What a waste of a summary.
MGFFS Episode 2 Summary: Naruto wants to go to the beach. He does. That's pretty normal for this episode, with everyone agreeing with each other for a whole fanfic that is less than 2000 words. The original Naruto cast does not appear. Even Naruto is played by someone else and they all speak in undubbed English. I think this is the wrong fanfic.
MGFFS Episode 3 Summary: Shikamaru and Ino are on their way home from dinner and Shikamaru has no idea why Ino is mad. Ino points out that not only Shikamaru has left the restaurant with Temari, he has tied Ino to a tree with some chain as Shikamaru and his mistress (Temari) laugh at how they could bury her (Ino's) corpse. ANBU arrives and everyone apologizes to each other, especially Ino, as she is not an environmentalist who chains herself to trees to protect them (the trees). Tsunade said that it is alright as she is the Hokage and they don't think they're in Konoha anymore, Akamaru.
MGFFS Episode 4 Summary: Sakura gave Sasuke some money to buy a new shirt. Sasuke instead bought a new chair. When he realized that Sakura's birthday is coming up and he didn't have enough money for a present, Sasuke had to figure out how to get Sakura a birthday present. Then he sees a dress being delivered to Ino. Sasuke quickly tells the deliveryman that he will collect Ino's dress as she is not home. Sasuke takes the opportunity to give Sakura the new dress at the party. Unfortunately, when Sakura tried the dress on, Ino arrives at the party, but before Ino could accused Sakura for stealing her dress, Sasuke slits her throat with a kunai. Blood splattered onto the dress Sakura was wearing, so Sakura beats Sasuke's head into the floor.
MGFFS Episode 5 Summary: Sasuke is sick and Sakura decides to stay home to help him rest. One day, Sakura accidentally let slip some forms giving Sasuke life insurance. Sasuke was angry when he found out, but Sakura told Sasuke that she also placed life insurance on herself. Feeling like he almost became Naruto, he apologized. Then, Sakura stabbed Sasuke from behind with a kunai.
MGFFS Episode 6 Summary: Sakura has invited Naruto to the Uchihas for a dinner. Sasuke figured that it's an excuse for Sakura to get Naruto matched up with a friend of hers. On the night before the dinner, Sasuke tells Naruto about the setup, but Naruto says that he's gay and he loves Sasuke. In the end, Naruto and Sasuke have sex on the floor. Sakura finds out and kills them both.
MGFFS Episode 7 Summary: Sasuke has recieved his paycheck in the mail. When Sakura opened it, inside was a love letter from Naruto. Sasuke was confused and Sakura was furious. Sakura demanded an explanation and Sasuke had no idea why his paycheck was not inside. Then, Naruto arrives at the Uchihas. Naruto explained that he messed up because he was also sending a love letter to Hinata while putting Sasuke's paycheck in mail. Satisfied with the explanation, Sasuke threw a bottle of acid at Naruto's face, scarring him for life.
Note: The reason why Gai now infrequently appears in the past few episodes is because as the title character of this fanfic, he is obligated in his contract to make at least one appearance in the fanfic or at least a running gag.
The Maito Gai Fanfiction Series Opening Theme: Gai was riding a bicycle before he crashed into a coffin.
Neji, Tenten and Lee were practicing their Taijutsu against invisible enemies.
Naruto and Gaara were signing a treaty.
Hinata was wearing a rabbit outfit while the little kids hug the big bunny.
Naruto was playing with a tiny guitar.
Then Akamaru was running on a TV screen, followed by Gai tripping over a park bench.
Then Naruto and Sasuke were in the same bed, with Sasuke stabbing Naruto three times, followed by Gai being thrown out of a window.
Naruto and Sasuke were back in the same bed, with Sasuke stabbing Naruto three times again, only to be followed with Shikamaru destroying a TV set by throwing an explosive Kunai at it.
Choji opens a door, only to see Shikamaru preparing to hang himself from a table.
Ino's the new blockhead.
