Here's Carlisle's Point of View. Fair warning: 14 pages, over 8600 words.

Please review and tell me what you think.

Homecoming Ch 2

Carlisle's POV

"Love is the emblem of eternity: it confounds all notions of time,

effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end."

- Germaine De Stael

I absentmindedly fold the cardboard box flat after I unpack it.

The mood in the house is conflicting, we all think of Forks as home and we're glad to be back but there's a lingering sadness that has permeated us since our abrupt departure.

Seeing Bella at the airport was a shock, Alice told us she wasn't well but I didn't want to expect the worst. As Edward helped Bella walk from the plane, her fear and pain were almost palpable.

Esme was unable to contain her joy and sorrow, running to them at once and hugging them as only their Mother would. Bella, even in her faint state, had embraced her back with tears in her eyes.

I've never had to worry about if I would physically hurt a human but Bella was so frail it looked like a soft wind could break her.

I'm pained to think of how much we hurt her. She'd never admit it, though. Only a few hours before she had come here for a vote on her immortality, as if any of us don't want her.

Esme sighed softly, I could feel her despair. Esme felt the same way I did. If Edward would not change Bella than someone else would. Myself most likely, but Esme also declared her intent if for some reason I was against having our youngest daughter with us forever. She lost a child before and she refused to chance that happening again. She came far too close to that only two days ago.

How could Edward not see that even though Bella had not made the change physically, she had already left her human world behind?

The night of the vote I sensed that she had long since made up her mind, but the fact that she'd asked us- that she'd let us see her insecurity, that she still wasn't sure if we wanted her- it was both endearing and heartbreaking. Although she tried to keep her voice neutral and detached, I could detect wavering in both her voice and eyes. Insecurity and fear, but if I thought about it, it made sense, and it tore at my heart to know that I was one who had caused it.

"I'm glad we're all home." Esme speaks softly, her eyes meeting mine from across the room.

"No place has ever felt as much like home as Forks does, with all our children together." I agree.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked but she already knew the answer.

"Bella."

This child, whom I had grown to love like my own. The child that our family had been prepared to keep.

The fragile yet strong child we all had so recklessly and thoughtlessly abandoned, when everything had gone so terribly, horribly wrong.

Esme loved freely and indiscriminately, her heart open and accepting. The moment it had become clear that this girl had brought her son to life, her place in Esme's heart had been cemented forever.

For me it was different. I didn't need to know she made Edward happy. I'm glad she does, but my love for her did not start then. It was when I first met her, in the hospital after Edward saved her life, again. I felt a pull for her like I had five times before. First with Edward, then Esme, Rose, Emmett, and then when Alice and Jasper joined us. And of course, the way she glared at Edward, who wasn't confined to a stretcher in the emergency room, and didn't take any of the lies he was feeding her was refreshing.

But now, she wasn't on death's doorstep, she was alive and healthy. I've never taken the life of someone who had a choice, as much as I felt she belonged with us. . . And we had taken her. Not in the literal sense, she still lived with her human father. We had taken her from her human world to our reality, a reality she never dreamed possible.

She entranced us, all of us. Even Rosalie who has vehemently denied it until our return. Bella, the sweet girl that cried the first time Esme and I made and brought dinner for her and her father when she had been sick, so unused to having people help her rather than the other way around.

"She didn't look well." Esme noted softly, as if she didn't want to admit what we clearly saw.

"I've never been at a loss of what I could do. I fear our return won't make everything better, it could make it worse." I admit as she comes to me, secure in my arms. I was not familiar with this lingering sense of failure, this depth of guilt— to have erred so strongly that it felt like a gnawing ache in my chest.

I have spent the better part of the last 300 years trying to do right. I save lives— brought loved ones back from the brink and reunited families whenever I could in the desperate hope of my own redemption. . . Yet in doing just that, I caused pain to this poor child who has already been through enough pain for multiple lifetimes.

"The pain Bella was feeling, the hurt and anguish, does not ever just go away. She's better, much better if Alice's words were anything to go by," I tell her. But Bella's pain was still visible, clear as day. The fear in her eyes, the uncertainty. "But how long can this last, Esme?" I can hear my own desperation.

"I can only imagine the pain she was feeling before she jumped, if my own experience is anything to go by." Esme says softly, her mind hundreds of miles away.

"She's handling it better than I did when the man I loved hurt me and left me to die." Rosalie adds from her bedroom.

We both look in the direction of her room.

"Rose, Sweetheart," I feel the need to defend Edward because I was as much to blame. "He didn't know her life was in danger. We all were foolish enough to believe we were the danger and us leaving would erase that."

