STARGATE ATLANTIS

PRIMIS : THE MISSING

RICHARD WOOLSEY

'Killed in Action'

The words stood out on the screen, my finger hovering on the 'enter' button, but I couldn't press it. That would have sealed Colonel Sheppard's fate by my own words. Quickly deleting the insertion, I changed it back to 'Missing in Action' before Major Lorne could see what I had almost done. We fight on his status several times.

It's truly a funny thing this listening to other people and allowing them to add their thoughts and ideas to your own; until, invariably, I can almost know what they are going to say before they say it themselves…and they are usually correct in their assumptions and interpretations, I have reluctantly noticed.

Me…well, I am like a swan – cool and serene on the outside; underneath my legs are paddling like fury trying to keep my body still. I don't think anyone on Atlantis, marines, civilians, Ronon and Teyla just understand how much pressure I am under to remain true to myself and the codes and values which I am beholden to the I.O.A and Stargate Command since we have been wrenched away from them. I have to…we have to, remain the same; act the same, follow the same rules we have followed for years. It is the only way to survive the catastrophe of us floating in an unknown galaxy with no back-up from Earth.

We have food; loads of it – for now. Water; although recycled, is plentiful and we have visited many planets now with the 'jumper in our search for John and Teyla's son. We may not have found them yet, but we can stock up on fresh food which always boosts morale when planet-side.

Back to the screen, and the word 'missing' seems to flash at me with neon lights highlighting the horror that has befallen our military commander. His team mourn his loss, as we all do; but Teyla, Ronon and Rodney are distraught and frantically search for him, day after day, in an exhaustive way that sends shivers through me.

THE PAST:

The fact that John's whole body hurt this morning did not come as a surprise. He kept his eyes closed, but he felt like groaning out loud. He remained still and quiet as he thought he heard voices nearby. Voices that were not exactly loud, but within the garbled sentences he picked out his name being mentioned several times, and his stomach filled with dread. Forcing himself to relax and slow his breathing down to deep, slow intakes, John slowly woke up properly. There was something pressing in on his bruised back.

Torren.

John turned on the mattress; putting his back to the door and bringing the half-asleep squirming bundle that was Torren into a hug and sat him on his knee as he woke up. He rubbed his hand up and down his back in a soothing manner, and watched as the young child struggled to open up his eyes that were sticky with sleep. His heart swelled with love for this precious bundle and he kissed the top of his head. Torren noticed him then and gave him a broad smile.

"Morning, sport!" John said in as happy a sounding way as he could muster; taking their situation into account.

Torren giggled as John gently tickled him and reached up with his hands to play with John's stubble.

"Do you like my beard?" John asked, only slightly aware himself that Torren would not have seen that on him before. Shaving was not an option here.

Torren just nodded and proceeded to pat it.

John lifted him off of his knee and placed him down on the stone floor.

"Come on. It's the bucket for you, and a quick tidy up." Cleaning Torren up and helping him dress was something John had done many times before – for an hour or two! Looking after Torren for however long he was here, was a full-time job now, and he aimed to get Torren back in one piece – and healthy with it.

The morning ablutions done for both, Sheppard sat down wondering what he could do or give Torren to entertain him with, when the voices returned.

This time, John also heard the long-haired wraith coming down the corridor towards his cell and he stood ready to face him, pushing Torren behind him gently.

Walking fast to keep up with the Wraith were a couple of women; nervously wringing out their hands as they walked behind the tall wraith. Torren seemed to recognise one in particular and he pointed to her as he ran over to the bars to see them, but was held back again by John with a firm grip on his shoulder.

The doors to their cell were opened and two drones guarded the open space whilst one of the women came forward.

"Please?" She pleaded, holding out a hand towards Torren to come to her.

Resigned, John picked up Torren and kissed his cheek. "You go with these nice women, and I will see you later. Okay?"

Torren nodded his head but threw his arms around John's neck and whimpered.

"Come on now. You will be fine. I'm pretty sure that they will give you some breakfast and look after you while I …work."

John put him down and extracted the tiny arms from his neck before pushing his back gently towards the extended arm of the woman, who did seem genuinely happy to see him. "My name's Arla. I looked after your son yesterday. He played and ate with the others. He will miss you, but he will be okay."

John held back a gulp, but swiftly nodded. It was not like he had a choice in the matter anyway.

He felt the need to pick him up for another kiss, and then before he knew it, Torren was whisked away by the two women. He was left with the long-haired wraith and the two drones. He rocked up and down on his heels. "Morning, gents. What's up today then?"

Next thing he knew, a drone was pointing a stunner at him and he lifted up both hands in defence. "Whoa there. I can walk by myself!" Then darkness followed the seconds of dizzying unconsciousness.