Sakura is seen cleaning some speakers with a vacuum cleaner.
Lee drinks an entire bottle of Sake on TV, while Gai was standing in the audience stand holding an ax(e).
President Goku was with his Presidential Team posing for a photograph.
Shino was on TV, as the camera moves to Gai sitting on his couch, with a couple of forks stuck in potatoes, pretending to have a walk, only to have one of the 'feet' accidentally kicking Gai in the face.
Sasuke throws up in the middle of Konoha.
The Rookie 9 were dragging a tied up Tenten on the ground, followed by Neji opening a door, only to find the Rookie 9 having a party inside the room.
Lee is seen falling off a cliff.
Then, Sasuke was hit with a Naruto Manga, courtesy of ANBU Interrogators.
Hinata was working at the Konoha Convenience Store when Kiba pulled a fake Neji figure to the counter.
"How can I help you?" asked Hinata.
"Yeah, how much is your life-sized Neji Hyuuga figure?"
"That would be 500 Ryou."
Kiba paid Hinata. As soon as Hinata puts the cash in the register, Kiba kicked the fake Neji in the groin and continuously attack the Neji figure while he is down.
"What the hell you did that for?"
Kiba stopped attacking the Neji figure. "I hate Neji Hyuuga."
Neji was at an office desk with Naruto sitting on the other side with Neji wearing a pair of glasses.
"Give me a second, Naruto," said Neji. "I need to clean my glasses."
Neji removes his glasses and Naruto suddenly blushed.
"Without your glasses...you're beautiful."
Instead of Neji sitting at the office desk, it was Hinata holding the glasses.
"Thanks," said Hinata.
Choji was wearing a 'Hi-5 a Pokémon Trainer Day' T-shirt while eating his favorite potato chips. At the same time, Tenten and Sakura were sitting on a bench.
"Don't you hate it when your spoon your boyfriend. He sleeps on your arm until is hurts." said Sakura.
"Luckily, I don't need to worry about it," said Tenten, showing off her arm sling. "I got a broken arm."
Then Tenten looks at us and gives us the thumbs up with her free hand. "And that's the Arm sling Advantage!"
Gai rides his bicycle straight into a wall.
Ino walks into the Konoha Convenience Store, where Hinata was working at the fruit stand.
"Excuse me, but I have a problem with your tomatoes."
Hinata looks at Ino. "What is the problem?" asked Hinata.
Ino picks up a tomato. "Here's the thing. These tomatoes have stickers on them. Can you imagine someone, like Sasuke-kun, eating a tomato and he forgets to take off the sticker and he ends up choking on it?"
"I'm pretty sure that won't happen, Ino," said Hinata. "I mean, someone like Sasuke would obviously take off the sticker."
"I know, but hypermathematically, let's assume that he forgets to do that."
Hinata has a bit of thought. "But I think it's silly to have someone reminding people to remove the sticker before they eat it."
"Of course it's silly," said Ino.
"Then, what do you suggest?"
"We should put stickers on them, like what Naruto did when he took the Instant Ramen from the pasta section to the noodle section in episode 2."
Hinata is confused. "Put a sticker on the sticker?"
Ino shakes her head. "No. I mean, put a sticker on the tomato, saying, it is dangerous to eat this tomato with the small sticker on it."
(Note: Consider the word 'hypermathematically' as part of bad dub.)
Later, as Kiba takes a tomato, Ino appears and places a sticker on the tomato, reading, 'Please remove the small sticker before eating as it is a choking hazard.'
Tenten was also taking a tomato and Ino puts another sticker on Tenten's tomato.
Kurenai takes a cucumber. "Am I suppose get a sticker?"
Ino shakes her head. "No, it's only for the tomatoes."
Meanwhile, Sakura and Sasuke were tasting wine.
"This wine has a very odd taste," Sakura said. "One that has the taste when you put it on the table."
"Solid?" asked Sasuke.
"It pushes your tongue as if you're French kissing someone," said Sakura.
"Mixture?"