"Then he is even stupider than I thought. Any grief he feels is of his own making," she said at once, and Emmett didn't refute her. "Any hardship has been by his own hand. He brought her here, he bonded with her, and then he decided to leave her. He'll have no sympathy from me.

What the fuck did he think was going to happen? Whether we like it or not she's a part of our world. Just because we left doesn't mean she wasn't still a part of it." She replies.

"You don't even like her, Babe." Emmett adds.

"I don't have to like her to know that I'm right, Emmett." She says sharply. "My feelings about her don't change the harsh truth. She puts our family in danger-" Emmett tries to cut her off. "No, she puts our family in danger by being human, regardless of anyone's opinions on her immortality. Their visit to Italy is clear proof. I wouldn't want this life for her but I don't think she should be killed instead. Carlisle is right, she has been a part of our world since the day Edward brought her home, there's no going back now. She doesn't have a choice, and if she wants to be a vampire then she should be changed." Rosalie sighs after her speech. "She's handling it better than I was but that is a very low, low bar. She needs you and Esme, Carlisle." She finishes.

"I know." Every word she said was the truth. Bella is the priority now, as she should have been before. I wrack my brain to think of something to help her. If it were a normal situation I would suggest she speak to a therapist, but she can't. She can talk to us, sure, but we are part of the problem.

When I get a minute alone with Bella I might suggest an antidepressant, to see if she'd be willing to try it.

I pull Esme in closer, wishing I could take her pain away as well. "We'll be here for her, whatever she needs." I promise.

I had never had a human family; never had a child that needed physical care or help. Most of the problems my children suffered from were mental, and I did my best to comfort them when they needed it, and to give them space when it was required. But with Bella, she needed physical protection as well as my skills as a medical doctor.

A few mn=inutes pass in a comfortable silence as we go back to unpacking. "What are you thinking so deeply about, Carlisle?" My wife's voice cuts through my mind bringing me back.

"Bella," I pause. "She needs to process what happened. . . Their trip to Volterra, I'm not sure if Alice and Edward understand how traumatic it would be, was, for her."

I could only imagine the horrors my youngest daughter witnessed in Volterra. Whatever happened, Alice and Edward refused to reveal anything more than the barest of details which leads me to fear the worst. I know what I had seen during my own years living with the Volturi, but then they didn't have the full guard they possess now.

"I don't like to think about what she had to witness. That never should have happened."

"She's handling it well." Esme noted.

"I know, but she shouldn't be. I know they haven't told us everything." I mutter.

"What do you think happened?" Emmett asked solemnly from the doorway.

I turned to him and shook my head. "We can't imagine. The brothers are capable of anything and everything. . . Bella sat in a room steps away from a mass murder, she had to listen to the carnage and screams. An event like that would be disturbing to us, but to Bella. . ." I pulled Esme into my chest again as she cried silently.

"And you think Edward and Alice are hiding something?" He prompted.

"I've known Edward for a hundred years, I can tell when he's not telling the entire truth. . . I think the friendly offer for them to join the guard wasn't as nonchalant as we were told. . . Aro can be very persuasive, no holds barred." I tell them. "I don't think they are admitting, to us or themselves, how close they came to not being able to escape."

Esme let out a small sob as I held her closer.

"They're safe now, Mom, that's what matters." Emmett pulled Esme from me into a tight hug.

"I know. I know." She wipes the nonexistent tears on her face. "They're safe and they're home."

"So you're talking to Bella today?" I could tell he wanted more information but I wouldn't give him any in front of Esme in this state.

"Hopefully." I told him. "She won't want to share anything I'm sure, but you and I both know how good your Mother is at getting someone to talk." I said, and Emmett uttered a soft chuckle. "This isn't going to be easy. I can already sense that, but she needs this as much as we do."

"And you want to do this without Edward?" He assumed. "I don't think she will talk about anything if he's close enough to hear."

I nodded. "He won't want to leave, and I can't blame him. . . But Bella needs to be the priority right now."

"Jazz and I'll keep him away until you give us the all-clear." He promised.

"Thank you." I knew it didn't need to be said but this day will be trying for everyone involved.

"We'll make this right." Esme insisted.

"I'd go back in time and change it

But I can't. . ."

Esme had gone to Bella's house first thing this morning to talk to Charlie. I wanted to apologize to the man myself but Alice suggested it would be best if we didn't bombard him all at once.

"He's terrified, Carlisle. Almost all the anger from two days ago has left him." Esme tells me, her voice breaking.

You can't blame a father for fearing for his daughter's safety and well-being.

I draw her slight form into my arms. "The worst part is that he's right. We hurt her deeply, and Charlie had to watch her fall apart. There was nothing he could do and she couldn't confide in him."

