Here's another chapter of our crazy adventure. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I can claim no ownership of the characters or places used in this fiction.

Calamari, Anyone?

"Krusty, why are you dragging your feet? We have to get to the cantina and find Buxom," Exile says, looking back at Krusty grumpily.

"I don't think we should help the Ithorians," Krusty replies. "That Chow Chow has ulterior motives."

"I don't care if he wants to paint a rainbow on my forehead; we need his shuttle to get us down to the surface of the planet. The Ever Hunk is somewhere down there, and how are we going to find the remaining Jedi if we don't have a ship?"

"There are no remaining Jedi," Krusty insists. "You are the last one."

Exile covers his ears with his hands. "La, la, la, la, la, I can't hear you," he says. "I refuse to believe there are none left."

They walk into the cantina, bypassing the swoop racing lounge and the Pazaak tables. Atomic slows his feet, looking at the Pazaak players longingly. Krusty sticks her wrinkled hand out and grasps his earlobe in her withered fingers, pulling him along.

"Ouch!" Atomic yells. "Cut that out!"

"Between your gambling and Exile's drinking, we'd be out of credits by day's end," she mutters.

Exile walks up to the droid behind the bar and says, "Juma Juice, please."

Krusty releases Atomic's ear and now pulls Exile's ear until they are standing back from the bar. "Stay focused on the task at hand," she says.

A man standing with a Rodian and a Devaronian start to laugh. "So you're the big, bad Jedi?" the man says.

Exile pulls Krusty's hand off his ear and glares at her. Then he looks at the man and replies, "Who wants to know?"

"I'm Boondock, and these are my pals Mama and Nana," he says, referring to the Rodian and the Devaronian. "We work for Loopy Slush and the exchange. We're his bodyguards."

"Then why aren't you guarding him?" Atomic asks.

"Because," Boondock answers.

"Because why?" Atomic persists.

"None of your business," Boondock replies.

"Hey…" Exile says. "You're a Rodian and a Devaronian."

"So?" Mama the Rodian answers.

"Lieutenant Dumb Hen says that there are two psycho killers on the loose – a Rodian and a Devaronian," Exile says, suspiciously.

"Do we look like psychos?" Nana the Devaronian asks.

Exile shrugs, "I don't know – maybe. You aliens look all alike to me. How am I supposed to tell the psycho ones from the normal ones?"

"Because," says Mama, "if we were psychos we would do this…" He pulls out his blaster and shoots a bar patron standing nearby. "And we'd do this…" He fires another round at an alien sitting at a table and her head explodes.

"Good point," Exile nods.

"Are you boys showing off?" asks a pink alien woman with red hair. She sidles over with her Gamorrean body guards. Exile and Atomic's eyes open wide as they stare at her barely clad bosom.

"Just making a point," Mama replies.

"Go make a point somewhere else," the woman says. When Boondock and his two pals leave, she says, "I'm Buxom."

"You sure are," Atomic says, still ogling her chest.

Krusty slaps his face. "That's her name, fool."

Exile grins and says, "I'm Exile." He pulls up his sleeve to show her his 'Jedi have the biggest lightsabers' tattoo.

Buxom gives him a throaty laugh as she steps closer and runs her pink hand over his muscled arm. "I'd love to see your big lightsaber," she purrs.

Krusty clears her throat to get Exile's attention. Exile waves a hand at her. "Not now, Krusty," he says, without removing his eyes from Buxom.

She clears her throat louder. "Oh, look… free Juma Juice," Krusty says.

Exile's head whips towards the bar. "Where?"

While Exile is distracted, Krusty steps between him and Buxom. "We need to see Loopy Slush. We heard you could get us in," she says.

Buxom smiles, "Oh… you want to see my little Poopsy, Loopy Boopy."

Krusty looks at her a few moments and replies, "Something like that."

Suddenly the smile drops from Buxom's face. "If I get you in, then you have to do something for me."

"Like what?" Atomic says, eying her up and down.

"KILL HIM!" Buxom yells. "I want Loopy dead, dead, dead."

"Why?" Exile asks, glaring at Krusty for tricking him about the Juma Juice.

"That's my business," she replies. "Just kill him and I'll tell you all about your ship."

"You know where it is?" Exile asks.

"Yes, Loopy gives me access to all his terminals. I know everything," Buxom answers. "Give me an hour and then go to the Exchange office. They'll let you in." She turns to her Gamorrean guards. "Come on, boys. Let's go organize the 'Loopy is dead' party." She walks out with the Gamorreans grunting and squealing behind her.

