After a long day in court, Elliot headed back to the station to catch up on some paperwork. The other detectives were out working a case so things were unusually quiet. Finishing quicker than he had thought, Elliot was happy to leave at a decent hour. He'd still be able to run to the store and buy the twins their cereal before he picked them up for the weekend.
He pulled into his driveway and saw the familiar figure sitting on his front stoop. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed the grocery bags and climbed out of his car. He didn't say anything as he set the bags on the sidewalk and leaned against the railing on his steps. He crossed his strong arms, avoiding Olivia's eyes. He could tell she was trying hard to read him.
"Peace offering," she said, extending her arm to Elliot.
"You could've let yourself in," he said, not meeting her eyes. He rested his leg on the third step and leaned on his elbow, staring at the concrete step beneath him.
"I wasn't just going to let myself in. You're mad," she said, matter-of-factly.
"I'm not mad," he said, looking into her huge brown eyes for the first time. He could tell she was sorry. They were begging, pleading with him for forgiveness.
He sighed and took the white paper bag from her outstretched hand and peeked inside.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Number four," she said with a small smile. "One and three were in the opposite direction, two was closed."
Elliot couldn't help but smile at his best friend. They were bored one day and made a list of their top ten favorite restaurants. They didn't even need to say the names anymore, they simply went by the number system. She had his memorized and he had hers memorized.
"I'm actually in the mood for six - "
"But I got you a blondie, too," she interrupted him, hoping to find any sign of forgiveness in her partner.
"Did you now?" he smiled at her. "Come on, it's getting cold," he said, picking up the groceries and heading up the steps.
Olivia unpacked Elliot's dinner while he put away the groceries. They sat at the kitchen table, Elliot silently eating his sandwich, Olivia eating her own brownie. She looked up at him, and he could see the sadness on her face. Her eyes were dark, the familiar spark had died out.
"Thank you for last night," she finally broke the silence.
"You're welcome," he said, continuing to eat his dinner.
"You are mad," she said, her tone defensive.
"I'm not, Olivia. God damn it, I'm just tired. I haven't been getting a lot sleep lately," he said, not so subtly reminding her that it was indeed her fault he was in such a sour mood.
"Jesus, Elliot, it's always about you, isn't it?" she demanded, standing up and backing away from the table.
"This isn't about me and you know it. You're the one spending every spare minute trying to forget something you won't talk about. You're not going to find the answer at the bottom of a shot glass, Olivia," he said sternly.
"I don't want to talk about it," she said, fidgeting with her hands.
"You're turning into your mother," Elliot said, meeting her gaze. The moment the words slipped from his lips, he regretted them. It was what he used to say to Kathy in the middle of a heated argument. It was his way of making up with her, he had all the respect in the world for Kathy's mother, there was no greater compliment. But he'd gotten lost in the moment and uttered the words that made Olivia Benson's blood boil.
She was stung, he could see that. She swallowed hard, trying to regain her composure and fighting off the tears that were threatening to fall down her cheeks. Elliot felt a knot forming in his stomach and he knew he had crossed a line. He wished he could take back what he had just said, he might have just caused the most devastating blow to their relationship.
Finally, Olivia spoke softly.
"Wow," was all she could muster. She shook her head angrily and stormed for the door.
"Liv!" Elliot shouted after her. He had to fix this, fix whatever had made Olivia start to drink in the first place. "OLIVIA!"
"Don't," she said, waving off his attempts at reconciliation. "Don't act like you didn't mean anything by that, Elliot."
She turned to face him when she said his name. He could see the tears streaming down her face. He had made her cry. He had never made his best friend, his only real friend lately, cry. He rose from the table, his entire body shaking. From what, he didn't know – perhaps from the fear that he had just ruined the one good thing in his life.
"I'm leaving, don't even try to come after me, I swear to God I will shoot you and get off on justifiable," she said, turning around and heading for the door once more.
"Go ahead, walk away. You're starting to get the hang of it," he challenged her.
She stopped in her tracks.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean? What am I walking away from? The asshole standing in front of me? The best friend I thought I had for eight years?" she yelled angrily, tears still sliding down her cheeks. Her face was red with rage now and her veins pulsed with anger.
"How about your partner? How about Dean? What the hell, how about any guy you've ever attempted to date?"
"You have no right to bring Dean into this. He broke up with me and it's none of your fucking business." Olivia stood still, glaring at Elliot. Her eyes challenging his. Then she uttered the words that would make his blood boil.
"No wonder Kathy left you. I'm finding it surprisingly easy to want to walk away from you right now and never speak to you again," she said, grabbing her purse and coat from the couch and stalking out the door.
Elliot stood motionless, in disbelief that she said that to him. He was really in disbelief about their entire argument. They had both said things they didn't mean. He was angry at himself for pushing Olivia's buttons when he knew he should have backed off.
His eyes tore across the room looking for something, anything, to break. When he found nothing suitable for smashing, he headed straight for the bathroom. He needed to cool off. He stood over the sink, splashing cold water on his face until he was no longer steaming. Clenching his fists on the countertop, he stared at himself in the mirror. He hated the man he saw looking back at him. Hell, he barely recognized the man staring back at him. He'd changed, physically changed, so much since Kathy left. What he saw now was the remains of the old Elliot Stabler. He saw a man with dark circles and bags under his eyes. The hairline that seemed to be receding at an alarming rate. Wrinkles in his forehead he hadn't noticed until tonight.
He couldn't look at that man anymore. Before he could stop himself, he threw his balled fist at the mirror, shattering the glass. The pain in his hand only existed to mask the pain he was feeling inside, it wasn't going to make it disappear forever. He immediately regretted it, but deep down he knew, sometimes you've got to break something.
Thanks for all the reviews so far! I know some of you are having a hard time with Elliot and Olivia fighting, but I promise, things will get better. They really can't get any worse for our two favorite detectives, right? Please let me know what you think. I really appreciate it! Thanks!