"I tried my best to take some of the blame off Edward to hopefully make things easier for them but I still have no idea what he told her." She tells me.

I burrow my nose into her hair, breathing in her calming scent deeply. "I can understand where Charlie is coming from, as I'm still upset with Edward as well."

"He said she was lost in the woods for hours. There was a search party looking for her. He doesn't know how she ended up there or what happened but by the time one of the boys from the reservation found her she was practically catatonic."

"I don't know what Edward said to her, but from what I gathered from our short interaction at the airport, it wasn't a simple breakup." I shake my head to get the vision of Bella asking us if she could come with us, thinking we'd abandon her at the airport in Seattle. "I should have intervened, we should have at the very least said goodbye to her."

"We made a lot of mistakes in our lives but leaving Bella, and the way we left Bella is the worst." Esme agrees, her voice full of regret.

I agree with Bella's father, and you can't blame a father for fearing for his daughter's safety and well-being.

When we left we weren't aware he hurt her so. Hurt her and left her chasing after him in the woods. What he was doing going further into the woods that day still boggles me. He followed her home in his car after school, where was he intending to go? Especially if he suspected Bella was following him.

I had nothing but respect for Bella's father, however, that didn't stop the fear that he would take Bella away from us. I realized it was selfish to feel that way when in reality we had already stolen her from him. We have no plans to ever lose Bella again, it's hard to understand what an impact having her in our family was, and how in her absence our family fell apart as well.

Could Edward truly not tell that even though she had not made the change physically, she had long since left her human world behind?

"I'm worried about Bella," Esme said again. "She doesn't look like she's slept since we left."

I sigh softly. "I know. I don't think she has either, not really. If it wasn't such an important conversation when she came over last night then I would have insisted she come back after she slept."

"She's as stubborn as Edward, I don't think anything we said about postponing the conversation would have gone over well."

I shake my head with a smile, they were the two most stubborn people I think I've ever met. "She needs to feel reassured that she is a part of this family, as much as any one of us, and that we won't leave her again."

"Hopefully something we say will ease her fears, even minutely." She wished. "I still can't believe she thought we would leave her at the airport in Seattle, let alone after all she went through to save Edward."

"It isn't going to be easy and it will take time but we will see her past this, we'll make this right." The conviction in my voice didn't waver. Clearly, Bella was not better off without us around.

All That Ever Mattered

We were all waiting in the living room, minus Alice and Rosalie who left already to hunt. They've been in a difficult place with each other since our return and Alice thought it best they leave before Bella's arrival lest they risk making Bella more uncomfortable than she is already bound to be.

If Bella were going to come back to us at all, it would be best not to rush her into dealing with everyone at once, which is why Esme and I requested our children go for a hunt. I didn't want any of them to leave, after we had so recently almost lost three. . . but right now we needed to focus on our youngest. This was about Bella, and what she needs.

We hear Edward's Volvo turn on the overgrown invisible driveway and Bella's rapid heartbeat seemed to increase the closer they came. I can't help but wince, Bella shouldn't feel afraid of us.

The garage door opens with a creak from lack of use and I make a note to oil it at some point.

"Bella!" The second Bella unbuckled her seatbelt Emmett was there, grabbing her out of the car and wrapping her in a tight bear hug.

"Hi, Emmett." She squeaks.

"Easy, Emmett," Edward warns too softly for Bella to hear.

"How's my favorite little sister?"

"She's your only little sister, dumbass." Jasper yells from the living room.

"Jasper." Esme scolds half-heartedly.

He smiles.

"I have missed you terribly, Bella Swan. Edward is even more of an ass when you're not here, which you might not think is possible, but you'd be wrong."

"Emmett." Esme scolds him now.

"Bella's 18, Mom. She's heard worse words than 'ass.' She even called Edward an ass." Emmett calls back.

I have to admit the hilarity at Bella finally standing up to Edward's overprotectiveness. We all laughed when she called him out, and called him an Ass.

Bella swayed on her feet, holding onto Emmett as they came inside and Esme rushed over to her. "My turn." Esme wraps our youngest in her arms and I know she never wants to let her go. She pulls back and pushes a strand of Bella's hair behind her ear. "I have missed you so much, my Sweet Girl."

"I missed you, too." She says shyly, a familiar blush warming her face. "Oh, your jacket, the one you lent me the other night. I forgot it at home but Edward will bring it back," She promised, turning to Edward. "Right?"

He nods but Esme cuts him off. "Oh Sweetie, don't bother. You can keep it, you'll get more use out of it than I will, I'm sure."

Jasper released a blanket of calm and content across the room and I thanked him quietly, wanting nothing more than for Bella to be comfortable.

