A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a hot second! I've had LOTS going on and I'm … exhausted haha. I've been writing a ton (even though it doesn't look like it), I got a promotion at work (assistant manager (yay more money!)), and I won the Literature Award for 2021/2022 at my college! Just know that tons of cool things are coming—with this story, especially, and my popular fic "Under My Thumb!"

Thanks for sticking with me and my lack of update schedule!

Big thanks to Sally for editing this chapter! As a disclaimer, I sent her the wrong file that only had about half of this chapter … so if there's a lot of errors toward the end, that's totally my bad!

7: Cravings

"He's waiting for you … just open the doors and he'll be there."

The madam hovered near the doorway, beckoning Bella forward with a lust-filled grin. The woman, well into her forties yet more beautiful than the youths around her, had seen more of the world than any person needed to. A prostitute since youth, this madam had seen the darker side of humanity. The desires that were as beautiful as they were destructive. Bella had formed the acquaintance through her mother, and to her shock, she had finally arrived, willing to lose her virginity in the most abhorrent of ways.

If you don't sleep with this man, you'll lose it against your will. As soon as you marry Michael, you'll be his, and he'll make use of your body as well as your mind. Lose it now. Get it over with, and he'll never get the satisfaction of claiming you, Bella reminded herself as she stepped forward, following the madam toward one of the vacant rooms.

Behind the red door, the madam stood by a waiting male prostitute. Apparently, the madam had found him on the street, promising him a place to stay if he serviced her customers. Bella would be the first customer he "serviced," and the madam teased that it would be a lovely learning experience for them both.

After a deep breath and a look toward the madam, almost wondering whether or not she should continue forward or turn and leave, Bella stepped forward and reached for the doorknob. As soon as she felt its metal in her hand, she spared the madam another glance before turning the knob and opening the door. Suddenly, she was met with the sight of the most handsome man she had ever seen. Then everything else was forgotten as she ventured into the room and shut the door behind her.

The man waiting for her was younger than she expected—perhaps a year or two younger than herself—with handsome copper hair and rich green eyes. Similar to her, he seemed just as unsettled by the whole situation, making it clear that this was also a first time for him as well.

Is he a virgin too? she wondered as she soaked up the heaviness of the room. The tension was thick enough to be cut with a knife. No, that's not possible. Why would someone like him be a virgin? She decided that someone as beautiful as him had to be experienced. It was obvious that he had already, in his short life, seen so much of the world. More than she would probably see throughout her days.

"Come to me," he implored her softly as he offered his hand for her to take.

This felt like a rehearsed line—something he had seen others say to their customers. Had the madam taught him this? What else had she taught him? Bella decided she didn't want to know. This night, after all, was her fantasy. To her, this man could be anything. As experienced or inexperienced as she wanted to imagine. Perhaps tonight, he didn't have to be a stranger.

No … not a stranger. A long-lost love perhaps? A man here to make love to me in order to say his final goodbye. That idea made her smile. In the short time they would spend together over the course of the evening, he would be her entire world. She wouldn't have to think of bad marriages or horrible fates. For once, she wouldn't have to think of a life she didn't want. Tonight, the world was entirely hers, and together, they would forget about everything else.

"You're a shy bird, aren't you?" he said as he stepped forward, still holding out his hand for her to take.

A blush colored her cheeks. Truthfully, she had always been shy around men. With handsome men like him, however, she was especially shy. After a deep breath, she found herself stepping forward—one small step at a time.

"You have nothing to feel shy about," he continued as she said nothing. "You're beautiful …" He trailed off then as if he were waiting for her name.

"Bella," she said gently as she reached him, placing her hand in his.

"Bella." He smiled, seeming pleased by the way the name sounded coming from his lips. "My beautiful Bella."

He's good at this. Quite the professional, she thought with a small smile. Even if this was his first time selling himself to a woman, he had a way about himself that oozed a handsome confidence. The way he handled her put her at ease as he guided her to the bed in the middle of the room.

The room was small but richly decorated—deep burgundy wallpaper with a high ceiling. There was a table near the bed with a bronze bowl filled with water and a wash rag. For after, she thought as her flush deepened. Without saying a word to her, the man bent down and began kissing her neck.

His lips tickled against her warm skin, causing her to laugh gently out of surprise and a feeling of awkwardness. The laughter quickly turned into moans as his lips found her collarbone, and he began to suck. The sounds of his saliva against her skin filled the room, and as his mouth continued to expertly work, she felt her core begin to pulse in response.

She was wet, and she felt the fabric covering her core dampen. Her fingers itched to reach into her skirts and touch her needy core—it was something she did on occasion when the need inside of her became too overwhelming.

