Regretting Life

The wind picked up, pushing Hideki slightly. He had to position himself up to keep from falling. He wasn't ready to return home, nor did he want to bring his new clue to Ueda. It wasn't easy, dealing with something like this. Securing the mobile Persacom in his pocket he leaned back on the bench taking out his smokes, lighting a cig up. It was kind of funny. He had never been one for this kind of thing but ever since life seemed so pointless…

The saddest thing, the thing that made Hideki hurt the most was the way he treated her that day. The day Chi died, he hadn't been so nice to her. Sure, he hadn't intended to be so mean or neglecting but the test that day pressured him so. Of course that was really no excuse. "Chi, I'm really not playing around. If I don't study, I'm not going to ever get into college I want." He had yelled at her. Chi frowned, and quietly snuck away from him. Something Chi had never done before, she had never felt the need to but Hideki's fierce attitude of late was scaring her. Hideki didn't notice as he studied away, ever hoping for that scholarship. "I'm done…" He finally started, "Hey Chi, you want to go see a movie with me? Chi?" He asked out for her but no answer ever came.

"Why the hell did I hurt you, why the fuck didn't I save you?" He cried into the night.

The man had feminine features but was defiantly a man. Yumi could barely make out her assailant. She was bound and gagged awkwardly in the back of the van. The last thing she could remember was a pain in the back of her head. She just left Tirol to come visit Hideki in person. She was really worried about him, of course now she was really worried for herself. What did this man want with her? It couldn't be anything good. She looked into the mirror and saw his eyes, kindly looking but for some reason looked lifeless. "Oh good, I see your awake" he smiled. "You know, you're quite pretty, why anyone would want to cover up those limbs of yours…well it just makes me sad. Yeah, I had a good look at ya when you fell to the ground. You looked like an angel, so very pretty…" He would keep looking back and forth making sure he was doing all right in the traffic as he entertained his victim.

Yumi stared deeply for a moment in the lifeless yet kind gaze. The man had blonde hair, and one earring in place. He looked rather emotional, or at the very least effeminate. It looked like there was even a hint of makeup. She tried to say something but was gagged. "Oh, don't worry girly. We'll remove that as soon as we get back home. You can speak all you want, just make sure it's in pain, for me, kay? He laughed. It might look to other drivers that he was simply smugly talking to himself, or perhaps he was some kind of loon with a song stuck in his head.

Yumi had only wanted to check up on her senpai, but now it looked like she may never see him again or Ueda for that matter. Of course, the reality of her situation was only about to set in once she made it to this man's home. This man, she did not know was a murderer of the worst kind. He was one who got his kicks in killing. It wasn't a matter of revenge or vengeance. No, the only reason he wanted to kill was for fun, to merely get his kicks.

Yumi looked around her surroundings but couldn't see anything but a bucket and some other assortments she didn't recognize. She closed her eyes remembering three weeks ago, she did want to talk to Hideki. It however wasn't just the suicide issue she wanted to speak with him about but never got the courage to. She remembered back to that call.

"Hideki…" She spoke into the phone. She was sad but getting angry too, but how was she supposed to act? How was she supposed to respond to this? "Well whatever, I'm coming over!" She warned.

Hideki didn't want her over though; he promised he wouldn't do it. Of course that wasn't a guarantee he wouldn't do it. "It's all right…I'm not going to. Please believe me," he said. He heard sniffling in the background. "What's the matter? Yumi…I'm not important to you." He assured her.

There was a sudden angry sigh from the other side of the line. "Senpai! You're an idiot," as she hung up the receiver defiantly in tears. Hideki sat back, only lost in thought. Feeling guilty but still it had been the truth. He wasn't important at all…Yumi sat the phone back down. It was time to go to work after all but still worried about Hideki. She also had a bad feeling something terrible was going to happen; she had a real bad feeling. Also, some very strange things have been happening lately. She wanted to talk to Ueda about it but he was too busy. She tried talking to Hideki about it but she sure she was only really worried about Hideki.

Still, the event the other day had frightened her quite a bit. She looked out the window in a worried gaze. Senpai, I hope you find peace she thought…

Yumi sat up to a more comfortable position, despite not even having control of her legs. Still it was better than laying face flat into the van's cold floor. She wondered who this man was and why he had taken her. Couldn't it of been someone else? Why her? She started to cry.

Hideki woke to the sounds of sirens. Apparently he had fallen asleep on the bench despite his best efforts. He looked to see what kind of sirens they were. Police cars…they were zooming past him. Curious enough, he had to check it out. When he made his way past the crowd he saw it, the lifeless body of a young woman gorily sprawled across the cement. He quickly turned away reminded of Chi's mangled body that day…

The crowd was becoming too big for the Police. They quickly set it up to where none of the crowd could see the investigation being handled. One of the men warned the crowd there was nothing more to see and should move along. He wondered if Ueda had already tried calling the police but usually they were never any real help. Hideki ran to the nearest store that allowed for access to the bathrooms.