"Mom, maybe try to slowly drip your wonderful overprotective motherly nature onto her. Don't submerge her all at once or you'll end up scaring her away." Edward teased, leaning down to kiss her cheek.

It's heartwarming to watch Bella bat him away, hugging Esme again. "I really missed you, Esme. Don't listen to him."

She kisses her forehead, her arm around Bella's shoulders as she leads her further in than the entranceway.

I looked over the small girl in my wife's arms. She lost weight in our absence, weight she didn't have to lose. She was shaking, though not from the cold. Not enough that an untrained human eye would see, but we could. Deep bags were under her eyes that rivaled Edward's. "Did she get any sleep last night, Edward?"

He shakes his head minutely. "A few hours but not enough. Charlie was surprised she slept so long, when we were gone he, he was thinking that she would only sleep for two or three hours at most before her nightmares would wake her up."

"Has she had any since our return?" I asked him.

"No, none that I could sense anyway. After three days of being awake, I think her body is too exhausted to do anything besides sleep." He said. "She's been fighting sleeping."

There have been very few times in all my years that I have been more at a loss for words than I am now. I want to help her but I don't know what to do.

"Boys I think it would be best you leave now, your Mother and I need to speak to Bella." I tell them at vampire speed.

Emmett and Jasper nod, standing and making their way towards the sliding glass door, waiting for Edward.

"Carlisle, I want-" Edward started, his voice too soft for Bella to hear.

I cut him off. "Edward, this is not about what you want. This is about what Bella needs. Go hunt." My tone leaves no room for contradiction.

Bella looks between Esme and I, her bottom lip between her teeth. "Um, Edward s-said you, um, you wanted to see me?" Her face is burning with a blush as her voice shakes. I can see a brief mask of panic take over her deep brown eyes before she pushes it away.

Jasper winces. "She's terrified." He whispers.

"Bella?" I call her name softly, not wanting to startle her. I can practically see the gears in her mind turning. "Bella, Sweetheart, can you hear me?"

She doesn't respond, her eyes focused on something far away from here.

"Bella?" Esme moves closer to her, her cold hand cupping the side of Bella's pale face, her finger dusting over the sharpness of Bella's cheek, which had lost all of its roundness.

Bella jumps, jilting back to the present. "Sorry, w-what was- I didn't hear you." She was barely able to string coherent words together.

"Are you okay, Sweetheart?" I ask.

She nods once. "Sorry."

Esme smiles warmly. "You have nothing to apologize for, my Sweet Girl. Come sit with me and Carlisle for a little."

"Um, okay." Bella looks back at Edward while she let Esme lead her to the living room. "Edward?" She asks, her voice cracking when he doesn't follow.

Jasper winces and apologizes before he has to step out. I nod to him, unable to imagine what he is feeling.

"I need to hunt. I'll be back in one hour, tops. I promise." Edward tells Bella, kissing her softly. "You'll be safe and I'll be back before you know it. I have my phone, okay?"

She nods and I tell him to go before he changes his mind or Bella convinces him to stay.

Bella sits on the edge of the couch with her back straight. "Where's everyone else?"

"They're hunting, I believe. We asked them to give us a little privacy so we could talk to you." I replied, sitting down in front of her on the edge of the coffee table, my hand on her shaking knee.

Esme sits to Bella's left with an arm wrapped around her.

"W-What did you want to talk about?" Her voice is quiet yet strained as she plays with a frayed hole in her jeans, not making eye contact.

I worry she's getting sick, she sounds like her throat is sore. I run to the kitchen and back to give her a water bottle. "Relax, Sweetheart, take a few sips." She finished half before she set it down.

"T-thank you."

"There is nothing to be afraid of, Bella." I try to ease her fear, she shouldn't be afraid. "We just want to talk." I tried to assure her. I didn't need Jasper here to read the emotions clear as day on her face. "I'm sure you have a few things you would like to get off your chest and we are both listening to you. You can speak your mind, Honey."

Her face crumbles, her arms wrapping around her middle. The way she tries to comfort herself is another stark reminder of how alone our daughter was. Esme rubs small circles on her back, the pain on her face mirroring Bella's.

Bella had no idea of the effect she had on our family. No idea how much she had changed our family for the better. When she was here, there was a sense of rightness, of being whole.

"Can I ask you something, more of a follow-up from our last conversation?" I broached the subject and waited for her affirmation before I continued. "I know this confrontation with the Volturi hasn't left you feeling as if you have much say in your future. . ." With a wave of guilt, I wonder if anyone had stopped and actually asked what Bella wanted. Too many decisions have been made for her recently with no regard to her own desires. "What do you want, Bella?"