"Less fuss this way." White-haired Wraith said to no-one in particular.

Crap.

Waking up secured to some enemy alien's table was getting old, if not annoying. What was wrong with him anyway? He felt strangely disorientated and his arm, that hadn't hurt this morning felt tight and painful. He clenched both fists and his sore arm protested at the movement. He also felt an I.V. in his wrist and closed his eyes in frustration. Was the tube taking something out or putting something in. He knew they had tested his blood yesterday, so he presumed it was something going in. Which was worse?

Captured and bound, and with Torren goodness knows where, all John could do was wait to see what would happen next and try not to worry - for them both. He allowed his shoulders to sag into the surface underneath him and willed unconsciousness to come again so he didn't have to put up with the dizziness and nausea that was starting to creep in. He wasn't feeling all that good he realised, and pretty soon after waking up, he got his wish.

If only he could feel better when he awoke... just once!

But endless moments of waking up groggy and sick took that thought away for now. It was enough trouble to only try and stop the sickness every time he creaked an eye open and his vision swam to the cadence of his heart.

Lights swirled and black dots swam in his eyes; sometimes close by and some-times far away. He balked at the movement and flinched from touch; imagined or intimate, he was never sure.

What he knew was that time had invariably past, and the worry now was that it had been days, not hours. He had only the clue of his rather itchy stubble growing into that of a beard and that scratched on his bare shoulder when he had the awareness of the un-drugged.

His rolled his head heavily from one shoulder to the next, stretching muscles there that he felt had become sedentary along with the rest of his body. How much time had passed?

Once again, heavy eyes rolled back in his head but soon he felt someone meddling with the ever-present I.V. line. He tried to lift his head to look and failed; soft whispered groans escaped instead, and he blinked to focus, and then tried to shrink back when he felt and watched as soft, white hair stroked over his face and shoulders as the long-haired wraith reached over him for something out of sight.

John hated the close contact and gathered what strength he had to stare at the wraith and hoped his expression was one of disgust. Two of the wraith became one as his eyes finally settled, so he blinked rapidly and occasionally to maintain awareness.

"Are you with us this time?" Long-hair, asked.

John mumbled something incoherent.

"Say again, human?"

"Th…this…time?"

Long-hair laughed and it sounded strange to John's ears. That's when he realised, he wasn't quite with it yet and checked out.

To come awake lying face down on a bunk should have been a surprise, but John was unfortunately used to waking up in a different place to where he had fallen asleep on many worlds and in many situations.

"Nngghh!" He mumbled into the bedding.

"Shush now. Take it slow."

Taan. That was Taan's voice, and it thankfully grounded John.

He felt a large, solid hand on his now clothed shoulder, and turned his head up to take in the sight of a concerned Taan looking down at him over his huge belly.

"You've been pretty out of it, but you will be all right now. There's somebody that has been waiting on you to wake up."

John nodded and slowly sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He felt achy and weak, but the hand that remained on his shoulder was a comfort and he nodded his thanks to the large man and took the cup of water that was forced into his hand, drinking from it greedily.

He handed it back to Arla, and she smiled softly his way.

"Do not panic, John, we were not told what happened to you, but Torren has stayed with me and my family and is perfectly fine, although he cries out for his mama and dada occasionally."

Her words froze John's heart and mind, and he had to mentally shake himself into action. "Wh..ere.., wh…where is …he?"

Thundering footsteps came charging his way from across a crowded dwelling full of people, and John witnessed the wonderful sight of Torren noticing that he was awake and wrenching his hand away from another woman in his bid to reach John's side as fast as he could.

He melted into his outstretched arms and he cried and stuttered out words until hiccups overtook and John had to hold him outstretched from his body, smiling and telling him to calm down. Once Torren did, he was able to hug and kiss him properly, pleased to see he was alive and well. He felt a lump in his throat at the joy of seeing Torren respond to him in such a manner.

"All better?" Torren asked, and dumb to what had been wrong with him; is wrong with him…John could only nod and ruffle his hair.

"Hey, you've had a hair-cut?"

Torren bobbed his small head up and down, clearly happy with the results.

"Suits you, kiddo." He rubbed his chin and was dismayed that he was growing quite the beard. Certainly, time had passed right enough.

"Go along and play, I need to speak to Taan here for a minute."

Happy that John was awake and up, Torren did a double look at him, but soon rushed off to join some friends in some game or other.

"So, tell me what happened Taan?"

John lay on his bed with his right arm draped over his eyes, feigning sleep so he could take in all the noises around him. Taan had left him alone a couple of hours ago, and he was still reeling at the story he had told him.

