CH.2: memories from her

Voices outside the door stirred me awake,heavy eyelids not ready to give in. I could barely make out Rukio's voice,yelling,like always. Tohrei must have came home drunk again,which meant it was way past midnight .The comfort of my door being locked (and the back of my eyelids) lured me back to sleep. For a second. Cold shivers up and down my spine...

Great,I was awake again.

The darkness called my name,calling me back to dreamland.

"Kasamae..."

I never knew darkness had such a familiar voice,though.

"Kas-chan...a-are you still awake?"I reached a sore arm out to the emptiness,muscles screaming at me

you idiot,stop moving!

"K-chan...i k-know you're awake..."Said a whisper. The figure was now solid,sitting at the edge of my bed,a hand stroking my hair.

"Tohrei-kun!"I latched onto the body.

Tears of happiness,pain,and shame streamed down my face."Tohrei ...you came back..."I sniffled.

The words ran out of my mouth,as i choked on the speed. How could this barely audible voice belong to me?

"Sh,K-chan,its okay..."

The stench of whiskey made my little nose turn up,it was so strong when he spoke. The smell of drunkenness.

But no,he couldn't be drunk.

Drunk?

what Rukio was half the time?

Drunk meant yelling and hitting.

Drunk was beatings and thrown objects.

Drunk was no-mercy,all out rage.

Broken bones,dreams,and homes.

forced this,forced that..

selfish.

fear.

Not Tohrei,in any way.

Not the same old loving,understanding,brother i knew. The only arms i felt safe in. Arms who squoze a bruised rib too tight.

"Ow!"I grimenced. Holding my side,leaning into the pain. Tohru watched me

frowning.

"He..again..tonight?"

eyes closed tightly,all i could manage was a nod,before i was embraced again.Head resting on my shoulder,an angry tone spoke."That sick bastard..."

He then sighed,smiled,and kissed my cheek-bi polar,i swear."Don't worry K-chan,Tohrei will make it all better,okay?"

I nodded,stupidly,sucking my thumb."You wont have to worry about that..or him,anymore."And all of a sudden the comfortable lap i was sitting in,wasn't very comfortable anymore.Why would Tohrei had a stick in his pocket,anyway?

Uncomfortable,i began to squirm,whimpering.I was already in enough pain as it was.I growled."Sh,Kas...You'll wake up Rukio"

I froze.

oh no.Not Rukio.anything,but Rukio.

By the time i realized Tohrei still hadn't let go of me yet,i became even more impatient."Be quiet,Kas,please.."He said in a low tone,i wasn't used to."What's wrong?"Another kiss on the cheek.

I pointed down to the intruder on my comfortable seat."Oh..don't worry about that,we'll take care of it.."

We?

Before i even had time to ponder on it,i heard the zipper come Un-done somewhere.Then came my flimsy pajama pants-off. As confused as i was,I didn't dare fight him off.Why would i how?How could I?Why should I?Its not that i was scared...and that's what threw me off.I wasn't being yelled orders,beaten up,or tied.I didn't know what to think.Except that this turned out not to be my worst bir-

A violent jerk,movement ceased,and a low grown escaped Tohrei's throat.He now lay next to me,resting his hand on the now sore area,kissing me on the lips.

"Happy 13th birthday,Kas...youre a woman now."

I lay there,stunned.And for once,i didn't cry,scream,or beg.

A woman?How the fuck would i be a woman?When my childhood was ruthlessly stolen?My innocence.Gone.purity-out the window.

I had not the energy to even try and answer.All i know is that at least he kept his promise.

From that night on,Rukio never sexually assaulted me again in any way.He did,however,seem to become extremely angry towards me.Now it was 24/7..like i had pushed a permanent "i hate you" button somewhere on him.If i was to far to receive a slap,any object in his reach was ammo.

fuck him.

my "dad",our "creator".Crazy-ass-sadistic-scientist.Made two freaks he can't even handle.

fuck him.

Now,if you could float through walls,my bedroom was an easy target at night.Tohru-had it easy.and like always,

i never cried.

never screamed.

never begged.

or asked why.

Anything to stop the sessions with Rukio.A few more of those,and id be dead.So in a way,tohru saved my life...but he couldn't save my mind.it was lost forever..

and when he whispered into my ear at night...I wanted to scream.

"No,brother.Youre the sick bastard"

'It's been 5 years since then,and im 18 now.I showed back up on their doorstep when i was 15.ever since then its been 3 years of bullshit,3 years of lies,3 years of pain.

And ive had enough.'

"Where the fuck do you think youre going!"

He spat out the words,making me practically jump,hand still on the door-knob.I froze.

"Getting the fuck out of here!From you 2 sadistic fucks!"Of course only Rukio was there,and i had finnaly dug up enough courage to tell him how i felt.

I felt like my head just hit the ground.shit.

"You want out?hah.You'll be back within a week at my fucking door..besides,who the fuck do you think in their right mind would want you?I don't even want to look at that scarred up thing you call a body..weakling.cant even take a good beating like a woman!"

A swift punch to the jawline.I wondered what kind of knife he had in his pocket.just get it over with.

"Fuck.You"I spat all the remaining saliva in my mouth at him,automatically regretting it.I don't know what it was he hit me with,but i couldn't feel the side of my head anymore...I couldn't see,i could only feel being picked up,and dropped outside the door.hoping i was dead...