Bella's transformation was the best solution for all. It would be safer and more practical, not to mention that we would not have to fear Edward trying to get himself killed once Bella died. Our family would be complete, but I could not help but feel guilty at the weight we've placed on her small shoulders, the fact that we would be taking Bella's life away from her, in a sense. She had a future, a possibility of growing old, having children, and having a life outside this family. I've never taken the life of someone who had another choice.

Her eyebrows furrow as she meets my eyes briefly before dropping her gaze. "I want to be a vampire." Her cheeks turn red with her endearing blush.

"Even if there was no threat from the Volturi?"

She nods. "There's always a threat of some kind, but if there wasn't my answer wouldn't change."

"Oh, Carlisle." Esme sighs softly.

My eyes flash to hers before I put a finger under Bella's chin so I can clearly see her face. This isn't a situation or decision to be taken likely. "Why?"

"I- I," her voice cracks, "don't want to lose you, any of you. I love Edward with every part of me and when he left he took my happiness with him. I don't want to die, which will be inevitable. Edward says he'll follow after me but I can't- no, I don't want to break up your family and I don't want to hurt any of you, more than I already have. I love him and my human life isn't enough."

"You are and will always be a part of our family, Bella. You haven't hurt any of us, we're the ones that hurt you."

She nods. "I've never had a real family, not really. It was always just me and Renee, or me and Charlie." Bella doesn't talk much about her time living with her mother growing up. From what we've seen when we met Renee in Phoenix, Bella spent more time comforting her Mother than healing herself. And Bella living with Charlie seems better, but I know they're not close.

"Even if you decide you don't want to be changed, you will always have a place here. You're just as important to us as Edward, Alice, or anyone in this family." Esme promises.

"So are you not going to change me?" She wipes the tears from her eyes harshly.

I pulled the shaking girl onto my lap, wrapping her in my arms. "I gave you my word, Bella. After Graduation, your high school graduation. I always keep my word." I promise but can see the doubt flash in her eyes, she doesn't believe me. She wants to but she doesn't.

I felt my heart break further as I tightened my hold on her, careful as always. We would earn her trust back in time, that I'm sure, but it would be a long, painful, bumpy road along the way.

"Tell me how you feel. How have you been, Bella?" I take each of her hands in mine. I can feel the indents her nails left from repeatedly forcing them into her palms, suddenly worried she might be hurting herself in other ways as well.

"M'fine." She mumbles with a shrug.

This won't be easy, I realize with a sigh, squeezing her hand in a comforting manner. "Esme and I are worried about you."

"I'm okay, Carlisle, really." She insists weakly.

"Whatever is said we won't be mad or upset with you, we love you." Esme tried to assure her. "We also won't break your confidence, everything said here stays here."

"Tell us what's on your mind. This has been a hard time for you these last few days. . . and months. Do you have anything you want to ask us? Anything you want to get off your chest?"

Esme rubs up and down her arm as she once again begins to chew on her chapped bottom lip.

With a new resolve in her eyes, she takes a shaky breath "W-w-when are you l-leaving," it's hard for her to force the words out, "again?" Her eyes focus firmly on her lap. She tried to keep her voice neutral and detached, I could detect wavering in both her voice and eyes. Insecurity and fear.

"We aren't leaving." Esme looks at me quickly and I don't know what to say, either. How can we reassure her? "I promise." Esme insists.

"So. . . So you want me to leave?" Her brows furrow, her confusion clear.

I feel my heart drop. "Of course not." I rush to assure her, putting a finger under her chin to lift her downturned face so she has no choice but to look into my eyes. I pray she can see the sincerity in them. "I know it's hard to believe after how we acted, but we love you dearly, Bella. We hurt you, and there is no way we can ever erase what we put you through, but we are so sorry we hurt you." I implore her to hear me but I know she won't be so easily convinced.

"You're here because we want you here, because we can't live without you. You complete this family, Bella. I think most of them like you more than me already."

"W-why, why should I believe you, now?"

Esme pulled Bella deeper into her side, placing a kiss on her temple. "We love you more than you can fathom, my Sweet Girl. We won't ever leave you, nor will we ever make you leave."

Her disbelief was clear on her pained face. "If- if you loved- love me then why did you leave me? You didn't even say goodbye."

I forced myself to meet her tear-filled eyes. "Edward was very. . . adamant." That seems the best word I can come up with at the moment. "I knew him well enough to know that he couldn't be apart from you for long, a love like yours. . . like ours, doesn't fade. . . But at the end of the day, Edward is an adult. . . and if he wanted to leave, I couldn't force him to stay. He was entitled to make his own decisions and mistakes even if the family and I didn't support or believe them. . . He wanted to protect you from our world, which is something I understand. I did the same with Esme." My eyebrows furrow as I'm deep in thought.