Instead of playing with her own core, her hand came to rest on his thigh. As his mouth moved to her neck to suck on her pulse, she began squeezing his thigh muscle, letting her desire begin to escape as her fingers pressed into his muscle. It was a touch that could have been innocent if her hands weren't so desperate. As if sensing what she wanted, he let go of her to reach down and unfasten his trousers. His lips didn't leave her skin as he pulled out his pulsating length and held it in his right hand.

Then, as if he wanted nothing more than to see her expression, he pulled back to gaze at her innocent face. She was flushed and doe-eyed, looking like the perfect virgin. He almost laughed at her expression as she gawked at his length. While she had nothing to compare this to, she hadn't imagined that a man's cock would be so large and thick.

Silently, he reached out and took her hand, giving her a small, friendly sort of smile as he placed it on his cock. She gasped but didn't pull away. Instead, she wrapped her fingers around his length and began to stroke him. Now, it was his turn to moan. Similar to her, his face was flushed, and his eyes were heavy. As she touched him, he reached down to lift her skirts, revealing her pale thighs.

"You really are beautiful," he said as his voice filled with sincerity. It made his first "beautiful" comment feel more like an act. Perhaps he did really think she was beautiful but said it more because he felt like it was something a prostitute should say to a client.

Perhaps it was her mind playing tricks on her. Perhaps Bella was seeing in him what she wanted to see. Whatever the reason, she swore this man looked sincere as he touched her. It was as if he touched her because he couldn't keep his hands to himself and not because he was being paid.

His hand trailed up her thighs before finding her core. She had skipped her underclothes today, wanting to feel the air against her naked core as she walked. Knowing tonight would be the end of her virginity caused her to be wet with desire all day. As his fingers finally came to move across her folds, she felt her entire body quiver with want.

Could a person die from feeling too good? she wondered as he played with her folds before finding her needy clit with his thumb. She mewled, withering against him as she felt herself nearing her first peak. He brought her over the edge by stimulating her clit alone and kissed her as her core began to flutter uncontrollably.

All the while, her hand had been stroking him, making him hard and ready for her. When she laid back and looked up at him with an expectant and hesitant gaze, he smiled at her.

"You don't want to do this with your clothes on, do you?" he teased her before reaching to unbutton his shirt.

With her back against the bed, she peered up at him with a hooded gaze and licked her lips as she watched him slip out of his silk shirt. His movements were slow, as if he were trying to seduce her. As if she still needed to be seduced.

His flesh looked like marble—pale and perfectly sculpted. He was a bit on the thinner side—which seemed natural, considering his days begging on the streets—but had a nice muscular form. After taking off his shirt and letting it drop gracefully to the floor, he moved off the bed to rid himself of his shoes, socks, and trousers before joining her on the mattress again.

Too busy gawking at him, she hadn't removed any of her clothes and, instead, left the job for him. He helped her with her clothes eagerly. Kissing every bit of newly exposed skin as he helped her out of her dress and her underskirts. Once she was fully exposed to him, he gave her an appreciative smile before diving down to worry her nipples with his lips.

Her breasts were sensitive, and as he sucked, she felt her back arching off the bed instinctively. Bella's hands came around him and ran up his muscular back before coming to rest in his hair. She tugged at his copper locks, pulling at the roots as she urged him to continue with his attentions.

He let her guide his movements for a while until both of her nipples were attractively abused and puckered against the air, and then pulled back, unable to delay his desire for another minute. It was clear that he needed to be inside of her.

Their eyes met, and their need was matched. After pressing another kiss against her lips, he moved between her thighs and lined himself up with her wet and inviting entrance. Then he paused to give her a meaningful gaze.

"Are you ready?" he asked, seeming uncertain about what he was readying to do.

She nodded; although, she was just as uncertain. In a strange way, it seemed as if they were learning together. However, she was certain that for him, the learning was centered around pleasing a woman for money. With his skill, she couldn't imagine this was all things that were unfamiliar to him.

As he began to press inside of her, he took a deep breath and held it, almost seeming fearful that he was making a wrong move or hurting her. Has he never been with a virgin before? she wondered as she tried not to allow her pain and apprehension to become clear on her face.

His cock was only halfway inside of her when he paused. "Does this feel good?"

There was a tenderness about his tone that made her heart melt. In this moment, he seemed guileless. Perhaps in innocence, they were truly equal. She would have been puzzled by this if she weren't so focused on this new sensation of having a man inside of her. As large as his length was, nothing would have been adequate to prepare her for it. Now, she felt like she was being torn in two in the most painful and delicious way.

"It … it's …" She couldn't complete the sentence and instead nodded at him, reassuring him that it was all right to continue.

