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Disclaimer: I don't own Wicked or Sweeney Todd, or POTO or LOTR, or Monty Python and the Holy Grail, or Guardians of Ga'Hooleanything here!
Authors note and kindly dedication: I want to thank all flamers, all people who visit fandoms just to bash others, all people who have never written a single fic and still send rotten reviews, to everyone who ever called me an idiot and spelled the word wrong, to all snobs, geeks, and nose pickers, to all who have me blocked from their works, to all who gave me the materiel for my Are You a Snob quiz on quizilla, to all who hate POTO but won't stop reading/watching it, to all who know nothing about the book and hate it anyway, to all who make illogical remarks, to all who insult me, to all who have deleted my forum posts, to all who poke fun of me on their profiles, to all the people I've reported for abuse and who flipped out about it, to those who flame and never give reasons for their hating a work, to closed minded people who refuse to listen to others, to all those who have a lack of a life, and to anyone who takes offense at this fic. This is dedicated to you. Candy-kisses for all!
In which I charitably allow all of the antagonists to take the floor for a small while
Dear M,
I hat POTO!
Its tha werst buk!
It is so badlee riten!
I rite beter! It iz
Not worth the papar it wuz
Mad frum!
-I Make the Best Educational Cases In Literature Ever
Dear I.M..B.E.C.I.L.E,
Yes, we should all be reading intelligent you
Instead, shouldn't we? Uh-huh.
M.
Dear M,
You idiot! You stupid fool! You are so rude!
I mean it, you moronic third-grader! You and all
Of your readers are just fat, unpopular ditzy twits!
You are so rude and abusive!
-Really Understanding Dearest Enigma
Dear R.U.D.E,
Nee! Nee! Nee!
M.
Dear M,
POTO is immoral!
Erik is so violent! He kills people!
That is inexcusable! If he was real I would
Chop him into bits and eat him in a pie.
First I'd gouge out his eyes and skin him alive, though.
-Very Innocent and Only Lets Entertainment be Nice and Thoughtful
Dear V.I.O.L.E.N.T,
Your logic is a pearl,
We swine are undeserving.
M.
Dear M,
Your POTO fics are full of typos!
-Grammar Freak
Dear GF,
Actually, that's true.
What about it?
-M.
Dear M,
Why do these people hate me?
E.
Dear E,
They're jealous of your fedora.
(Just admit it!)
M.
Dear M,
WTC? The fedora?
-POTO Hater
Dear POTO.H,
Search your feelings, you know it to be
True.
M.
Dear M,
You only disagree with us because…
Because… beause you're of a different religion
Than us! Yeah, that's it! (Bigoted creep).
-I Have Absolute Tolerance for Everyone
Dear I.H.A.T.E.
And how did you come by this opinion, again?
M.
Dear M,
Just because you don't agree with me
Doesn't mean that I am worse than you are.
YOU ARE SO STINKING STUPID! ALL OF YOU!
Darling Intelligent Person
Dear D.I.P,
Right back at you, sweetie pie!
M.
Dear M,
Don't be so aggressive! You're such a jerk!
Don't be mean!
D.I.P.
Dear D.I.P,
I beg your pardon?
M.
Dear M,
POTO is being stupid!
I knows it! I looked and I am right!
You all are closed minded! I am a free thinker.
This POTO fandom should be for the anti-POTO
People.
- the Phantom is Ugly Girls!
Dear P.U.G,
Do you have a reason for these statements?
Can you back them up?
-M.
Dear M,
How dare you attack me!
-P.U.G.
Dear P.U.G.,
M.
Dear M,
You just made this page to bash
Those who you don't like!
-Anoymous
Dear Anoymous,
Well, first, it's anonymous.
I spell bad, but hey! Really!
Secondly, not really. I made this
Because they inspired me with a
Lot of jokes at their expense.
If I have any luck they'll review and
Supply more material.
-M.
Dear M,
I don't like a lot of people on this site.
They're mean to me!
R. de C.
Dear R. de C.,
That's because you're a fop, dear.
M.
Dear M,
That isn't true!
R. de C.
Dear R. de C.,
Yeah, so,
Where I come from, we
Believe all sorts of things that
Aren't true. We call it history.
-M.
Dear M,
I like E.
-E from Oz
Dear E.O.,
I'll send him over.
You'd make a great pairing!
-M.
Dear M,
How dare you not defend Erik!
Those jerks have been slandering
On this help line!
-Phan
Dear Phan,
I don't really care.
-M.
Dear M,
I wish to reply to the haters.
E.
Dear E,
Sure, but it'll cost you forty-eight
American silver dollars per letter.
-M.
Dear M,
WHAT?
E.
Dear E,
Was that your message?
Ten dollars please.
M.
Dear M,
No, that wasn't a message! That was a note to you!
E.
Dear E,
Oh, too bad.
M.
Dear M,
Do people hate me?
C.D.
Dear C.D,
Yes, many people do.
M.
Dear M,
Why?
C.D.
Dear C.D,
I dunno, let's ask 'em!
M.
Dear readers,
Why do you hate Christine?
M.
Dear M,
Becuz she id in POTO!
I.M.B.E.C.I.L.E.
Dear M,
Because she was mean to Erik.
-I Love Erik
Dear M,
Because she's prettier than me.
-P.U.G.
Dear M,
I used to like her before people like you
Wrote stinking fics!
R.U.D.E
Dear M,
Because she's Christian and white.
I.H.A.T.E
Dear M,
Because she's foreign and
A woman.
-I.A.L.S.O.H.A.T.E
Dear M,
I would like to know why
People pair me with older men.
-lil' M.
Dear Lil' M,
Because they needed a quick,
Easy, pre-grown Mary Sue.
M.
Dear M,
I am tired of always being portrayed as
Wearing an astrakhan cap. Yes, I wore it a few times,
But not all the time, and I certainly don't sleep in it!
D.N.
Dear D.N,
Yes, I know what you mean.
I don't like being stereotyped as
Always wearing my gnome hat.
I mean, I only wore it a few times…
On a cross country trip….
And to the library…
And…
Okay, so I guess I do wear it a lot…
-M.
Dear M,
Get all that junk out of my lair, NOW!
E.
Dear E,
What junk!
M.
Dear M,
Oh, you know very well what I mean!
The stamp-collections,
The owl statues,
The Guardians of Ga'Hoole fan art,
Those fake love letters from LOTR characters,
Just come and pick it up!
E.
Dear E,
Oh, yeah, that.
Didn't I also forget the mariachi band?
E.
Dear M,
I punjabed your mariachi band.
E.
Hello world! I'm back! Return once again to the irreverent madness of the fandom, where the feelings of others are always secondary to the fun of poking fun at them! Leave any review you want!
Post Script:
If anyone actually thinks that I am religiously biased, please tell me. My fic is not meant to be serious and I think that you all know that I'm actually not a complete jerk, ;). I want everyone to know that I only have one prejudice, and its against snobs.
Smiles!
M.