A WOMAN APART: Chapter 28 - SUICIDE NOTE

by tarskeewee08

John stepped out of the shower and reached for his towel. He was running late. He had to get to St. Anne's first thing so his face was the one she saw when she awoke. Dr. Jamison said she was making progress but he didn't see it. It's been two weeks and she hadn't spoken. She just stared through them all. Lisa's presence was the only one she reacted too and it was so bad that both he and the doctor banned her from seeing Van. Grabbing his robe he walked back into his room. Layla stayed away and he was grateful for that. He wanted to protect her now and he was the only one to do it.

Walking into the room looking for a shirt to put on he heard a knock at his door. It was 6 in the morning who would be knocking? Opening the door he was surprised to see Layla standing there with her arms folded.

"Hey"
"Hey" she said looking away from him
John stood there with the door open confused
"Can I come in?"
Stepping to the side he let her enter his place. The unsure way she came in made him suspicious. He hadn't seen her since they arrived back in Llanview and Lisa told him that she never left her room in the Palace. Nora was able to get all charges against her dropped and she was free to leave but she hadn't gone back to L.A.

"What can I do for you Layla?"
"How's my sister?"
John closed the door and leaned against it looking at her "She's the same. Why haven't you tried to see her?"
"I can't" she said dropping her head
"What do you need then?"

Evangeline was in this state because of her and he wasn't going to let her off the hook.
"I think I can help"
"Help? I doubt that"

Layla looked at him with tears now rolling down her face "I know it's my fault okay. I did this and worse to her. I came to fix it"

John didn't understand where she was going with this. He watched her open her straw bag and pull out an envelope that looked like the ends were charred. She looked at him and then at the envelope as if it was the most precious thing in the world to her.

"My mother threw this in our fireplace after Ms. Hunt left. I pulled it out keeping it from burning. I couldn't let his letter burn. I couldn't let the last thing that he ever said go up in flames like he didn't matter" she said bursting into tears.

John looked at her shocked. He knew that the letter existed but he never thought she had it. Layla saw the shock and disgust on his face and understood it. "You want to know why I kept it from her. Why I never set her free from her pain over Dennis?"

John didn't say anything he just stared at her. Layla walked over and handed it to him "I am sorry. Read it John and you will understand the type of person Dennis was and why I wanted to keep something of him to myself. Then read it to my sister and allow her to live again."

John took the envelope and looked at it. On the front handwritten was Evangeline's name. He looked back at Layla who wiped her face "Tell her I love her. Tell her thank you for saving my life"

John touched her shoulder "You tell her Layla. It would help"
Layla shook her head no. "I've done too much. I've hurt her badly and I won't do it again. I'm leaving today to go back to L.A." she looked up at him and smiled "I'm glad she has you John. She deserves the love that you offer her. You look at her like Dennis used too and she feels it. No matter what she says John she feels it."

Layla stepped around him and walked out. John looked back at the envelope. He walked over to the couch and held it. He didn't want to read it. Yet he knew that what lay inside could bring his Vangie back to him. Opening it he pulled out the delicate paper and started to read:

Eva,

I love you. I loved you from the first time I saw you in Mr. Gracey's third period English class. You didn't know me then, but I noticed you and I fell in love with you that day. So much has happened since we found each other, so many good things Eva, really good things, but many painful things too.

Tonight we both experienced the most pain no two people should ever have to go through. I heard what you said but I saw the truth in your eyes. You didn't want to kill our child. You didn't want end our love. I know that Eva and I understand it. I am so sorry that I brought this kind of heartache upon you. I wanted our love to be something that made you happy not sad. This is my fault; I take full responsibility for this. I failed you and I want to set you free.

I can't live without you. I won't do it. But I can't tear you from your family and the life that you're supposed to have. So I'm making the decision for us. Remember that sweetie, this is my choice. I want you to live your life and have all the things we never will. Be strong and make your own way. Don't let your parents destroy the most remarkable thing about you, your ability to love and trust others. Fight for your right to have your own happiness. I have all the faith in the world that you will be able to do it.

We will see each other again someday. I love you Eva more than anything in this world and that will never change. Tell Lay Lay I love her too.

Dennis

John held the letter and felt his heart ache for his poor Vangie. Maybe he should run it pass Dr. Jamison first. What if it had the reverse affect on her and pushed her further away. He wanted to reach her but Dennis suicide note was a big chance to take. He put the letter back in the envelope and went back into the room to change. He'd walk through fire to make sure Evangeline survived this.

Walking up toward Evangeline's room he saw Lisa standing outside of her door. She looked extremely angry. She wasn't allowed to enter Evangeline's room. John had a guard outside her door each time he left her alone to make sure of it.

"Why are you here!" he said angrily
"Layla told me she gave you Dennis letter! Give it to me! Don't you dare read that to my child! It'll kill her" she said rushing into his face.

John glared at her "Leave or I will have you thrown out."
Lisa drew back to slap him. John grabbed her hand and pushed her roughly aside. He walked toward Evangeline's room and heard Lisa screaming for him to stop. Nodding at the guard he posted he entered the room.

