Disclaimer: Nope

Dear M
All these teenage girls keep coming to my house with half masks yelling: "We want Erik!"
I keep telling them that I'm not Erik. That's not even my name. I don't even know who that is. I keep telling them to go away, but they won't listen. I called my friend and asked him but he just said, "What? You have young girls at your door with white masks screaming for Erik? Why have they forgotten me? I'm a better singer than you!" and then he hung up. I got really confused so I asked my boss what to do and he just said, "They'll do that. Them crazy phans." When I asked him who Erik was he laughed and asked, "Didn't you read the book?" What book? I have no idea what's going on! I should've never agreed to be in that stupid Phantom of the Opera movie! What should I do, M? I need help!
Gerry

Dear Gerry,

(Whoa, lame name!) Ok, here's what to do,

get a plastic surgery that makes you look like Raoul,

then only about 6 fan girls will be after you. And… wait,

you're Gerry as in THE Gerry? As in GERRY GOARD?

M.

Dear M.

NO! As in GERRY the Scot who played the Phantom.

Dear Gerry,

ERIK? Y, y, y, you played ERIK?

Gah! I want ERIK! ERIK! ERIK!

Dear M,

I am now all alone. My love has dumped me.

Um, how do I ask this? Will you set me up with

Someone?

E.

Dear E,

Ok, here are your options:

Syen: a Erik hater who will inevitably label you a

LOOSER

L-X-R: She's very, um, CHEERY. Hehehehehe!

Pimpernelunderthecelitcmoon: She's MAD! MAD I TELL YOU!

She'll eat you first chance she gets!

Mizamour: Yes, she may

Baffled Seraph: She is very nice to me any way.

Anyway, this is all. If any other Phan wants you they may review and say so.

M.

Dear M,

I amm inn a cris-is. I cann knot speal.

R. de C.

Dear R. de. C,

You are sooooooooooo dumb!

M.

Dear M,

I am a TOTAL Phan,

I LUV Erik. Now what?

Phan girl

Dear Phanny,

Learn that love is spelt l-o-v-e.

M.

Ok, do review! Hi to L-X-R, Syen, Pimpernelunderthecelitcmoon, and Baffled Seraph. Thanx Baffled Seraph for the idea, it was hilarious! To Erik for President, the answer is yes.  Now everyone remember, my sister is…. Oops, sorry old girl. Heh.