STARGATE ATLANTIS

PRIMIS : THE MISSING

PAST/PRESENT

"John!"

Arla shot up from her chair at the same time John fell from his bed as the scream outside permeated into their brains. It was a cry of extreme horror. John threw his blankets aside rather quickly and they threatened to tangle around his ankles as he responded to the frightful cry. Arla aided him by grabbing his elbow, and together they ran outside to see what had befallen someone

John's heart hammered in his chest at the rude awakening. Where was Torren? The scream had sounded adult; please, please let everything be resolved quickly.

"No! …Vari!" He heard Arla cry.

He quickened his deadened steps, sleep being torn from him in shards, as he took in the fearful sight of Vari lying prostrate on the hard-packed ground with the feeding hand of a wraith penetrating his skin in a way he only knew too well. The pain, his memories reminded him, transcended any pain he had ever felt before; or felt since.

Where had he come from?

John overtook Arla. His immediate concern was to reach Vari's side to wrench the wraith off of him, so he couldn't stop to take in Arla's distress; he just ran as fast as he could.

He heard the full seed pods of the olive bushes rattle in the whipping wind as he ran on. Rain threatened to blindside him, and mixed with his worry of Torren's whereabouts, John ran faster towards helping Vari so he could bring some sort of order to their splintered lives.

The screams from Vari spurned him on, and as he reached the final rise of rocks, John caught sight of a flash of green and brown against the golden stalagmites.

Blu dived from atop one of the large sand mounds onto the wraiths back and the pair tumbled away with the momentum. Blu aimlessly struck at the wraith's body, but he was no match for the larger creature and he took a couple of punches to his kidneys that floored him where he landed and he gasped like a fish out of water, trying to draw in another breath as he curled in on himself.

The wraith picked himself up and kicked Blu in the side, hard. He rolled slightly down the incline but held out his hand as if to keep trying to stop the wraith from further attacking his friend.

Meanwhile, in pain, but fighting it with all his might, Vari tried to raise himself up but floundered easily, eyes squeezing shut and silent screams leaving him with a gaping mouth.

John arrived and full body-slammed the wraith. The pair rolled and punched. John was hit a couple of times, but he knew what to expect and allowed them to sink into him without too much thought or discomfort. He quickly stretched out his legs as he stopped, and took the creature out from behind with a swoop that would have made Teyla and Ronon proud, and crashed a doubled fisted punch down into the centre of its back. A kick whilst down into the wraiths side, and John, for a second, had the upper hand. He picked up a large stone he had landed against and raised it high to land on the wraiths head. Unfortunately, the wraith moved in the second before his aim was true, and it managed to shift out of the way. John lost his balance when the stone hit the ground and fell to his side alongside that of the wraith. It raised its feeding hand and went to slam it down onto John's sternum. John caught his arm, but even with both hands now raised, he felt the wraith's superior strength start to win the wrestle, and its hand reached closer to its goal. John tried to knee him in the gut but it took energy away from his struggling grip and he grimaced as sweat started to slide down the side of his face with the effort of keeping the hand at bay.

Out of his peripheral vision, he noticed Vari rise from the ground with Arla's help. This spurned him on further, and he, for a moment, felt the strain of the wraith arm waver only slightly. He thought he heard his name being called, but it was a distraction that he didn't need at that time. Fortunately for him the wraith did look up to see what was happening, and it was his last mistake.

Blu landed feet first against the wraiths head. A satisfying whack as it then hit the hard ground concussed it into silence, and Blu took a moment to notice its eyes close. He smiled and turned to help John up off the ground, grinning at Vari and Arla with a quick look over his shoulder with the relief of a close call.

"Blu." John croaked, coughing slightly. "Check for weapons."

John's reasoning was that the wraith could still be conscious and reach for his stunner since brute strength seemed to be failing his plan on the feedings.

John would not give him anybody that easily.

The sun was in his eyes as he started to get up. It made a silhouette out of Blu that grew in size until it was obvious the wraith was behind him.

"Blu!" He shouted, but it was too late. The wraiths stunner flashed. Blu fell face down where he stood.