"Well, looks like we have an hour to kill," Atomic says, beginning to move off towards the Pazaak tables. Krusty grabs hold of his ear again.

"Quch! Stop that!" Atomic exclaims.

"There are more productive ways to spend our time," she drones.

"Yeah, like watching the dancers," Exile mumbles, his feet beginning to move towards the Twi'lek dancers on stage.

Krusty throws up her hand and does a force push, propelling Exile and Atomic out of the Cantina door. They lay sprawled in the corridor, slowly getting up. "Damn it, Krusty," Exile grumps, "why'd you do that?"

"You wanted me to give you Jedi training," she says, "so I am."

"Women, drink, gambling…" Krusty continues. "They are distractions we could do without and they are not becoming of a Jedi."

"Yeah, well I'm not a Jedi," Atomic says.

"Praise be to that," Krusty replies. "Let's go show that blaster to Lieutenant Dumb Hen since we are here in this quadrant."

"Fine," Exile says, standing and dusting himself off. "Now I know why I became a drunk," Exile mutters under his breath.

"What did you say?" Krusty asks.

"Nothing," he replies.

At the TSF Station

"Well, this is definitely an illegal blaster," Dumb Hen says, flipping it around in his hands.

"We got it from some dead Jerka mercenaries that attacked us in the Ithorians' docking bay," Exile says.

"Jerka?" Dumb Hen marvels. "I wonder if they are behind the big smuggling operation going on here."

"Didn't you say your friend Booty was spying on them before he disappeared?" Exile asks.

"Booty? Who's Booty?" Dumb Hen says, confused.

"I don't know, he's your friend, not mine," Exile answers, wondering at Dumb Hen's short memory.

Dumb Hen slaps his own face. "Yes! I remember now. Booty… That guy could really dance. He would do this thing with his rear end…"

"Hey, whatever, Dumb Hen," Exile interrupts. "We'll go over to the Jerka docking bay and ask about Kenny and Booty. I hope you're working on finding our ship."

Dumb Hen looks blank for a moment. "Oh… yeah, yeah, sure we are. We're working very hard on that."

"Good," Exile says. "We'll be back if we find out anything. You want the illegal blaster?"

"No," Dumb Hen says. "Why don't you folks show it around and see if anyone knows anything more. I've got to get back to finding your ship."

Exile, Atomic and Krusty leave the TSF. Dumb Hen sits down and pulls out one of Exile's Space Slut Magazines from a drawer. "Yep, I'm really busy," he mutters, opening to the centerfold.

Docking Bay Three

Exile argues with the Rodian behind the counter. "Why can't you show me the logs? This is a criminal investigation."

"How do I know that you're not the criminal?" the Rodian clerk replies.

Krusty leans over to Exile and whispers in his ear.

Exile looks at her and grins. Then he looks at the Rodian. "You want to give me the information," Exile says, using Force Persuade. "You want to do everything I say."

"I want to give you the information," the Rodian replies, automatically. "I want to do everything you say."

"Good," Exile smiles. "Now, tell me about Kenny. Where did he come from?"

"Nar Shady," the Rodian replies after checking his computer.

"Now, go over to that protocol droid and give him a kiss," Exile orders.

Krusty looks at Exile in surprise as the Rodian walks off towards the protocol droid. "What does kissing droids have to do with this investigation?" she asks.

"Nothing," Exile laughs. "I just thought it would be funny."

Atomic begins laughing hard. "It is funny," he says.

"Do not abuse your power," Krusty warns.

"Oh, come on, Krusty," Exile replies. "You can't tell me that you've never had a little fun with the force?"

Krusty remains still for a moment before a smile begins to form on her mouth. "Well… I suppose I have." She turns towards the Rodian who is now smothering the protesting droid with kisses and says, "You will declare your undying love for the droid."

"I love you, sweet protocol droid," the Rodian is heard saying, smacking the metal with his wet kisses. "I will always love you."

"Please, sir," the struggling droid says, trying to move away. "I must get back to work." The droid begins to walk away but the Rodian is on the floor hanging onto the droid's leg and getting dragged along.

"Please don't leave me," the Rodian cries. "I love you, I love you." A crowd has gathered to watch the spectacle as Exile, Krusty and Atomic laugh.

"Not bad, Krusty, not bad," Exile compliments.

They turn and see a Twi'lek man guarding the hanger door. The Twi'lek man opens his eyes wide and holds up his hands. "No, please, don't use your powers on me," he says. "I don't want to be laughed at."

"Then you better tell us where we can find Booty," Exile says.