"With Esme? What do you mean?" She looks between us, innocent confusion clouding her features.

I sigh softly, unsure where to begin. "I met Esme when she was 16. I was her doctor, covering for another doctor in a small town in Ohio. She had fallen from a tree and broke her leg, I set it for her. . . I didn't want to subject her to this existence as I had been. She had a full human life ahead of her and she deserved a chance at that. I couldn't take that away from her. . . So I left. I thought about her every day, every second we were apart. I had fallen in love with her mere minutes after meeting her."

"But you came back, right?" She asks.

I nod, even after all these years passed, even though my love is safe in front of me, the memories are hard to face. "I found her again in a small hospital in Ashland, Wisconsin almost a decade later. I was called to pronounce her dead but she wasn't, not yet. I heard her faint heartbeat and knew I had to try. This life, while not my first choice for her, was preferable to her human life which was cut short. So I changed her."

"Why didn't you say goodbye? Why did Edward leave me in the woods after telling me that none of you wanted me or anything to do with me?" There are unshed tears in her eyes and her voice cracks. I notice she doesn't elaborate on what exactly he said, and Esme does as well.

"Abandoning you in the woods was not part of the conversation I had with Edward prior to our departure. I have no excuse that would make that okay, not just for Edward but for the rest of us as well."

"You left me alone." She mumbles the words.

I pray for my words to get through to her, but also fear it.

"You just left. I-I didn't have anyone else." Her voice is stronger, hollow like but the pain is evident. "I- I couldn't tell Charlie about my nightmares or, or the fact that there- that Victoria would kill me. . . And soon, she was so close," she pauses as a shudder rips through her, Esme looks at me but I don't know what to do to help our pain when Bella is hurt like this. Bella's eyes don't find either of ours, she stares blankly ahead. "T-there was nothing I could do. . . J-Jacob and his pack, they're human. Even if they can turn into werewolves, their hearts still beat and they have to sleep. M-most of them hate me. . . I didn't know how I could do anything to, to save myself or Charlie or the pack." She wiped furiously at the tears that fell from her eyes.

I rubbed small circles on the back of her hands while Bella leaned into Esme's embrace.

"Vampires, I-I know how strong they are. James, he crushed my leg with a flick of his wrist, what could they do to werewolves who they saw as a threat? So I was scared that, t-that I'd lose Jake and his pack forever, too." She tells us, her eyes miles away. "If Victoria or Laurent killed me when I was alone at least everyone else would be safe."

She begins to open her mouth to apologize for her honesty when I shook my head sadly. "Never apologize for telling us what you think." She has no reason to apologize.

". . . So you don't hate me?"

The words struck me with a force I didn't know was possible. Esme met my eyes, hers full of tears that would never fall. My youngest daughter- I stop that thought like a cold slap- My daughter- true Fathers did not hurt their children. True Fathers did not abandon them.

"Bella, Sweetheart, Esme, and I could never hate you!" I stated emphatically. "You are my little girl Bella, and I will always love you no matter what!" I assure her.

"Where would you get such a ridiculous idea?" Esme asked perplexedly.

She shrugs, unable to meet either of our eyes.

Her composure had broken, falling to pieces as her tears rose to the surface. Bella, who always took everything in stride. Bella, who had accepted our family with such ease, such willingness, and who, it seemed, they had finally, truly broken. The tears fall with no abandon. I pull her onto my lap, wiping her tears away. My heart ached with the pain she felt. Rubbing my daughter's back and whispering calming words I did the best I could to soothe away her pain.

I knew then that I could never let her go, I would take all her pain, gladly and without hesitation, just to see her happy again, happy like she had been over the summer. "Bella, you deserve far more than a simple apology." My words couldn't be more true or sincere. She is safe, I consoled myself. She is alive and safe in your arms. I softly caressed her cheek. She looked so fragile right now; as if a gust of wind could knock her down. "I'm sorry," I said. "I am so very sorry for. . . everything. It wasn't right, what we did, what I did, leaving you alone like that. I will never forgive myself for the suffering we put you through," I continued. "It wasn't fair for us to put all of that on your shoulders."

"No, it wasn't." She agrees weakly, there's no point in sugarcoating it.

My lips turn up in a ghost of a smile at the familiar fire in her. "I know you will probably hate me for a long time and I understand that. . ."

She cuts me off. "I don't hate you, Carlisle. I hurt, I thought I might for a while, it was really hard, but I don't." She tells me softly. "I don't think I'm able to hate you."