Teeth bared; eyes now on John, the wraith stomped towards him; stepping on Blu as he marched forward as if he was not there.

John saw him quickly flick a switch on the blaster. The setting probably being switched from 'Kill' to 'Stun' upon witnessing his prey in sight.

'Was Blu dead then?'

John decided to play him; feigning wounds that weren't there.

Distracting him away from a wavering Vari and a shocked Arla; John crouched and hugged his stomach in the pretence of a wounded animal. Instead, he held in his hand the small knife he had extracted from his boot and praised Ronon in that second for the invaluable advice it continued to be.

The wraith drew nearer and John blocked the sight of his fallen friend and concentrated only on the job at hand. As soon as the wraith was near …and did it just dare to laugh? … John was enraged enough to rise with a roar of his own, and sliced at the wraiths neck. The blade stuck right where John wanted it, and black blood started to spill from the creature neck.

When their eyes met, John noticed for the first time that the wraith was not in its prime and it was obviously one of the pilots of the darts that had come down with them weeks earlier.

It was starving.

What it had been doing all this time they were fighting for survival John did not know. But he recognised that the wraith, now more than ever, needed to feed to survive – to repair its wounds.

John struck again, this time against its arm that it had raised in defence. But the other arm still held the blaster and it fired.

Its aim was off but the beam still skimmed against John's arm and it flopped down to his side: useless. He heard Arla yell again and shock must have registered on his face at the sight of Blu once again rising to kill the wraith.

The wraith caught his glance and understanding what was happening behind him he quickly back-handed John, strong enough for him to land on his back; leaving his chest, once again, exposed. The wraith moved towards John with intent to stun him into unconsciousness. John; ears ringing, dug his heels in and tried to scoot away but the wraith was faster.

John would think of the moment later when the wraith fell on him, and shudder with the cost of it all.

Blu sacrificed his life for him.

He had lunged for the weapon hanging from the wraiths hand, but the creature was faster and hit the young man too many times in the chest until John knew that this time he had been killed.

He lunged himself and wrestled the weapon free when the wraith's eyes had been dazed by the gold rays of the sun as it came back from the covering of a cloud, and fired.

His first shot only brought the weakened wraith to one knee. John stood. Noticed Blu's dead body and fired on the wraith until his body was almost broke in two from the force.

Realising that he had most definitely killed the creature. John turned his attention towards his friends. They made their way to the fallen Blu and John was dismayed to see Arla close his eyes in death.

But John had another feeling in his stomach that no words could describe. The feeling that came with the knowledge Torren was no-where in sight.

"TORREN!"

Arla jumped up at his words. Tears streaming down her face from the tragedy that had just happened.

"John? Where is he?" She cried, torn between helping her husband to stand straight and looking for Torren with John.

John's arm hung uselessly at his side. Struck numb with the chance shot of the stunner, it bobbed as he ran from jutting rock to the flatter plains, ignoring Arla's cries. The lake shimmering light show grabbed his attention, but he did not think he would have gone there alone, so he went further away from their position.

"TORREN?" He bellowed again, and cursed the weather here, as rain now started to pick up and strong winds took his voice away from its intended target.

He had not gone far, though, when he caught sight of Torren's wooden snake toy he had carved for him on the ground beside what looked like a sandstone igloo.

John drew to a halt. He clasped his wayward arm to his side; already feeling the tell-tale signs of pins and needles that told him his nerve endings were coming back to life. He rubbed it quickly as he stalked round to the other side, gently calling out Torren's name.

There was a sound like a quiet whimper and John ducked his head under the small opening to peer inside.

The young child was sitting with his back to the wall inside the small, hollow space, hugging his knees and looking very worried.

"There, there. It's all okay, Torren." John surveyed the space and noted how cool it was inside. The boy was not daft. He had found a good place to hide.

Torren kept his back low and made his way to his daddy; arms already raising up to him when he was clear of the rough stone and out into the air.

John lifted him up and held him tight, all the time whispering reassurances.

"It's all over. You can stop crying. I won't let anything happen to you."

Still, it was hard to hold a toddler with one good arm, so John had no choice but to put him down. Torren clung to his legs and buried his face in between them when footsteps could be heard coming their way.