"At the cantina… there's plenty of booty there," the Twi'lek replies, nervously.

"No," Krusty barks. "We search for a man named Booty. He was working for Jerka."

"I don't know anything about the man named Booty who was discovered to be a spy and now is hiding from Janet Torso and her band of blood thirsty mercenaries. I don't know anything, I tell you," the Twi'lek says.

Exile looks at him for a moment. "All right, we believe you," he says.

Back at the TSF Station

"Listen, I asked someone about that other guy… Kenny, and they said he came to Whatasmell Station from Nar Shady," Exile explains.

"The real Kenny or the fake one that you sucker-punched to death?" Dumb Hen asks.

"The fake one," Exile answers.

Dumb Hen whistles, "Oh, boy, you sure got some bad ass people hunting for you. I sure wouldn't want to be in your shoes. Nar Shady… those people don't fool around, they'll kill you first and then ask questions later."

Atomic looks confused. "How can you answer the questions if you're dead?"

Exile whacks Atomic on the head. "You can't, stupid." Exile looks at Dumb Hen. "So… do we get a reward for that information?"

"Yeah, sure," Dumb Hen says. He turns around and pulls a little ball of fuzz out of a drawer, handing it to Exile.

Exile looks at it. "What is it?"

"Belly button lint from one of the Twi'lek dancers at the cantina," Dumb Hen grins.

"Cool," Atomic says, putting his face closer to the lint ball in Exile's hand and marveling over it.

"Here, you can have it," Exile says.

"Really?" Atomic asks, surprised.

"Yeah," Exile says. "It seems to mean something to you."

Atomic plucks the lint from Exile's hand and closes his fingers around it with a grin.

"It seems that Janet Torso has some explaining to do," Exile says. "We'll go pay Jerka a little visit. By the way, have you guys found T4-U2 yet?"

Dumb Hen's smile left his face. "No. But now we got posters." He points to the wall.

Exile turns about and notices dozens of posters picturing T4-U2 holding a teapot with his mechanical arm. A caption under the picture says, "Wanted: T4-U2, illegal tea serving droid. Approach with caution, he's armed and dangerous. 5000 credits for his capture, 2000 credits for news leading to his capture."

"That's ridiculous," Exile says. "He's harmless."

"And those dead Sith assassins that we found on your ship, the ones whom we analyzed and found poisoned tea in their systems, would they say T4-U2 is harmless?" Dumb Hen asked, knowingly.

"Dead people can't talk, remember?" says Atomic.

"I can explain that…" Exile says.

"Don't bother, I won't believe you anyway," Dumb Hen states.

Exile shakes his head as they leave the office. "Jerk," Exile mumbles.

Jerka Corporation Offices

"Hey there, IP-4U," Exile says to the protocol droid at the front desk. "Have you ever seen one of these?" Exile hands the modified blaster to the droid.

"Oh, yes, they are quite common, sir," IP-4U says. "Jerka makes many of these. But this particular one seems to have some illegal modifications."

"Jerka makes them, eh?" Exile repeats. "I want to see Janet Torso."

"I'm sorry, sir," IP-4U says. "Janet Torso does not want to see you. She says if you showed up I was to say to you, 'Eat poo doo and die'."

"We'll just see about that!" Exile says, ignoring the protests of the droid as the three of them walk off through the Jerka offices.

Janet Torso opens her eyes wide in surprise as Exile, Atomic and Krusty approach. "What do you want?" she screeches. "I can call my mercenaries in here at any moment!"

"You already tried that, Torso," Exile says. "We took care of your little welcome committee at the Ithorian docking bay."

"I don't know what you're talking about, you have no proof!" she screams. Atomic covers his ears.

"We just need some straight answers from you," Exile states, forcefully. "First, we want to see Booty!"

Janet Torso opens her eyes wide. "What! I'm not showing you my booty!"

"I mean the man who worked for you. His name was Booty. We know you did something with him. Tell us," Exile demanded.

"Booty?" Janet frowned. "That freak was always sticking his big butt in everyone's business, stupid dope fiend. I think you should ask the Ithorians about him. He was probably their biggest customer. But… if you do find him… Jerka would really like to know where he is."

"So you can silence him forever?" Krusty asks.

"No, of course not," Janet replies. "Jerka just… owes him a paycheck. Yeah, that's it… we owe him some credits."

"Uh huh," Exile says, suspiciously. "Booty didn't happen to find out about… oh, I don't know… a certain illegal operation Jerka is involved in?" Exile holds up the modified blaster and lifts his eyebrows at Janet.