"You should hate me. I betrayed you, Bella. I should have fought harder, but I was just so focused on Edward. I'm sorry. I know saying sorry doesn't fix anything but I want you to know, without a doubt that you are a member of my family. You are my daughter, which means I will never abandon you."

"But you did," she countered, the hurt and pain she felt and still feels at our abandonment shining clearly in her voice and eyes.

I close my eyes, hoping to shield her from my pain. When I finally open them I'm sure she can clearly see guilt and sorrow. "Bella, Sweetheart, I cannot express how deeply I regret what happened. It was a mistake, a horrible mistake, but I felt at the time that we were doing what was best for you."

"What was best for me? How could you think that?" Her voice lacked any inflection.

"I have no explanation. I know leaving you, Bella, was, is my biggest regret. I've lived close to three hundred years, Baby Girl, so believe me when I say that I have had many mistakes and moments I wish I could take back, but hurting you as we did is at the top of my list." I look deeply into her brown eyes, imploring her to believe me.

"Why didn't you say goodbye?"

Esme lets out a sound of pain, we have no excuse. "I'm sorry, Sweetheart. I am so terribly, dreadfully sorry." I'm not sure her voice was loud enough for Bella to hear over her own ragged breathing and have no place asking Bella's forgiveness when we hurt her so. Everything since the night of her eighteenth birthday was a mistake.

If my wife could, I know she would have shed tears for the damage we had done. As it was her eyes were too bright, too worried, to hide what we both knew to be true. We had done this to her, had broken her with insidious, treacherous lies in the name of kindness and love, and I knew Esme felt the same fear that I did— the fear that even now, our words and actions might be too late. The fear that while she was with us physically, her trust had been too badly breached, her heart too cruelly broken to accept us again. The fear that we would lose her again, this daughter we'd cruelly abandoned in a wilderness of solitude.

"Why didn't you leave me with some way to contact you in case Victoria or someone else came back?"

My nose goes to the top of her head, breathing in her familiar sweet floral scent. I had to remind myself she was here. We didn't even realize how close we came to losing her again and again.

She was here now. Safe in my arms and I never wanted to let her go.

"We wanted to give you some closure, and I even suggested that we at least keep in touch with you for a while." I sigh, rubbing a hand over my face. "Edward refused to back down though. He was adamant that we give you a clean break."

Esme rubbed Bella's back softly, her voice pained as I knew she could feel every rib. "He assured us that he would explain everything to you and that you would understand."

"We trusted he would make you understand why. . . And against my better judgment, I finally conceded." I admit regretfully.

"He didn't explain anything," Bella replied, the underlying confusion and sadness clear in her tone.

"I know," I said solemnly, unshed tears in his eyes. "After Italy, Edward told us some of what he said to you, the gist he called it, and I am so sorry Bella. We both are. If I had known what he was going to do to you, I would never have agreed," I apologized, hoping she would believe me when she had no reason to trust any of us ever again.

Her voice was barely a whisper. "I know."

"I'm sorry."

"You have to stop apologizing." She tells me.

"I will never stop apologizing to you for what I did." I looked at my youngest, hoping she could see the truth in my eyes.

Her eyes fell to the carpet, tears filling them again. She rubs her eyes roughly. "M'sorry."

"Listen to me when I say you do not have to apologize or feel embarrassed ever for crying or needing comfort. Do you understand, Sweetheart?" I asked in a more gentle voice as I brought her face up so I could look into her deep brown eyes.

"Yes, Sir." She responded, immediately looking down at her lap again.

"We are here for you if you need anything or just want to talk. Anything you need." Esme soft voice calming.

"Bella, I know this subject is difficult but we'd like to talk to you about what happened in Italy." I tried to broach the subject as carefully as I could in the circumstances.

Her wide eyes met mine as her heart rate increased. ". . . What do you want to know?"

"Why don't you start at the beginning?"

She sighs, clearly debating in her head. "This. . . this me telling you won't help anyone. Talking about it will only make it worse." She tries to warn us.

Esme pushes a lock of hair behind her ear. "We both think it is important for you to talk about what happened. We can't move past it until we address it."

". . . I wasn't trying to kill myself." She insists, reading in our faces that we don't quite believe that. Human Bella was feeling the physical pain of missing her mate. Edward was wrong in his assumption that she couldn't possibly love him the way he loves her. There was no chance she would have moved on, not completely. "Edward told me. . . about when you-" She doesn't say the words as she looks at Esme. "But I wasn't, I swear. I know it looked like that but I don't think the cliff was high enough." She shakes her head. "That's beside the point. I saw the guys on La Push cliff diving. I thought it looked. . . fun so Jake promised he'd take me. Jake canceled at the last minute. . . I didn't know Victoria was there."