It was a flushed Arla.

"Oh, Torren. Come here!" She cried upon seeing both father and son's upset faces.

Torren didn't want to let go of his father's legs but John coaxed him out and eventually he returned Arla's hug with gusto.

"Vari…?" John found he could not speak right; still upset over Blu's death.

"He is lying down back in the dwelling until I can tend to his wound." Her face fell. "I had to help you find Torren first."

John swiftly reached for her and hugged her tight. "I'm so very sorry." He whispered into her hair.

She pushed him back. "No…No!... it is not your fault. It didn't take many years from Vari…you and Blu stopped that from happening! I can't thank you enough…"

John noticed how she stopped talking suddenly. "What is it?"

"Blu…he …I cannot…"

John understood. "I will see to him. Can you please take Torren? Let him have one of these potato-like snacks and bandage up Vari's chest. It will help with the pain."

Arla nodded. "Your arm?"

"It will be okay."

Torren, it seemed, was reluctant to take Arla's hand; clearly wanting to stay with John.

"I'll see you again in a couple of minutes." John said before ushering him forward.

He watched them leave and sighed, greatly. When he reached Blu's body, he fought back tears for the young man whose life had been cut cruelly short by the very enemy they thought they had escaped from. He touched his head and held his hand there for a few minutes. He had had plans to integrate him into his team when back on Atlantis. He had been a capable man, and Sheppard felt sad for the way he had been struck down.

John spent the next hour or so placing stone upon stone around and over the young man where he fell as a grave – he didn't deserve to be left in the open and the stone would have been impossible to dig down into without proper equipment. John silently vowed to himself that he would return one day with his team to give him a proper burial.

SGA SGA SGA

Vari stood on top of the roof of the house which gave a distant view of where Blu had died and John had buried him.

Over the last few weeks, John visited there often and the others could see him stand alone with silent thoughts. Even Torren left him alone on these depressed occasions.

They all missed the young man's affable manner. His ability to rise to any occasion had risen him to being a good friend in John; and it was that he missed the most.

They normally left John alone when he came back from one of his times spent at the graveside, but Vari could not look upon John's hollowed out eyes once more without mentioning how much they were worried for him.

"I need to leave." John came out with on his own before Vari could hold his arm to squeeze, and knowing they were concerned for him.

"What?" Vari said, reaching for him none-the-less.

"I…I…need to leave for a time. You know…" John shuffled his feet. "There may be more wraith out there. I only witnessed two explosions, but how do I know that some more may have crashed in the lake and survived somehow. They, like Blu…well, they could find us too."

"You would go alone? Is that what you are saying?"

John quickly looked from a napping Torren, then back to Vari, and now Arla who linked arms with her husband. He nodded. "It could be too dangerous for Torren. I promised I would never leave him….so…" John's voice broke somewhat. "…but, I think it best he remain here with you. You will feel safe with the blaster. You must keep it on you at all times." John said, as he unstrapped the holster and handed the weapon to Vari.

Vari sighed, but agreed, attaching it swiftly to his leg. "You must take the sharpest of knives…"

John held up his hand to stop him. "I know what I am doing."

Vari put both his hands on his shoulder. Hands that were only naturally wrinkled; the wraith only having touched him for a second…or months in the value of time. He had not felt he had lost out on too much life. "That we know, John. But you must not be long in coming home. Just check out the nearest of areas you have not searched before."

'Home!' John thought. "Home? No, my home is on Atlantis. This is a temporary situation until my team finds me!I hope to take you on board too." He said, voicing what he had always wanted to ask.

"John. Our friend, it is something we dream of. Thank you. But I ask that you consider home to be where we are at present. Can you do that? Think of here as strong a feeling to return as you can possibly want. To come to us in one piece, that is all we ask? For Torren…" He didn't finish.

John felt sorry he had been short. "I will. You will see me soon. I will not be gone long…but you understand that I have to do this? If my head matched my heart, I would stay. Trust me!"

They both nodded and John smiled as he made his way over to Torren who sobbed in his arms when he told him.

"I will be back." John repeated and repeated, until he realised he was saying those four words to comfort himself on the matter.