Janet looks at a clock on the wall. "So sorry, it's my dinner break. I'm officially off of work. Good bye." She turns and walks through a heavily guarded door.

"Damn!" Atomic exclaims.

"What's the matter with you?" Exile asks.

"I was hoping you two would do that Force Persuade thing again and make her show us her booty after all," Atomic says.

"Don't be such a pervert," Krusty replies. "An hour has passed. I believe we have an appointment with Loopy Slush."

"Let's go," says Exile.

Acme Exchange Corporation

The three companions make it easily into the Exchange compound, thanks to Buxom's preparations. Gamorrean guards stand about, giving them the silent thumbs up as they pass. It's obvious that they are all on Buxom's side. When the doors open on one room, they notice it full of Exchange thugs including Boondock and his pals, Mama and Nana. In the middle of it all stands Loopy Slush, the squid headed Quarren.

"What are you doing in here?" Loopy demands. "How did you get in?"

"Through the front door," Exile says. "Chow Chow Habit wants to make a deal with you. He wants you to stop helping Jerka and side with him instead. You'd get a piece of the action."

"Chow Chow is small time," Loopy replies. "Jerka is the wave of the future. Too bad you won't be a part of that future. Mama, Nana, go to Janet Torso and tell her that we are going to take care of her little problem now. Boondock, you and the rest kill these idiots." Loopy turns to retreat into his office.

Mama and Nana walk past them and Atomic says, "Janet Torso is on her dinner break, you'll have to wait." The two killers just glare at him and continue on their way.

"I don't want to hurt anyone," Exile says.

Boondock laughs. "Then don't. Die, Jedi," he says as he pulls out his blaster.

"Ah, screw it," Exile says, pulling out his vibrosword. A battle ensues. The other thugs go down easily, but Boondock has one of those modified blasters and he proves a bit more difficult. Finally Exile hacks him up and they make their way into the next room.

Gamorrean guards grunt in approval and then open Loopy's office door before running away.

Loopy stands up from behind his desk. "How did you get this far?"

"We used the door again. Are you going to listen to us or not?" Exile says.

"What is it?" Loopy asks.

"The Ithorians…" Exile begins again.

"Are nothing but greedy stoners," Buxom says as she steps into the office with three Gamorreans behind her.

"Buxom!" Loopy says in surprise. "What are you doing? Are you helping this Jedi?"

"Yes, my little poopy bear," Buxom says in baby talk. "I'm tired of having to kiss all your tentacles, you slimy squid. I've seen how everything works around here and I'm taking over."

"You've turned my Gamorreans against me!" Loopy exclaims.

"That's right," Buxom says.

"Hey," interrupts Exile. "How about we try to settle this peacefully?"

"Kill him!" Buxom ordered. "That was the deal. I'll tell you where your ship is if you do."

"But… he's not armed," Exile replies.

Suddenly Krusty raises her hand and lightening shoots out, frying Loopy like breaded calamari. "Now tell us," Krusty commanded.

Exile looks at her in surprise. "You're scary sometimes, Krusty."

"Well," says Buxom, "I don't really know. I just wanted you to kill Loopy for me. Now my boys here will kill you."

"But… I thought you wanted to see my lightsaber," Exile says with a hurt look.

"I'll take a peek at it once you're dead, all right?" she says impatiently. "Do it, boys!"

"Krusty, fry her!" Exile yells.

"I can't," Krusty yells back. "My force is depleted from frying Loopy."

"Just great," Exile says, getting into battle with a very big Gamorrean. When the Gamorrean was dead he glanced over at Atomic who was straddling Buxom and holding her down. Buxom was making eyes at Atomic, trying to trick him into letting her go.

"Don't trust her, Atomic," Exile yelled while battling yet another Gamorrean.

"Kill her, kill her," yelled Krusty.

Atomic had a blaster in one hand and was trying to decide where to shoot her, but his eyes kept getting distracted by her large breasts. "Well, ah… how about… here…"

Suddenly Buxom's head rolled away from her body and Atomic looked up at Krusty who was holding a bloody sword in one hand. Then he hopped off Buxom's body with disgust. "Eww…"

"You fool," Krusty scolded.

Exile came up behind them after finishing off the Gamorreans. He looked at Buxom's headless body. "What a waste," he said.

"Yeah," Atomic agreed. "You think it would be wrong to… ah… take a little peek?"

Krusty grabs his earlobe again and starts to pull him out of the office.

"Ahhh… Krusty… stop… I was just kidding," Atomic yells.

OOOOO

Hope you enjoyed that. Please leave a review – they really motivate me. Thanks!