He made his way to the stall letting the vomit escape. He had never seen a site this gruesome since Chi's death, but of course that was an artificial…no it was still Chi's body. He would feel just as sick at a sight be it a human or persacom's death. He was sure he would have thrown up, if it hadn't been someone so close to him, the wires and trinkets that he never even imagined subsided in Chi was everywhere. He had at least rushed to her side, apologizing as the life faded from her eyes. She was able to say one last thing to him, "Chi…Sss…love…Zap…zutto…ssS…Hideki…" before finally fading from life. Despite her scrambled words, it was very clear what she had meant.

"I will love you, forever…"

Hideki chuckled, and then stared at the pathetic young man in the mirror. "Yeah…right…were you even real?" Tears were beginning to form in his tired eyes. Why did I continue living? What is it that drives me to be? He tried closing his eyes but then suddenly opened them as Chi's face came rushing back to memory. Then the argument began again…

"Chi was artificial, nothing more than a walking talking doll," the dark thought chirped. "Even so, she had proven her love," the nicer side of his mind yelped. "Yeah, love that was programmed into her…" the dark thought argued back. "Still, am I not myself programmed to love through years of evolution?" the nice thought said. "Yes, but you are different, you are alive…conscious…no matter how much data is put into a machine, computer, much less a Persacom it will never be alive…ever," the dark thought said. "Chi, she acted on feelings…even if that was data making her act it out, she still followed them with her own choice…" the nice thought said.

Hideki closed his eyes again remembering how Chi had saved his life, all because she didn't want Hideki to end up like Pantsu, the damn puppy. "Of course…even if it was programmed into her, that was her own will, her very soul…" Hideki comforted himself with those words, but still no matter how many times he told himself that…

"Data…a program that tells it to do so, as it has learned, doesn't make her real," the dark thought attacked. "They are just machines, personal computers made to act like humans, but no matter how much technology is put into something, it will never be. Never be…it will never be…"

Hideki punched the glass breaking it into many pieces. With his hand bleeding he picked up a shard and brought it up to his neck. It doesn't take much to die, and I've no more meaning…I lost meaning a long time ago. "Yes, meaning…you have none, that's right…" the dark thoughts were winning.

As he was about to attempt suicide, a burst from the door revealed a Persacom walking with its master. They were laughing. They seemed rather well acquainted…they stopped and stared at Hideki. He was about to run out of there when the Persacom asked what was the matter. He stared shocked by the statement, how cruel fate had been. Persacoms were always showing their feelings for him, even if he wasn't sure their feelings were real anymore. "Sir, are you all right?" it asked again. Hideki ran out of there as fast as he could feeling the cool morning air brush up against his red cheeks.

They aren't real, they never were. I loved a doll, that's all!

"Your only telling yourself that because…because…you don't want to hurt anymore…" Hideki thought. He stopped cold breathing deeply from exhaustion. It had been just his thought, but it was a very sentimental and understanding one.

Before he could realize it, he felt himself pushed by soft hands. It was a familiar feeling, two gentle palms pressed against him. Whatever it was had just saved his life. For now he faced the side of the speeding police vehicle in hot pursuit of another car. It came to a screeching halt with the terrified look of the driver made visible to Hideki. The cop jumped out and raced to him. "Are you all right bud?" He asked politely. Hideki hadn't realized it but he had been running in the street. His deep thoughts were beginning to affect his health.

Hideki tried catching his breath. "Oh…it's quite all right. It was my fault to begin with, but where's my hero?" Hideki asked. The policeman looked confused for a moment.

"Hero?"

"Yeah, you know…the who ever that pushed me out of the way. You know my hero, I felt myself pushed out of the way," Hideki answered. The policeman still looked puzzled.

"Sir, there was no one in the street besides you." He said. Hideki froze but could have sworn he felt a gentle push. Hideki gave an equally flabbergasted look to the cop.

"Oh, silly me…I guess it was just the wind," he reassured. "So…who was that you were chasing?" Hideki asked trying to change the subject. The policeman paused for a moment still curious but decided not to pursue it any more than he had to.

"Just a low-life punk who's been speeding for the past half hour or so…allow me to introduce myself, I'd like to formally apologize for almost killing you just now," he said. "My name is Paul Richards." He finished. Hideki looked at him for a moment.

"Paul?" He asked.

"Yeah, a strange name right? I'm not originally from Japan…"

Yumi stared back at her kidnapper. She didn't want to fall asleep, but it was too hard not to. She was too tired to fight it. She finally gave into slumber. Her dream was filled with images of her past. Moments she had hung out with her senpai. Moments she had scraped a knee and her dad was there to help her. Moments like that seeped in like crazy, all the way up until the moment of her kidnapping.