The wraith had experimented on him by placing a tracking device they had inherited from the Ancients inside of him. The Ancients used to put in them in the wraith, and they wanted to see if it worked on him. That was yet to be determined. He was not looking forward to that scenario.

His left wrist itched and he had no choice but to move his right arm to scratch it; feeling under the skin the implant that had been surgically inserted whilst he had been kept in a drugged state. Taan couldn't explain away the time period; saying as it was half chemical and half mechanic, each element was probably very sensitive to activate. Wonderful!

The bandage was thin enough to make contact with the skin so he scratched for a few seconds. It, and the wound on his arm kept each other company with an irritating throb, but still no signs of fever. For that he was incredibly relieved.

Taan had told him how they had dumped him on this bunk and that he was to stay with them in the service quarters from now on; him and Torren. John reckoned it was better than a cold cell, but he would have preferred more privacy.

Torren screamed and he up off the bunk and ready to run to his defence, but he was only playing happily with some children.

"Relax, please." Said Arla, "he is just play fighting."

John ran a hand through his hair and blew out. "Yeah. So I see."

"Would you like something to eat, John? I do not know if I have seen you eat anything since you came here."

"Not much." John agreed, clutching his empty stomach. "…that I remember anyway. Just how long have I been here?" Taan had side-stepped that question many times. So much so, John was getting paranoid.

Arla ducked her head. "We did not want to alarm you until we knew you were stronger." She grabbed his arm. "You were gone from Torren for a week, John."

John spun around so fast, he almost knocked Arla over. "A week! Are you kidding me?"

"No. No, John, I would not tell such a lie."

"Sorry, Arla. I was just reacting. Whew. What does this mean? Was Torren worried?"

"In answer to your question, John. Yes, of course the boy was worried; and upset, but he is better when he is occupied, so they allowed him to move in with us, and I am glad to note that they have allowed you to stay here now also."

"Well I'm not staying, I can tell you that for a fact."

John was furious and in that moment he needed Ronon more than he ever had before so he could run for miles with him and blow off some steam; then beat the hell out of him, or allow him to do the honours.

A week! What the hell had happened to him in that time? Did he waken at any point? Eat? Drink? He knew he didn't smell of body odour, so…

"Did someone bathe me?" He asked.

Arla blushed, and started to turn away; thinking to leave the man with his thoughts.

"Tell me. Please, Arla."

Arla dipped her head and pointed to the far wall where he could see it was a partition to the rest of the room.

"Behind there is where we bathe…and yes, we had to wash you when you came here. You were…well, you were covered in limus."

John shivered, presuming she meant the typical green slime, synonymous for wraith hives, ground level or in space. It obvious had some quality to it as they used it everywhere and it oozed off the walls even as he watched.

"Well, thanks, I hate that stuff."

"It was our pleasure to help you out. You were quite lethargic when they brought you back, although you tried to help. We thought you might forget us helping you." Arla chuckled. "Little Torren tried to help too. He is a very thoughtful boy; he takes everything in."

John could only nod again; thinking he owed these people more and more.

Arla took his chin and made him look at her. "I am sorry for you, John. These wraith appear to have much interest in you, experimenting on you like they did. But you cannot escape here. I see it in your eyes that you will try soon. You will only get yourself and the boy killed... and possibly hurt all of us."

That made John snap out of his growing fugue. "I would never put anyone in harm's way! But know this, I WILL get him home to his mother. You can be sure of that."

"Put thoughts of escaping out of your mind. Even if you get out of here, you will have the heat of summer to contend with and we have many family and friends who still live outside that…"

"That, what?

"They do not take kindly to strangers, John. Things are tough out there. Hardly any food as they cannot grown vegetable without them being discovered, meat is rare. People fight to remain alive. It is not a world you want to take your son into…and that is only if you can manage to remain hidden from the wraith.

John chewed his bottom lip and unconsciously started scratching his arm again before raising to Arla's sight.

"And this? Can you tell me more than Taan can?"

Arla looked at the bandage, knowing there was a lump underneath. "Only what I have overheard. They are excited to try it on a living ancient, but seemingly it will take time to integrate…"

"I'm not an ancient!" John interrupted her.

"If you say so." She said, suddenly suspicious. "I think I hear them coming. Perhaps you had better check on Torren."

Just like that she stopped talking and John was left with a mix of emotions running through him. None of them good.

He sought out Torren and walked to him quite briskly. Torren seemed to sense his mood and reached up his arms towards him. "Up!"

John lifted him and hugged him tight to his body. Loving his little arms holding him tight around his neck.

"Love you, buddy."

"You too!" Torren whispered, before sticking his thumb in his mouth.