SGA SGA SGA

John did return. Again and again. He reported on the barren landscape, the small planet seeming devoid of life in their area. The two downed darts battered against the rocks had both dead wraith still in their seats, and two further darts could be seen vertical in the lake and undisturbed; their pointed ends skyward; leaving John to conclude that the wraith that had killed Blu must have come from one even further away or had taken a time to heal.

Months passed and John stayed home more; resigned to the fact there was nothing much out there; disturbed to realise that pretty soon winter would be upon them, taking all the lovely fruit and vegetables they had deemed able to eat. John vowed to store some of these in Torren's hidden store where they would possibly remain fresh for a time longer. What little meat he hunted or fish he caught, would also fit nicely in the space.

Torren learned new skills almost every day, and amazed John with his flexibility. John became cautiously convinced that there were no more wraith on the planet, so allowed Torren to accompany him on many of his trips, exploring areas around their dwelling. During this time, they became closer and closer and John looked forward to seeing what he could come up with on a daily basis. Torren seemed unaffected by most things, but he had a distant, haunted look at times, and John knew that he was thinking about his mother. John did too.

So he would not forget her, John relayed some stories of their safer adventures for Torren and they would often fall asleep talking about her, only to wake up and start again.

One day, just as it was getting dark, John sat down on a rug on the ground that they all shared to watch the setting sun. Vari had his arm around Arla's shoulders and Torren sat in between John's raised knees; copying the same sitting position. Arla thought it was the sweetest thing. He obviously worshipped the ground his father walked on.

"Chol." John said in a whisper.

"Chol?" Vari asked him, turning to look at his face.

"Back on my home planet there are many languages spoken. I know a few of them. Chol is Hebrew for sand. Think I'll name this planet 'Chol, if no-body has any objections?'" He wafted his hand about. "For obvious reasons." He turned to smile broadly in Vari's direction, but also thinking of Rodney.

Vari laughed. "Very good. Aptly named."

John nodded his head and ruffled Torren's hair.

"Time for bed, little buddy."

Torren audibly groaned. He pointed to the sky. "Lants."

John looked up. 'Lants' was Torren's name for 'Atlantis'. The large blue/black cloud that was slowly making its way across the high sky looked indeed like the floating city. John's heart skipped a beat.

"Hey, what do you know? Sure looks like it too."

"Lantis!" Torren stood up.

John made to get up but went down on his knees beside Torren as he watched the tears start to fall from his soaked eyes. "Shush. We will see it again one day soon."

"Ah, Torren. If it looks anything like that cloud, it would make my day to see it for real." Arla spoke softly.

"Stay with us?" Torren, asked. His small head peeking out from behind John.

Vari and Arla nodded. John wiped away the tears. "Told you they would."

"Will Mama find me?"

John gulped down a huge sudden blockage in his throat.

He looked distantly into the evening sky. "Just waiting for it." He finally said.

John was deeply sensitive now on the subject of their rescue. With absolutely no way off this planet – hell, not knowing even where to go, John was well and truly stuck on any other ideas of how to contact Atlantis. He knew he had to sit tight and wait on Rodney doing his genius thing and find them.

He just wished they would hurry up!

SGA SGA SGA

A few more weeks saw the start of the colder evenings.

Arla gathered what blankets they could spare and roughly sewed everyone a cloak to keep out the biting winds. It was common place for John to find their food, but Vari accompanied him on many occasions. One day, months after their crash landing, when Torren was now almost two and a half, both men were trudging their way back through the thick, sticky snow that had appeared a few days before, when Arla appeared; catching up with them on the path, and minus her cloak. Her face was flustered, red, and very worried looking.

John just knew it was Torren.

He ran straight for their dwelling and found the young boy in the throes of a fever.

"He was fine this morning." John voiced to no-one in particular.

Arla fussed over Torren and handed John a wet cloth. "We must cool him down."

John stroked the cool cloth over his body. This he would do time after time. Feeding him. Slowly dropping drops of water into his refusing mouth, and being utterly patient with him until he managed to get some fluids, and then laterally some soft food into him. He was reminded of when he looked after Vari, Arla and poor Blu. They never did know what had caused the mysterious illness; although John suspected it had been the beam of the dart somehow, or the fact that they were now on a different planet.

