Dealing Death
Hideki was mourning at the gravesite, from which people would occasionally stare at the tired young man if they realized that he was one who fell in love with a Persacom. Through their love, he had paved way for a new future. Some were still reluctant to believe Persacoms were nothing more than an appliance. However, they did not know Chi like he had. She was special to him. She was his reason to be…
Artificial or not, Chi had proven her love. It was real love, no matter how you looked at it. Wasn't it?
Hideki didn't care. Chi was far more human than most people in the world. She truly knew what it meant to be alive, without being alive. He stared down at the grave written with the inscription, "Here lays Chi Motosuwa, beloved one above the stars, eternally hugging mine," as the rain blended with his tears. "She was real? Wasn't she…?"
He nearly choked from heartache. Had he really loved someone? Had he loved someone who was alive? It was hard, but he had to question himself this now. Especially now that she was gone, even cremated at his request. The only memento he had to remind him that they had really shared any time together was a photo. Oh, and of course, how could he forget the Atashi series? It was Chi's favorite possession, something that actually told the story of their love. That had probably been the reason she loved them so…
Chi's body was too mangled up to repair but Miss Hibiya had offered to copy Chi's memories into a new body but Hideki refused. As tempting as it was, the new Chi would only be a copy. He felt it would be too easy an answer that in the end would be harder to face than the actual situation. Chi was dead; there was nothing he could actually do to bring her back.
He thought back to that very day, it had been two years since he met her. Making it three years since then, now twenty-one going on twenty-two. A year had passed since the accident.
Why couldn't, why wasn't he able to save her? If he hadn't bought her that damn puppy…perhaps he would have been the one who died. Perhaps, Chi could of gone on living, but it was a topic that couldn't be ignored. He knew he'd have to talk to Chi about it one point or another.
It was an even harder question to answer than her last. When she brought up a topic of her own existence, all because of that damn Pinocchio book, Hideki's heart began to ache. There were even people who made Chi cry when she heard comments such as "Don't apologize, she's just a Persacom," or "Persacom's don't have feelings, just cut in front of her…"
It took awhile to convince her, but finally managed to comfort her feelings. Of course, this made it even harder in the end.
-
People surrounded the busy street. Apparently there had been an accident. Chi had called out for her puppy, Pantsu. She had been very happy to receive this gift from Hideki. He had told her it would be a big responsibility. She had named him after her seemingly favorite word. If only he hadn't told Chi about death…but it had been the right thing to do, right?
Later, Hideki returned to the same apartment that once felt like home. He just couldn't bring himself to leave, with all the memories surrounding it.
"I'm home Chi!" Hideki called out. The albino kitten purred while leaping at him. If she had been the size of a certain someone, she would of pushed him down. It was a familiar happy feeling, but sad at the same time a sad one. It felt nice to say Chi's name…
After a few hours and locking the door, Hideki took out his gun.
He stared into the darkness of the gun's barrel. He wondered if that's all death was, seeing nothing, being as of nothing. He rolled the chamber, a click and a clank. He wondered if this was what Chi had really been seeing the whole time, as she wasn't alive. It wouldn't take but one pull of the trigger…
He pressed it tightly against the side of his head. "Do it, you've no reason to live…" a dark voice echoed in his head. "Well, you still have friends who love you. Your not the only one who lost Chi," another more caring voice argued. "Oh is that so? They didn't love Chi…only I loved Chi," the dark voice argued again. "That's not true, Ueda went through this too," the caring side of Hideki's mind bickered back.
Hideki's eyes started to water as he readied himself but then a familiar voice called out to him.
"Hideki!"
There was a sudden hiss from the cat, as it knocked a book on the floor jumping from the shelf. Hideki chickened out yet again. Still ashamed he had once again tried to kill himself. He quickly looked around the room, but no one was there. He thought he had heard someone call out his name. There however was no one to be seen.
Deciding his mind was just playing tricks on him, he decided to investigate what had frightened Chi. The cat seemed to stare into nothingness, then walked away as if nothing had happened. "What has gotten into you?" Hideki asked knowing there'd be no answer. If there were, it would be a simple meow for milk.
Hideki knelt down to pick up the fallen book but froze solid when he saw what he now held. It was one of the Atashi books titled "Please Find Me!" A sad smile sneaked across his face thinking back to the first time he had given Chi a gift. He wrapped his arms around the book, holding it close to his heart. His eyes were clenched shut with tears running down his cheeks. For a brief moment, he felt like Chi was with him once again.
There was a sudden ringing from the phone. Normally, it would have been the perky Sumomo but ever since Chi's death Hideki couldn't bring himself to be near Persacoms again that is if he were able to avoid them, whenever possible…
He picked up the phone and heard a familiar voice. "Hideki! Man this is bad, really bad!" shouted Ueda with a hint of sadness but a definite feel of anger. Hideki had to clench his ear in pain, the voice had been so screeching.
"What is it?" Hideki asked politely. He knew something was terribly wrong. Normally Ueda would respect Hideki's pathetic state, he wouldn't call unless something bad had really happened.
"It's Yumi! She hasn't been home for two days now. I know something must have happened, she would of told me if she was going somewhere, that's just the kind of girl she is…" Ueda calmed his tone. "Hideki, will you help me look for her?"
"Of course, let's meet at your bakery…" Hideki started. He couldn't help it but he had a real bad feeling about this. "We'll start there, that's where she was last, right?" Hideki asked.