John pulled it out with a 'plop'. Torren laughed but stuck it back in again and started sucking.

"Your mum is going to blame me for this habit of yours, sport."

"Are you going away again?" Torren asked, and John deciphered. Two drones walked in the large room.

"Hope not, buddy."

The drones walked past John and headed for an elderly couple. They quickly held hands and looked resigned to their fate.

John instantly guessed what was going on and was stuck for a way to help the couple, who were obviously on their way to be the queen's next meal.

Taan averted his gaze away from him when he caught his eye, so he swiftly looked towards Arla, who was pleading with her own for him not to interfere. At that the long-haired wraith arrived at the open doors and John could tell he was just willing him to try and stop what was happening.

Fingers curled tight into his palms, John could feel sweat building up on his neck and run down his back. His hands felt slick and he was sure it must be running down his face. This was too awful to watch.

He was just thinking of putting an arm out to stop them when he felt the small hand of Torren slip into his. His foot that was inching forward, fell back beside the other immediately. A foolhardy mission to stop the deaths of others, was suddenly not something he was capable of putting into motion. He had Torren to think about…and the others. Realisation that someone else would suffer for what he might try made his throat dry and he had nothing to swallow with.

John lowered his eyes and watched the long-haired wraith sneer his way. He was at his most dangerous just now, and felt ready to pounce – but there was Torren to consider, so he pulled his gaze away and smiled a reassuring smile towards Arla.

The couple were swift in leaving and John was then stunned to see how quickly everyone got on with what they were doing prior.

"It is our way, John. It has to be that we just continue. Do you understand?" Arla asked as she watched the conflict of emotions play out on his face.

John could only reluctantly nod, but remained silent for a time; only seeing to Torren's needs when their food arrived not long after. It seemed indelicate for them to eat now; knowing what was going on behind the closed doors, but he accepted the two bowls of some sort of vegetable and grain stew and slowly ate his meal while listening to Torren babble on about this and that.

The young boy amazed him with his resilience; although he could also see how sad he looked at times. He must be missing his mother badly – hell he was missing his mother badly!

Reaching down he took the empty bowl from him and nodded his permission to go and play again.

"One hour only and then bed." He said to the now screwed up face. John laughed at his stomping away, now in a bad mood as he wanted longer.

Arla and her husband Vari came over then and Sheppard stood up to shake Vari's hand when Arla introduced him.

"Thank you for looking after Torren when I was…well, I was…"

"Think nothing of it. We look after each other here. Besides, he is a fine boy."

John smiled, instantly liking Arla's husband.

"How long have you been here?"

Arla and Vari gave each other a quick look. "Too long." Vari said. "At least two years."

"What!" John squawked.

"So many of us were captured when the wraith started to wake up from a deep sleep the Ancients had left them in. They needed labour to help build their hive ships and, well…you know the other reason." Arla said.

"You are all from this area?"

"Mostly. Some are brought in from other parts of our planet, some from other planets. They are the ones who do not fit in for many reasons and are fed upon first."

John kept shifting his feet, very uncomfortable with what he was hearing.

"But." Arla continued. "These ones are long gone and there are not even many of us left, so they will go hunting soon now that the hive ship is almost ready."

"I hunt these down myself." John said, thinly.

Vari grabbed his arm. "Don't tell anyone that, please. Better we do not know your past. We can already tell you must be some sort of leader, but they have been using you for something as talk goes. Everyone here is a little afraid of you."

"They have no reason to fear me."

"They have every reason to, John." Arli pointed to his wrist.

"You have an ancient tracker in you. If you know the wraith as you claim to, you must know that they will be wanting to see if that works soon now that it has been inserted into your general make-up."

"I realise that, but…"

"No buts. It is a fact. It has been done before, but our friends and family had been caught pretty swiftly. Your one is dangerous as it is of ancient design."

"What is the other things about me that is whispered?"

Arla stared at John as if weighing up his health. "Only that they think you have been drugged, and they are afraid for what you might be capable of?"

"Drugged? Only to keep me unconscious!"

"You were beat up a week ago, John. There is no signs of damage on your skin, only the wound on your arm remains the same."

"Well, they must have had me in a healing pod...its my only explanation, and it didn't work on my arm for some reason. I am not to be frightened of, Arla."

"I hope so, John, for we do not know you."

Tired and confused, John just sucked his bottom lip and walked over to watch Torren play with his new friends. He would get him back to Teyla. Damn right he would. He just had to bide his time until the right moment – and that would be the hardest thing he ever had to do in his life.

To be continued...

A/N Thank you for all your comments etc so far...very much appreciated.

Some action coming up next... Ronon's reflections.