Torren's symptoms were similar to a point but he was not physically sick. His little body shivered occasionally and he cried for his daddy; blind that he was right beside him. He also cried for his mama. It broke John's heart.

It had been the longest three days in Johns life, but eventually the fever broke, and John found himself gazing down on Torren as he opened his sleepy eyes; finally aware of where he was.

"Da…" He said, arms reaching up for him.

John placed his head on his pillow and just brought him in close to him and whispered in his ear.

"Knew you would beat it."

"Me strong…like my daddy." He rasped.

"Yeah." John agreed and leaning on his elbow he held a drink up to his lips. "Just take a couple of sips."

Torren obliged and promptly fell asleep again.

John ran his fingers through his hair and looked at the watching Arla. His smile was broad and tinged with worry. "Boy that was the worst." He said simply.

Arla wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"He is better now. Go, sleep yourself. I will watch over him."

John tried, he really did, but every time he closed his eyes, his dreams had the Queen wraith reaching out for him with the long haired wraith holding him still around his chest and another one offering up his arm to her.

John jerked awake but said nothing of the frequent dream; just nestled in his covers again and closed his eyes; scratching his arm no doubt self-consciously.

SGA SGA SGA

"John." Arla shouted. "Are you coming in to share our meal?"

John had been gathering some of the wood around the small wooded area they had materialised in and was dragging it back the few miles. He had realised half way back that he didn't feel very well. He felt hot and yet a cold feeling would occasionally make him shiver.

He just wanted to lie down right where he stood. Stubbornly, he kept himself going with thoughts of the warm dwelling; also something to drink and eat and some shut eye.

This, he kept telling himself, was all he needed to get better.

The dwelling was in sight. He had lost his bundle of wood a while back; unable to take the weight in his weakening arms. No worries; he knew Vari would go back for it.

He saw, more than heard Arla shout on him. As he looked at her, he tried to raise an arm to wave, but it was like a lead weight at his side. He numbly looked down at it with a head so heavy on his neck it lolled briefly.

"John?" He heard Vari speak at Arla's side.

Suddenly, John's left leg went from under him and he went down and never got up again.

"John. Are you okay?" Arla asked him, holding onto an arm weakly flapping about.

Vari grasped his chin and forced him to make eye contact.

"You have done well, my friend, but it looks like this mysterious illness has now gotten hold of you. Arla, put his arm around your shoulder, we will walk him to his bed."

John groaned and muttered protests that it was not the virus. But, he did feel decidedly ill, so allowed them to then undress him and put him to bed. A, trying to be brave, Torren, ran to soak some cloths so they could bring his temperature down.

Fever? Temperature? John was confused. "No!" He cried. "It's the Queen. She is after me!"

Arla and Vari exchanged a worried glance. Just how sick with delirium and restlessness was he going to get? The man was strong. They had seen it before. He might be a force to be reckoned with whilst ill.

Torren never left John's side for the days it took for him to claw his way back to the surface. When he finally opened his eyes and kept them open for longer than a minute, it was Torren asleep on his pillow that greeted him; closely followed by a worried Arla and Vari looking down at him.

"M'fine." Was the usual response, to which they smiled back. "Just make sure you are then, do you hear us?"

John nodded and took Arla's hand in his own to pat softly before putting it back under his covers to keep warm.

His illness seemed to be more on par with Torren's; with the only difference being how much he scratched the old wound on his arm; leaving Arla with no choice at one point, than to bandage it up to stop him.

SGA SGA SGA

John recovered enough to sit and help with some chores, until he then ventured outside and exercised as much as he could to get his strength back.

A week later, a bored Torren hauled John up to go on an overnight camp. John decided to check out the mountain range that he always avoided because of the sharp sand there that always managed to get into his boots, but was now covered in a small layer of protective snow.

They was almost at the first level when the ground vibrated and the hairs stood up on John's neck. The sun's winter haze was blocked from his skin when the biggest hive ship John had ever seen before broke from the sky and made for the far side of the planet.

"Crap!"

SGA SGA SGA

To be continued…