Degradation Begins
Anticipate...
I stared up through the thin veil of my hair. Resisting the urge to blow it from my eyes. This was protection against his knowing gaze.
It seemed a wise course of action, I thought in an almost guilty way, as if my pupils would reflect my bad intentions.
No, I am not an evil scientist.Bent on taking over the world. Nothing like that.
I just could not get my dream, of the night before, out of my head. These almost diabolical urgings, by nature, were been tormenting me.
Beforehand it had seemed harmless, even a little comical.
But these thoughts had been coming all day, marching in like a communist army, taking over space in my mind. All my earlier feelings,
becoming converted to ultimate' Bobby worship''.
And now, if it was possible to get literal ''blue balls'' I defiantly needed a cold shower.
Across from me he was deep in paperwork. Shrinking silently into his self. As if invisibility was his common mode. When as of most of
his time, was spent perfecting these skills.
Sure, he could appear small as he hunched his shoulders, spoke quietly, and moved deliberately around the room. But when he came in,
Just on que. His question or statement, had a reach out yell ''surprise'' quality. That most of the time hit you square between the eyes.
And wondering if he had been ''here'' the entire time.
When Bobby wanted his presence felt, their was no denying his power. So, he'd been sitting this way for the better part of an hour.
I turned my pencil between thumb and forefinger, as I studied him. His dark sleepy looking eyes, drank in the material. His ardently
shaped lips forming the words. Then lowering as his lashes dipped. Below those strong expressive brows. My heartbeat quickened as his tongue darted forward, brushing past
his lips. I found myself wondering what they tasted like. If their gentle curve would smile even as I suckled at that dip along the bottom.
The pencil choosing now of all times to desert me. Broke in half, flew from my fingers, and went catapulting between the small amount of space
between us. Now in Bobby's line of sight, rolling quickly down the form he read.
''Sorry'', I said smiling into his face I felt like an idiot adding'' my timing was off''.
As if that explained everything! Damn right your timing is off Alex I thought to myself. The best time for today would've been ...oh lets see
never. After all my respect for Goran.Standing in awe of his abilities.
Had become a habit. And now...how could I ...how was I going to ,..Go into #3 interrogation room -the scene of my lavious erotic dream-
ever again. Without#1- Turning red. #2 Abnormal heart rate. #3 Complete lack of concentration.
Thoughts of Bobby's long fingers. Pulling at me, pushing at me, and tormenting me. In such blissful ways, I wanted him.
Yet their was so much more. Way too much to just throw away everything on carnal desire.
''Slip your leg between mine Alex.'' the dream Goran had commented. ''Why'?' I asked huskily. Then he'd lowered his gaze bending slightly, but not much. This slight move bringing him even closer to his objective. Bringing me to the point of contact to his arousal.
I sat propped on the cold metal table. His breath agansed that sensitive spot, where my neck joins my shoulder.
''Because I want all of you against me''.
''Eames'. I broke out of the spell to Bobby calling my name.
''Yes''? Hopefully the flush in my cheeks wasn't as apparent as it felt. It was suddenly ten degrees hotter, and a whole lot stuffier in this room. Shuffling my papers in an attempt to get some air flowing, I focused on something to take my mind off Bobby, our captan-Deakins-fires doused temporarily I tried to still the tremble of my busy hands. This was so ridiculous it made me angry. Why should I let him have so much control over my emotions, why when he already had such a huge stake in my life day to day. Anger was so much easier to deal with anyhow.
''You okay?''
''of course I am, why wouldn't I be?'. I snapped at him.
''You just look umm...different kind of like the ..the cat who ate the canary.''
Looking slightly mollified I answered in a small voice.
''Oh...I was just thinking,'' My hand shook when I reached to tuck my hair back.
Of course noting my obvious discomfort, Bobby cocked his head, in his best dissecting Alex expression. Even stopping to hitch his finger
under his lips, while lifting his brow.
''Hey, I said I'm okay, now stop looking at me like you don't believe me.''
Smiling I pushed up from the desk, I needed to dispel this fear. Bobby would not be put off forever. Under the guise of a powderoom
break, I went into the quite stall, hoping to compose myself. Now even if one of my co-workers choose to be nosey, I would not have to lie to
their face.
I slid down the wall to the cold cement of the floor. Tracing the ugly green tiles, with my lovely cream colored french-tips. I tried to reason
everything out . There had to be away to ignore this unlikely temptation. What would Bobby do if he knew? Probably, come up with some statistical
analysis of all the reasons it was a bad idea. And that was true, wanting to be with him on more than one level, was a bad idea. Or he might laugh in my face-the rejection would at least feel like he was laughing. That I'm afraid would break something inside me, cause lets face it Alex it's not just about the sex. As much as I tried telling that to myself we had something more important than that. Who was I to just come along getting horney on whim? It just had gotten so much more intense lately, ever sense these damn dreams had started. It made me feel so flushed all of the time. My mind had gone south the past few days, and it was only a matter of time before Bobby would push aside priorities to interrogate me. I couldn't tell him what the problem was.
It could ruin the partnership, and the friendship. I needed to put these thoughts away! Was it too late for denial? Had it been so long since other
Men, that I now considered Bobby fair game.
Could I just blow things off? Why not, why couldn't I. I mean I am Alex Eames, N.Y.P.D. extraordinaire. I established this fact with a little triumphant
smile. Because everyday beside me there stood Bobby Goren. Smart as hell at profiling. In the dark when it came to social interaction.
He was so focused on the cases most of the time. Oblivious to the fact, well not all facts just the ones I was concerned with. He'd never see my feelings for what they were. That was the down, and the up about it. Lock the door, lock the door …don't look back Alex. It was sad really because he would fit perfectly into the last place in my puzzle. The only area in my life that I had ice cream binges over still.
Thinking about it from this angle, it was beyond improbable, it was down right insane.
I'm not, I repeat ''not''. Going to mix business with pleasure. Because Bobby could defiantly become a pleasure.
Now if only I could continue reminding myself of this, I would be home free.
''I want you open to me Alex''. The voice burst in with the suddenness of a gunshot. I jumped, startled. I realized it was just another memory from my
dream. God, Alex... that was almost like he'd been whispering dirty-nothings into my ear. I had to get him out from under my skin, and get a hold
of myself. I sighed; perhaps after I went home tonight, I could work off some of this sexual frustration. Excersize or something.
Then hopefully when I came in to work tomorrow. This mental melt-down will be behind me.