Hi everyone. Thank you to everyone who has sent me reviews. I greatly enjoy reading your comments.
Sorry it's been awhile since my last update. I have to replay the game and take extensive notes as I go along, so it takes some time.
Hope you enjoy this next installment. Let me know!
Escape from Perilous
Exile, Krusty and Atomic run up the docking ramp and onto the command deck of the Hard Liquor Binger.Suddenly Krusty holds out her arm to halt her companions.
"Wait!" Krusty says. "Something is wrong… I sense no one on board."
"Why would that be wrong?" asks Atomic. "Sounds like a good thing to me."
"Everyone has been slain," Krusty continues. "Yet there are no signs of battle, no carbon scoring, no blaster fire and no fecal smells."
"Fecal smells?" Exile asks.
"Yes, fecal smells," Krusty says. "You know… when scared people shit their pants. This place has been hit by assassins of a different sort."
Atomic looks around him with worry and says, "Then what are we doing on this ship? I didn't sign up to get myself killed by assassins! I just want a nice safe rescue. You two have to be the most stupid Jedi I have ever met to lead us in here!"
"Keep your voice down you idiot!" snaps Exile. "Listen, we just need a plan."
Krusty pushes her palm straight out and says, "Silence! I will think of a plan." She closes her eyes while the others watch her and hums, "Ohmmmmmmmmmm…Ohmmmmmmmmmm… Ohmmmmmmmmm."
"Well?" says Exile after Krusty opens her eyes.
Krusty shrugs and says, "I don't know."
"Well," says Exile, "one of the holo logs I listened to said we can bypass the force field to the hanger bay by getting to the engine room on this ship. We just have to exit through the fuel line."
Atomic shakes his head, "Look, I hate to rain on your parade, but even if you could reach the Ever Hunk, it wouldn't matter. You'll need the orbital drift charts so we don't hit those asteroids, unless you just want to end your miserable little life right now and save the universe from further grief and pain due to Jedi stupidity and arrogance."
"What fun would that be?" Exile said. "This ship got through the asteroid field just fine."
Atomic knocks on Exile's head and says, "Knock, knock, anybody home? Of course they did. Because they probably have the orbital drift charts in their navicomputor."
"Then lets get their codes," Exile says.
"But… that means we'd have to get to the bridge," Atomic says. "And what if those assassins attack us?"
"Then we kill them," Exile says calmly.
"That's a good plan for now," says Krusty. "Let's go. Be mindful of the present!"
"Gee, thanks for the tip," Atomic says. "I was busy thinking about clipping my toenails."
Exile leads them towards the bridge. Dead bodies of the former crew are all strewn about. They easily enter the bridge and download the orbital drift charts from the navicomputor. They also take the time to scroll through the Hard Liquor Binger's logs.
An emergency broadcast of the distress signal from the Ever Hunk is replayed. The hologram captain says he's cautious about intercepting them while they're under Sith attack.
Another log of the captain's explains how they boarded the Sith warship and it was empty except for one very badly injured man with an exposed eye ball. Initial boarding of the Ever Hunk showed everyone dead except for a T4 unit. The captain wonders why Admiral O'Nasty wants him to bring back the Ever Hunk. He also wonders where all the Sith have gone.
A last hologram of the captain has him explaining how the ship is malfunctioning and then a recording from the med lab has the sound of crashing and a man's deep voice saying, "I have come for the Jedi!."
"Well, it looks like Poo Doo man really is after you," Atomic says.
"The Sith must have used stealth to come aboard," Krusty says. "We must be extra careful."
"You know, I'm going to yak if anyone says 'be careful' one more time," Exile says, disgruntled.
"Really?" Atomic questions. "Let's try it out. Be careful."
Exile bends down and vomits on Atomics shoes. Atomic stomps the mess off his feet as much as he can and says, "You didn't have to do it on ME."
"Any other challenges you want to offer me?" Exile says sarcastically.
"Yeah, actually," Atomic says. "O.K., stand close behind Krusty first."
Exile stands behind Krusty and waits.
"All right, ready?" Atomic says and waits for Exile to nod. Then he says, "Be careful."
Exile vomits on Krusty's back causing the old woman jump up and turn around, placing a hard slap across Exile's face.
"Cool," says Atomic. "It really works."
"Enough of this foolishness," Krusty says as she tries to get the vomit off by using Force Push. "Let's go."
They make their way through the ship, taking all the valuables they find with them. Suddenly a group of Sith assassin appear behind them and Atomic pushes Krusty towards them yelling, "Do something old woman!"
"Help us Atomic," says Exile as he hacks away with his vibrosword.
