January 9th 1900

Me and my bright ideas.

Don't know what in the hell I was thinking asking Karen to stay on. Her company ain't fully bad or nothing, but I'd forgotten her sharp tongue and them first couple weeks trying to get her to kick the habit weren't no Sunday stroll. Some of those days she seemed sicker than me, with her fever, her nausea and her trembling hands. Makes me grateful I never took to the bottle that hard, for I would surely be dead.

I don't regret convincing her to stay, despite my griping of the opposite. The likelihood of her surviving if she'd left here upset and ready to drink away the pain would have been low. She's kept occupied now, and her getting that Molly business off her chest was surely an improvement to her mental state.

In the meantime, now that she seems past the worst of it, she's been an extra hand for me around the property. We got the wagon fixed, pain in the ass that it was getting that damn wheel back on.

I'm teaching her some tracking, same as Charles taught me. She ain't shown much interest and she ain't much of a hunter besides, but it passes the time and keeps both of us busy. Maybe we'll try fishing in the spring, but I ain't never been good at that anyhow.

While we was hunting, I found a tree felled in the woods. Musta been from summer storms this past year 'cause it ain't rotted none.

As for Charlotte, if I ain't been told she was pregnant, I would've never guessed. It ain't obvious and Charlotte says it could take months for it to be so. Apparently, there ain't much else to do in the first few months of pregnancy except watch it happen.

Missed all that with Eliza. I tried to be there for Abigail, but I guess I wasn't as supportive as I thought I was back then. At least she had Susan and the other girls. Now that I'm thinking on it, maybe Karen weren't there for her either. Seems that was about the time me and her were working together on them banks down in Arizona.

Either way, it's all worked out so me and Charlotte could focus on Karen's health first.

That wolf ain't been seen so I'm thinking it's moved on.

February 18th

Can't wait for spring.

It ain't been snowing as hard nor much, but them temperatures have been brutal. The last two days, I only left the house to check on the horses. That little stable ain't enough for them. I'm gonna have to build onto it some time, but the air 'bout shreds my lungs right now.

Karen's mostly back to her old self, as I've always known her at least, but without the drinking herself blind every night. That's good for her and all, but we've been butting heads more often than not. It's this damn cold forcing us in close quarters, I reckon. Can't nothing be done about it except to suffer one another and Charlotte stuck between us. She tolerates us both somehow. Keeps us civilized.

Mostly what's been irritating me with Karen is this book she's been reading. She got hold of some manual on childbirth. I didn't even know they made such a thing. I had a look at it and I do not intend to make that mistake again. The sketches inside ain't meant to be born from pen to paper, let alone have eyes laid on them. I've seen animals give birth and it ain't as gruesome as what is portrayed in that book.

The rest of it seems to be a guide on handling pregnancy and she's reading it with no hint of cynicism. The thing is, I never thought I'd see the day Karen Jones took herself serious. It's like she's working twice as hard to prove something. Just ain't sure who she's doing it for.

Had an idea what to do about that felled tree in the woods. Hope I got the skill for it.

March 15th

This morning I made a comment on warmer weather coming. I musta sounded too hopeful about it because Karen felt the need to point out the blizzard of May we had this past year. I didn't need reminding of them dark days, following the fallout of Blackwater. Bad times.

Been working on something for when the little one comes. I wanted something special to stick around for when I'm gone. Ain't never been much of a carpenter, but the wood is quality and I'm taking the building of it slow. It'll be a baby's crib, if I don't end up ruining it somehow. Got it under some older lumber in the shed. Hoping Charlotte won't notice it until it's complete.

I feel both dread and excitement for this child. If there was a way for me to know how long I got to make a difference, my mind would be more at ease. Charlotte does her best to remind me not to worry, but it ain't easy.

With Karen here, she's leant her help in a big way. I'm grateful for it even if I don't know how to let her know.

April 10th

Just when I think Charlotte may be right and I should lay my worries to rest, something stirs them into revival again. Today, Charlotte received two letters...

"I'm about ready to burn this damn thing." Karen dropped the pregnancy book on the table with a clatter.

"Yeah?" Arthur arched an eyebrow, offering no push back over the suggestion.

Karen scowled at the book as if it could react to her anger. "That book wants Char to be fasting. How the hell is another person supposed to grow inside her if she ain't eatin' nothing?"

He shrugged, returning to chopping a carrot. It was his turn to make dinner tonight. "Sounds backward to me."

"It is," she agreed fervently, personally offended.

"I told you something weren't decent about all that."

"Yeah, yeah. You were right."

Karen stretched a moment before making her way to the fireplace and disturbing the coals with a poker.

Charlotte emerged from the bedroom, waking late from her first nap of the day. Lately, she'd had a need to take two throughout the day, despite denying a want for any. Arthur usually suggested she read in bed to encourage the rest and often he was pleased to find her asleep.

"Have you read these, Arthur?" Charlotte asked him after she kissed his cheek in greeting.

He glanced down at her hands. It was two letters he'd pick up at the post office this morning. "No."

