Page 5
Disclaimer: Still own nuttin'.
Dear M,
I'm trapped in a tacky, fluff fic
With a Mary-Sue and a psychotic Phan!
E.
Dear E,
You're interrupting my day for THIS?
I'm a busy girl! I have things to do,
Like take over the world, kill all the
Fops, drink ridiculous amounts of ginseng
Tea, get acupuncture, pass out Green Peace junk,
You know, this and that.
M.
Dear M,
I can yodel and play the accordion now!
I think Christine will think I'm REALLY cool!
R. de C.
Dear R. de C,
Don't count on it.
M.
Dear M,
This is Gerry, and I don't appreciate being
Mixed up with a vegetable.
Gerry
Dear Gerry,
Gosh! I had no idea you were so sensitive!
M.
Dear M,
Got any milk? I have a –um-
Strange phobia.
E.
Dear E,
No, want some peanut butter?
Dear M,
Noooooooo!
E.
Dear M,
I am an underrated, stepped on
Stage hand who seems to be destined to
Dangle from the end of the phantom's rope.
I wish to rise above such a life and become the
World dominator I was born to be,
J.B.
Dear J.B,
You could always capture a few
FAIRY GODPARENTS!
M.
Dear M,
I used to have this son,
But he ran away because my
Boyfriend wanted to put him in
An asylum. Don't you think he was
An ungrateful child?
Madame M.
Dear M&M,
No. I don't. Poor kid.
M.
Dear M,
I think I could be a great
Vice president.
E.
Dear E,
This isn't the Evita help line,
Go find another.
M.
Dear M,
I'm in love with my human.
What should I do?
A.
Dear A,
Destroy all the competition.
M.
Dear M,
I seem to be as underrated at J.B.
What should I do? I'm beautiful.
C the horse.
Dear C the horse,
(I won't ask how you wrote this
With hooves.) Just show those humans
Who's boss!
M.
Dear M,
POTO is not politically correct.
Everyone in the movie was white.
There was no cultural diversity.
Christine behaved FEMININLY!
She should have been a gun-slinging,
Wild woman. Raoul was too rich.
And the whole plot discriminates
Against mass murderers.
Liberal Leftist Critic
Dear LLC,
Whatever!
M.
Dear M,
What is the answer to
Problem 11 in problem set 34
In Saxson 78?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I dunno. What does this
Have to do with POTO?
M.
Dear M,
Life is… here. Now what?
E.
Dear E,
You kinda depress me, so
Beat it or I'll have the cops on you.
M.
Dear M,
Ah-ha! Your name is Draver!
Psychic Daroga
Dear PD,
You AREN'T Daroga, but yes,
That's me.
M.
Dear M,
I took your advice, and now look,
I'm dead. Thanks a lot!
J.B.
Dear J.B,
Your life would make a great magna!
M.