"Fine, fine," Atomic grumps and he pulls out his blaster pistol. They soon subdue the assassins but are faced with many more as they make their way through the ship. Somehow, luck seems to be on their side and they are not harmed.
Entering the briefing room of the ship, Exile again checks the logs. Again a hologram of the captain appears. He talks about how they were on their way to planet Putmoron when they received an order from Admiral O'Nasty to go to the Outer Rim and abduct a drunken man who had been staggering around and causing problems. They were to sober him up and bring him to Tealess.
Another hologram talks about the distress signal from the Ever Hunk and how Admiral O'Nasty really wants both the ship and the drunk to arrive in Tealess. Then the captain says he sent the HK droid to look out for the drunk's safety.
"Yeah, thanks captain," Exile says to the hologram. "He really looked out for my safety!"
Then Exile, Krusty and Atomic head for the crew quarters and Exile passes the room he had stayed in before.
"These were my quarters," Exile says.
"How do you remember? You were drunk!" Atomic says.
"I wasn't drunk for a few days after I sobered up," Exile explains. "Hold on, I want to get something." Exile leaves them in the hall and enters his old room. He opens his locker and retrieves his five issues of Space Slut magazine, shoving them into his pack. Then he finds his datapad with a message from the med lab. It says that he is to report to med bay and stick this datapad in the medical computer to receive his injections.
Exile joins Atomic and Krusty again and says, "Let's check out the Medical Bay." When they enter the Medical Bay, they notice a mess of shattered glass in front of a destroyed Kolto tank in the center of the room. There is also a damaged medical droid that Exile repairs so that it would follow them around and heal them when they needed it.
Exile plugs his datapad into the medical lab computer and finds that someone had ordered a large dose of concentrated Juma Juice injections for him three days ago. "It was that HK unit!" Exile fumed.
Playing back the holologs, a Medical technician says that since they've picked up the Sith wreckage, crewmen have been disappearing. She also says that she feels like she's being watched. She also talks of the Sith survivor and how cracked he is, his skull having been fractured many times. She doesn't know what's keeping him together and he must have been in constant pain.
Finally the technician reports that the Sith must have boarded with the Ever Hunk and they are killing everyone. Then the image of the Kolto tank behind her shows Poo Doo man waking up and busting through the glass. He looks around and leaves the med lab.
Exile looks up at Atomic. "Poo Doo man must be a Sith Lord!"
"You're right!" Krusty says, pounding her fist on the computer for emphasis.
They search the lab for things to steal and Krusty announces that she's handy with the lab table and if they want, she can cook up some stimulants for them.
"Not now Krusty. We have to get out of here," Exile says.
Subduing more Sith assassins, the trio make their way through the ship and find the droid maintenance room where Exile finds a datapad. It explains about the strange behavior of the HK droid and says that he doesn't follow orders very well. He's been seen in the crew quarters and the med lab and other places he should not be and only gives smart ass answers when questioned. "What a surprise," grumped Exile as he threw the datapad on the floor.
The three of them finally make it to the turbolift that goes down to the engine room. When they exit the lift, Atomic says, "I have a bad feeling about this."
"What are you whining about now?" Exile says, rolling his eyes.
"Don't you feel it?" Atomic says.
"Uh… no," Exile answers.
"I have a special ability to sense danger. We'll have to be…"
But Exile quickly holds up his hand and says, "Don't you dare say it again."
"Oh alright," Atomic frowned. Then he quickly said, "Be careful!" and he laughs.
Exile projectile vomits down the hall. "Damn it!" he said when it stopped. "That's not funny."
They run around the stream of vomit and down the hall. Suddenly they stop and turn around when they hear a loud slap and a man cursing, "Shit!" Their eyes grow big when they realize that Poo Doo man had just slipped in Exile's vomit and slid across the floor. He tries to stand up, but each time he slips again.
"Poo Doo man!" Atomic cries. "I knew there'd be trouble!"
"This battle is mine alone," Krusty says bravely. "So run along. I'll join you later."
"Sure Krusty," Exile says as Krusty walks towards the slipping Poo Doo man and closes the door behind her. Then he looks at Atomic and says, "At least she'll stall him for awhile. Let's get out of here."
In the maintenance room, Exile uses the computer to open the maintenance doors to the ion engines. He then activates an engine coolant so they won't get burnt and unseals the hatch to the fuel line.
Atomic looks at Exile in surprise and says, "I thought you were only joking before. We aren't really going to cross back to Perilous through the fuel line are we? That's crazy!"
"Listen moron, it's the only reason we made this whole trek through this ship with its Sith obstacle course," Exile says. "We aren't backing out now. Would you like to stay and help Krusty with Poo Doo man?"