After letting go of a shaky breath and inhaling once again, he continued to press forward until he was entirely sheathed. Then, he exhaled once more and smiled at her as if together they had reached a new height. For a moment, he remained sheathed and unmoving, pressing his lips against her temple, before he was unable to control himself any longer and began to move.

Having any time to adjust to his length didn't help matters much. He was too big to grow used to so quickly. Instead, she closed her eyes before blinking away the tears that begged to escape. While these new sensations hurt, they weren't entirely unpleasurable. She reveled in every second, committing the pain and the pleasure to memory.

This moment in time would keep her company as her days became cold. One day soon, she would do her duty and marry, and when she spent her nights with him, her new husband, she would think of this moment. She would think of this beautiful man who was rocking inside of her and how wonderfully perfect his hard, throbbing length felt.

For a moment, she wished she had never found happiness like this. It almost felt unfair, knowing that nothing would ever reach these heights again. After tonight, she would spend the rest of her life longing for this sort of ecstasy. True euphoria always was washed down with this bitter dose of reality.

Would she chase this feeling forever? Would tonight only make any future nights more miserable? Or was it better to have these moments of happiness to clench onto forever?

These questions could only be answered with time.

They came together, kissing as they reached their climaxes. Although just an hour ago they were no more than strangers, as they climaxed together, they felt like one being. His limbs were her limbs. Her breath was his breath. Their sweat was mixed into a single scent.

Both were flushed and lethargic as he rolled off of her body and came to lie next to her. Together, they peered up at the high ceiling as they tried to catch their breaths. Their hearts were racing, and after a few moments, they looked at each other and shared an exhausted laugh.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to make love normally after tonight," Bella muttered in disbelief before peering back toward the ceiling. Looking at him, even for a small amount of time, felt like too much.

"Why do you say that?" he asked, although, it felt as if her response could be understood before she uttered a word.

"It's just … God, I don't even want to say it. I'm sure you hear it all the time."

With how wonderful the night felt, she was sure he was used to the praise. Women must tell him constantly how good he is. She didn't want to feel like one more person stroking his ego. However, some things just needed to be said.

"Hear what all the time?" he asked, seeming to not fully understand her.

"That you're very …." she trailed off, searching for the appropriate word. "Talented," she decided on before turning her head to look at him. "I can see why you do this for a living."

He was quiet for a long time then, contemplative, before answering with, "I've never done this before, though."

"Well, whatever lovers you've had in the past have made you very talented," Bella decided on saying, wanting to keep things nonchalant and casual despite the passion that brewed between them moments before.

"There—" He paused then, as if he were uncertain about the words forming in his mouth. "There hasn't been anyone else."

Her eyes widened at this as if she were unable to comprehend a single word. How could it be possible? How could she be his first? Someone like him … someone so gorgeous with nothing to lose … should have had many lovers. The idea of her being his first was something she could barely wrap her mind around.

A hand on her shoulder jostled her awake. Eyes fluttering, Bella came back into consciousness, expecting to be met by the light of the morning. Instead, she found herself in the dead of night prone on Edward's mattress. Still, she wasn't used to waking to darkness. It felt uncanny and outlandish even now.

"It's time," Edward said before sliding off the bed to grab his coat.

He was already dressed—shoes and all—and waited for her after sliding on a leather jacket. In a few hours the sun would rise to shine light on a new day. While she assumed going out in the earlier hours of the morning, just after midnight, would be a preferred time to hunt, Edward explained that, being a young vampire as she was, she wasn't ready for that sort of volume. The number of people—the number of possible causalities—was too great. If she were to lose control, the outcome could be catastrophic.

"The early morning, just before the sunrise, will be the best time," Edward had decided on, going against their previous plan to catch couples off guard during their escapes to popular lookouts.

For Bella, the first plan had seemed too vile. Despite being a vampire, she hadn't lost her humanity and sometimes, she wondered if her partner could say the same. She had no idea what Edward had been through and believed it wasn't her place to pass judgement but still—was he as good as she thought? As good as any undead creature could be?

Their new plan wouldn't be any less gruesome. However, she would have the peace of mind of knowing there were less people around to hurt. Going after hikers in the area as well as early morning joggers would at least assure that their meal for the day came from a healthy source. It felt like buying organic or purchasing farm fed cattle.

What? Is this no more than a casual trip to Whole Foods? Bella chided herself, afraid that she was treating this with too much apathy. These are people, after all. Not freshly squeezed, organic juices. Even if they don't die from a vampire bite, there has to be some lasting effects.