There was a long pause, a moment of silence. "Yes, but how did you know that?" Ueda asked seemingly surprised. Come to think of it, Hideki wasn't quite sure himself. He had to quickly make up an excuse, what mattered now was to find Yumi.
"Oh, she called me a few nights ago to check up on me, that's all," Hideki tried his best not to sound like he was hiding something. In a way it was the truth, Yumi had called three weeks ago, but had never told him her whereabouts. She was really worried he would try to kill himself again. Her senpai had been suicidal lately. She knew what everyone else didn't. Hideki was quite depressed since Chi's death, so very depressed.
How did he know? He didn't…he just said it. Or rather something forced those words out. He didn't know what, but what mattered now was to find Yumi. If he lost another friend to death…he shivered at the thought.
-
Hideki ran passed the busy streets, pushing and shoving people out of the way. Normally, he'd be nicer to pedestrians but someone dear was missing. Who knows what might have happened. He finally caught up with Ueda, who had started to show signs of middle age. Still, despite the wrinkles and beginnings of a receding hairline it was still the same nice guy.
"Hideki! Thanks for coming, I really appreciate this…I know it's a…" Ueda started but Hideki interrupted.
"Oh don't worry about that man, we're friends after all?" Ueda smiled but quickly turned deadly serious. He looked back at the shop, frowning. Hideki decided it wasn't time to converse. They searched and searched, but no clues ever showed up. It was getting very late and windy, the streets were finally dying down.
They stopped at a mini-mart, one that Hideki had once started to go into but realized he was flat broke. Thanks to Chi…thanks to Chi he had found his reason to be. He shook the memories off to focus on the now. "We'll find her…" Hideki reassured Ueda. He only stared blankly into space.
Hideki looked off into the distant sky, clear as ever despite the city lights blocking out the beauty. That's right, he had been represented in the Atashi books not only as a green figure but as a star too. That's where he got the idea of what to put on Chi's grave, in hopes that Chi would at least be with him in spirit. Of course that was only possible if you believed a Persacom had a soul…
She did have a soul, he convinced himself of that. Artificial body yeah, but still such a sweet and caring mind, it wasn't just her program allowing her to do those things for him. No, it couldn't just be a will programmed into her, she had to have a soul. Of course, that's only if you believed…
Did Hideki believe in any kind of religion? Did he hope? Yeah, he hoped like anyone else but was ready to face whatever facts may lay in wait. Of course, no normal religion would probably see a creation of man as ever being alive. It was something that couldn't be alive simply because it was crafted by man and not of any Deity or God. Of course, who cared how you were created? As long as you proved you had a life, you would prove to have been alive? Right?
Hideki shook his head, trying to focus on the now. Yumi was missing and he didn't want to see Ueda go through losing a loved one twice. Come to think of it, he had lost his parents a long time ago as well. How did this guy continue living?
-
"Hideki, Pantsu is broken…please fix him?" Chi's eyes had looked deep into Hideki with a smile. Hideki couldn't help but feel sad at that exact moment.
"Chi…I'm sorry…" Hideki started.
Chi was puzzled by the look of concern. "Hideki, Hideki is making my heart hurt…why are you sorry?" Chi asked.
"Chi, Pantsu isn't a thing…not a machine. It's a living creature that has died. Unlike you, he can't be fixed. I'm sorry but there's nothing we can do for him now…" Chi's eyes filled with tears. It was something Hideki wasn't used to seeing, he knew she had mentally cried before but now thanks to that program, Persacom's were given emotion or rather the ability to show them.
"Will…Hideki die…too?" She asked. Hideki didn't want to face this anymore. "Chi…chi is very sad…"
Hideki smiled gently. "Chi, even though living things die, some people believe that there is something called a soul. It's supposedly what makes living things a living thing. When I die, I would still live on because of my soul…" Chi pounced at him.
"Chiiii! Chi doesn't want Hideki to die!" She knocked him down like always, causing yet another bump on the head. They embraced for a long time. This was yet more proof to Hideki that Chi was a living being, right? "Does Chi have a soul?" she asked ever so innocently.
Hideki froze for a moment. "Well, some people don't think you do…but I know for a fact you do!" Hideki said unaware of the risks involved in this statement. "Besides, it's unfair for them to say you don't when there are people out there who don't even believe they have one…" Hideki finished.
"Chi…Chi wants to be together forever with Hideki!" She screamed. It was surprising because she usually never raised her voice above her gentle tone. Hideki embraced her for a long time.
"We'll always be together, forever!" Hideki whispered.
-
Awaking from the memory, they made their way back to Tirol after hours of searching. "I'm sorry I wasn't much more help to you…" Hideki said. Ueda smiled softly still with a hint of sadness. As they departed ways Hideki was worried sick about Yumi. Of course he could only imagine what Ueda was going through right now.
After awhile, Hideki was getting a weird calm feeling. It was a really nice feeling, a familiar one. As he was about to makes his way to the apartment, something stopped him from doing so.
"Hideki!"
He heard his name being called from an alleyway. He thought he saw something in the corner of his eye but when he entered the alleyway, there was no one. "That's strange…I could of sworn I heard someone calling my name-" He started but quickly his eyes filled with terror.
There on the ground, was the green Persacom. Still deactivated but it was defiantly Yumi's little Persacom. This sent a shiver through Hideki's body. Something foul was defiantly up.
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Chobits owned by Clamp & Geneon, not me!