Evangeline lay in bed her hair parted straight down the middle. She was staring up at the ceiling expressionless. Normally he was here when she awoke sitting on her bed so that she could see his face first. His chest tightened at the thought that he failed her in that one task today.

He sat on the bed and touched her face. It felt cool to the touch and he checked her blankets to make sure she was warm "Hey baby" he said softly. She again didn't acknowledge his presence.

"I saw Layla today" John said rubbing her hair "Still spunky as ever. She's okay Vangie, she is doing just fine."

John leaned over and kissed her forehead. Brining his face close to hers he focused his blue eyes on hers "She gave me a present for you, something she's been keeping safe for you all these years. Something that I think will finally give you some peace"

John rose and reached inside his jacket pocket and pulled out her letter. He held it for a moment then looked back at her. Maybe Lisa was right, maybe she wasn't ready. He saw nothing from her. No reaction no improvement. He was desperate. Leaning back over her with tears in his eyes he focused on her face "I need you to hear me now Van, concentrate on my voice because what I am about to say is important. It's the most important thing I've ever said to you."

Still getting no reaction John kept going "Dennis left something for you the night he took his life. He wrote a letter that his mother tried to give to you."

John saw no reaction from her and felt discouraged. He put the letter in front of her eyes so she could see her name on it in his handwriting "Lisa tried to burn it but Layla got to it before she could" John took a breath "I am going to read it to you, okay"

John opened the letter and pulled it out. Ignoring the knot in his gut he started reading it slowly to her. Looking up every now and then to see if she was responding. Never seeing a reaction from her he kept going. When he was done Evangeline continued to stare at the ceiling. He'd hoped that she would have responded in some way to him. Dropping his head and letting tears fall from his eyes he started to face the fact that he may have lost her for good. He put the letter back in the envelope and looked at her. He couldn't bare the blank stare she gave him back. Turning away from her he silently cried for them both.

Then he felt her hand on his. He looked at her shocked and saw her heard turned and her tears streaming down her face. Before he knew it he snatched her up into his arms and squeezed her. "Oh god, I thought I lost you" he said still crying.

Evangeline weakly wrapped her arms around him and cried into his chest. Slowly she tightened her grip and cried more. "I love you John" she said into his chest.
He pulled her away "What did you say?"
Looking up at him with pain on her face "I love you so much"
"I love you too" he said kissing her
Kissing him back she held onto him. He kissed her entire face rubbing her hair. So much she fought to catch her breath. Realizing he was gripping her face to hard he loosened up

"Sorry baby"

She laughed softly "It's okay"
She then looked in his lap at Dennis letter. John realized what she was looking at and picked it up. He handed it to her. Evangeline wouldn't touch it at first she just stared at it in his hands. Taking it from eventually she fingered the words. "Layla had this?" she asked confused
"Yes and she wanted you to have it"
Evangeline looked at him. "He didn't blame me"
"No baby he didn't, he was a scared 17 year old kid in pain. He just didn't know how to deal with the thought of loosing you, and I can understand that."

She looked at him and smiled weakly "I'm sorry for what I put you through. It must have been hard."
John touched her face "It was a cake walk compared to what you went through"
Evangeline looked at the letter again. She pressed it against her chest "I loved him John. He was my first true love and I miss him a lot"

He nodded "He sounded like a remarkable person"
She smiled and nodded "He was"
"Thank you John for this, thank you for making her give it you"

John looked at her and shook his head "I didn't make her, she wanted you to have it Van, she wanted me to tell you thank you for saving her life, and that she loves you"

Evangeline looked pass John to window behind him and saw the trees sway in the breeze. Her heart beat in her chest again. She felt free. Looking back into his face she touched it moving his hair from his forehead "I am so lucky to have you"

"No, I'm the lucky one and I need you to understand how much I need you"
"I do"
"Don't ever leave me again Van, I can't handle it"
"I won't"
"Good, now are you hungry?"
She smiled "When was the last time I ate?"
Laughing "You ate but I don't think you want to know what I was feeding you"
Evangeline rolled her eyes "Let me guess oatmeal?"
John nodded "Yep"
She smiled "Yuck! Can we have pizza?"
He nodded "We can. I will tell Dr. Jamison that you are up and talking" he said rising heading for the door.

"John" she called out as he turned to leave
"Yes"
"Where is my mother?"
John frowned "Van, the last time she entered this room you reacted badly. I had her removed from St. Anne's"
"I need to see her John, please"
"No Van I won't let that woman near you!"
"John, please"
John looked down and clinched his fist. "I don't know"

Evangeline saw the pain on his face and loved him for trying to protect her. But this wasn't his battle. She had to deal with her mother. "Baby, I love you for trying to protect me. I want a life with you. In order for me to have it I need to deal with my past. All of it. Do you understand?"

John looked at her and saw her resolve. He knew he had to let her go through it all, her way "Okay babe, okay"

Walking out he saw Lisa up against the wall. She walked over to him "I want to see my child! You can't keep her from me. I have an attorney looking into getting power of attorney over her. You are in no position to keep her from me!" she hissed

"She's up and asking for you"
"What?"
John looked at the guard. "It's okay to let her through"
Lisa looked at him confused and rushed toward the door. John watched her enter and frowned. He hoped that this would end it all.