"No, no," Atomic says, "I'll just take my chance with the fuel line."
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Meanwhile:
Poo Doo man sits sprawled in the vomit as Krusty approaches.
"I sense you, my Master. You are faint… weak," Poo Doo man says.
"Your senses betray you, as you betrayed me," Krusty replies.
"After all that has happened, still you live," says Poo Doo man. "Why don't you die, bitch?"
"You are too limited to kill me," Krusty says. "You sit in a pile of vomit and yet you have learned nothing – that is your failing."
"The failure is yours," Poo Doo man says. "No longer do you whisper your perverted ideas in my head; no longer do I suffer beneath teachings that weaken us. And now you run in search of the Jedi. They are all dead, save one – and one stinking drunk cannot stop the darkness that is to come."
"For a drunk, he is better in bed than you," Krusty laughs until a sharp, agonizing pain enters her wrist. Poo Doo man had managed to lunge and bite off her hand!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Back in the fuel line, Exile bends over holding his wrist in pain.
Atomic yells, "Damn it! I didn't say the words. Don't puke again!"
"It's not that," Exile says as the pain fades. "My hand felt like it was being dipped in molten carbonite."
"I heard that happens to guys who read too many Space Slut magazines," Atomic laughs. "Get it? Hand hurts…"
"Yeah, yeah," Exile says with a frown. "I get it. Very funny. Now let's go."
They continue down the fuel line when they come upon T4-U2.
Atomic says, "Hey, it's a tea droid. Looks like he's been hit with an ion charge and dumped here."
"Dee… reet. Deet… eet?" says T4-U2.
"I know. We ran into that bastard HK unit earlier, he attacked us too," Exile says to T4. "Don't blame yourself. You got us out of the administration level and I owe you one. Come with us, we have to hurry."
"Bee reet doo ree?" T4-U2 asks.
"Sorry, we don't have time for tea right now. Maybe after we get away from Perilous," Exile explains and they continue down the fuel line and into the fuel depot of the Perilous Mining Facility. They are happy to see that they are now on the other side of the containment fields.
Destroying ever more mining droids as they go, they make it through the fuel depot and take the lift to the Docking Bay. When they make it to the hanger door, Atomic says, "This door's magnetically sealed! I can't believe this! The ships right out there and we can't get to it!"
"Beep ree dee doo," says T4-U2.
"Huh?" says Atomic. "What's that tin can saying?"
"He says he can open the door to the hanger from that console up on the platform," Exile answers.
"How can you understand all that noise he makes?" Atomic asks.
"I've been around a lot of serving droids while I hung out at cantinas," Exile says.
Atomic looks at T4 and makes a shooing motion with his hands, "Go on. Get! Open the door."
T4 makes a rude noise at Atomic and then ascends the ramp to the terminal. The Ever Hunk could be seen through the glass window from here. Stupid humans, T4 thinks, they could have broken this glass window and got into the hanger. But then they would have probably left me here instead of helping me down. Ah well.
The hanger door slides open as T4-U2 finishes slicing into the computer and he rolls quickly to catch up with Atomic and Exile as they charge ahead, battling more mining droids. They are trying to ditch me, thinks T4.
T4 finally catches up with them when they reach the decontamination chamber. Using the terminal, Exile shuts down the lethal gas shooting out in the next room and they enter the chamber. Finally they reach the Hanger Bay and scour the hanger for any valuables before boarding the ship.
"Woo hoo!" Atomic cheers. "We are outta here!"
"Um… not so fast," Exile says as they climb the ramp to the ship. Sith assassins come running out of the wall. "Hurry, you warm up the engines and I'm going to play shooting gallery."
"Why do you get all the fun?" Atomic whines.
"Do you really want a drunk flying this ship?" Exile asks.
"You have a point," Atomic agrees. "I'll get the engines going."
Exile runs to the shooting turret and begins blasting at the barrels of fuel so that the Sith blow up. He gleefully guns down the Sith trying to run aboard. "Why didn't we close the hatch behind us?" he thinks as he shoots and some Sith get past him. "T4? Close the hatch, will you?" he yells over his shoulder.
He hears, "Dee ree doo ree," in the distance.
"What!" Exile exclaims. "You have company to serve? What the hell are you talking about?" Exile does not see anymore Sith running in the Hanger so he gets up and goes into the main tea room. Five Sith assassins are sitting at a table while T4 pours tea from a spout in his plating. "T4? What the heck are you doing? Those are Sith!"
The Sith pick up their tea cups and take sips. A few seconds later they fall off their chairs and die.
Exile smiles at T4 and says, "Very clever T4. I'll never doubt you again."
"Bee!" T4 exclaims happily.
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