"It makes me feel so hot!"
"Hard?"
"It gives me pleasure!" Sakura said, as though as she had the satisfaction of sleeping with Sasuke.
Sasuke figured it out. "Is it Kai from Beyblade?"
Sakura smiled. "Yes, Sasuke. It tastes like Kai from Beyblade."
This Segment's Special Naruto Character's Pet is:
Sasuke Uchiha's Rabbit!
Meanwhile, in the Sound Village
Kabuto was outside Orochimaru's room. Kabuto knocks on the door.
"Orochimaru-sama. It's time," said Kabuto. There was no answer. "Orochimaru-sama?"
Kabuto opens the door to see Orochimaru choking on a tomato.
Later, Kabuto walked to Sasuke, who was waiting.
"I have some bad news, Sasuke. Those tomatoes you gave to Orochimaru-sama...he choked on them," explained Kabuto. "So, there is no training today."
"How did he choke on my tomatoes?" asked Sasuke.
"Well...he forgot to remove the sticker," said Kabuto.
Sasuke sighed. "And he calls himself a legendary ninja."
Gai rides his bicycle straight into a wall.
Team 7 were tied up at the wooden posts with Kakashi standing in front of the group at the memorial.
"Finally, I am glad you are here to witness opening of the first ever first-edition interactive book from 'Icha Icha' series: 'Icha Icha Hero'," announced Kakashi. "As the first people honored to see the book other than the author and I, enjoy listening to it.
Kakashi puts the book in front of the three and opens it. On the first page was an advertisement for Ichiraku's. Suddenly, a voice from the book spoke.
Book: "Ichiraku's Ramen. The best place for Ramen in Konoha. Even our future Hokage endorses the place. 500 metres east of the Hokage Building."
Kakashi turns the page, showing another advertisement. This time, it's an advertisement of a weapon shop. Another voice spoke from the book.
Book: "If you want top quality weapons for your missions, head on over to Tenten's Weapon Shop. Buy ten Kunais and you will get a free prediction on your future, courtesy of Ten-ten's Fortune Telling Shop."
Kakashi turns to the next page. It's an introduction page, telling the readers a bit of who the author is and why the series is so popular. Sasuke was able to shake around in his ropes and got closer to Sakura to have a whisper.
"I wanna read that book," whispered Sasuke.
As soon as the book finished the introduction, it said, "And now, for our feature presentation..."
Naruto looks around. He sees Lee in a cinema usher's uniform. "Could I get popcorn and a drink to go with the book?" asked Naruto.
Shikamaru was walking down the street while wearing an arm sling when he meets up with Ino carrying a few bags of groceries.
"Hey, Shikamaru. Could you help me with my groceries?"
Shikamaru shakes his head. "Sorry, I can't. Broken arm." Shikamaru looks at us and gives us the thumbs up with his free hand. "And that's the Arm sling Advantage!"
Kakashi was leaning on a wall outside a toy shop reading the new interactive 'Icha Icha Hero'. Inside, Lee was working behind the counter when Kiba appeared holding some miniature Neji figurines.
"Yeah, how much is the miniature Neji figurines?" asked Kiba.
"That would be 100 ryou for 1."
"I'll take 3." Kiba paid Lee. Once Lee puts the money in the register, Kiba drops the figurines on the floor, picks up a sledgehammer and pounds the Neji figurines.
"What are you doing?" asked Lee.
Kiba looks at Lee. "I hate Neji Hyuuga," said Kiba.
This Segment's Special Naruto Character's Pet is:
Sakura Haruno's Matinee!
Lee's Pursuit Trivia
President Goku was about to finish a press conference in Tokyo when Lee stood up.
"Excuse me, Mr. President!" called out Lee. "I have a question. Do you know what is the big event in Japan on the 10th of October?"
Goku was confused. "Well...I have no clue. Naruto's birthday?"
Lee shakes his head. "Nope, it's when Pac-Man was released in Japanese Arcades in 1979."
Goku was impressed. "Wow. I didn't know that."