They were her private letters so he hadn't felt the need to open them. Not to mention, he'd spotted the return address and knew they were from her family. Charlotte's parents, mostly her daddy, wrote rarely, though her brothers kept in touch on a regular basis.

Always the snoop, Karen moved to Charlotte's side, her eyes locked on the notes. "What do they say?"

"Clark's having a wedding party."

"Who's Clark?" Karen asked, her nose scrunching.

"Her other brother, the stuck-up one," Arthur answered and then questioned Charlotte, "Thought he got married once. Did he scare that one off already?"

Her eyes were twinkling with excitement even after his snark. She explained to both of them, "Clark eloped. There was no celebration originally, but now we've been invited to the festivities."

"Invited where?" he asked warily.

The pit of his stomach was already dropping by the time she answered, "Chicago."

Grimly, he asked, "We gettin' a hotel in town then?"

Seeing his expression, she said, "That's the other letter, Arthur. Mama has invited us to stay at the house."

She wanted to travel to a big city, stay near a daddy that didn't like him, and attend a formal event. He weren't no coward, but damn, that was a combination that could lead to nothing good.

"What about Karen?" Was she going to luck out and avoid it all?

Charlotte turned her head. "I see no reason why she can't join us."

"Really?" Karen's expression brightened and he should have known she'd prefer to be a part of the trip rather than left behind.

"Of course," Charlotte smiled. "There are plenty of guest quarters at the house."

"I won't be ruining nothing coming without an invite?"

Arthur muttered, "Since when has that ever been a concern of yours?"

Karen sent him a glare, but he was only teasing her so he grinned in response.

"You will be most welcome," Charlotte reassured. "In fact, I guarantee my mother will be thrilled I've found a female companion."

Thinking of the baby, Arthur asked, "You sure you should go all the way to Chicago?"

Her face fell. "Do you think it unwise?"

He conferred with Karen, "What's that book say about traveling?"

She crossed her arms. "We just established that book is bullshit."

Charlotte gave him all of her attention as if she sensed his unease. He tried not to twitch under her gaze. "What's wrong, Arthur?"

"What about keeping this quiet?" He gestured at her, indicating her pregnancy. Four months in, the slight bump he'd stupidly expected at the start had only recently grown noticeable. "That ain't gonna stay secret for long surrounded by others."

Charlotte hadn't told her family of her pregnancy as of yet. Only one besides them who knew was Karen. It was his idea for them to keep it under wraps. Charlotte had fussed over it before finally giving in when he proved more stubborn. She didn't like secrets, but he doubted they would have gotten this surprise invite if her family had known, especially her daddy.

Families like hers, they didn't like outsiders or bastards not of their ilk. Charlotte was going to have enough of an uphill battle when she was by herself, even if her family never guessed the child was his.

"If we tailor her skirts in a strategic manner," Karen said with confidence, "she won't show in a way that's obvious."

"Which reminds me..." Charlotte set the letters on the table, her gaze moving between him and Karen. "There is one minor inconvenience we'll have to solve."

Arthur tensed up, glancing at Karen. "Well, what is it?"

Charlotte twisted her hands together in obvious discomfort. "We shall have to do some shopping for the event."

"Why?"

"I wouldn't want either of you to stand out or draw unwanted attention."

"How's that?"

Karen pinched her blouse and said bluntly, "She means we can't be walkin' around Chicago in these rags."

Charlotte winced. "Not to be indelicate, but yes."

Arthur looked down at himself. He liked this shirt. The fit was comfortable and he hadn't even torn it yet.

"It'll be fun," Karen cajoled, coming up to him and throwing an arm over his shoulder. "Just pretend it's dress-up for a job."

He'd never liked play-acting. He grumbled, "That was always more your thing."

Charlotte told him, "It's only for a few days, Arthur."

A few days with her daddy could be the death of him. But he didn't say that.

A worried frown appeared at Charlotte's brow as she tried to work out his distress. "Neither of you has any outstanding warrants in Chicago, do you?"

Arthur relaxed enough to chuckle a little at that. "I can't speak for Miss Jones, but I ain't spent enough time east to make myself into a menace yet."

Karen winked. "I've always kept my nose clean and out of the papers. It's your ugly mug that keeps getting us in trouble."

"No doubt."

Everything in him wanted to come up with some damn excuse to stay away from the city. At that thought, Arthur realized he was being selfish.

Would everything about this trip make him uncomfortable? It sure as shit would.

But, he'd put her through a hell of a lot more uncomfortable situations and this truly meant a lot to her. Arthur figured it was about time he owed her one. Besides, he wasn't about to send her off alone. Even with Karen along, Arthur wouldn't put it past Charlotte's daddy to contrive a way to keep her in Chicago.

"What do you think, Arthur?"

"If it's what you want, 'course we can go to Chicago."

Just saying the words out loud already had his stomach turning sour again. He ain't been through a city that large in years and back then he'd vowed, for his own sanity, to never do so again.

The smile Charlotte bestowed upon him would have to keep him comforted through the days to come, when he eventually would feel regret over the trip.

But, for Charlotte's sake, he'd do anything.