Now, feeling uncertain, Bella rose from the bed to dress for the excursion. She felt Edward watching her every movement carefully as she slipped into her undergarments, jeans, blouse, and shoes. As she reached for her jacket, he cut in front of her and stopped her.

"We won't go if you're uncertain."

Perturbed, she stared at him for a moment. Uncertain? How have I seemed uncertain? "What do you mean?" she questioned as she attempted to reach around him to grab her jacket.

"Uncertainty will only lead to death. If you feel that you're not ready, then we won't go."

In truth, her time as a newborn had felt like a fever dream. Time no longer felt real. Reality barely seemed like something she could tether herself to. Everything felt like a dream—or a nightmare, perhaps. What was real anymore? Besides what she could reach out and touch?

"I don't feel uncertain." As soon as she said this, she wondered if it were true.

Was she lying to herself? Wanting to believe she was further in the process of gaining control of her vampire mind than she was? Of course, she didn't want to believe her thirst controlled everything. However, human life was more important than her pride.

"We don't have to go out for a hunt this morning. We can postpone it—for as long as you need."

After mauling it over, she crossed the room, leaving him to stand there watching her. Bella stood by the window, pulling the curtains back to gaze outside. Of course, there was no more to look at than a thick brush of trees. They were alone out here—far removed from highways, offices, and shopping centers. Out here, life felt as if it took place on an entirely different world. This area was safe for her, too. For by the time that she could reach a human, Edward could reach her.

I can't play it safe forever, she reminded herself as she stared out into the trees. I have to get back to a normal life. Just thinking of her "normal" life now felt like her mind recalling something fictional.

"No … Let's go now. I feel good about it. Waiting will only make things …" Worse she thought but didn't speak it. "Waiting will just make me nervous."

For a moment, he looked skeptical. Almost as if he wanted to hold her back, ultimately restraining her from the truth which would face her today. Without a word, they both knew that today would mark the first true day of a new life. Once she hunted—fed from a human for the first time—there would be no turning back.

"I'm sure about this," Bella said, driving her point home with the strength of her voice. "Trust me."

Trust me, the words made her stomach turn as she said them aloud. How can I ask that he trusts me? Can I even trust myself?

**************************************Snowed In***********************************************

Air danced over the skin of her neck, causing a shiver to ripple through her. Now, concentrated, her hair was tied up in a loose bun, letting the cool, early morning wind kiss her neck. Focus filled her as she sat on the ground, absentmindedly playing with the grass beneath her as she waited for prey. Edward, stoic and silent, sat beside her, watching her as she looked out on the hiking trails.

They had been sitting still for an hour and no one had passed their perch. With a dry mouth and an empty stomach, Bella was starting to feel afraid of herself. She needed a distraction—something to take her mind off of the overwhelming hunger.

"Have you ever thought of feeding from animals?" she asked without turning her gaze to look at the man beside her. Perhaps food wasn't the wisest choice for a topic of conversation, but she couldn't help herself. It was a question she had wondered many times since her change.

Edward was quiet for a long moment, contemplative, before answering. "For a time, I fed from animals."

"Why did you stop? Wouldn't that be … I don't know … easier?"

"Animal blood will never be the same for us. It can keep us sated for a little while, but it will never fully satisfy. With animal blood, the hunger will never go away. The bloods aren't the same. They don't taste the same. They don't feel the same in our bodies. They don't nourish us the way that human blood does.

"We're not like humans, Bella," he continued, looking at her and waiting for her to meet his gaze. "They have the option to eat meat or have a vegetarian diet and still receive the nutrients that they need. Without human blood, we'll become weak and malnourished. Thankfully, we can feed without killing. We can take the blood we need from humans, wipe their memories, and move on. Is it ideal? Perhaps not. Is it our reality? Yes. There's no escaping it. No matter how desperate you may want to."

"So, when you were restraining from feasting off humans, were you rebelling?"

He thought for a moment and then shrugged. "At the time, I wanted to show my master that I could do it. He told me time and time again that I needed to feast off of humans and I didn't want to believe it. I thought I could be the first to show him. However, it only ended with me killing animals by the droves and still feeling hunger."

"How long did that last before you went back to humans?"

"A year? Maybe a little bit less than that. I don't know. My memory of the past is … foggy at best. There are things which I can remember as clear as day and other things that I … that I barely have any recollection of."

The topic sounded sour on his tongue. What were the things that he hoped to remember but couldn't? Could his memories possibly match my dreams? Should I pry?

Before she could utter a word, she felt a shift in the energy around her. Somewhere in the distance, she could hear the crushing of snow. It was too far off to place exactly, but it seemed to be coming from the north. She could hear the feet crashing into the snow and muddy grass. Somewhere out there, her meal was running. Soon, she would chase after it and catch it.