Fear installed in her. She was crying in darkness, a representation of the van no doubt. As she cried arms wrapped around her. Motherly and caring arms embraced her. She couldn't make out the hands, only a transparent faded shape of hands. It told her everything was going to be all right…the dream was now a safe heaven. Even if it wasn't real, it was still better than being at the van, kidnapped.

Hideki took a sip of his coffee turning to look at Paul. "So, your not from around here?"

The instant friends sat near each other in the café. The cop was surprised at how well he got along with this young man. "Nah, I'm from America…" He started. Sipping his soft drink as he looked at Hideki to study his youthful features. "I love Japan's scenery anyway."

Hideki frowned staring down at Yumi's persacom. Where was she? He hoped she was all right, of course who knows if he'd be able to save her. He wasn't able to save Chi, why would he be able to save Yumi? If he couldn't even save a persacom, then a human was defiantly out of the matter of being saved by Hideki. "So, you're here just for the scenic beauty?" He asked the cop.

Looking like Hideki had hit the nail on the head, the cop turned away for a moment. "Heh, it seems I can't hide my fears…no there is another reason," he sat his drink down. "Actually, I'm hiding from someone, I kind of hurt her." He looked down at the counter.

"You don't have to say any more than you want to." Hideki spoke softly. The cop gave a kind of understanding gaze.

The cop then laughed. "You know, it wouldn't really bug me, I'm so far away from her that I almost feel like I never lived with her." He scratched his rugged chin.

Hideki stared away at a customer walking in with a dog. "So, then it's someone you loved? Your wife perhaps?" He asked.

"Bingo…my wife, I kind of chickened out of going to our wedding," he closed his eyes for a moment. "I don't know why I didn't go that day. After that we had many arguments and I decided to leave…I wasn't good enough for her." He then opened his gaze at Hideki who was staring at young blonde woman with a dog. "I see your thoughts are on someone close to you as well…"

Hideki clenched his mug as Paul said that. "Heh…we're so alike…aren't we?" They both laughed as if they had known each other for years. It was funny, Hideki was always making friends, as that was the kind of guy he was. Though he never felt like anyone was ever really his friend, he was merely playing along with the game. Of course that didn't matter because he always had Chi. However, that wasn't the case now. He was forced into a very lonely existence.

I mean there was Shinbo, Ueda, Minaru, and of course Yumi he thought but quickly remembered they were only friends. They weren't people who looked for meaning in him. Only Chi ever made him feel so special. He hadn't spoken with Minaru or Shinbo for almost a year now, the last time he had spoken with Shinbo was to return Sumomo after the accident.

"So, what's up with that little Persacom?" Paul the cop asked. He had noticed Hideki playing with it before but didn't understand what was going on. "Oh my…you're bleeding?"

Hideki smiled. He felt like he could tell this guy the truth with how fast they had become friends. He decided not to. "Oh this? I just cut myself on some broken glass that's all," he started as he fiddled with the mobile machine. "And this, is a friend of mine's Persacom. You see she's been missing for a few days and I'm really worried about her." He stated.

"Oh, is her name Yumi?" The cop asked.

"Yeah…but how did you know?"

"Mr. Ueda called in, I've also been acquainted with his wife on a few occasions at Tirol. I just love European sweets. I wanted to help in the investigation but my abilities only allow me so much…" Paul looked down in sadness.

"Would you mind helping me look for her?" Hideki asked politely. The cop nodded in agreement.

"Besides, I'm a little more worried about missing case files more than some young speeding punk, you see there's been a lot of kidnappings lately." The cop looked at Hideki to make sure he was paying attention. "We've been following these kidnappings…only to find the victims before it's too late." He finished.

Hideki's eyes widened at the statement. "Victims? Then you must mean…"

The cop nodded. "Yeah, victims…the majority of missing persons this past year have been found been found gagged, beaten, and tortured gorily. We've been looking for the murderer but so far we haven't gotten any leads…" The cop turned away.

"There was another murder this morning. Not too far from where I picked you up…"

Hideki knew what he had saw wasn't just an accident. The marks and bruises on the girl's body were no accidents. He had been pretty sure of foul play. "Well, here's my contact number if you need me. I'll be keeping a lookout for any suspicious activities…oh and if you'd like I can bring you to the stations clue room. Though not legally…but hey I'm actually a cop who's in it for justice, not substance." With that the cop left.

Hideki looked back at the young maiden who had long flowing hair much like Chi's. He was pretty sure the breed of the dog had been the same as Pantsu, the puppy. The woman looked at Hideki noticing his glances. He quickly turned away.

She left, apparently freaked out by Hideki. He just drank the last of his coffee. The television that had been airing whatever event suddenly was interrupted by a newsbreak. "A woman was found dead this morning murdered out on the streets. Police are still unsure if this has any connection the notorious drag and gag slasher. The drag and gag slasher is still at large, police would like any info concerning…" Hideki got up and left the restaurant.

He wasn't in the mood to hear more about death, he had faced it all this morning.

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Chobits owned by Clamp and Geneon, not me!