Naruto News Show: In Other Less Important News
Neji Hyuuga: Live from Kanto
Neji was standing in front of a map of Pokémon's Kanto.
"This is Neji Hyuuga here, reporting from Kanto and...I think we need to change the background that could represent Pokémon's Kanto more than what you see."
The background changed from a map to a Pikachu.
"Nope, that's too close," said Neji.
The background changed a picture of an ocean.
"I have no idea where that is."
The background changed to a picture of the main character of Pokémon.
"Next, please."
The background changed to a picture of a dead Digimon.
"That's too Digimon, Naruto."
The background changed to a picture of Pokémon's Team Rocket blasting off.
"Now that's better. In latest Pokémon News, the champion..."
The background suddenly changed to a picture of Kiba holding a sign reading, 'I hate Neji Hyuuga!'
"That's it!" Neji threw his microphone onto the ground. "What is it with everyone hating me? Do the segment yourself! Lousy ungrateful..." said Neji as he walked off.
Naruto leaves his news desk and enters a room with a guitar and a window in it.
"Thanks, Neji," said Naruto. "Normally, we wouldn't do this on the Naruto News Show, but..."
Suddenly, Naruto was pulled backwards out of the window, crashing straight through it in the process.
(A/N: This is a reply to a review by Mizu Hime on the original Naruto News Show fanfic where Naruto was to be in danger on the set.)
The Life of Maito Gai's Spandex Emporium Voiceover!
Gai was in a Blockbuster Video Store.
"Here's what I want! I'm interested in movies that involve YOUTH! ETERMINATION! COURAGE! And BRUCE LEE! I am also interested in MARTIAL ARTS! And GREEN SPANDEXES! And that's pretty much it."
This Segment's Special Naruto Character's Pet is:
Temari's E Coli!
The Naruto Gang
Naruto, Neji, Shikamaru and Kiba were sitting on a sofa.
"I'm not happy," said Neji. "In fact, I'm feeling paranoid. Everywhere I look around, there's always a sign reading, 'Everyone Hates Neji'. On TV, 'Icha Icha' books. The lot."
Kiba smiled. "There's no reason to be paranoid, Neji. Everyone really do hate you."
Neji glares at Kiba.
"Don't worry, Neji," assured Naruto. "Once the fanfic is finished, we're planning on killing Inuzuka..."
Kiba now gives a death glare at Naruto.
"I mean...Inuyasha," corrected Naruto. "Right now."
A few seconds later, at the Inuyasha set
Naruto, Kiba, Neji and Shikamaru left behind a dead half-dog-demon with Kunais stabbed in his back.
"Alright, back to work," said Naruto.
An Edit Later...
Naruto, Neji, Shikamaru and Kiba were sitting on a sofa.
"Well, that's all we have for this episode of the Maito Gai Fanfiction Series," announced Neji. "But before we go, I want to try getting a number from that girl in the front row."
Neji walks to the audience, with Tenten sitting at the front row.
"Can you give me a phone number?" asked Neji.
Tenten shows out a sign, reading 'I hate Neji Hyuuga'.
"You're kidding me!"
The Final Special Naruto Character's Pet is:
Maito Gai's Haircut! Excuse me?
End of Episode 7
Gai's V/O: "This episode of Maito Gai Fanfiction Series was brought to you by Maito Gai's Spandex Emporium! We can't tell you our location because ANBU will burn our new place down. And it is also filmed live in front of a live studio audience in a different location for insurance fraud purposes."
Next Episode's summary: Sasuke was rehearsing for a play with Naruto at the Uchihas. As Sasuke rehearses a line where a character secretly intends to murder his wife, Sakura accidentally heard and thinks that Sasuke is really planning on killing her. As soon as Naruto leaves, Sakura confronts Sasuke. Sasuke explains that he was trying out for a new play at Konoha Theater. In a freak accident or a coincidence that could only happen in an Anime, a tree fell through the house and crushed Sakura and Sasuke.