Hello I know it's been awhile I just had some difficulty with this chapter. I re-wrote it so many times because things weren't snapping together like I wanted them to...so finally I decided to settle for what I could feel most comfortable with, and this is what came out. Taking what I knew about Bobby I wasn't sure how to make him react under the pressure of the last so many chapters, so I said to myself you know Lacey he's just a man, don't expect so much perfection from him..let him be a pissy asshole, everyone does things they regret when their angry. So here it is, I never new how much fun it could be writing an argument. Thanks for reading.
Stand Off...
The accusation in his eyes made my stomach sick, made me want to turn away. His turmoil made my head spin, feeling as if things were crumbling faster than I could reach to set them strait, as my mind was scrambling for purchase in this crazy down-ward spiral. So I tried to avoid looking into his eyes pain threatening to leak through in mine. A hovering guilt washed over me in waves, hurting him was never my intention.
I regretted all the things I should have said, and still-what could I say? Turning, I supported myself on the back of his couch, palms up, ducking my head so my hair would swallow my shinning eyes. Standing their, all I could see was Bobby's expression on the canvas behind my lids.
The idea of someone sending me something so graphic in nature, yet meant to be pretty, like a gift I should swoon over. And then their was Bobby...his blame blazing, crackling in every twitchy movement. Wound up like a spring-ready to pop. I wasn't being truthful I wasn't playing fair, and he knew this. What could I tell him about Robert that would improve anything. Telling him would make things worse, my dreams weren't open for discussion-the awkwardness, and especially after finding out about that woman on the phone...I bristled just thinking about her, firming my resolve against any dream recounting.
I waited for his silent stair to develop a voice. He'd turned towards me numerous times- hands poised, mouth slack, then he would continue his pacing. The moment stretched- his stillness almost as effective as his words could sometimes be.
''How can I help you when you won't lay everything out on the table''? He was rounding me now picking up speed and sounding more determined by the second. I knew this game..Bobby had slipped into interrogation mode, and I wasn't in the least surprised. Although it felt strange I'm sure it came natural after so many years. Or maybe interrogation mode was more Bobby than I'd ever realized.
''This guy could be dangerous Alex...but you're still holding, holding back''. Leaning a little closer he finished in a strangled but primal tone''Why won't you tell me? I thought their was more to us than this, this camouflage you insist on throwing up. I trust you so much but you..but you..you..I thought felt the same''!
Bending closer he was trying to find my eyes, filtered or not he wanted some clue.
His words affected me more than I was willing to let him know. Being Bobby they struck a ring of truth, being Bobby I wasn't sure how much was- could be true. After all he was in the mode, wasn't he? I wanted to believe him, but I felt so conflicted right now. I wrestled with what I could tell him-tweaking the truth for the better of things, might be a good option. I had to at least give Bobby something, as my partner he deserved at least that much, as a man he deserved to know evreything.The blow to my pride, could I give him that to appease him, would he understand the cost? Before I could make up my mind he came in again-harsh but soft.
''This friend Alex he knows where I live, how does he know that?''When I didn't answer he continued.''And I stress friend lightly because.. if what I heard last night..while you slept..is any indication.You, you sounded entirely too..aroused..for Robert to be just,just a friend''.Getting louder again I fumbled to comprehend. Oh yes, Bobby was bringing out the big guns now..and who said I was the only one not being fair?
So maybe I had talked in my sleep last night...I felt the blood drain from my cheeks as I finally looked up at him.''That's right Alex this guy is probably psychotic, and all you can do is moan about him in your sleep''! I rose to his bait, too agitated to play possum anymore.
''Last night Goren''? I asked stricken to the core.''What does last night have to do with that letter? What does my dream have to do with any of this?''
I choose to ignore the big pink elephant that had stomped into the room with Goren leading the damn thing. This sexual undercurrent that snapped from his eyes, leaving me with too many loose ends.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I pointed a finger at him-starting to feel less guilty, and more like the victim. ''It was just a dream..besides it could've been a nightmare''.
I latched onto this Idea hoping it would hold up...if it was just a little moan..Bobby hadn't been there, right?
He snorted, and rolling his eyes he took a step closer. Making me fear exactly how much he had overheard.
''The state you were in...skin all flushed..pink..the tone in your voice, soft...like you were begging.It hasn't been that long for me Alex-I know what a woman looks like when she..when she'' Bobby's voice had gone deep and husky, slightly pained as he paused to look me in the face.The challenge flew out like a gauntlet being thrown.It started to creep into his words when he spoke agan,not giving me time to recover from the first round of blows.
''The way,your lips parted falling open, to accept Roberts's phantom kisses. You..you glowed when you called out his name, as if only he could, only he could make you feel..''
He trailed off stepping even closer. Arms length away he might as well of been on top of me, with the way my skin burned. Promise so strong it was tangible like the scent of spice in the air. Fingers warm and steady he pulled me even closer, closer still to that promise.Licking my lips nervously I willed myself to remember how mad I was with him.
''You have no right Goren!''I spat wishing these feelings would dissipate, trying to wretch my arm free-his lips twisted sardonically as he spoke''No right, I have every right..Do I need to remind you how much danger you're in? If your off having an affair with a sicko I need to know''.
''If there was a sicko I'd let you know. Don't you think that I'm scared? You think I know whose doing this...you think I like it ...like some hormone crazed teen at a rock concert?'' I wanted to break our connection..to run.So I began backing slowly away as Bobby matched me step for step.
''How could you Goren...listen in on something that was so private? Eavesdrop, watching me like a voyeur...as if I was performing for your enjoyment?'' I saw the shadow of doubt, of remorse flicker across his face, yet still he advanced.
I felt so dirty; that I could be so personally invaded not just by the threats, but Bobby could have turned a blind eye. That damn note- it had transformed everything into something ugly, even coloring my thoughts of Bobby. After all he was frightened to, he was angry and somewhat betrayed that I would keep things from him.
Just yesterday I had wanted him looking at me in the way he looked now..like he was devouring me with his eyes..those half closed, fuck me eyes. But under these circumstances? Just what did he plan to do when he caught up?
I felt my back hit the door, subconsously even, I'd been trying to escape. This was a can of worms I wasn't sure I really wanted opened. It was too much after everything else that was going on. The smoothness of his movements, the downcast of his eyes-the small upturn of his lips as if to say why run..you have no chance of getting out of this Alex. Like he'd just swung in on his vine, and knew exactly what he wanted, like he was going to ravish me...Ignore the twinge of anticipation at a that thought Alex, and get buisy trying to make this situation change directions. That's what I wanted, right?
If Bobby succeeded I knew I would lose complete control...If that promise in his eyes turned real..I might as well throw in the towel. Was that his game plan to seduce me into telling him everything...but god I wanted him to do just that.
Fighting myself I began shaking against the onslaught of emotions. My fingers itching to rub across the stubble at his chin, itching to yank open the door and flee. Itching to pull him closer, then itching to push him away. I fired the only missile I could think of in his direction. I needed to put some kind of affront, it slipped past before I could rethink my strategy.
''Are you jealous then, or just territorial?'' Damnet-that came out differently than I thought it would, it sounded more like an assent.
Tilting my head back, his mouth inches from mine, and his breath tickling at my lips he replied ''A little bit of both, I think''.