Esme gasped softly, we hadn't known how close Victoria had been.

"I jumped and Alice saw me, she didn't see Jake save me. . . I didn't realize a storm was coming in until I was already in the water."

Debating the reasons behind her jumping was not the most important thing at the moment. "And in Italy?" I prompt.

She grimaces, looking between us before her eyes fall back to her lap. "What have Edward and Alice told you?"

She wanted to avoid this but she couldn't bury it. I debated how I should answer her. "Not much. They are both avoiding the topic and severely editing what we are told."

She takes a shaky breath before continuing. "Edward was going to expose himself but I caught him in time. A few of the guards found us and Alice and said Aro wanted to speak with us. He tried to read my mind but he couldn't, Jane couldn't hurt me either." She was hiding something, the lie clear as day on her face. "Edward said Aro suspected I could be a shield. They wanted me to be changed so Alice told them that she had already seen it, seen me. They wanted us to join the guard and we declined. . . then Alice and Edward rushed us into the hallway but- but not before-" her voice breaks.

"Shhhhh," Esme tries to soothe her but her words don't break through.

"All those people." She stops. ". . . We heard them, heard everything. They wouldn't let us leave until the sun went down."

Esme's arms surrounded the small girl and mine fit overtop. We never wanted to let her go. "I suspected but hoped I was wrong." I whisper, too soft for our human daughter to hear.

"Oh, Carlisle." Esme sighs, her eyes wet with tears that would never fall.

"I missed you," Bella mumbles through her tears, the sentiment mirrored in us.

We didn't move until we heard the approaching footsteps of our first son. "Can I come in?" Edward asks from outside.

Yes. I answer him in my thoughts.

He picks her up easily with the comfort only a mate can provide. "Are you okay?" He asks her.

She nods though it is clearly not the complete truth. I didn't suspect she would be okay for a while. "I missed you."

"I have a surprise for you, do you want to see it?" Edward asked.

Sufficiently distracted, her eyes narrow. That girl hated surprises more than anyone I've ever come across. "What kind of surprise?"

"A good one, necessary, I promise." He insists before throwing his mother and sister under the bus. "Alice and Esme helped me."

She looks back at us and we smile, my arm wrapped around Esme. Alice had told us all the possible ways she would have reacted to those words, and including my wife was the path of least resistance.

She then looks back at Edward. "Okay."

Edward leads Bella up the stairs to their room and Esme turns to me. I'm sure the pain in her face only mirrors my own. "She's so small." She notes, her voice soft.

"I know. We'll help her, she'll be okay."

"I'm going to make her something for lunch, and maybe something for her to bring home to eat with Charlie for dinner."

"Can I help?" I offer, following her into our rarely used kitchen. The pots and pans have yet to be unpacked from the boxes we brought down from the attic. Baring personal objects, most other possessions of ours go into the attic when we move. It only took a moment to identify the correct boxes and soon our kitchen was as full as it ever was.

We lapse into a comfortable silence but I can tell something is on Esme's mind, her eyebrows drawn together with a slight frown on her face. "I don't think she understands her place with us yet. I think . . . " She frowned as she thought over the past few hours. "I think Bella has always seen herself as Edward's love, but not as part of our family. I don't think she understands that we love her as much as he does."

"We'll show her in time." I assure her. Whether we deserved it or not, Bella's nature is one of acceptance and forgiveness. She was right when she said we all broke her trust. Things like this don't fix themselves overnight, but we would prove her trust in us was not taken for granted. I don't doubt that we will earn her trust back, but to hear her stand up for herself like that was truly wonderful. Despite everything that's happened to her, she has matured into a very strong young woman. I have no doubt in my mind that she will make an exceptional vampire and a perfect addition to our family. "She is as much a part of this family as anyone, as much our daughter as Rosalie and Alice."

"In Bella's life, all of her experiences of being part of a family meant being the responsible one, taking care of her parents."

"It's new to her, I think we learned that the first time we brought her and Charlie dinner when she was sick. . . We don't need her to take care of us. We're the ones who are taking care of her. I don't think she knows how to let herself be taken care of."

She'd had no one but herself to turn to, and it was only natural that the cycle was hard to break. She'd relied on herself for far too long to simply let go of her old habits and immediately assimilate herself into our family-oriented, co-dependent lives. Esme shook her head. "From a very young age, Bella learned if she wasn't the one in control and taking care of everything-"

"Then things would fall apart," I finished her thought with a frown. Bella was having a hard time, though the past was no longer taking place, both her childhood and our sudden departure, it had its hooks in her and was pulling her back.

Please Review